Blue Heelers, Season 1 (1994)

Maggie:
I want to be a very good cop and sometimes I push a bit too hard.

PJ:
I'll, uh, take this one Nick.

Nick:
Just make sure she's not married this time, mate.

Roz:
I know the face. I tore it up once.

PJ:
If you want respect, then show me you can get a girl without going the knuckle on her.

Chris:
Whose your dad going to kill and why the hell should I stop him?

Maggie:
Where I come from, uniforms don't mix much with plain clothes.

Tom:
I won't call you girlie, if you don't call me Sergeant. My men...people call me boss.

Tom:
You shot Doherty's dog?

Tom:
Holes in the four-wheel drive?

Nick:
Your report's going to look like a telephone book.

Man:
Bloody Blue Heelers.

Wayne:
Maggie bloody Doyle!

Maggie:
I just had this conversation with your wife!

Wayne:
Which conversation?

Maggie:
This conversation!

Maggie:
This is a real fun town, this.

PJ:
Yes, it is! So, cheers!

Wayne:
Til death do us part does not refer to someone else's death! Besides, they say you get used to it...No you don't. Not to that you don't.

Tom:
You saying I'm racist as well as sexist now, Constable Doyle?

Wayne:
Times are changing, Boss.

Tom:
Not in this station.

Roz:
You're a bastard.

PJ:
An attractive bastard.

Roz:
A conceited bastard.

PJ:
Search warrants are for searching, we're tidying up.

Roz:
Bloody Blue Heelers.

Nick:
You want your licence back and I want my wife and kid back.

Maggie:
Break in, don't do any damage.

Wayne:
Take a good look around, but don't touch anything? Is that the same thing as break in, but don't do any damage?

Maggie:
How do you go to England without a passport?

Wayne:
With much difficulty.

PJ:
Hope that's not my ruler?

Nick:
Don't get your knickers in a knot. It's Maggie's.

Maggie:
A couple of hours with PJ can do alot of damage.

Roz:
Police don't marry police! Is that written up somewhere?

Maggie:
It's a cruel world, PJ, when crime interferes with our work.

Nick:
You've been a D too long, PJ.

PJ:
Goes to show you, a man who never drinks leads a clean life.

PJ:
Let's see how long Larry lasts, sweetheart, when you're not there with your hand up his back making his mouth work.

Tom:
You know Wayne...he'd actually stop to help them!

PJ:
Spouse, Maggie. Your best chance of being killed is by your spouse, family member or someone you know.

PJ:
Ah, one of the three great answers...1-it's not mine, 2-never seen it before, 3-I was minding it for someone.

Mrs Stewart:
So this is why I pay taxes...for teaparties?

Heelers:
(singing) Why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all? He's no bloody use to anyone, no bloody use at all!

Roz:
He should have been hung.

Nick:
Do yourself a favour Roz, Hanged. Meat is hung, men are hanged.

Chris:
Conduct unbecoming is a two way street. Checkmate.

Tom:
Stick to policing.

Tom:
Rejoice Mrs Patterson!

Roz:
What's wrong with him? I thought you won.

Tom:
We did, but PJ managed to get a bet on against us. Oh ye of little faith!

Roz:
Why should women have to modify their behaviour because men can't control their's?

Maggie:
From the description I thought it sounded just like you, PJ.

Roz:
Listen Maggie, we've got a spare room.

PJ:
Yeah, or we could shovel ours out for you Mag.

Maggie:
Thanks guys but....

PJ:
No really, I'll make sure Nick doesn't sleep walk

Maggie:
It's not Nick I'd be worried about

[Pat Doyle and Chris talking about Maggie]

Pat:
The kid was in her class at school, they were both only 8 years old we'll she's dragged him into the station under citizen's arrest, couldn't understand why I wouldn't lock him up.

[Both Laugh]

[Maggie walks in]

Maggie:
G'day you two

Chris:
Hi I've just been hearing all about you

Maggie:
Insisting on being Josephine in the activities play

Chris:
Uh - Uh

[Shakes her head]

Maggie:
Well then it must have been the citizens arrest when i was eight

Chris:
Got it in two

Maggie:
Jimmy Dockerdy, he squirted one of the nuns with a bubbler, your going back to Melbourne before you start showing baby photos i hope

Chris:
Already seen them

Maggie:
Ohhhh Dad..... you didn't

Maggie:
Hey Wayne, can you tell me whether I've spelt this name correctly?

Wayne:
Sure.

Maggie:
Or is it with an I?

Wayne:
Thanks bigmouth.

Chris:
Maybe you've been a cop so long, PJ, you wouldn't know the truth if you fell over it.

Wayne:
Authority? It was a search warrant.

Maggie:
She's a nice old lady, I didn't want to embarrass her.

Wayne:
Nice old...She's a fence!

Maggie:
Okay, so she's a nice old fence!

Maggie:
Roz, where are you when we need you.

Wayne:
(Holds up his police badge). Never leave home without it.

PJ:
Yep, well, I want to die in bed.

Nick:
Yeah, but whose?

PJ:
Mine. With a loving wife beside me.

Nick:
Yeah, but whose?

Chris:
OUT!!!, I told you you’re barred