Blackadder

Mrs Miggins:
You just seem to keep missing each other, I can't imagine why! [MacAdder bursts in]

MacAdder:
I'll tell you why; it's because there's no coffee shop in England big enough for two Blackadders!

Blackadder:
Ah, good day cousin MacAdder! I trust you are well?

MacAdder:
Aye, well enough.

Blackadder:
And Morag?

MacAdder:
She bides fine.

Blackadder:
And how how stands that mighty army, the clan MacAdder?

MacAdder:
They're both well.

Blackadder:
I always thought Jamie and Angus were such fine boys.

MacAdder:
Angus is a girl. [pause] So, tell me cousin, I hear you have a cunning plan.

Blackadder:
I do, I do. I want you to take the place of the Prince Regent, and kill the Duke of Wellington in a duel.

MacAdder:
Aye, and what's in it for me?

Blackadder:
Enough cash to buy the Outer Hebrides. What do you think?

MacAdder:
Fourteen shillings and sixpence? Well, it's tempting...but I've got an even better plan. Why don't I pretend to be the Duke of Wellington and kill the Prince of Wales in a duel? Then I could kill the King and be crowned with the ancient stone bonnet of MacAdder!

Mrs. Miggins:
And I shall wear the granite gown and limestone bodice of MacMiggins, Queen of all the herds!

Blackadder:
For God's sake, MacAdder, you are not Rob Roy! You're a top kipper salesman with a reputable firm of Aberdeen fishmongers; don't throw it all away! If you kill the Prince, they'll just send the bailiffs round and arrest you!

MacAdder:
Oh blast! I forgot the bailiffs.

Blackadder:
So we can return to our original plan?

MacAdder:
No, I'm not interested! I'd rather go to bed with the Loch Lomond Monster...and besides, I have to be back in the office by Friday; I promised Mr. McNulty I'd shift a particularly difficult bloater for him! No, forget the whole thing, I'm off home with Miggsie!

Mrs. Miggin:
Yes, yes! Show me the glen where the kipper roams free! And forget Morag forever!

MacAdder:
No, never! We must do right by Morag; we must return to Scotland and you must fight her in the old Highland way...bare breasted and each carrying an eight pound baby!

Mrs Miggins:
Oh, yes, yes! I love babies!

MacAdder:
You're a woman of spirit; I look forward to bedding you in the old Highland manner! Farewell Blackadder, ya spineless goon! [he and Miggins depart]

Blackadder:
Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more!