Animaniacs, Season 3

[After "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy Op. 71 a Andante ma non troppo" from "The Nutcracker Suite" leaves both Slappy and Skippy dazed...]

Slappy:
Hold it! Stop the music there! [the music stops] What's with the sappy music and the dancing? I don't do pathos and I can't dance, don't ask me. [to Charlton Woodchuck] Wait a minute. You look familiar. Unappealing, but familiar.

Skippy:
Aunt Slappy, that's the director, Charlton Woodchuck.

Slappy:
BAYNARTS! [slaps him on the back] What're you doin' here, you ol' son of a hack?

Charlton:
It's "Charlton". It's written in my contract that when I was old enough, I would get to direct.

Slappy:
Yeah, Skippy has the same deal.

Skippy:
[dressed like Steven Spielberg] Love you, babe, but we're losing our light.

Slappy:
[taps the script] What's with six minutes of opening a walnut?

Charlton:
Don't you see? It's a parable about man against nature. The nut represents the struggle to achieve our goals.

Slappy:
[tears up the script] There! My goal is achieved!

Charlton:
[sighs] Let me put it this way, Sloppy.

Slappy:
It's "Slappy", Baynarts!

Charlton:
That's "Charlton". Either you do this script, or you don't get paid.

[Slappy goes nose to nose with Charlton, glaring... then grins winningly, complete with cash register sound]

Slappy:
Hit it, maestro!

[At the end of the cartoon, after finally getting the shell to open...]

Slappy:
Hey, von Stroheim! There's no nut inside this shell!

Charlton:
Yes, exactly, it's the emptiness of our existence! That's symbolism, that's metaphor!

Slappy:
Yeah, but that's not comedy! [stuffs Charlton into the nutshell] Now there's a nut inside!

Skippy:
Now that's comedy!

Slappy:
You're adorable, but that's my line!

Yakko:
Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?

[The Warners were in the bathtub. Dot screams]

Wakko:
Uh oh! I feel a bubble coming on!

Slappy:
Go away!

Slappy:
[seeing three Skippys] Well, if it isn't Huey, Dewey and Louie. I haven't seen you guys since Daisy Duck's bat mitzvah.

Yakko:
Wait! Zaire!

[after Yakko sang All the Words in the English Language]

Dot:
He did it! Yakko Warner has just sung all the words in the English language!

Dick:
Hey, congratulations, Yakko!

Yakko:
[gets ready to stand up] Thanks, Dick.

Dick:
Join us next time, when Yakko Warner will sing all of the numbers above zero. Good night!

[Upon hearing this, Yakko bulges his eyes and faints]

Yakko:
Tell us, where did you last see your boss?

Hello Nurse:
In the Mambo Room at the Tropicombo Club. A band was playing Latin dance music. I was with the doctor, he mumbled something. The band had a big dumb guy playing drums and everyone was dancing under a pole, then the doctor vanished.

Yakko:
Now, lemme get this straight: He muttered some mumbo-jumbo during the Combo Samba in the Mambo at the Tropicombo. Then there was a jumbo dumbo playing the limbo on the bongos and then he was gone?

Hello Nurse:
That is absolutely correct!

[A You Bet Your Life-style fanfare plays]

Yakko:
Tell her what she's won!

Wakko:
Another date with me!

Hello Nurse:
How come I always get the booby prize?

Dot:
I'm not touching that one!

Yakko:
So sister, what's your story?

Dot:
Well, I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show, my mama used to dance for the money they'd throw. Papa would do what...

Yakko:
Not you! Her!

Bette Midler:
[bursting through the door, singing] It's only one eye, but it's open!

Yakko:
No, not you either. HER!

Dot:
You said sister!

Yakko:
All he-man detectives call women 'Sister' in the politically unaware decades preceding Women's Liberation. [to Hello Nurse] So sister [to Dot] who's really not my sister but I'm just CALLING sister...

Hello Nurse:
I claim this statue in the name of Gulf and Western.

Minerva Mink:
I claim it in the name of Rupert Murdoch.

Ralph:
Uh, by gad, sir. I claim it in the name of Matsu... I mean, Mateshootie... uh... for Seagram's.

Yakko:
Ah, I've got it. The mink is working for Fox, the pair of legs is working for Paramount, and the guy who needs rehearsal's working for Universal!

Dot:
[dryly] Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Yakko:
Now about our fee.

Hello Nurse:
I'm prepared to pay well.

Yakko:
Fine. We only ask one thing.

Hello Nurse:
What's that?

Yakko:
Never put us on opposite '60 Minutes'; we'll get creamed.

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
As you know, when nature calls, you have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello. I got your message. I've got a package for you.".

Censor:
We want no kissing in these cartoons, and entirely no lewd behavior and attire [points at Googy] like that outfit for instance take it off this instant! [Googy reacts in embarrassment]

The Warners:
[singing about Googy] The censors all protest, 'cuz she's practically undressed, the cartoon vamp.

Dot:
She's a tramp!

Yakko and Wakko:
Hello Googy!

Yakko:
[about the Fleischer animation that brings all inanimate objects to life] This is going to be the most frightening six minutes of our lives.

Runt:
Rita, look. It’s an oasis!

Rita:
Just be quiet, or they’ll chase us.

Runt:
I’m hot, Rita. Definitely, definitely hot.

Slappy:
[wearing a coach's hat] I'd like to say how very happy I am to be here. I'd also like to be stuck on a deserted island with Morey Amsterdam. But I'm not. I didn't ask for this job, and in fact, i'm missin' a Ricki Lake episode, I'm talkin' sacrifice here! Actually, I'm doin' it for my nephew Skippy.

Skippy:
[hugs Slappy] You're the greatest, Aunt Slappy!

Slappy:
Coachin' does have it's small rewards.