Hey Vern, It's Ernest!

Auntie Nelda:
They needed a young beautiful vivacious girl to lead the cheers for Ernest. Check it out buster. Gimmie an E, gimmie a R, gimmie a N, gimmie another E, gimmie an S...(out of breath) Gimmie a break!

Auntie Nelda:
Gimmie a P, gimmie a Z, gimmie a long O, gimmie a dotted I, gimmie a D. Give me an asprin, give me air. Give me more money than the Beatles and I'll continue.

Ernest:
Hey Vern. You're just in time for nap time at the Ernest P. Worrell daycare pet center. I'm going to read 'em a little story. Okay, all you little critters settle in now. "Once upon a time, there was a little dog named Rover who lived in a pet store. And not far away in the same town, there was a person who loved Rover very much. And Rover dreamed about this person every night and this person dreamed about Rover. The only problem was Rover cost a hundred dollars and this person didn't have a hundred dollars so--" Look Vern, they all fell asleep just as I was getting to the good part. Isn't that cute? (starts shouting) "ANYWAY THIS GUY DIDN'T HAVE A HUNDRED DOLLARS! SO HE WENT TO THE PET STORE AND HE TOLD THE MAN..."

[During a spelling bee]

Teacher:
Ernest, your word is Chystantium.

Ernest:
Chystantium. You mean the flower or the car?