Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness, Season 1

[first lines of the series, In the Training Hall, Master Shifu walks into view]

Shifu:
Panda, you're next! Ten seconds to get to the other side unscathed!

Po:
[Begins through the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors; he blocks two of the Warrior's arms] Cat-like reflexes!

Monkey:
[Flies in from the roof] HUAH!

Po:
Monkey?!

[The two briefly battle each other before Monkey gains the upper-hand]

Monkey:
[Stuffs his fingers up Po's nose] Ha ha! Two points for Monkey! [Pulls back his fist] Lights out, Po!

[A brainwashed Monkey throws a boulder behind Po; Po turns around and sees the boulder]

Po:
What are you trying to do?

Monkey:
[Dazed voice] Destroy Po!.

Crane:
[When a sick Tigress keeps sneezing on him] Master Shifu, can we take five so I can go sterilize my beak with hot coals?

Po:
Cat-like reflexes!

Po:
Friends love the sneezy trick!

Po:
I've got a secret weapon: AWESOMENESS!

[Mr. Ping, as "Mr. Clown", is performing a homemade goat puppet to try and entertain Tigress, who is resting in bed and has River Fever]

Mr. Ping:
[As the puppet] Oh, someone has a sad face! What's your name, little girl?

Tigress:
Back away.

Mr. Ping:
[As the puppet] Oh, and would Back Away like a pretty flower?

Tigress:
No.

[While Mr. Ping is trying to cheer Tigress up by posing as "Mr. Clown" and performing a puppet]

Tigress:
Those "flowers" are made out of coupons.

Po:
[Pretending to be sick] Uh-oh! I think I've caught T-- Tigress' cold!

Tigress:
I do not have-- [Puts her fist to her mouth while coughing] --A cold! [Coughs, then frowns]

[Repeated line]

Tigress:
I do not have a cold!

[During an argument between Po and Mei Li]

Mei Li:
How dare you!

Po:
I dare because when I say something's wrong, it's wrong! I don’t care how royal highnessy you are! You are mean, rotten, bossy, bratty, and nobody likes you!

Taotie:
With machinery comes power!

Tigress:
I am not afraid of you!

Po:
Yes you are. Scaredy cat, scaredy cat, scaredy cat!

[A pig hands Taotie a scroll]

Taotie:
Ooh, the mail!

[He rolls out the scroll]

Taotie:
Aha! The Jade Palace! What did I tell you?

[Taotie begins to read the scroll]

Taotie:
A bill? "For the destruction of the Training Hall"?

[He puts down the scroll]

Taotie:
A bill?! [Looks off into the distance] Enough of your petty humiliation, Shifu and friends! I'll make you rue the day you were ever born! Rue, do you hear me?! RUE!!

Bian Zao:
Dad, they're, like, 4 miles away.

Shifu:
[to Po] Behold scrolls 51 to 10,000

Shifu:
The Sacred Scrolls should be read in proper order

Bian Zao:
Seriously how, I need to forget him (his father, Taotie) too. [Taotie looks at his son]

Viper:
Wait, if you expected us to know who you are, you must know who we are

Taotie:
I am Taotie, your, uh... Kung Fu master!

Furious Five:
[Bowing] Master Taotie.

Taotie:
[To Viper] You, you're uh... Noodle. [To Monkey] You're Doodie. [To Mantis] Little Britches. [To Tigress] Whiskers Kitty-poo. [To Crane] And you're, uh, El Storko. [Laughs]

Bian Zao:
[Does a fake cough] Loser. [Taotie looks at his son again after hearing this]

Taotie:
They call me a brilliant genius!

Mantis:
Wasn't this supposed to be about us?

Taotie:
Oh, sorry. But then at the peak of... of my... our glory, there arose a terrible menace. A dark lord of evil known as Shifu...'s-An-Idiot. Yeah, Shifu's-An-Idiot and his nefarious confederate, Po...-Chews-With-His-Mouth-Open.

Bian Zao:
Lame

Taotie:
And although we have defeated them at every turn, Shifu's-An-Idiot and Po keep coming back. By the way, last time we fought those guys, I saved your lives. That's why you should be really nice to me. And then... there was a giant cake with eyes and uh... the end.

Mantis:
I think I remember that cake!

Tong Fo:
What a beautiful day... to be destroying the Jade Palace!

Tong Fo:
My eyes aren't big! I have a small skull! My brain barely fits inside it!

Po:
You... you must be Fenghuang!

Fenghuang:
[Sarcastically] Yes. And you must be 300 pounds.

Po:
No. 290, tops.

Fenghuang:
You're good, Panda. But you can't win.

Po:
Why not?

Fenghuang:
Because I cheat.

Shifu:
Po, the Furious Five have protected the Valley of Peace for thousands of years. How old do you think, say, Tigress is?

Po:
I don't know. 40? Okay, well, less than a hundred, so... so this was another Furious Five.

Shifu:
Yes.

Po:
Okay, but who's that? [points to the female owl, x-ed out]

Shifu:
[sighs] That is Fenghuang. She was the greatest fighter of us all, but she… changed. Over the years, the most powerful of us have all had one thing in common: they've become dark, twisted, villainous. In a word, evil. Po, you are the most powerful.

Po:
Wow, Shifu thanks. I mean, coming from you that means a... wait, what?! So that means, I'm gonna turn evil?!

Po:
Let's get this baby out in the wind!

Po:
Monkey, you don't think I'm going to become dark, twisted, and villainous, do you?

Monkey:
Oh, you heard about Fenghuang?

Po:
How do you know?

Monkey:
Well, they say Fenghuang had very special skills that Oogway recognized and refined. [voice-over during a 2D animated flashback of her training in the training hall under Oogway's supervision] As he trained her, she just got stronger. Until she was the most powerful of the Five, and that's when she started to change. She challenged Oogway to fight, declaring that she would be the master of the Jade Palace. But Oogway had been expecting this. He had built an inescapable owl-shaped cage.

Po:
[voice-over] An owl-shaped cage?

Monkey:
[voice-over] But, he would have to defeat her to get her in it. [Oogway and Fenghuang start engaging in a fight and after that, Fenghuang is left injured] She could not defeat Oogway, but she could run. [Fenghuang flies away, leaving the Jade Palace as Oogway and the old Five watch her; end of 2D animated flashback] There's a rumor she's been up in the Northern Mountains, too afraid of Oogway to return.

Po:
And now everyone thinks that I'm gonna go bad just like she did!

Po:
[To Shifu] I've been wearing these same pants for three days!

Crane:
He smells evil.

Tigress:
That's not new.

Po:
[To the Qidan warriors, referring to Monkey] All right, who threw this?

Po:
Up, kitie, kite, kite--

[Crash]

Po:
ULGGGhhH kite, kittie...

Temutai:
You cannot defeat me!

Po:
I defeated you last time.

Temutai:
Yes, but... I had a head cold!

Po:
[To Fenghuang] What's evil like? Is it tingly? Are my eyebrows gonna go all pointy and I'm gonna get some evil laugh that turns into a cough?! [. . .] What if I end up with a hook and a shaved head?!

[Bad Po enters the Training Hall and shoves Tigress to get her attention]

Bad Po:
Hey, Good Lookin'. What's shakin'?

Tigress:
[Growls furiously]

Bad Po:
[To Tigress] I'm the Dragon Warrior, honey!

Po:
Hey, Dad.

[Mr. Ping squawks loudly; Po frowns]

Mr. Ping:
How could you treat me like this?!

Po:
What?!

[Mr. Ping walks away, disappointed]

Mr. Ping:
Junjie is holding Shifu prisoner, and Po went the Jade Palace to rescue him, all alone. You have to help him.

Tigress:
[wearing bunny ears] Ha, help Po? After what he did? Are you serious?

Mr. Ping:
Would you mind taking off those ears?

Crane:
He probably just made that up about Shifu. I mean, Junjie is a Shaolin master.

Mr. Ping:
[grabs Crane by the beak and pulls him down to his face; seriously] Listen to me, limp-beak! My son may be not perfect. He may be big and loud and clumsy and annoying and impatient and hot-headed and...where...where am I going with this?

Oogway:
[Smiling] Awesome.

[He then ascends back to the Heavens]

Junjie:
No, you fools! Not Oogway!

Junjie:
What a nitwit! With Shifu gone and me pulling the string with my little puppet Po, I'll finally rule the Jade Palace! [Chuckles to himself]

Shifu:
[To Po] You are now demonstrating your new skills with the Tri Bo Yao.

Junjie:
[To Master Shifu as he fights him] I am your master now!

Po:
You don't deserve to rule the Jade Palace, Junjie!

Junjie:
[Pushing down on Po's nose] It's you who can't rule, Panda!

Po:
No kidding, but I'm not a disgrace to the name of Oogway!

Junjie:
Luckily, he's not here to see this!

Shifu:
What's your name, son?

Peng:
Peng. The name is Peng.

Shifu:
[To Master Yao] Get your hands off this flawless speciman of Kung Fu perfection!