Beetlejuice

Lydia:
(miserably) No one understands me.

Beetlejuice:
What am I garbage?

Lydia:
(smiles) You wish!

Lydia:
(after arriving to Tombstone, Scarazona) I Love this town! Does it have a saloon?

Beetlejuice:
(in Western Clothes) Not in this time slot, babes!

Bully the Crud:
(after Beetlejuice stops his "wedding" to Lydia) Nobody cuts off MY nuptuals and gets away with it!!!

[When Lydia and Beetlejuice are laughing after he successfully pranked Claire Brewster.]

Lydia:
Beetlejuice, you're terrible!

Beetlejuice:
Awww, thanks, babes!

Bertha:
Hey, where's Betty?

Lydia:
She had to leave. Her mother was calling her.

Bertha:
Calling her what? (Bertha and Prudence snicker.)

[When Lydia wishes she had a car]

Lydia:
In the Neitherworld I could drive myself crazy.

Beetlejuice:
In the Neitherworld you can drive us both crazy... of course for me it's a much shorter trip!

[When Lydia has to go on vacation with her parents]

Lydia:
(hugs him) Oh, Beetlejuice! If we can't be together this summer, I'll scream!

Beetlejuice:
Scream anyway, babes. I like having that effect on people!

[When Claire is making a speech to run for class president.]

Bertha:
Did you hear that? She called us creepy!

Betty Juice:
I don't care how much she flatters us. She's not getting my vote!

[When Beetlejuice pranked Lydia's parents after he promised he wouldn't anymore]

Beetlejuice:
Ah, what's so important about keeping a... uh... what'd you call it again?

Lydia:
(furious) A PROMISE! And it's important to me! Beetlejuice, I want you to say you're sorry.

Beetlejuice:
You're sorry.

Lydia:
Beetlejuice! Just say it!

Beetlejuice:
It.

Beetlejuice:
(to the audience) Rules, there ought to be a law against 'em.

Goody Two Shoes:
And another thing, Mr. Beetlejuice... NO TALKING TO CAMERA!

[When Goody Two Shoes has made the Neitherworld a sickly sweet place.]

Lydia:
It's like we're trapped in some... nightmare!!

(She, Beetlejuice, Jacques and Ginger scream in horror)

Beetlejuice:
WAIT A MINUTE! I forget, what're we screaming for again?

(Everyone looks down at their horrible cutesy clothes.)

Beetlejuice:
Oh... yeah. YAAARRGGGHHHH!

[When Beetlejuice temporarily lived with the Deetzs' disguised as a dog.]

Lydia:
Thanks for being Mom's best friends for a while.

Beetlejuice:
Hey, she's the only one that's ever spent all night looking for me... who wasn't a police officer!

TruAnt Officer:
Your licence to drive people crazy is hereby suspended.

Beetlejuice:
On what grounds?

TruAnt Officer:
On the grounds that you NEVER FINISHED SCHOOL!!!!!!

Beetlejuice:
Oh. School grounds.

Lydia:
(laughing) Oh, Beetlejuice. You always know how to crack me up!

Beetlejuice:
Yeah, I always bring down the house.

[When Beetlejuice and Lydia disguise themselves as witches]

Lydia:
How do I look?

Beetlejuice:
Fabulously freaky, I must say! And how about moi?

Lydia:
(laughing) Gorgeously ghastly!

[Lydia receives a phone call from the Neither World.]

Neither World Operator:
This is the Neither World Operator. I have an emergency call from a Mr. Beetlejuice. Will you accept the charge?

Lydia:
Yes, Operator. I'll accept the charge.

[She screams as she receives an electrical shock.]

Neither World Operator:
Now that that's out of the way, will you also pay for the call?

Lydia:
YES!!

[When Lydia is forced to join the Happy Face Girls]

Lydia:
(miserably) Tell me the truth, Beetlejuice. How do I look?

Beetlejuice:
You look pretty as a picture, neat as a pin, cute as a button, soooo there! (Bursts out laughing.)

Lydia:
(annoyed) That's right, go ahead and laugh.

Beetlejuice:
Ok. (Falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)

Beetlejuice's father:
Junior! When are you gonna get a job?

Beetlejuice:
I have a job, Pops. I'm a waiter... I wait around for people to gimme their money!

[When Lydia tries to stop Beetlejuice hurting a monster, who initially kidnapped Lydia until she made friends with it.]

Beetlejuice:
Don't worry, Babes! I'll save you from that overgrown zoo exhibit!

Lydia:
Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice:
Don't try to talk, Lyds. Save your strength!

Lydia:
Thing Thong is my friend.

Beetlejuice:
Oh, no, she's delerious.

Lydia:
Beetlejuice, I'm perfectly fine! And he's definitely my friend!

Beetlejuice:
Friend?! That ugly thing?!

Lydia:
He's not ugly, he's beautiful!

Beetlejuice:
I don't get it, Lyds. You see something beautiful?

Lydia:
Well... I think you're beautiful.

Beetlejuice:
(Disgusted) YUCK! EURGH! YUCK! (Big eyes) D'you really think so?

Lydia:
Uh-huh.

Beetlejuice:
YUCK! EURGH!

Lydia:
Locked deep in Goody's self conscious is this need to correct, to adjust, to regulate.

Beetlejuice:
Er, babes, you're psychoanalysing the antagonist again.

[When Lydia decides it's safer for Beetlejuice to watch the stage show from the Neither World after she accidently sends him there.]

Lydia:
Sorry, Beetlejuice.

Claire:
(Overhearing) Beetlejuice?!

Beetlejuice:
That's my name! Go ahead! Wear it out! Wear it out!

Claire:
That is the most disgusting word I've ever heard! Beetlejuice?!

Beetlejuice:
Now say it one more time, ya stuck up little ham!

Claire:
Eurgh, only Lydia could come up with something as totally gross as... as...

Beetlejuice:
SAY IT!!

Claire:
... Beetlejuice...

Beetlejuice:
(emerging into the real world) It's show time!

[When Uncle Clyde is doing ventriloquism.]

Uncle Clyde:
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Beetlejuice:
(to Lydia) This guy oughta throw his voice... out!

(Uses his magic on the dummy and his voice comes out of it.)

Dummy:
(with Beetlejuice's voice) Wanna know why the chicken crossed the road? COZ HE WAS PINNED TO THE PUNK ROCKER'S EAR! THAT'S WHY!

[When Lydia's family are dancing to music.]

Lydia:
They look like they're having fun, but it's just your magic.

Beetlejuice:
That's how much you know, babes. I stopped using my magic twenty seconds ago.

Beetlejuice:
Your relatives sure are a bunch of wakkos!

Lydia:
I'd like to meet some of your wakko relatives! Your parents have got to be totally freaky and gross!

Beetlejuice:
I wish! My Mom and Dad are so dull their pictures are in the Neitherworld dictionary... next to the word 'boring'!

[When Lydia, Bertha, Prudence and Beetlejuice- as Betty Juice are preparing for their rock band.]

Lydia:
(to Prudence) First, I'll tease your hair.

Beetlejuice:
Let me tease it, Lyds. Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah! You call yourself hair! You look more like a red hat!

[When Beetlejuice pops out of Lydia's desk drawer as a jack-in-the box.]

Beetlejuice:
Pop goes the beetle! (Laughs.)

Lydia:
(Yawns) Really, Beetlejuice. This Scary Fools Day stuff is so childish... good thing I'm still a child.

[When Lydia dresses as a Sandworm in attempt to scare Beetlejuice.]

Beetlejuice:
Nice try, Lyds! I'll give you an Eeeeee, for 'effort'!

Lydia:
Humph! I have not yet begun to fright!

Beetlejuice:
You could let me move back into that filthy dump you live in.

Ginger:
But ya gotta promise to stop being a good neighbour.

Beetlejuice:
Neighbours! I'm home!

Jacques:
Oui, oui. Stop trying to be something you are not. Just be your old tummy-turning self.

[When Merlin challenges Beetlejuice to a jousting tournament.]

Beetlejuice:
A joust? A joust? Surely you jest. It would be an unjust gesture for a jester to joust. A jester just jests. Get the gist?

Merlin:
Only just...

[When Beetlejuice is running for Mayor.]

Beetlejuice:
And unlike my opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront that I won't keep any of my promises!

Spooky:
Why does everyone think I'm spooky?

Beetlejuice:
Ah, humans are the weirdest people. Most of them think I'm spooky too.

Spooky:
Really? I guess they just don't see you as the generous, tender-hearted being you are.

Beetlejuice:
No need to insult me, bark face.

Lydia:
Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice:
Lyds! This is no time to panic!

Lydia:
Then when is?!

Beetlejuice:
..... NOW!!

Beetlejuice:
It's showtime!

Beetlejuice:
Hi, how are ya?

Beetlejuice:
Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me.

Beetlejuice:
(Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!

Beetlejuice:
(After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!

Beetlejuice:
I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!

Beetlejuice:
It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!

Beetlejuice:
Don't ya hate it when that happens?

Beetlejuice:
The last laugh, you know I love it!

Beetlejuice:
Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!

Beetlejuice:
Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!

Beetlejuice:
If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!

Beetlejuice:
(asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!

Beetlejuice:
Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!

Beetlejuice:
Now here's something you don't see everyday.

Beetlejuice:
So long, suckers!

Beetlejuice:
Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs.

Beetlejuice:
Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later.

Beetlejuice:
So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball.

Beetlejuice:
Responsibility, you know I hate it!

Beetlejuice:
Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…

Beetlejuice:
NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!

Beetlejuice:
Check this out... a mid-summer night scream.

Beetlejuice:
Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up.

Beetlejuice:
She's got to be outta my mind by now.

Beetlejuice:
Hey, they can't keep us apart.

Beetlejuice:
Got you, babes!

Beetlejuice:
Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me.

Beetlejuice:
Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!

Beetlejuice:
What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?

Beetlejuice:
Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!

Beetlejuice:
SANDWORM!

Beetlejuice:
Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!

Beetlejuice:
When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!

Beetlejuice:
NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)

Beetlejuice:
HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)

Beetlejuice:
We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!

Beetlejuice:
Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)

Beetlejuice:
I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!

Beetlejuice:
(to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite.

Beetlejuice:
Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh..

Lydia Deetz:
Deadly Vu!

Lydia Deetz:
Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!

Lydia Deetz:
Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?

Lydia Deetz:
(referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!

Lydia Deetz:
Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?

Lydia Deetz:
I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it.

Lydia Deetz:
Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ.

Lydia Deetz:
They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!

Lydia Deetz:
They say 'practice makes pukey'!

Lydia Deetz:
Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!

Lydia Deetz:
Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree.

Lydia Deetz:
Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep... thank goodness.

Lydia Deetz:
That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!

Lydia Deetz:
Miss Shannon, can I be excused?

Lydia Deetz:
Beetlejuice, have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?

Lydia Deetz:
Romeo, don't step on my spiders!

Lydia Deetz:
I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
You like it!

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
Don't be ridiculous, Charles!

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused.

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man.

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman.

Delia "Mama" Deetz:
Well, pay the man, Charles.

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
What is that thing?

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
Lydia, dinner!

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
Lydia, go to your room, right now!

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
Sweety, I'm home.

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
Being nervous makes me nervous!

Charles "Chuck" Deetz:
It's the whole darn town!

Mr. Monitor:
Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!

Mr. Monitor:
Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!

Mr. Monitor:
Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings.

Mr. Monitor:
All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!

Bartholomew Batt:
Yuk! That's Disgustin'!

Bartholomew Batt:
Did I win or did I lose?

Bartholomew Batt:
Nyah - ha - ha - haa!

Bartholomew Batt:
Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!

Bartholomew Batt:
That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head.

Little Miss Warden:
That wasn't very cute!

Little Miss Warden:
Wanna buy some cookies!

Little Miss Warden:
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Doomie:
Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jacques Lalean:
Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?

Jacques Lalean:
Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!

Jacques Lalean:
Sacre Bleu!

Jacques Lalean:
Alouette jogging Alouette...

Jacques Lalean:
Are you Beeeeetlejuice?

Jacques Lalean:
It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth.

Scuzzo the Clown:
Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?

Scuzzo the Clown:
Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?

Scuzzo the Clown:
Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!

Scuzzo the Clown:
Food fight!

Scuzzo the Clown:
Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Scuzzo the Clown:
Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!

Lipscum:
What is your favourite color? Tell me!

Lipscum:
Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?

Lipscum:
What is your name? Answer me!

Lipscum:
Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!

Lipscum:
Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?

Captain Kidder:
Ba dum-bum!

Captain Kidder:
Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed.

Captain Kidder:
Cross the river bridge, mate.

Prudence/Prune:
What do you mean the library's closed?

Prudence/Prune:
That's not funny, Claire.

Prudence/Prune:
Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?

Prudence/Prune:
You're getting dangerous, kid!

Prudence/Prune:
But Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette.

Prudence/Prune:
Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good.

Prudence/Prune:
I've always wanted to be a rock star!

Prudence/Prune:
Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework.

Claire Brewster:
Looks like the best girl won, honey.

Claire Brewster:
I am going to get that Lydia Deetz.

Claire Brewster:
Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!

Claire Brewster:
Shut up! I am not a sore loser.

Claire Brewster:
Well, you can find yourself another Julia.

Claire Brewster:
Like, aren't I just the most?

Claire Brewster:
What kind of a name is BEETLEJUICE?

Claire Brewster:
I mean, really have you ever heard of such a ridiculous name as Beetlejuice?

Claire Brewster:
Like, thanks for the invitation, Lydia. Perhaps the ingroup and I will drop by your party early, for a good laugh.

Claire Brewster:
Anyone who isn't in your group.

Percy:
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!

Miss Shannon:
All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten.

Miss Shannon:
Can I help you, Prudence?

Miss Shannon:
Now off to your classes, ladies.

Miss Shannon:
I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night.

Miss Shannon:
Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell.

Miss Shannon:
How improper.

Miss Shannon:
Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends.

Judge Mental:
Beetleguts! You're fired!

Judge Mental:
Would you please stand on that X over there?

Judge Mental:
Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!

Judge Mental:
What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever.

Judge Mental:
If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!

Bertha/Burp:
Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!

Bertha/Burp:
What's so funny?!

Bertha/Burp:
Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!

Bertha/Burp:
Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party.

Bertha/Burp:
Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?

Bertha/Burp:
Put a sock in it, you idiot!

Bertha/Burp:
Is there anything new other than comic books?

Bertha/Burp:
Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage.