Are You Being Served?, Season 7

Young Mr Grace:
[Wearing glasses] I can't find me spectacles, you read it.

Mr Harman:
Uh, yes. Now, this is the oldest. [Points to chest of drawers]

Mr Grace:
The bow front with the short legs?

Mrs Slocombe:
That'll be you, Mr. Goldberg!

Mr Goldberg:
Shh! I want to hear!

Mr Harman:
The top's in very good condition, bit of dry rot in the leg, and the knob's going to fall off! [Mr Goldberg is shocked)

Young Mr Grace:
What about that pretty little piece?

Mrs Slocombe:
That must be you, Miss Brahms.

Mr Lucas:
Well, it certainly won't be you!

Mr Harman:
Outwardly, in very good condition. Unfortunately it's got a screw loose! And the knockers aren't genuine...

Miss Brahms:
[Outraged] Blummin' cheek!!

Mr Harman:
That brings me to this one, here.

Mr Grace:
Oh, the big chest?

Mrs Slocombe:
[Appears uncomfortable]

Mr Harman:
Once used by a lot of soldiers, there was a lot of odd things found in the drawers, which once removed, you could plainly see the ravages of time. Oh, and there's rising damp in the bottom. Now, we come to the pouf.

Mr Humphries:
[Looks embarrassed]

Mr Harman:
Outwardly in very good condition. A bit older than it looks, a bit saggy in the middle, and probably worth hanging onto if you're prepared to have it stuffed!

Mr Humphries:
[Faints, collapses into Peacock's arms]

Mr Humphries:
Oh you're nice aren't you!?

Mrs Slocombe:
Mr Humphries, leave my pussy alone!

Captain Peacock:
Mr. Humphries!

Mr Humphries:
I'm not free! [runs into the women's dressing room]

[Mr. Lucas runs in and carries him over his shoulder]

Mr Humphries:
I thought you had sworn not to harm any living thing: animal, vegetable, or insect!

Mr Lucas:
I didn't say anything about fairy cakes.