Boardwalk Empire, Season 1

Nucky Thompson:
[to Jimmy] First rule of politics, kiddo: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Margaret Schroeder:
I'd be honored to name my child after you.

Nucky Thompson:
Enoch? You couldn't possibly be so cruel.

William McCoy:
And he took the loaves and fishes, looked at his disciples and said, "Fuck it. We're going into the whiskey business"!

Jimmy Darmody:
Nucky, all I want is an opportunity.

Nucky Thompson:
This is America, ain't it? Who the fuck's stopping you?

Jimmy Darmody:
[to Nucky] Look, you can't be half a gangster, Nucky. Not anymore.

Arnold Rothstein:
There was a man once, I don't recall his name, frequented the billiard parlors downtown. He made a comfortable living wagering whether he could swallow certain objects, billiard balls being a specialty. He'd pick a ball, take it down his gullet, to here, and regurgitate it back up. One evening, I decided to challenge this man to a wager. Ten thousand in cash for him to do the trick with a billiard ball of my choosing. Now he knew I'd seen him do this a dozen times so I can only surmise that he thought I was stupid. We laid down the cash and I handed him the cue ball. He swallowed it down, it lodged in his throat, and he choked to death on the spot. What I knew and he didn't was that the cue ball is one sixteenth of an inch larger than the other balls, just too large to swallow. Do you know what the moral of this tale is, Mr. Yale?

Frankie Yale:
Don't eat a cue ball?

Arnold Rothstein:
The moral of the story is: If I'd cause a stranger to choke to death for my own amusement, what do you think I'll do to you if you don't tell me who ordered you to kill Collisimo?

Margaret Schroeder:
Would you help me, Mr. Thompson? All I want is to provide for my children.

Nucky Thompson:
I'd like to help you.

Margaret Schroeder:
Then tell me what to do. What do you want from me?

Nucky Thompson:
I want you to vote Republican.

Al Capone:
What'll it be?

Corrigan:
I'll take a whiskey and a statement on the record.

Johnny Torrio:
[seeing Capone kicking Corrigan] What the fuck's going on?

Al Capone:
I'm making a statement.

Nucky Thompson:
The split is 80 percent-20 percent, my favor. I supply the product, your people work their magic.

Chalky White:
That's a whole lot of magic for 20 percent.

Nucky Thompson:
It's the same deal I gave Mickey Cusick.

Chalky White:
You know that motherfucker changed his name to Doyle?

Nucky Thompson:
I did.

Chalky White:
40 percent.

Nucky Thompson:
What happened to 30?

Chalky White:
I'll charge 10 extra for thinking I'd take the same deal as Mickey.

Nucky:
I didn't know you were so sensitive.

Chalky White:
As a baby's ass, motherfucker. [leaves]

Nucky Thompson:
[to Eddie] What's motherfucker mean?

Eddie Kessler:
I suppose it's a schvartze term.

Arnold Rothstein:
There's a lot of money in that pot. Do you know how much?

Buck:
Yeah, 20.

Arnold Rothstein:
22,500. How much mining equipment would you have to sell to make 22,000 bucks, Buck?

Buck:
A lot. Are you in or out?

Arnold Rothstein:
I'll see your 2, and raise you 5.

Buck:
[after a moment's hesitation] Take it. I was bluffing.

Arnold Rothstein:
I know. So was I.

Gillian Darmody:
I was under the impression that you could do anything.

Nucky Thompson:
I'm not God, Gillian.

Gillian Darmody:
Now you tell me.

Nucky Thompson:
When you were 10 years old, I don't know if you'll even remember this, President Taft came to town, some campaign speech. You were in the crowd. I suppose you were with your dad. But you turned to me and said, "Nuck, what's a fella gotta do to become president?" I said, "well, you gotta study, learn everything you can about the world and do a lot of hard work." And you looked up at me in disbelief and said, "gee, is that all?" I used to think you'd own the world one day.

Jimmy Darmody:
Where am I supposed to go?

Eli Thompson:
I hear California's nice. Maybe Chaplin needs a foil.

Chalky White:
I was born in Elgin, Texas. My daddy taught himself the carpenter trade doing for the black folk there. I tell you, anything that man put his hand to - table, chair, wedding chest - he make that wood sing. Now one day, a man, Mr. T. O. Persall, come 'round. He a white man, own his own store, stable, hotel. He say to my daddy: "I hears you the finest carpenter in Elgin." My daddy tell him: "Well, I can't say one way or the other, but I knows a bit about somethin'." So Mr. T. O. Persall take my daddy to this house he was building. Biggest house in town. They walk in there, say: "This here gon' be the library. What you think 'bout that?" My daddy say: "Well, I think you need some bookcases." "Well then, that's what I want you to make me." 10 months my daddy worked there. And when he finished, he bring me 'round. "Mr. Persall, this here my boy. I'd like to show him what I done." "Well, come on in! Through the front door!" Just like that! And we did. When I see them bookcases, all covered with scroll and flowers, baskets of fruit, little angels floatin' in the corner... that was the most beautiful thing I ever seen. About a month later, another man come 'round. "I see what you did for T. O. Can't let that old dog top me. You come 'round my house, I'll show you what I need." My daddy go with him to the edge of town. Wasn't nothin' there but 6 white men, 12 foot of rope, and the pepper tree they hung him from. [pause, Chalky takes out some carpentry tools] These here my daddy's tools.

Grand Cyclops of the KKK:
[afraid] What are you gonna do with them?

Chalky White:
Well... I ain't buildin' no bookcase...

Lucky Luciano:
I'm a friend of James.

Gillian Darmody:
His friends call him Jimmy, so who are you really?

Lucky Luciano:
I'm a, whatchacallit, an acquaintance. From New York.

Gillian Darmody:
That part I suspected. What's your name?

Lucky Luciano:
Never mind my name. Is he here or ain't he?

Gillian Darmody:
He's not.

Lucky Luciano:
Then where is he?

Gillian Darmody:
Maybe he's up your ass. Have you considered looking there?

Eli Thompson:
The whole thing's a game isn't it? So easy for you. Well, I'll keep at it. Maybe one day I'll lie as good as you.

Nucky Thompson:
It's "lie as well as me", you dolt. You wanna be taken seriously, then learn how to fuckin' speak.

Bill Fallon:
[about the case against Rothstein for fixing the World Series] You get mud on your trousers, or horse shit, you don't rub it off. You let it dry and set awhile, then you brush it off nice and easy.

Arnold Rothstein:
The World Series was months ago, Lawyer Fallon, and the horse shit hasn't dried yet!

Nucky Thompson:
Knock, goddammit!

Eddie Kessler:
I did!

Nucky Thompson:
Well, knock like a man!

Nucky Thompson:
Jesus Christ! The fuck are you doing?

Eddie Kessler:
You told me to knock in a manly fashion.

Nucky Thompson:
Well leave the door on the hinges!

Al Capone:
That stuff you said in front of the boys, bout me in the war; makes me look bad. That ain't how you treat a buddy.

Jimmy Darmody:
Is that what we are?

Al Capone:
What did you think we were?

Jimmy Darmody:
Accomplices.

Al Capone:
It's the same thing right?

Richard Harrow:
Hrrm. You want this? [brings out a book] My sister sends them to me, cause I used to enjoy 'em.

Jimmy Darmody:
You don't anymore?

Richard Harrow:
Hrrm. It occurred to me the basis of fiction is that people have some sort of connection with each other. Hrrm. But they don't.

Liam:
The whore, Pearl... I was just doing Sheridan's bidding.

Jimmy Darmody:
Relax, I'm not gonna kill you. Did you serve, Liam? In the war.

Liam:
I had pneumatic fever.

Jimmy Darmody:
3 years. France, mostly. It's almost impossible to describe the horror. It's a living... waking... nightmare. There was a soldier, a German; him and his men tried to attack our position in the Argonne forest. It was nighttime. While he was trying to climb through some barbwire, I shot him twice; once in the stomach, once in the neck. He slumped over the barbwire, and no matter what he did to try and wriggle free, it just got worse for him. I left him there, like that, for days, listening to him moaning, crying, "mutti, mutti, mutti". That's German for "mama"; "mama", that's what he kept saying. The curious thing is that despite the fact that his situation was utterly hopeless, he didn't wanna die. I offered to kill him several times, but he just kept fighting. Like some miracle would befall him, get him out of his predicament. We hold on so desperately to life. Some people feel, certainly in that soldier's situation, that being alive is much, much worse. [pause] I'm gonna go now. I don't wanna ever see you again.

Liam:
[frightened] You won't.

Nucky Thompson:
You must be awfully proud of Warren.

Florence Harding:
It's a terrible, wretched thing. A fortune teller told me he'll die in office.

Senator Walter Edge:
I'll make it up to you, later.

Nucky Thompson:
Later, when?

Senator Walter Edge:
When I'm in the White House.

Nucky Thompson:
The only chance you have of entering the White House is on a guided fuckin' tour.

Richard Harrow:
Chalky, Mr. White, heard back from his men in Philadelphia.

Jimmy Darmody:
Any sign of them?

Richard Harrow:
Mrs. D'Allesio, the mother is there, the sisters and another brother.

Jimmy Darmody:
Which one?

Richard Harrow:
Adrian.

Jimmy Darmody:
Never heard of him.

Richard Harrow:
He's a dentist. I could go there.

Jimmy Darmody:
Where?

Richard Harrow:
To Philadelphia.

Jimmy Darmody:
There's no point. They're laying low someplace else.

Richard Harrow:
I would kill the mother and the sisters. And the dentist. That would make them stick their heads up.

Arnold Rothstein:
You know the nice thing about the Bronx Zoo, Charlie? There's bars between you and the monkeys.

Nucky Thompson:
[to Matteo D'Alessio] We've already met actually; you shot at me on the boardwalk.

Matteo D'Alessio:
You've got me confused with somebody else.

Nucky Thompson:
There's another dago walking around with dog shit on his face?

Nucky Thompson:
Mr. Rothstein made his bed.

Jimmy Darmody:
Now you fellas can die in it.

Lucien D'Alessio:
[to Matteo D'Alessio] Huh, tough talk when he ain't in the room, right?

Jimmy Darmody:
What did you say?

Lucien D'Alessio:
Oh I'm sorry, I thought you heard me. What I said was that you, Mr. Thompson and this coon here can all go fuck each other. Right. [Jimmy draws his gun] Oh! Oh! Fuckin' tough guy, you're gonna shoot me for mouthing off?

Jimmy Darmody:
I wasn't going to, but you kinda talked me into it.

Eli Thompson:
Nobody cares about you. They just care about what you can give them. And that includes your Irish chippie, who you just handed a blank cheque!

Nucky Thompson:
Y'know, it's too bad you didn't see Hardeen the other night.

Eli Thompson:
What?

Nucky Thompson:
It's an entertaining act, but if he wasn't Houdini's brother, nobody'd give a fuck!

Agent Nelson Van Alden:
[After drowning his Jewish partner for refusing to convert to Christianity] THOU HAST FULFILLED THE JUDGEMENT OF THE WICKED!!!

Nucky Thompson:
Gentlemen of the Fourth Estate. Tragic though it is, I need hardly remind you that the passage of the 18th Amendment has given rise to a new breed of criminals. Vicious thugs, emboldened by the promise of an easy dollar. Last January, in the woods, only a few miles from where I speak to you today, a horrible massacre occurred. Five men, bootleggers all, were cut down in cold blood by a rival gang. The suspected ringleader of the killers, Hans Schroeder, was found dead days later, caught in a fisherman's net in one of our piers. Due to the tireless work of my brother, former sheriff Eli Thompson, we have since learned the Schroeder's conspirators in this cowardly attack were a group of killers laid to Philadelphia, well-known to law enforcement as the D'Alessio brothers. I am happy to report, they are being sought for questioning as I speak. Motivated by political gain, the Democrats have argued that the incumbent administration has been rife with corruption, soft on crime. On this election eve, I submit to you this: while this heinous crime did certainly occur on the Republican watch, the apprehension of those responsible did as well. Vote for Edward Bader tomorrow, and keep our city safe. I thank you all, and God bless America!

Margaret Schroeder:
There's a kindness in you. I know it. How can you do what you do?

Nucky Thompson:
We all have to decide for ourselves how much sin we can live with.