2 Broke Girls, Season 4

Caroline:
How would you describe our apartment? And I've already ruled out "worse than that girl-pit in Silence of the Lambs."

Max:
Well, at least she had some silence once in a while. Look, no one's gonna pay money to rent this dump. We haven't in six months.

Caroline:
Everyone else in Williamsburg is making money renting their crappy places on Airbnb. It's all how you describe it. So let's start lying.

Max:
[sarcastically] This is a fantastic idea and I really wanna do this!

Caroline:
First question: "Describe your neighborhood."

Max:
Uh, run-down with a bunch of rats.

Caroline:
Old-world charm. Pet-friendly. "What type of people live there?"

Max:
Junkies, whores, homeless.

Caroline:
Actors. "Do you have a hot tub?" Sometimes. "Gym?"

Max:
Two. Gay Jim upstairs, and straight Jim across the hall who's only gay when he's drunk.

Caroline:
"When is your space available? Always, sometimes, one time."

Max:
Oh, just like our sex lives. Always for me, sometimes out of boredom, and one time for you.