Megas XLR, Season 1

Kiva:
[After Coop bested Kiva's mech with a spectacular wrestling move] My drones! I can't understand how you beat me.

Coop:
Yeah...it kinda ROCKED. [Kiva looks at him] I mean, sorry about that.

Kiva:
How did you get to be such a good pilot?

Coop:
Well...[Flashback occurs. Mainly showing Coop sitting by the couch playing video games, he gets older, Jamie comes along and they both get older]

Kiva:
My robot wasn't meant to be a toy for some prehistoric yahoo and his pet monkey-thing!

Jamie:
Monkey-thing? MONKEY-THING?! BLAST HER, COOP!!

Gorrath:
Take us into Null Space, so we can affect repairs.

Commander:
Hmpf! Don't you mean: "run away because we got our jhorblochs handed to us by one Earther"? [Gorrath glares at him and the Commander shields his own face tentacles] Not the face!

Gorrath:
Tread lightly, Commander...or you might find yourself at the head of the next assault...WITHOUT A MECH!

Coop:
All right, you alien chumps! You're in MY town and nobody gets to wreck it.[Record Scratches] Uh...Except for me!

Magnanimous:
We all know there's no way you can beat all of us and protect the "subform" here.

Jamie:
SUB-FORM? Go get 'em Kiva, I got your back!

Kiva:
[After both of them get captured] [sarcasticaly] Thanks for getting my back...

Jamie:
[To Magnanimous] I wasn't doing anything! Hey, I don't even know her!

Magnanimous:
Groovy.

Coop:
[To Magnanimous] Okay you big-headed, tater-tot looking freak! You tricked me, you stacked the odds against me, you threatened my friends AND you insult my robot...NOW I'm mad!

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
I am the Replicant Engineered for Galactic Infiltration and Sabotage Mark V.

Kiva:
First we need to run through all the systems.

Jamie:
[Groans] But that could take hours.

Coop:
Could. Won't. [Coop flies Megas into space and pushes practically all the buttons.]

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
[After crushing the Megaslush machine infront of Coop] Do not panic. [Draws several weapons] You will all die. [R.E.G.I.S. chases after some people]

Jamie:
Coop, we got to stop that thing! Before it hurts ME!

Coop:
THAT "Thing"...Just Hurt...My Megaslush!

Coop:
[To R.E.G.I.S.] Hey, pal! I believe you owe me and my friend here a Megaslush.

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
Who dares challenge R.E.G.I.S.? R.E.G.I.S. is the destroyer of worlds, consumer of their rubble, bringer of despair. R.E.G.I.S. is- [Gets crushed by Megas]

Jamie:
Nice!

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
Surrender now, and I will destroy you peacefully.

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
The R.E.G.I.S. Mark V is invincible. No weapon forged by such a primitive species can defeat R.E.G.I.S., which is invincible.

Kiva:
[After seeing the R.E.G.I.S. Mark V repeatedly regenerate after being physically beaten down] Just to reiterate: Smashing bad.

Jamie:
You know, normally I'm pro-smashing, and I hate to agree with future-girl, but maybe smashing isn't the way to go this time.

Coop:
We tried no smashing, and that didn't work. I'm sticking to my strengths...And smashing is my strengths. I just need to find the right way to smash him.

R.E.G.I.S. Mark V:
The R.E.G.I.S. Mark V is the ultimate fighting machine. Unstoppable, merciless, glorious. No one is safe from the R.E.G.I.S..

Coop:
All I wanted was a Megaslush, just ONE Megaslush! But you wouldn't let me have it would you? You busted up my town and you tried to eat my robot...NOW you're going down! HARD!

Coop:
All right, you intergalactic snots! You busted up my car show!

Jamie:
Yeah!

Coop:
You wrecked my friends' rides!

Jamie:
Yeah!

Coop:
AND! You made me run half a block!

Jamie:
Yeah! [record scratch] Wait-Half a block?

Coop:
Now, it's payback time!

Jamie:
Coop, "Magnoflex!" NOW!

Coop:
Listen up, you low-res Mothro wannabe! You going down and you going down EXTRA hard! No one gets away with trying to mess up MY robot! Let's get it on!

Megas' Dashboard:
Missiles - More Missiles - ALL the Missiles!

Coop:
[The TV suddenly turns off] No...NO!!! [Coop leaps onto the table showering Jamie with food] No! [Coop desperately smacks the TV to get it to work]

Jamie:
[Still covered in food] Looks like the cable's out.

Kiva:
Coop, forget it. It's just Television. The world can live without it.

Coop:
[Coop imagining a bright, colorful, happy world without TV] No...I won't let that happen!

Jamie:
[As MEGAS gets sucked into the Planet Monster's surface] So THIS is how it all ends...I always thought I'd go down fighting a bunch of cyborg ninjas, or something cooler this-[MEGAS gets sucked beneath the surface]

Coop:
It's too bad we can't force it to over-eat. I mean, it always does me in.

Jamie:
No it doesn't.

Coop:
Well, yeah, but regular people get sick if they eat too much.

Coop:
No! I'm sick of this thing. It's trying to eat my planet, it messed up my paint job with acid bugs AND it made me miss my show! I'M taking this TV eating sucka to the mat.

Grrkek:
I should thank you for releasing me.

Coop:
Don't mention it!

Grrkek:
Instead I shall destroy you.

Grrkek:
[Now twice as large as before] Remember me?

Coop:
I remember I whooped your jacked up alien butt.

Grrkek:
A temporary setback. But thanks to your laser beam, I feel good enough to kill a thousand planets. Guess where I'm going to start?

Coop:
Uh, I don't know, YOUR MOM'S HOUSE!? [Grrkek kicks Megas]

Grrkek:
Now you'll see why they call me Grrkek the Planet Killer. [pause] Actually, you'll be too dead to see anything. But you get the idea.

Coop:
First, he smashes my car, which I was going to fix by the way! Then he breaks my videogame--

Jamie:
Coop, you broke that.

Coop:
I'm on a roll here, man! And NOW he wants to break my planet? Well, I got news for you buddy! This town ain't big enough for the both...of...us? [Coop notices the giant tidal wave]

Jamie:
Come on man, haven't I always been there for you?

Coop:
[Thinking to himself, Flashbacks to Coop waiting by himself for Jamie at the movie theater,an amusement park, at Coop's Birthday,at Jamie's Birthday] Alright, but don't be touching none of the special buttons or nothing. [He gives Jamie the car keys]

Jamie:
Yeah yeah, I promise. [He takes the keys leaving Coop alone like in the flashbacks]

Gorrath:
[In a Mech that looks like MEGAS] Tremble before me! Pitiful earth filth!

Goat:
Sweet new paint job bro.

Tiny:
Looking good Coop!

Gorrath:
[Groans] What is wrong with this planet?

Coop:
I installed it so that I could still operate MEGAS, if I was working on the car. I'm still tweaking it. [A nearby controller catches on fire and Coop quickly puts it out] [With a nervous laugh] Like I said, I'm still tweaking it...

Gorrath:
I must admit that your strategies are strange and cunning...but mostly strange.

Coop:
Alright tentacle-breath. You copied my robot, hit me when I wasn't looking, threatened my town-

Jamie:
AND you almost ruined my date!

Coop:
It takes many years of intensive training to cultivate this kind of refined appetite. [Flashback of Coop eating tons of food as he grows up] Many years...

[Coop is accused of being a Bad Guy by the S-Force]

Coop:
Who, me? It's just an eating contest. Is it a crime to eat?

Jamie:
The way you do it, it should be.

Ender:
I am Ender. I end things. People, planets, galaxies.

Ender:
Now I am free to conquer and destroy! Or destroy and conquer! Or just destroy!

Megas' Dashboard:
[Power levels] Low Energy - Fair Amount - Normal - Too Much! - Getting Ridiculous - Are You Kidding?

Coop:
What's this "OMNICRON13" thingy?

Argo:
No! You destabilized the wave pattern! Who knows what will happen? Don't activate it!

Coop:
[Immediately activates it]

Coop:
Listen chump. I was just doing my own thing, when some robot-riding circus freaks jumped me! And then you had to show up and start bashing my town! And for SOME reason, everyone keeps calling ME-The Bad Guy! I may not be the best guy...But I sure ain't no bad guy! Yo, S-Force! You ready?

Argo:
No! NO!

Sloan:
[cries] My robot!

Coop:
No way! This guy sicked a giant worm-thingy on me, chased my pals around with zombie-robots and made me break a perfectly good Photonic Stabilizer! I'm putting you in a hurt-locker and slamming the door, junkman!

Coop:
This alien chick thinks she can get my ride towed, make me go to the DMV and take a road-test!? I DON'T NEED NO STINKING ROAD TEST!

Jamie:
Eh, dude, none of that stuff is her fault.

Coop:
Yeah...Well she's still trying to kidnap Kiva, that ain't cool neither.

Gyven:
[After knocking down Zanzoar from attacking MEGAS] Following their transpacial rift was a clever idea. I appreciate you finding them for me.

Coop:
Hey, thanks buddy! I don't know what was up with that guy back there.

Gyven:
[To Coop] Surrender defiler! Or I'll tear your circuits out of the core!

Zanzoar:
[carrying Megas off] I WILL be emperor!

Jamie:
And I WILL be sick...

Jamie:
The Metal Maiden's a sword...The Metal Maiden's a sword?!

Coop:
Listen here, you walking water heater. YOU guys attacked me.

Jamie:
Nope, that was you.

Coop:
YOU screwed up my warp drive.

Kiva:
You did that too.

Coop:
AND you made me miss the Monster Truck combat of the century!

Jamie:
Again, all you.

Coop:
Do ya mind? I'm on a roll here. Right! [Pause] What was I saying? Ah, forget it!

Megas' Dashboard:
Bet You Can't Guess What This Button Does

Coop:
[To Gorrath] Come on,don't stop now. What else ya got? I've got only one arm and I'm still wiping the floor with ya! I think you'll need a bigger robot if you want to play with me anymore! What? You want me to drop the other arm so it's fair? [Kiva and Jamie shake their heads and wave their hands in desperation]

Gorrath:
Let's see how you like the Eradicator. [Pushes a button and the Karrajor converts into an enormous mech with Megas hovering in front of it's cannons like a grain of sand]

Coop:
Well... That's pretty big.

Jamie:
You just had to ask if he had a bigger robot, didn't you?

Megas' Dashboard:
[Various buttons] DESTROY THE WORLD. SMITE THE WORLD. DESTROY THE WORLD WORSE. Save the world. [The last button is missing, wires hanging all over]

[Coop has just caused the Karrajor to be sucked into Null Space, seemingly destroying it]

Coop:
Man, now I really need another Big Glug... and a cheesesteak... or 28.

Kiva:
Coop! You just destroyed the Glorft!

Coop:
So? What'ya think was going to happen?

Coop:
Now for a little payback. Me and MEGAS vs a bunch of Glorft bots that got the home field advantage...Sounds fair to me. Hey Squid! About those goodbyes. Uh, buh-bye! [Proceeds to destroy Glorft bots]

Gorrath:
A time warp? That's impossible. That technology is only theoretical. Earthers can't even TELL time, let alone travel through it!

Goat:
Two! Bucks! Anything in that pile: two bucks. I doubt that whole pile is worth more than two bucks...

Coop:
[Coop pulls on junk, causing the pile to collapse and revealing MEGAS] Whoa. What's that?

Goat:
No idea.

Coop:
Two bucks, huh? I'll take it!

Goat:
Oh, man...

Kiva:
Look at them all, these odds are awful!

Coop:
You're right, it is kind of unfair. [knocks his only ally unconscious] Now it's fair.

Magnanimous:
Now either you throw the fight or the redhead and the little girl get a taste of the [ominous voice and music] quantum singularity!

[Sudden flashback to Coop not paying attention at school]

Teacher:
Mr. Cooplowski! Pay attention! One day you'll need to know what a quantum singularity is, and then you'll be sorry!

Coop:
Yeah, right.

Coop:
[paying with pennies] $1.15...$1.16...

Goat:
Oh yeah. Stratospheric strawberry slime. It's the nectar of the gods.

Coop:
Where was I?

[Everyone groans]

[Jamie accidentally takes control of Megas, causing it to do random crazy things, while Gorrath watches in silent confusion]

Gina:
Do any of these buttons do anything?

Gorrath:
Enough of these foolish distractions!

[Coop has won a hot dog eating contest, but continues eating]

Jamie:
Coop, you can stop eating now.

Coop:
I ain't finished yet! [later] you know I'm still kind of hungry. You guys up for ice cream?

Kiva:
How can you still be hungry after that...that horror show?

Coop:
It takes many years of intensive training to cultivate this kind of refined appetite. [Flashback of Coop eating tons of food as he grows up] Many years...

Clerk:
If I start making exceptions this whole place would fall apart.

[Later, Coop uses Megas to destroy the DMV while laughing. This is all revealed to be in his imagination]

Coop:
I'll give you fall apart.

Coop:
Jamie, stop screaming like a girl!

Jamie:
It's not me, it's him! [the supervisor is shrieking and cowering]

Coop:
Hey, you, stop screaming like Jamie!

Gorrath:
You are the one stain on my perfect record of conquest.

Coop:
Then you must have gone up against some pretty lame chumps.

[Gorrath is torturing Coop by eating food in front of him]

Coop:
A Philly cheesesteak? That's low.

Gorrath:
[eats it but finds the earth food disgusting and forces a smile] Mmm!

Coop:
I'll remember this when I'm back in my bot!