Sex and the City, Season 2

Charlotte:
It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

Carrie:
I always like a good math solution to any love problem.

Miranda:
How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.

Samantha:
That can be a turn-on.

Miranda:
Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate, and I can't. I never could.

Carrie:
Why not?

Miranda:
Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No, thank you.

Charlotte:
Just keep talking about his big cock.

Samantha:
Correction—his big, beautiful cock.

Carrie:
We're using the "C" word now?

[Samantha and James are in a couples counseling session]

Samantha:
Your penis is too small!

James:
Excuse me?

Samantha:
It doesn't... and it just... it can't. And I can't. And it's... it's just too damn small.

James:
Did you ever stop to think that maybe your vagina is too big? [gets up and leaves]

Samantha:
What can I say? I need a big dick.

Dr. Velma Rubin:
I hear that.

Miranda:
I'm sorry, if a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.

Carrie:
Okay, what about us?

Miranda:
We're just choosy.

Charlotte:
Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as Mr. Pussy.

Samantha:
Why not?

Charlotte:
Well, maybe I want more than that.

Samantha:
Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more.

Carrie and Miranda:
Amen.

Miranda:
Orgasm, major thing in a relationship?

Charlotte:
Yeah, but not the only thing. Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards and don't hold your hand in a sad movie.

Carrie:
Mine do.

Samantha:
Is he that bad in bed?

Miranda:
No, he's just... He's a guy. They can rebuild a jet engine, but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx!

Carrie:
I think you just found the title for your autobiography.

Samantha:
You know, it's really not their fault. They don't come with a manual. If I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina.

Carrie:
If you had a son, we'd call social services.

Charlotte:
Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.

Samantha:
I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?

Carrie:
So how was the sex?

Charlotte:
Amazing! It was like Liz was looking over us, giving us her blessing.

Carrie:
A threesome in absentia.

Charlotte:
I mean, my hat blew right into her headstone. She was clearly sending a message.

Miranda:
Yeah, "don't fuck my husband, you hat-loving bitch."

Samantha:
Nobody told me it was BYO man.

Carrie:
Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.

Samantha:
I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?

Samantha:
Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls: Because they can. It's part of their biology. Instead of wasting all this energy condemning it, maybe it's time we all got in line with the reality of the situation.

Carrie:
Well, that sounds very empowering, but you're forgetting one important detail.

Miranda:
God, I hope so.

Carrie:
Women cheat.

Charlotte:
Yeah, but it's completely different.

Samantha:
How?

Charlotte:
'Cause we don't go around randomly attacking any man that we're attracted to.

Samantha:
Speak for yourself.

Charlotte:
We're not driven by testosterone.

Carrie:
Then what does drive us according to you?

Charlotte:
Emotions.

Samantha:
You mean hormones.

Charlotte:
No. I mean that little voice inside of me that says, "Mate for life! Mate for life!"

Samantha:
Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts.

Charlotte:
It's love at first sight.

Samantha:
Oh, honey, this isn't love. This is about two people justifying a week of non-stop fucking.

Miranda:
On my furniture! I have to redecorate.

Charlotte:
I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?

Carrie:
Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

Samantha:
What's your age ceiling with men?

Carrie:
50?

Samantha:
Factor in millions and millions of dollars.

Carrie:
50?

Samantha:
Well, I just met the cutest older man.

Carrie:
How old, 50? 60? Sweetie, is he on Medicare?

Samantha:
I'm guessing 72. A young 72.

Carrie:
[on the phone] I'm at Big's.

Miranda:
You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!

Carrie:
Well, he got this veal.

Miranda:
You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat?!

Carrie:
You've never seen an uncircumcised one?

Charlotte:
I'm from Connecticut!

Samantha:
All I'm saying is, uncut men are the best. They try harder. I should know. I've slept with five of them.

Charlotte:
Out of how many?

Carrie:
Infinity.

Carrie:
[about Big] Now I've laid down the gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm gonna have to break up with him.

Charlotte:
Well, how long are you gonna give him?

Carrie:
Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's gonna start to curdle in about a week.

Samantha:
You know, it's so interesting. You can tell a man, "I hate you", you'll have the best sex of your life. But tell him, "I love you", you'll probably never see him again.

Miranda:
When single men have a lot of money, it works to their advantage, but when a single woman has money, it's a problem you have to deal with. It's ridiculous! I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.

Samantha:
Bravo, honey! Bravo!

Charlotte:
But you're talking about more than a difference in income. You're talking about a difference in background and education. This guy is working class.

Miranda:
Working class?!

Charlotte:
Yeah.

Carrie:
It's the millennium, sweetie. We don't say things like "working class" anymore.

Charlotte:
But you're trying to pretend that we live in a classless society, and we don't.

Carrie:
Okay, Marie Antoinette, we get the picture.

Samantha:
I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.

Charlotte:
What happens to it?

Samantha:
Nothing. I just never go back.

Carrie:
Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?

Samantha:
That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.

Miranda:
And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.

Charlotte:
I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?

Carrie:
Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man, or is he a gay straight man?

Carrie:
[voiceover] The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theater and antique furniture.

Samantha:
Oh, hopefully, he's a gay straight man, which means he's straight with a lot of great gay qualities. Whereas a straight gay guy is just a gay guy who plays sports and won't fuck you.

Carrie:
It's about the fact that I wasn't even a factor in his decision-making process.

Miranda:
Totally.

Samantha:
Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we." And their version of "we" is "me and my dick."

Carrie:
[voiceover] After we made love I knew it was over. Did I ever really love Big, or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable.

Carrie:
Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends.

Samantha:
Look, we're as fucked-up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.

Samantha:
The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs, we could run the world!

Carrie:
And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.

Samantha:
Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.

Carrie:
Say it a little louder. I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.

Samantha:
You're gonna take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

Miranda:
You double-booked?

Charlotte:
Well, I had to. This one guy was going out of town for three weeks, and the other guy didn't wanna cancel.

Carrie:
So, how do you conceive pulling this one off?

Charlotte:
Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.

Samantha:
My God, you're turning into a man!

Carrie:
[voiceover] Apparently Charlotte had done more than break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.

Charlotte:
I just don't know how I'm ever gonna eat two dinners in a row.

Carrie:
[voiceover] And then, just like that, she was a woman again.

Samantha:
I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.

Carrie:
Kool-Aid?

Samantha:
Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

Charlotte:
[to Samantha, after discovering she had slept with Charlotte's brother Wesley] Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town! It's always open!

Carrie:
[voiceover; about her date who wouldn't kiss her] I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.

Charlotte:
I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things like... accessories, that I might need help in others like...

Samantha:
Fucking?

Charlotte:
Making love. So... I'm taking a class.

Samantha:
A fucking class?

Charlotte:
No, a tantric sex workshop.

Charlotte:
It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.

Carrie:
Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.

Samantha:
We could always burn sage.

Carrie:
[voiceover] And then I realized, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Samantha:
I'm telling you, Carrie, it was like a wall of flesh coming at me!

Carrie:
There's nothing scarier than a really big one coming at you.

Samantha:
I didn't even wanna get my mouth near it, I was afraid I'd get lockjaw. I mean, it was quite a shock. His hands are relatively tiny.

Carrie:
Oh, don't tell me you believe that.

Samantha:
Not anymore! I am really gonna have to psych myself up before I try it again.

Carrie:
You're gonna try it again? Why?

Samantha:
Because it's there!

Carrie:
Sweetie, it's a penis, not Mount Everest.

Carrie:
[voiceover] Then I had a thought: Maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.