'Allo 'Allo!, Series 3

[A tailor prepares an outfit for Helga that Herr Flick will find appropriate for the Gestapo Ball]

Herr Flick:
We can't have you going to the Gestapo Ball looking any old how.

[Herr Flick sings the "Traditional Gestapo Dance" set to the tune of "The Hokey Cokey"]

Herr Flick:
You put your left boot in, you put your left boot out! You do a lot of shouting and you shake your fist about. You light a little smokey and you burn down the town, that's what it's all about! [While executing a lopsided turn] heil! Ahhh, Himmler, Himmler, Himmler! [While moving hands up and down]

[Madame Fanny has been spending forged money in the hat shop]

Crabtree:
Good Moaning, I have come to arost your mither.

Yvette:
Arrest her mother? Why, what has she done?

Crabtree:
She has been pissing fudged bank notes in the hit shop.

Edith:
What does Crabtree say, Yvette?

Yvette:
I think he means "she has been passing forged bank notes in the hat shop.

Crabtree:
Presoasly

René (Dressed like Fanny, doing a poor impression of her):
Edith, remind him he is supposed to be on our side.

Crabtree:
Who is the ugly old bog in the bed beside your mother?

Fanny:
I have been asking the same question.

René (takes off his wig):
It is I, Rene.

Crabtree:
My Gid that was a god disgeese, I was complotely decieved by the wog.

René:
Edith, give him 500 francs from the till and tell him to pass off.

Crabtree:
There is no need to be rode.

[Herr Flick's car is flattened by a steam roller driven by Captain Geering]

Herr Flick:
Who has squashed my Gestapo staff car?

Colonel Von Strohm:
It was Captain Geering, Herr Flick.

Captain Geering:
[Nervously] Heil Hilter.

Herr Flick:
This is very serious... The Gestapo is only insured third party.

[Edith has 'shot' the two airmen with Captain Geering's gun, then handed the gun back to him]

Officer Crabtree:
I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty.