Bordertown

Ernesto:
J.C., I think it's great, you and Becky are getting married, but you'll have a wife to support. Any leads on a job?

J.C.:
How can I get a job, when monsters are trying to pass this immigration law?

Ernesto:
[sarcastic] You're right. That's unfair of me. You should wait until all the problems of the world are solved.

J.C.:
Thank you. That's all I'm asking.

Ernesto:
Hola, Steve. Como estas?

Steve:
I speak English, Mr. Gonzalez. I'm an American.

Ernesto:
How are the parents? Francisco and Consuelo?

Steve:
[angered] Frank and Connie are fine!

Steve:
Buckwald, you're fired.

Bud:
What!?

Steve:
With that wall up, we don't need you anymore, so hand in your gun and uniform.

[Bud takes off his uniform, revealing a Hello Kitty shirt underneath]

Steve:
What the hell are you wearing a Hello Kitty shirt for?

Bud:
You're not my boss anymore, I don't have to tell you.

Steve:
You're rehired.

Bud:
I love Hello Kitty. She's a kitty and she has a nice greeting.

Steve:
You're fired.

Bud:
Hey, Ernesto. I've got a message for ya.

Ernesto:
What is it?

Bud:
Look up in the sky.

[Ernesto looks up in the sky and skywriting is seen, spelling out "Bud Buckwald"]

Bud:
Aw, crap. I filled out the skywriting form wrong. It's supposed to say "I quit."

Ernesto:
Is that your social security number?

[The skywriting then reveals the number "549-24-1889"]

Bud:
Aaaah! I gotta call everyone in town and tell them not to look up!

Ernesto:
Hola, Bud. Happy Sunday. Wow, nice jacket.

Bud:
It's for being an usher. The most important job in the church. If there had been an usher at the last supper, Jewish would not have been given a seat.

J.C.:
I think his name was "Judas".

Bud:
Yeah, that's what I said. "Judish", and in the "Judes", the people that killed Jesus. They named their religion after him, "Judasism". It's a well-known hysterical fact.

Ernesto:
Hola, Becky. What's wrong? Did you just find out J.C. was molested?

Becky:
You knew?

Ernesto:
No, I just guessed by your facial expression.

Sanford:
Hey, Ernesto.

Ernesto:
Hola, Sanford. What's wrong? Did you just eat a bad cheeseburger out of the garbage?

Sanford:
Yeah, I did!

Ernesto:
Ha ha ha! I am on fire today!

[last lines of the series]

TV News Reporter:
Our top story: El Coyote has escaped! The agent responsible for the security lapse is former hero Bud Buckwald. Buckwald is best known for tying in a debate with a horse.

Bud:
Oh, damn it, I'm a laughingstock again!

Ernesto:
[opens the window] Hola, Bud. I heard what happened. Sorry Coyote escaped. Did they ever find the guys girls Ernestos? Aah! Never mind! Got to go! [storms off]

Janice:
Well, Bud, you may have lost Coyote, but you're still my hero. And on the bright side, the Department of Homeland Security adopted one of your ideas.