Recess, Season 2

[Prickly, hypnotized into thinking he's 6 years old, runs wild through the playground, and pulls Spinelli's hat down over her eyes]

Spinelli:
...Did he just do what I think he did?

Mikey:
Yup.

Spinelli:
[She screams to show her reaction; she tries to run after Prickly, but gets grabbed by Mikey] LET ME AT 'IM! LET ME AT 'IM!

T.J.:
[shocked as Miss Grotke gives him a C-minus grade on his book report] C-minus?! Hey, no fair, Miss Grotke.

Miss Grotke:
I'm sorry, T.J., but a roller coaster ride I couldn't put down, is not a book report. It's a cover blurb.

T.J.:
Oops. [chuckles awkwardly]

Spinelli:
Look out, MAMAAAAA!

[As she runs away, Spinelli slows down and looks at the sidewalk; she examines and takes notice at the neon sign that says "Manny Matt's Grill" on the window. As she is still looking, the letters of the sign blew off and began to say what each word says when some letters are blew off.]

Spinelli:
"Ma, Ma's, Gr ll...?" [closes her eyes and covers her ears, having a frustrated expression on her face; feels the world mocking her, and begins to exclaim a powerful scream to show her reaction] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [While screaming, she turns around and consumes the camera as the German Sheppard dog still repeatedly shouts, "Mama's girl!" The scene ends with a black screen, in which her throat is already zoomed in, stopping the scream and ending the scene]

Gus:
Uh, sorry, guys. I guess this wasn't the best time for me to practice my cursive.

[T.J. and friends see Gretchen approaching them in a big box]

T.J.:
Gretchen, is that you?

Gretchen:
T.J.? [bumps into the fence]

[Ajimbo has turned everyone into zombies who try to force the game onto T.J.]

T.J.:
No! I won't give in. I won't let this thing beat me!

Mikey:
[zombielike] It's no use, T.J. Eventually you will join us.

Gus:
Gosh! Who'd have thought? Little Belgium winning over big Germany!

Lt. Griswald:
Winning? Ha! They got the stuffing kicked out of them!

Gus:
I guess I lost the battle, sir.

Lt. Griswald:
Yes, but it looks like you won the war.

Principal Prickly:
[shouting] Not only is my reputation as an educator on the line but also my reputation as a man! So get out there and win, I tell you, win! [Kids stare at him] Oh, and have fun.

Gretchen:
Repeat after me. The rain...

Kindergartener:
The wain...

Gretchen:
In Spain...

Kindergartener:
In Pain...

Gretchen:
Falls mainly in the moist temperate zone northwest of the Pyranees mountains.

Kindergartener:
Bloobidy bloo bloo bloo!

Mr. E:
That information comes at a terrible price. Are you willing to pay it?

[Phil shrinks back into his seat]

Gretchen:
Mr. E, I hope the fact that the government has quashed my research won't hurt my final grade.

Mr. E:
It happens, Grundler. Count on an A.

T.J.:
Say, Mr. E., there's something that's been bugging me: could you tell me what the E stands for?

Mr. E:
No.

T.J.:
You are so cool!

Mikey:
I just don't get it? Why would the chicken wanna make us think he taste good? Doesn't he know what happens to tasty chickens?

Gretchen:
Well, excuse me! For once in my life I'm good at a real sport! A sport with trophies! It's important to me, okay?! More important than any science fair, quiz bowl, or chess tournament I've ever been in! If you guys can't support me, then so-rry!

Vince:
Man, someone must be in big trouble. Finster hasn't canceled recess since Billy Stoler short-sheeted her support hose.

T.J.:
She was limping for three days.

Randall:
[as Miss Finster appears; through megaphone] Ten-hut!

[The kids all line-up]

Miss Finster:
This week, we've since a crime wave unparalleled in Third Street history. Someone on this playground is responsible for breaching nearly every rule he hold sacred.

Mikey:
Even the cannibalism taboo?

Miss Finster:
Evidence connects a single mastermind with these crimes. One kid who's done it all. Written graffiti, mocking the faculty, de-faced restrooms, stolen food from the cafeteria, and made a complete mess of the mess area! This someone will be going directly to Principal Prickly's office. This someone will receive severe punishment befitting these atrocities. This someone… is Gretchen P. Grundler!

[The kids all gasp in shock at Gretchen]

T.J.:
Miss Finster, Gretchen's the best kid in school!

Vince:
Yeah, you're making a terrible mistake!

Spinelli:
Tell her, Gretchen!

Gretchen:
No, guys, she's right. Take me away, Miss Finster.

T.J.:
Gretchen, what are you saying?

Gretchen:
Don't worry yourself over me anymore, T.J. I'm nothing but trouble.

[The episode's title appears]

Miss Finster:
March, young lady!

T.J.:
Gretchen gone bad? It can't be!

Mikey:
Down is up, black is white and the Millennium approaches!

[Miss Finster escorts Gretchen into the school and to Principal Prickly's office]

Gretchen:
[narrating] I know what you're asking. How did it happen? How did Gretchen Grundler, straight-A student end up taking the long walk to the principal's office? It's a story as long as a line had gone so old, but without the free refills.

Ms. Lemon:
[typing her typewriter] We've been expecting you, Grundler. Take a seat, Principal Prickly will be with you in a moment.

[Gretchen takes a seat next to Sue Bob Murphy]

Sue Bob:
Well, well, if it ain't Goody-Two-Shoes Grundler. What'd you do, Grundler, get too many A's?

Gretchen:
I'm not in the mood, Murphy.

Gretchen:
It all started about a week ago on my birthday. [Flashback story beings on her birthday; narrating] It was a great day. My favorite Uncle George gave me the best gift I ever got. A Galileo handheld personal computer. Galileo was a dream come true. A powerful multi-function PC that fit in the palm of my hand. It had sixteen megabytes of RAM, internet access, and cute howdy froggy desktop icons that made computing fun.

Galileo:
Hey, Gretchen, don't look now but, you've got mail.

Vince:
Whoa, that thing talks!

Galileo:
Don't feel threatened, Vince. Computers are only as smart as the humans who programmed them.

Gretchen:
[narrating] That's right, I loved a machine. Like a sister or kind uncle. Maybe it's sick, maybe it's twisted. But love it, I did. Then one day, everything changed.

Gus:
I looked in Miss Grotke's class.

Vince:
And I checked the P.E. room. Nothing.

Gretchen:
This is a nightmare!

T.J.:
Let's go over this again. You asked the diggers, you talked to the Ashleys, you checked the Lost and Found... [Gretchen's eyes widen open] You did check the Lost and Found, didn't you?

[Gretchen gets up from the swing and quickly runs to the Lost and Found]

Mikey:
I guess that was a no.

Gretchen:
The Lost and Found box, Menlo. I need to see it, now!

Menlo:
That's not the way it works. You tell me what you lost, and I'll tell you if it's in the box. Those are the rules.

Gretchen:
[sighs] One Galileo handheld PC Model G55 serial number 76502.

Menlo:
Oh yeah, [brings out the box] spiffy little piece of tech. 300 meg chip, voice activated control, cellular email.

Gretchen:
Yes, yes, that's it, is it in there?

Menlo:
Nope, I just like asking. I do remember seeing something like that.

Gretchen:
Where?

Menlo:
I don't know. My memory's a little hazy.

Gretchen:
[grabs and pulls him by the collar; sharply] Out with it!

Menlo:
OK! OK! Just don't hurt me. Yesterday at recess, I was…

Gretchen:
[narrating] Menlo sang like an old guy in the shower when nobody's home. He told me who had Galileo. It was Greg Skeets, the graffiti kid, guy who couldn't spell "computer," much less use one. Menlo told me where to find him. I don't make it a habit to slum in the Third Street School underworld. But if I wanted Galileo back, I had to hold my nose and plunge in.

Mundy:
Wow, you smart kids know some important stuff after all.

Gretchen:
Now what about your end of the bargain?

Mundy:
I, uh, traded your thingamajig to Kirsten Kurst for a bite of her pizza.

Gretchen:
[shocked] You mean, Kurst the Worst? [narrating] Skeets and Mundy were one thing, but Kurst… she was a force of danger.

Gretchen:
[enters the cafeteria and finds Kurst in the kitchen, eating all the food from the fridge; fiercely] Kurst! I want my Galileo computer! I know Mundy gave it to you and I want it back!

Kurst:
That piece of junk? I traded it. You can't eat a copy thingy. Now butt off! I'm about to enjoy an all-I-can-eat buffet, courtesy of Third Street School.

Gretchen:
But, but-

Kurst:
You heard me, blow! Go on, dangle!

Gretchen:
[narrating] Maybe I should've just turned around and walked away. Maybe I should've gone to the authorities and let the system do its job. Maybe I should've done a lot things, but I didn't. Before I knew it hit me, something inside me snapped. [shouting infuriated] KURST!!! I WANT MY GALILEO, AND I WANT IT NOW!

Kurst:
Oh, you do, do ya? Well, that's too bad, 'cause I handed it over to Señor Pudding!

[Krust and Gretchen start throwing food to each other; fade back to the present]

Gretchen:
I got Kirsten Kurst a couple of times, then she blindsided me with a bowl of tapioca. When I came to my senses, she was gone. I managed to sneak out of there, unseen, but by the time I was done wiping pudding out of my hair, Finster was all over me like a pig on sorbet.

Sue Bob:
But I don't get it. How'd Finster finger you?

Ms. Lemon:
It was wasn't so tough, girly. Gretchen here, left a trail of clues a mile wide. "Nefarious" happens to be the word she won last year's spelling bee with. The viscosity of liquid soap was the subject of her blue ribbon science fair project, and finally, here's a tissue, for Pete's sake, you missed a spot of tapioca on your glasses. Oh, you're smart, Grundler, but it's all book and no street. [laughs]

Gretchen:
[takes off her glasses and wipes the tapioca spot with the tissue] Anyway, I guess you could say I got what's coming to me.

Ms. Lemon:
[answers the phone] Yes, sir? I see. [hangs up] Okay, Grundler. He'll see you now.

Gretchen:
[gets up, then to Sue Bob] Wish me luck. [enters Principal Prickly's office]

Principal Prickly:
Well, well, Miss Grundler, you're the last person I would've expected to go rotten, but facts speak for themselves. As much as it pains me, I'm afraid I must lower the boom on you.

Gretchen:
I understand, sir.

Gretchen:
[narrating] It was a crazy end to a crazy story. Principal Prickly got so interested in what I was showing him on his computer and forgot about taking away my recess, though I did have to clean up the messes. Still, I got Galileo back, I survived my sore journey through the Underworld. And I’m never going back there again.

King Bob:
So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

King Bob:
I just wanted to be remembered.

Gretchen:
I know Bob. But the thing is great leaders aren't remembered for the things they build. They're remembered for the things they do.

T.J.:
Level 5? Man, this whomps!

Principal Prickly:
Make that level 6! Ready to push me any further!?!?!

Gretchen:
Everyone either works for you or just stands around and does nothing.

T.J.:
Good point. Gus, start charging kids for standing around. We'll call it a loitering fee.

T.J.:
I don't need anyone! I'm a self-made boy! I'm king of the world!

Ashley A.:
Like, these are the entry forms for the official kiddie cosmetics “Little Miss Blush” beauty contest.

Ashley Q.:
Pageants, nature’s way of pointing out perfection.

Ashley A.:
I’m totally sure an Ashley would take the crown this year. So fill out your entry forms and take them please and dazzle em'...

Spinelli:
[off screen] Like totally special delivery!