Blue Heelers, Season 10 (2003)

PJ:
Best excuse of the days wins.

Jo:
I cant believe the boss would dob me in like that.

Ben:
Ohh he just said that you and Falcon-Price were being competitive...

Jo:
Russell, was being a complete jerk. Talk about win at all costs. I just, tried to cut him down to size a little bit.

PJ:
By cutting the rope on the raft?

Jo:
It wasn't as if it was going to hurt anybody. I guess you've um, heard about the rest...

PJ:
Do go on.

(Inspector Falcon-Price get's into bed and goes to pull the sheets up)

Falcon-Price:
Alright, who short-sheeted my bed?

(Everyone is sitting inside around a fire. Inspector Falcon-Price takes a sip of his coffee and spits it out straight away)

Falcon-Price:
Who salted the sugar?

(Jo is on the top bunk giggling into her coffee and covering her mouth with her hand)

(Inspector Falcon-Price sit's on his bed and falls straight through to the floor)

Falcon-Price:
Oomph

(Jo is laying on her own bed and starts laughing uncontrollably into her pillow)

[PJ walks in on Jo hugging Jonesy.]

PJ:
Is this the start of a new relationship or just comfort from a friend?

Jonesy:
Just comfort.

Jo:
Thanks mate.

PJ:
In that case, I think it's my job.

PJ:
I'm saying I love you.

Chris:
What about a board?

Jo:
What? To hit PJ over the head with?

Chris:
No, under the mattress. My father used to swear by a board. Actually, the wardrobe door of room 7 would do fine.

PJ:
How much?

Chris:
For you, PJ, nothing.

PJ:
Speaking my language.

PJ:
Careful, Boss. Your chauvinism is showing.

Tess:
Of course, because we all know that every pregnant woman is capable of murder.

Tess:
Do you want to have a look?

Jonesy:
Thought you'd never ask.

[Jonesy enters Tess' ultrasound.]

Doctor:
I'm sorry, I didn't realise.

Jonesy:
What?

Doctor:
That you were the father.

Jonesy:
No, we're just good friends.

Doctor:
Do you want to know the sex of the baby?

Jonesy:
Yes.

Tess:
No.

Jonesy:
Nah...

Tess:
Print him out a copy if he wants. He can frame it.

Jonesy:
I guess it's a shame we're not more like seahorses.

Tess:
Seahorses?!

Jonesy:
Yeah. It's the male that gets pregnant.

Tess:
Probably the only male anything that knows what it's like to be dismissed as an eratic, hormonal half-wit every time it opens it's mouth.

Ben:
Mate, you can't reason with pregnant women, they're stubborn for two.

Jonesy:
Don't call me pal, mate.

Calvin:
Don't call me mate, pal.

PJ:
She called me a bastard.

Ben:
She pays, she chooses.

PJ:
She wants pineapple on the pizza.

Ben:
Well we'll get our own pizza.

[PJ thinks Jo has just hung up on him. The phone rings.]

PJ:
Oh? Over our little hissy fit, are we...oh, it's Senior Detective Hasham...

Brad:
Squeeze the trigger, you'd be doing me a favour.