Good Luck Charlie, Season 1

Bob:
Nobody tells mom!

Teddy:
NOOOO-'k.

Bob:
(to Amy) Honey, you seem to have forgotten that I was fully involved in the raising of three kids.

Gabe:
Oh yeah? When's my birthday?

Bob:
July 12th.

Gabe:
November 23rd.

Teddy:
(singing to Charlie) Hush little baby, go beddie-bye, Teddy wants to kiss the real cute guy.

Emmett:
So why are you hitting on my girlfriend?

Spencer:
She's not your girlfriend.

Emmett:
Then maybe you and I need to step outside!

Emmett:
So you can walk me to my bike!

Ivy:
What's that?

Teddy:
Just my phone it's aways making funny noises.

Gabe:
Sure, when she does it, it's adorable. When I do it, it's wrong.

Teddy:
That's because we were at a restaurant and it wasn't your cake.

Teddy:
Dr. Singh is not coming.

Amy:
Oh, alright. Fine.

Teddy:
So, you're okay with this?

Amy:
Of course.

Teddy:
That's awesome, becuase i thought.. What are you doing?

Amy:
Going home. We will just do this tomorrow when Dr. Singh can be here.

Ivy:
I don't think that's how works Mrs D.

Amy:
Oh, c'mon. The baby's been in here nine months. It can wait another day.

PJ:
First baby?

Person:
That obviuos, ah?

PJ:
Hey, i've been there.

Person:
You have?!

PJ:
Oh yeah. This is mythird time sitting on these chairs.

Person:
Wow! If you don't mind, i'm asking how old were you the firs time?

PJ:
Two.

Teddy:
(on video diary) Hey Charlie, that annoying sound you hear is Mrs. Dabney's new dog. Ever since she got that little rat none of us have got any sleep.

Gabe:
You guys went to Hawaii?!

P.J.:
Those years have not been kind.

Teddy:
Well deals are meant to be broken.

P.J.:
Right, the golden rule!

P.J:
You can't ground someone who's not actually on the ground.

Teddy:
Wow, almost every single word in that sentence was wrong.

Amy:
You either got it or you don't.

Teddy:
Well, can you sweat on P.J.'s sandwich?

Amy:
Gotta feel the burn!

Teddy:
Gotta buy my lunch!

Bob:
(enters the kitchen) Hey honey, honey!

Amy:
What?

Bob:
I'm leaving for work. Come on, give me a kiss.

Amy:
Catch me if you can!

Bob:
I've kissed you enough already.

Amy:
Wait before you go it's about your uncle Mel he called.

Bob:
I don't want to hear it.

Bob:
Hey Emmett if you want i'm might be able to get you a job too.

Emmett:
Oh no thanks Mr. D. I already got a job.

Bob:
Doing what?

Emmett:
My dad pays me to stay out of the house.

Amy:
Kitty Kat, ah?!

Bob:
Well, i could come up with a nickname for you. Like, uhmmm...

Amy:
You know that's really funny 'cause i'm thinking of lot of nicknames for you.

Amy:
Come here Charlie. Let's look at your new bed, you'll love it!

Charlie:
NO!

Teddy:
I bet you're glad you spent two hours putting that together, ah!?

Amy:
I'm not bothering you, am I?

Gabe:
A little. Can we talk about my sleepover for a second?

Amy:
Gabe, you're distracting me from my housework! Of course we can talk about your sleepover.

Gabe:
Ok. First question: what are you serving us for dinner?

Amy:
Well, i was thinking of making my famous meatloaf with a nice side salad.

Gabe:
Pizza it is. Now, I'm gonna need you to rent us a scary movie.

Amy:
I don't know Gabe, i don't want you boys to be up all night.

Gabe:
Oh, you just described the perfect sleepover. The last thing is, Charlie is writing on the wall.

Amy:
What?

Gabe:
Charlie, she's writing on the wall.

Amy:
Liam, honey, is there a problem?

Liam:
I'm afraid of upstairs.

Amy:
Excuse me?

Liam:
We're living in a one story house. I've never been upstairs. And I'm not gonna start now.

Amy:
Interesting new phobia.

Teddy:
Stupid parent.

Amy:
Heard that.

Teddy:
Ah, stupid baby monitor.

Amy:
Ok guys, listen up. Zombies aren't real! Now, GO TO BED! Goodnight everybody.

PJ:
Here's some really big news. I'm eating healthy now, because I decided to like myself just the way I am.

Teddy:
Yeah, she's not interested.

Teddy:
Hi. You're Skyler, right? I'm Teddy.

Skyler:
Oh right. I saw your picture on Spencer's wallet.

Teddy:
Spencer keeps my picture on his wallet? That's so sweet. Of course, I put it in there but it's so sweet he didn't throw it out.

Skyler:
What do you got there?

Teddy:
Pie on a stick.

Skyler:
Where did you get it?

Teddy:
Pie On a Stick. It's um my way of saying sorry to Spencer because I kinda freaked out earlier. I didn't know you two were cousins.

Skyler:
(confused) I thought you too were cousins.

Teddy:
(frowns) No, um, Spencer's my boyfriend.

Skyler:
No, Spencer's my boyfriend.

Spencer:
(walks in and sees Teddy and Skyler) Uh oh. (walks to them) So you two have met huh?

Teddy:
Yeah, turns out we're cousins.

Skyler:
Anything you want to say, Spencer?

Spencer:
Free sample?

Skyler:
Sure, I'd love one. (takes a sample) Mhmm. Delicious. You should try some. (takes the blender jar and pours the juice on Spencer's head and leaves)

Teddy:
Yeah, and don't forget dessert. (puts the pie on Spencer's face and leaves)

Spencer:
Wait!

Teddy:
(turns to him and crying) How could you?

Spencer:
I-I'm sorry. I can-

Teddy:
Just don't. (leaves)

Amy:
Teddy honey. Are you okay?

Teddy:
(on her bed in tears and shakes her head no)

Amy:
No. Oh. (gets on Teddy's bed) Scoot over. Look I know this probably won't make you feel better but I know what you're going through.

Teddy:
You had your heart broken too?

Amy:
I did, by Warren Snodgrass.

Teddy:
(laughs lightly) Warren Snodgrass?

Amy:
Yeah, he's a lot cuter than he sounds. Anyway I was madly in love with him and then one day out of the blue he dumped me for Kim Brooks. I was devastated.

Teddy:
So how did you deal with it?

Amy:
I didn't. I was mess. Thought my life was over. But then I started dating this tall, blond goofball named Bob.

Teddy:
Dad?

Amy:
No, Bob Diddlebock but he introduced me to Dad. Look honey, the point is if I hadn't had my heart broken I would have never met your father.

Teddy:
Then I wouldn't have been born…then I wouldn't have been to sad right now.

Amy:
Oh no, honey. It's terrible I know. It stinks. But you know what baby? It will get better. I promise. (sees Teddy's camera and starts recording) Hi, Charlie. I'm here with your sister who's having her first broken heart.

Teddy:
First? There's gonna be more?

Amy:
No, honey. This is it. Anyway by the time you're watching this you might experiencing your first heart break. So just remember: it always gets better.

Teddy:
And, um, I just wanted to say you were right about Spencer. It's too bad you won't have a little sister looking out for you when you're my age. Although we never know. (looks at her mom)

Amy:
Oh, we know.

Teddy:
(laughs) Good luck Charlie.

Spencer:
(walking then he hears a roaring noise and he turns around) What the-

Charlie:
(size of a giant and roars and chases Spencer)

Spencer:
I'm sorry! (runs away) Leave me alone!

Charlie:
(laughing and chasing Spencer)

Spencer:
(trips and falls down) No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Charlie:
(steps on Spencer)

Teddy:
(wakes up and smiles at Charlie) You're such a good sister.

Ivy:
(smells something horrid) Oh, what died in here?

Teddy:
My heart.

Ivy:
(pushes Spencer against the lockers) I'm going to ask you again, Spencer. I want that girl's name and number AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!

Ivy:
Ladies, that was perfect! Now just one more take and this time I'll hit record.

Teddy:
This is Skyler. Isn't she pretty?

Ivy:
(takes the camera) Wish her good luck, Charlie.

Austin:
Well you know Teddy, (sits down) I may be only eleven but I'm old enough to know that you deserve someone that appreciates how wonderful you are. And for your information, Spencer ain't it.

Teddy:
Did you just say ain't?

Austin:
Listen to me. I'm so passionate that I'm throwing grammar to the wind!

Teddy:
Thanks Austin. And you know as first dates go, this wasn't all that bad.

Austin:
Not now Slappy!

Slappy:
(leaves)

Teddy:
Anyways, you deserve someone great too. Somebody who's smart and kind, and well, eleven.

Austin:
Shall we grab our goody bags, quick kiss and get out of here?

Teddy:
What did you say?

Austin:
I said let's grab our goody bags.

Bob:
Oh, that's right. You don't know how to count to 3 yet.

Bob:
Hey, see ya later.

Gabe:
Hey Dad, before you go, can I ask you something?

Bob:
Oh ask your mother.

Gabe:
Why can't I ask you?

Bob:
Because whatever answer I give you, she's gonna tell me its the wrong one.

Gabe:
Wow Dad, when did you ever become so afraid of mom?

Bob:
Ask your mother.

Amy:
A disciplinary notice.

Gabe:
Yes! I knew it! Finally, little Miss Perfect did something bad!

Amy:
Okay, honey, what did you do?

Teddy:
Well, nothing. I just got mad at a teacher because he lowered my grade for not filling in a stupid oval, so I snapped one of his stupid pencils.

Gabe:
That's it? I've waited my whole life for that?!

Principal:
There's good news and bad news. Mr. Piper has agreed not to press charges. But your mother is banned from campus.

Teddy:
What's the bad news?

Principal:
Mr. Piper is demanding an apology.

Teddy:
Oh! Okay, okay. I'll say sorry to him the next time I see him.

Principal:
Not from you!

Teddy:
Oh, there's the bad news.

Bob:
What'd you do?

Amy:
Nothing!

Teddy:
MOM!

Bob:
Oh! I think we're gonna find out what nothing means!

Teddy:
Oh, hey Derek i was wondering if maybe after school you wanna go mini-golfing.

Derek:
Whatever.

Teddy:
Okay, so.. Is that a whatever like, i don't wanna go or whatever like: mini-golf wow!?

Derek:
Whichever.

Teddy:
Okay, okay. So, is that a whichever like, whatever or a whiever like: mini-golf wow!?

Teddy:
I think we should break up.

Derek:
Ah, okay.

Teddy:
Okay?

Derek:
Yeah, i mean if it's what you want.

Teddy:
Yeah, that's what i want.

Derek:
No worries.

Teddy:
Great. Okay. Well, goodbye.

Derek:
Bye.

Teddy:
Okay, sorry. Quick question: you're taking this really well. Why is that?

Derek:
I mean, well it's not working.

Teddy:
Well it wasn't working for me, but it was working for you riht?

Derek:
Sure, whatever.

Teddy:
Cool. Goodbye, again! I'm sorry. I'm breaking your heart here, the polite respons will be show a little bit of emotion!

Ivy:
Hey.. How we doing over here?

Teddy:
Not so great! I just broke up with Derek and he's taking it really well!

Ivy:
But that's good right?

Teddy:
NO! No, no i want him to be devastated! Why aren't you devastated!?

Derek:
Teddy, people are staring.

Teddy:
Ah, so i'm embarassing you. No, no, you are supposed to be embarassing me, fella! Woh, woh!

Ivy:
Firs break up, people.

Teddy:
Oh no! This brings up is not over! I'm calling you later!

Teddy:
Hey Charlie! Listen, i don't have a lot of time, gotta go meet with Derek 'cause we're still breaking up.

Amy:
Okay, okay, okay. I have my sunglasses, my keys, my purse, what am i missing?

Gabe:
Your teeth?

Ivy:
The missing earing is..

Ivy/Teddy:
Inside the monkey.

Teddy:
Hi Charlie. What you got there?

Charlie:
Monkey.

Teddy:
Can i see it? Get that monkey!

Ivy:
Calm down. If the earing isn't in this monkey, it has to be in the other monkey.

Teddy:
Right! Right, right, right. Deedee's monkey. That's in the police chief's house. Am i not calm enough for ya?

PJ:
Charlie said a bad word? What is it?

Amy:
We think you may know.

PJ:
No, i don't.

PJ:
That's terrible!

PJ:
What is it mean?

Amy:
You're free to go.

Amy:
Charlie learnt a bad word.

Gabe:
And what does that have to do with me?

Amy:
We think she learnt it from you.

Amy:
Mom, if she has to learn it from me, she has to spent time with me.

Amy:
Hey Charlie, the basement is a mess. After breakfast when you go downstairs, you pick up your toys.

Charlie:
NO!

Amy:
What did you say to me?

Charlie:
Yes!

Amy:
So, the baby will be sleeping under the stairs. Like Harry Potter.

Bob:
Hey, Harry Potter now, he had some fun adventures, ah!? Say something you know about Harry Potter.

PJ:
Quidditch.

Amy:
Okay, Charlie. What's it gonna take to get you into the new house, today?

Charlie:
Pony.

Amy:
Done. BOB

Bob:
What did you do?

Gabe:
I din't do anything!

Mrs. Dabney:
AAAAAHHHHHH!!

Gabe:
Ignore that!

Bob:
How old is Bob?

PJ:
Fif-

Bob:
AH!

Gabe:
Six-

Bob:
No, no!

PJ:
Seven-

Bob:
Alright! Next Question! When is Bob's birthday?

Gabe/PJ:
...

Bob:
Oh, c'mon you guys! You gotta know this one!

Gabe:
January 1st?

PJ:
January 2nd.

Gabe:
January 3rd?

PJ:
January 4th.

Teddy:
Call! Anyone. Anyone at all. Oh, hey, in fact, why don't we just go crazy? Open it up to foods of all kinds. We can talk vegetables, steak, sausage, bacon...Dad, if you're out there, please call!

Karen:
My name is Karen.

Charlie:
My mommy don't like you.

Karen:
Of course she does. Why would she invite me to the party?

Charlie:
You're rich.

Karen:
Oh. Well yes, I am rich. Which means I have a large car to put my large present into and drive away.

Debby:
Well, that was awkward. I'm certainly glad your mommy likes me. Ah, Charlie?!

Charlie:
My mommy says you talk funny.

Debby:
Pardon me?

Charlie:
It hurts her head.

Debby:
Really?

Charlie:
Yeah.

PJ:
July 7th.

Gabe:
July 8th.

PJ:
July 9th.

Bob:
Alright. You know what? This wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be. I think I'm going to ask somebody else to go to the hockey game.

PJ:
Wait, wait, wait. Dad, just...let me say something. July 10th.

Mary Lou:
Okay. Spill it, Charlie. What did she say about me?

Amy:
(to Charlie) Maybe you should come with me.

Ivy:
What just happened?

Teddy:
Emmett stole my date.

Spencer:
Look, I'm sorry I got so caught up with Emmett and the dancing. I kind of like the way things were going before then.

Teddy:
Yeah, me too. I'm glad we got to go to the dance together. I was a little nervous because Ivy said my window was closing. And then Lauren sandoval almost asked you. And then Ivy and Emmett showed up at my house and I was like, "oh, no. How is this gonna work?" And I just-- [Spencer cuts her off by kissing her on the lips.] That was a really nice way of telling me to shut up.

Amy:
P.J. Honey, can you watch Charlie after school? I have to work.

P.J.:
I can't. I'm working too. I can take Charlie with me if you want. You want to help your big brother deliver chicken?

Amy:
Or you could come to the hospital and help mommy change bedpans. You take her.

Bob:
Gabe are you wearing an aftershave?

Gabe:
A little.

Bob:
Why, you don't have to shave yet.

Gabe:
As long as we are being logical why do you still have a comb?

Bob:
Get in the car.

Amy:
PJ, you have to post it online so grandma can see it.

PJ:
Grandma knows how to go online?

Amy:
PJ , you have to put it on CD so grandma can watch it on her DVD player.

PJ:
Grandma has a DVD player?

Amy:
Ok PJ you just have to go to Grandma's house and act it out for her.

Amy:
A mother knows her baby and that is MY baby!

(Flashback ends) Ivy:
I found her on the internet.