My Life as a Teenage Robot, Season 1

Brad:
This year Tuck's gonna face his fears and ride the Ferris Wheel!

Jenny:
Tuck's afraid of heights?

Brad:
No, giant wheels. Anything bigger than a car tire gives him the heebie-jeebies.

Tuck:
But this year, I'm gonna beat Mr. Ferris and his Giant Hoop of Horror!

Brad:
(about Jenny) Come on Doc, I'm sure no one will notice her.

Dr. Wakeman:
(skeptical) A six and a half foot mechanical girl, and no one will notice?

Jenny:
Please, Mom. There's gotta be some way I can go.

Dr. Wakeman:
I'm sorry, XJ-9. (Jenny starts simmering)

Brad:
Tuck, we'd better go.

Tuck:
Aw, but I wanna see the fight.

Jenny:
(getting really mad) You never let me do...ANYTHING I WANT! WORK! WORK! WORK! I never get to have any fun! If you don't let me go, I'll...I'll...

Dr. Wakeman:
Don't you raise you lasers to me, young lady!

Jenny:
(starts crying her eyes out)

Alien Karl:
(as he and his wife walk back to their UFO) Yeah, well personally, I can't wait to get off this hick planet. Bunch of rip-off artists, these earthlings. Five bucks for a cup of coffee. No extraterrestrial discount at the hotel. And I know that bellboy stole my tricorder!

Mrs. Wakeman:
Earrings? I designed a state-of-the-art, crime-fighting robot, not some simple mannequin to hang with googols and gimcrackery!

Jenny:
Your little girl is growing up.

Mrs. Wakeman:
You're right XJ9. Well technically you're wrong because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.

Jenny:
How is it, again, that you know the Minutians will land here?

Mrs. Wakeman:
They always land here. Why do you think I moved here?

Brad:
My only battle today is between my urge to gorge on chocolate and my desire to be zit-free for school photos tomorrow.

(during the football game)

Jenny:
Are we the only ones left?

Brad:
All that's left standing.

Jenny:
But, what about Dominelli?

Brad:
Broken scapula.

Jenny:
Thomas?

Brad:
They ripped his butt off.

Jenny:
Sanchez?

Brad:
Fractured toe.--70.29.236.105 23:28, 3 April 2012 (UTC)

Jenny:
Parkins?

Brad:
Inner-cranial dislocation.

Jenny:
Lopez?

Brad:
Real bad owwie.

Jenny:
Cruz?

Brad:
Comatose, but he wasn't much of a talker anyway.

Jenny:
(gushing) Oh my gosh, and then I enjoyed a glass of juice for the first time - orange juice! It tasted like apple! Then Don and I sat in a hot tub, and I didn't electrocute him!

Brad:
You know, Jenn, dreams are more fun to have than to hear about.

Jenny:
I can turn my dream off anytime I want to. I'm in total control.

Brad:
Is that why you've been jumping on desks and riding drinking fountains?

Jenny:
[When she sees her teacher coming up to her with a piece of paper saying she failed because of her being loud] Uh oh.

(after all the park robots have go wild)

Tuck:
Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Jennifer.

Jenny:
That was horrible!

Brad:
Okay, the waterfall was pretty weak. Just consider it a warm up for what's to come.

Jenny:
A warm up?

Brad:
Sure, ya gotta start somewhere.

Tuck:
And the rest of the rides only get better.

Jenny:
(upset) And do the rest of these rides make fools out of robots too?

Brad:
What are you talking about?

Jenny:
I'm talking about hydrolic surges forced into your hips to make them shake. Do you have any idea what that can do to a ball and socket joint?

Brad:
Come on, Jenny, it's all in good fun!

Jenny:
Yeah, fun for the humans! How'd you like to sing some stupid song over and over all day long?

Brad:
Hi, Jenny, my name's Brad– Whoa, a real life robot!

Jenny:
A real life teenager!

Both:
[in unison] Whoa! Look at that, and those and the hair. [laughs]

Brad:
So, you're like a super hero who goes around the world having death-defying adventures and defeating dastardly villains?

Jenny:
Mm-hmm.

Brad:
Sweet!

Jenny:
And you're a teenager who goes to high school and meet tons of other kids and hangs out with them?

Brad:
Of course.

Jenny:
Cool!

[Sheldon is being thrown across the room by a bunch of bullies]

Jenny:
Excuse me, I need to speak with the young man you're terrorizing.

Jenny:
It's got to be around here somewhere.

Brad:
[tagging along while flying the jet pack] How about that gas station?

Jenny:
No, that's a tra... [realizes] Huh?! Brad, what are you doing?

Brad:
Duh. Trying out my new jet pack.

Jenny:
I meant, what are you doing here?

Brad:
Helping you find the UFO.

Jenny:
You can't do that. This is a very delicate intergalactic situation. Turn around and go home right now.

Brad:
Your lips say, "go home," but your eyes say…

Jenny:
Leave? Look, Brad, this could be dangerous, and I can't watch out for you.

Brad:
You don't have to. I can take care of myself.

Tuck:
[enters the UFO cockpit] Brad? [gasps upon seeing Brad fiddling around with the controls] Brad, what are you doing?! You're gonna blows us up or vaporize us or get us grounded! [Brad pulls a lever starting up the UFO as it starts rising off the ground] Or get us ungrounded. [Jenny hears the UFO rising, turns around, and sees it flying out the woods and into the sky] Get us down, get us down, get us down!

Brad:
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying! [The UFO screeches to a stop in midair] Did that stop it?

Tuck:
No. [points to Jenny with her foot on it] That did.

Jenny:
I thought I told you to stay put.

Brad:
Well, we tried, but then you…

Jenny:
Put the ship down.

Brad:
That's what I...

Jenny:
Down!

Brad:
But...

Jenny:
Now.

Jenny:
[walks to the driver's seat, getting Brad her attention] Brad. Brad? [shouts] BRAD!

Brad:
[snapping back to reality] What? W-what's going on?

Jenny:
You're done driving. That's what's going on.

Brad:
[smacks her hand away] Hey, who put you in charge of me?

Tuck:
Hi, Jenny! How was Japan?

Jenny:
[in Japanese] Good afternoon.

Tuck:
"Konichiwa"? Cool! [He and his brother were given two gifts from Jenny] For us?

Brad:
Aw, you didn't have to bring these.

Jenny:
[in Japanese] Eh, no big.

Tuck:
"So ne". Hahaha!

Brad:
[laughs] I got to run to the mall. Hey, Jenny, you want to come?

Jenny:
[in Japanese] Sure.

Brad:
Huh?

Jenny:
[in Japanese] What's wrong with you? Don't you hear me? I love going to the mall. [she is surprised] Why Japanese? Why am I only speaking Japanese? Why? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Jenny:
[takes off her old eyes, sets them on her bed, and puts on the multi-functional bug-eyed eyes] Whoa, you're all blocky style.

Nora:
That's digital vision. Flip through the other settings.

Jenny:
[flipping through] Ultraviolet vision. Infrared vision. X-ray vision! Heat vision! Rainbow vision. Oh, pretty colors! Wow, I even have sausage vision. [flips back to normal setting]

Nora:
So, what you think?

Jenny:
I think… [turns around, revealing the eyes are too big for her] I'll be the coolest-looking teenager ever!

Jenny:
Hey, Mom, which setting is number one?

Nora:
The number one? Normal.

Jenny:
That's funny. I thought you said, "normal."

Nora:
I did.

Jenny:
[looks at her reflection, then Nora, then everything, all completely normal; enraged] Normal? You call this normal?! How could you do this to me?!

Nora:
Do what? What are you talking about?

Jenny:
I'm talking about these wiggly-squiggly bug snakes you call eyes!

Nora:
XJ-9, you're not looking at the big picture.

Jenny:
And you're not looking at this picture. It's called, "I made my daughter a total dweeb."

Nora:
You don't look dweeb; I think you look very pa-hat.

Jenny:
It's pronounced "fat," mother, and giant periscopes in your head are not phat, dope, or even cool! I want my old eyes back.

Nora:
What? But these are far more efficient.

Jenny:
Who cares about efficiency?

Nora:
I do. And so should you, young lady. Now, stop being silly.

Jenny:
The only way to stop being silly is to lose these jokes. [ditches the bug-eyed eyes, leaving her sightless]

Nora:
XJ-9, you cannot go sightless. You have a job to do.

Jenny:
Give me my old eyes back, and I'll do it.

Nora:
Absolutely not.

Jenny:
Fine! [starts walking off] I'll save the world without your stinking eye...[trips over a hot dog cart, getting hot dog wieners in her eye holes]

Nora:
If you can't even conquer a hot dog cart, how can you hope to conquer evil?

[Jenny returns home, enters the kitchen, and finds a note Nora left on the fridge]

Jenny:
[reading the note] "Gone to town for supplies. Please move quantum gigulator to the basement. Love, Mom. P.S.: I left some motor oil out in case you get thirsty." [sadly] Cheers. [drinks some oil and walks down to the basement, putting the quantum gigulator in place; notices a door] A door? I never noticed that before.

XJ-7:
I guess no one's going to introduce me. [slumps onto the ground] I'm worthless.

XJ-5:
You're not worthless, XJ-7. Why, melted down, you'd easily fetch $20 at the recycling plant.

Jenny:
[annoyed at Brad] Well, Brad, thanks for making me look like a complete… [deep voice] fool.

Brad:
Whoa!

Jenny:
[covering her mouth] Oh, no! Now my voice vocoder is malfunctioning too! [the baby laughs at her; dashes out of the restaurant and into an alley with a paper bag on her head] Great. I'll have to wear this bag on my head forever, and it smells like fish tacos.

Brad:
Everyone goes through this, Jen. It's completely natural.

Jenny:
[as the nanobot hacks into her mood-o-tron, making her feel happier] You're right. It's not so bad. Hey, maybe this bag thing will become a new fad: Fish taco bag heads!

Brad:
That's the spirit.

Jenny:
[as the nanobot changes her mood again to anger] This is all your fault. [tackles Brad up against the wall] You and your lousy cover-up!

Brad:
♪ Someone's having mood swings. ♪

Jenny:
[as the nanobot changes her mood again to sadness; whining] I'm sorry, sweet Brad. Please forgive me!

Brad:
Don't sweat it, Jen. Hey, I bet you've already started to clear up.

Jenny:
Really? You think so?

Brad:
Sure.

Jenny:
[takes the paper bag off her head] How do I look?

Tiff:
Whatever. You better find some inspiration and fast or we're gonna take our business elsewhere.

Jenny:
[giggling] That tickles. [giggles more]

Brad:
Yeah, they are a little primitive, you'll probably feel better without 'em.

Jenny:
Yeah, you're right. [raises her arm up showing the last of her nerve ending, she touches it; and she laughs]

Don:
What’s your malfunction, lugnuts? If it’s that robot chick you’re after, you can have her! She’s nothing special.

Silver Shell:
You take that back! Take it back!

Don:
What’s the matter, loser? Did I strike a nerve?

Jenny:
[notices the giant fly again] You again? You’ve bugged me for the last time! [activates into a bug zapper as the fly touches it, shocking him and instantly killing him]

Nora:
XJ-9? XJ-9. XJ-9!

Jenny:
[taking off her headphones] Mother, please don't call me that in front of the other robots! It's so embarrassing.

Nora:
But I…

Jenny:
Can't you call me Jenny, just for today?!

Nora:
Yes, but I…

Jenny:
Now, just leave me be until we get to the convention.

Nora:
We are at the convention.

Jenny:
Thanks, Mom! [gets out of the car and dashes off] See you later!

Nora:
XJ-9, wait!

Jenny:
You humans should be ashamed of yourselves. Tormenting harmless robots this way. Be free, little woodland robots.

Raccoon Robot:
Where are we supposed to go?

Jenny:
[darkly] I said…be free.