Burn Notice, Season 2

Michael:
[V.O.] A great way to get people talking about their security is to put them on the defensive. Accuse a guy of having bad locks and before you know it he's telling you where his motion detectors are.

Michael:
[V.O.] When you're claiming to be someone you're not, the key is commitment. You've got to sell it like your life depends on it, because sometimes it does. One reason to work with the same people is you know each other's moves, so if you shoot at your team in the middle of an operation, they know to go with it.

Michael:
[V.O.] Private military companies are best known for their bodyguard work. It's a big part of their business, but it's not the only part. For a big enough check, they'll rain hot lead down wherever you want. It's not work that attracts service-with-a-smile types.

Michael:
Seems the people who burned me want me for a job. For now, that's all I got.

Sam:
A job? Does it pay?

Michael:
More of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.

Sam :
Ah. Never liked those.

Michael:
[V.O.] When you work as a spy, it's easy to think of people as assets. Resources to accomplish a goal. Because you don't have a personal relationship with an asset. You don't care about an asset. You don't miss the scent of an asset when she leaves the room.

Michael:
[V.O.] If you wanna make a friend, solve a problem for them. No problem to solve? Create one.

Michael:
That stalker happens to have a MAC-10 in his jacket! Oh- you knew, didn't you?!

Sam:
Mike, look, I did a little pre-scouting; I knew he was packing, but I didn't know he had a MAC-10. I thought it was, like... a regular gun.

Michael:
[V.O.] Most people think distracting a group of guys is best done by a beautiful woman. The problem with beautiful women is people want them to stick around, which can cause a lot of problems. Obnoxious guys, they just want to get rid of.

Raul:
She loves me more than her own life.

Michael:
That's... a lot.

Michael:
Fi, get me a sniper rifle and some C4.

Fiona:
Oh, I like where this is going.

Michael:
Mom, I gotta get to work, actually. Uh, what is it you need?

Madeline:
Well, I can't find my salad spinner.

Michael:
That is tragic.

Fiona:
Zeke is one careful con-man. He's security conscious, he's smart... smooth, too, in a cheesy, Sam kind of way.

Sam:
Hey, smooth is smooth, baby.

[Michael is undercover when his male mark approaches him.]

Michael:
Friend, you're ruinin' my ratio. I have a good ratio goin' on, I got four ladies to one Davis. Four-to-one, I like that.

Waseem:
[quoting from Michael's note] "I will be wearing a white shirt and..." [laughs] This word right here? It is a kind of... spicy goat cheese.

Michael:
I was trying to say "black pants". My Urdu's a little rusty.

Waseem:
At least you got the name of the restaurant right.

Michael:
[V.O.] To win a negotiation you have to show you're willing to walk away. And the best way to show you're willing to walk away... is to walk away.

Michael:
[V.O.] Get your hands on any classified document worth having, chances are it's going to be redacted, which makes reading it a lot like watching a movie on an airplane: all the juicy parts are missing but you still get the basic idea.

Madeline:
Do you know what his first word was? It was "Michael".

Michael:
It was "juice"; I was there, his first word was "juice".

Madeline:
True, but he was looking at you when he said it.

Sam:
"Daddy"?

Fiona:
Bet you never thought you'd hear me call you that.

Michael:
[V.O.] One of the hardest things to do in a fight is to make it look like you're trying to kill someone without doing any permanent damage. They don't teach any half-moves in combat training. There are moves designed to kill and maim as efficiently as possible. If those are off limits, one option is open your fist right before a punch lands. Painful, but the force is distributed. Another showy option is a kick to the shoulder. You might break a rib or two; but if you aim right, nobody is going to the morgue.

Michael:
[V.O.] A fight is one of the quickest ways to tell if someone isn't who they say they are. If you say you are Russian but fight like an American, consider your cover blown, which means you better know Sambo, the mixed martial art of Russia. Of course, you also have to win the fight; a great cover ID doesn't help much if you're dead.

Michael:
[V.O.] A criminal cover ID isn't just about a new name and phone number; it's about fitting into a culture with its own rules and hierarchies. It's a world where bank robbers are the rock stars, con artists are the snobs, car thieves are the blue-collar guys, and safecrackers are the artists.

[Veronica asked Sam to marry her and Sam seeks Michael for advice.]

Michael:
Do you love her?

Sam Axe:
She could be the one.

Michael:
Then say yes.

Sam:
It's complicated.

Michael:
[slowly] Then say no.

Sam:
[sarcastically] You're a good friend, Mike.

[To escape detection by a security guard, Michael clings to the edge of a rooftop]

Michael:
[V.O.] Making yourself invisible when you need to is a crucial skill for a covert operative; it sounds exotic but it's not like there's a super-secret move they teach you at spy school that allows you to vanish into thin air. Often it's just a matter of quick thinking, fast feet, and strong fingers.

Michael:
[V.O.] Tailing a trained operative requires a number of time consuming preparations: everything from acquiring a vehicle they can't recognize or trace to familiarizing yourself with all the local traffic patterns. Of course, since you can never be sure who's a trained op, there's always the chance you'll take all those precautions just to follow a secretary back to her cubicle.

Michael:
[V.O.] When you work in intelligence, there's no bigger slap in the face than a picture of yourself in the middle of an operation. It's send a clear message: we're one step ahead of you; we're in control; we own you. Mylar balloons and a bottle of champagne, that's just twisting the knife.

Michael:
[V.O.] The interior locks in an office suite are usually low-end; just there to keep white-collar workers from stealing coffee cups. File cabinet locking bars, on the other hand, are a more serious security measure. Their main vulnerability is that they depend on people's faith in padlocks. People have too much faith in padlocks.

Madeline:
Uh, Sam, didn't you forget something? [Madeline hands him a number of bullets] I found them in your pants. I heard them rattling around in the washing machine when I was doing your laundry.

Sam:
Yeah, 9 mm. Uh, hey, err, I don't know what to say.

Michael:
I'd say nothing. Nothing's good. Go with nothing.

Michael:
[V.O.] Sometimes, when you meet a new operative, it's a good idea to open with an aggressive move. You learn about people when you make them play defense: their reflexes, weaknesses, how they handle themselves under pressure. And even if they are able to counter, it never hurts to know how far they're willing to go.

Michael:
[V.O.] When meeting a covert operative for the first time, the arrangements can tell you a lot: if they give you a map and a photo, they trust you; a place and a time, they want to check you out before they make contact; a cryptic clue like "tidy pelican", they've just got an irritating sense of humor.

Victor the Wrangler:
I don't like your field tactics.

Michael:
I don't like your whining. Are you gonna pout all night?

Michael:
[V.O.] Dealing with a trained operative is like playing chess with a master. Dealing with criminals, on the other hand, is like playing checkers with a three-year-old: they like to change the rules.

Michael:
If the devil had a name, it'd be [whispering] CHUCK... FINLEY!

Seymour:
You wanna be a badass, you gotta eat healthy!

[Sam and Virgil, Michael's houseguest, are talking to Michael on the phone.]

Virgil:
Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set of your boxers: the blue ones with the stripes.

Michael:
[visibly horrified] They will never fit you; stay out of my closet.

Virgil:
They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it.

Sam Axe:
Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.

[Michael stops a soccer ball headed in his direction.]

Boy:
Kick it! Kick it!

[Michael kicks the ball towards the boy.]

Marcela:
Hey, no ball on the sidewalk.

Michael:
He started it.

Michael:
[V.O.] Spies make great neighbors; they're polite, they keep the lawn trim, and they never crank up the music at night. They don't stand out, because they don't want to be found. So if you're hunting for a covert operative and all you've got to go on are the names of a few dozen suspects, you're out of luck... unless you know where to look.

Michael:
Right now, I've got to do a job.....with Larry.

Sam:
Larry? Dead Larry? [laughing] Oh, man, I hated that guy!

Michael:
He's back.

Sam:
Ok, I hate him present tense. He's a bad influence Mike, don't tell me you're working with him?

Michael:
No, I'm not working with him, I'm working against him.

Sam:
Well in that case, can I help?

Larry:
Wow. Been a while, been a while. And you look... great.

Sam:
You too, Larry. Very youthful. Still drinking the blood of children?

[Larry, an ex-spy, calls to check in with Michael.]

Sam:
[about Larry] Just "checking in"? He's got a weird thing for you.

Michael:
It's because he doesn't have any friends.

Sam:
That's because he's killed most of them, Mike.

[Michael and Campbell, Fiona's boyfriend, are meeting for the first time.]

Campbell:
Fiona tells me you're a soil scientist.

Michael:
Yes, yes, I love my dirt.

Fiona:
Are you just trying to keep me away from Campbell?

Michael:
Who?

[While Sam checks his pistol in the back of Campbell's ambulance.]

Campbell:
[sarcastic] So... you're a soil scientist, too?

Sam:
Oh, yeah. Big-time.

Therapist:
And that's why I like to say that trust is a bridge, and it needs a strong foundation, and you can't build a bridge out of pain and fear, can you? [He nudges Michael awake.] Can you, Michael?

Michael:
[sleepily] Uh, no, because that would make it, um, structurally unsound.

Michael:
[V.O.] Spend a career in covert ops and you're going to know some bad people. You'll work with them, you'll live with them, you might even trust your life with them. But none of that makes them your friend. It can't. Because one day, you might have to end them.

[repeated line]

Larry:
Some people live, some people die.

Michael:
[V.O.] Surveillance is the leading cause of weight gain among operatives.

Michael:
There's an art to drinking without getting drunk. Start with a lot of ice to dilute the alcohol; order a new round before you're done so your half-full drink gets taken away, and of course, spill.

Michael:
Most people think snipers like to shoot from ledges. Fact is, the best sniper position is inside a room through an open window: it hides the shooter, masks the report of the supersonic round, and makes the muzzle flash impossible to see.

Michael:
You know me, good little soldier.

Michael:
The enemy of my enemy could be my friend.

Michael:
Revenge is a waste of time.

Fiona:
So is watching television and eating candy, but you do it because it feels good.

Michael:
[as "Johnny" while Fiona empties a bottle of vodka onto a bar] Miami...it's humid. Plus...your place is on fire. [Fiona lights the vodka]

Fiona:
If we looked for everyone who tried to kill you, we'd do nothing else.

Michael:
Now, I just need help tracking someone down, Seymour. That's it.

Seymour:
You are such a badass. It's kind of awesome. You need my help? Okay. One condition.You got to teach me some of these moves.

Michael:
Sure.

Seymour:
Don't argue with destiny. It will kick your ass.

Fiona:
As stimulating as all this is, I still don't see why you called me over here, Michael.

Michael:
It always helps to bounce ideas, Fi.

Sam:
Uh, I'm gonna grab another beer... and, uh, drink it on the balcony.

Agent Jason Bly:
This would make a good Michael Westen story; if people were allowed to tell Michael Westen stories.

Tom Prescott:
Unbelievable

Madeline:
Michael, what are you doing?

Michael:
[Removing a file folder from the stove] I left something in here.

Madeline:
You just assumed I was never gonna broil anything?

Michael:
Well, I've been right so far.

Claude Laurent:
I have this, too. It is a letter from the Interamerican Court of Human Rights. We use it to make him come back to Haiti and stand trial. Duman was an official in Haiti. Veronique spoke out against him. He had her put in prison, and then he had her killed.

Sam:
(examining the letter, while holding a large saltwater fish in his arms) Uh, Mr. Laurent, this is not going to work in an American court.

Claude:
Who is this man with the fish?

[Sam interrupts Lane and Harris while they are surveilling an old woman.]

Sam:
Oh, wow. She looks dangerous.

Agent Harris:
Cute, Sam. You know you're interfering with a federal investigation?

Sam:
What is she, like, 80? Did she steal somebody's dentures?

Agent Lane:
It's a racketeering case. Biggest drug-smuggling family in South Florida.

Sam:
Oh, is she the boss?

Agent Lane:
...Boss's grandmother.

Sam:
Ho-ho, boy! You should check the film speed in that camera, because at the rate she's moving, you don't want to miss a thing.

Michael:
(v.o.) Spend enough time in international hotspots, and you learn that a lot of the worst monsters on earth are just spoiled rich kids. Mass murderers come in many shapes and sizes, but they tend to drink the same brands of champagne.

Sam:
Mike, nothing worth doing is easy, and nobody loves easy more than me, but it's true.

Michael:
(v.o.) Spend time with corrupt, homicidal, Third World political figures and you hear a lot of self-pity. What kind of man throws his political enemies in prison and tortures them to death? Usually it's a guy who feels so sorry for himself that he feels justified doing anything. Killers, by and large, are whining losers. But that doesn't make them any less dangerous.

Fiona:
It's late, I should be going.

Michael:
Wait, Fi.

Fiona:
Whatever you're going to say... it was in the past.

Michael:
It is, and it isn't. Sam and I worked because we were the same. She knew I lied to people. She loved it. She did the same thing. It was easy. And then I met you... It was different. It was never easy. You knew a side of me she never did. And I left her... because, you don't marry someone when you love somebody else.

[Michael closes his eyes, breathes deeply, and walks away.]

Michael:
You slept in this morning. Soon this will all be over and you can go home and sleep in your own and stop pretending to sleep in mine.

Madeline:
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been eavesdropping last night... I didn't hear everything...

Michael:
It's OK, Mom. I don't give you much choice. I'm sorry.

[Michael turns to leave]

Madeline:
Michael, you picked the right girl. I just hope you're not waiting for this one to propose too!

Victor:
We gotta talk, big guy.

Fiona:
[having just shot and killed Carla] Finally.

Seymour:
[motions to his bodyguard] Fiona? Do me a favor, keep Jackass company. Shouldn't be hard, he's attracted to shiny objects.

[Michael and Virgil find a stash of stolen drugs in Feldman's golfing store.]

Michael:
[laying a series of photographs on the counter] Quite a clientele. Banker... Superior Court Judge... We thought we'd mail each of these people a photograph of himself walking out the door of this shop, in one of these lovely handsome frames...

Feldman:
All right, just stop it! I got a call about the drugs. I sell Viagra, Vicodin and tranqs, what am I gonna do with a million dollars' worth of anti-virals?

Virgil:
Who is this guy anyway?

Feldman:
His name's Gerard, he's a total psycho.

Michael:
You are gonna call Gerard, you are going to tell him you have a buyer for his drugs.

Feldman:
No, I can't do that, that's insane...

Michael:
What will the neighbors think? They've been living next to a... [shouts toward the door of the shop] DRUG DEALER!

Feldman:
Shh, shh, shh!

Michael:
"He seemed so nice..."

Michael:
[voice-over] For certain types of criminals, partying hard serves an important management function. You can keep an eye on your employees during the off-hours, and keep them spending money, so they're hungry for the next score.

[Michael pretends to shoot Virgil, who falls off a boat into the ocean.]

Michael:
[V.O.] Navy SEALs are trained to hold their breath for 3-5 minutes underwater. If you're an ex-Navy SEAL, then you probably still have the chops, but there's only one way to find out.

Michael:
[voice-over] It doesn't matter if you're trying to take out a dump truck or a moped. Every vehicle has three points of vulnerability: the driver, the engine, and the tires. A can of paint across the windshield can blind the driver. A 50-millimeter cannon can take out the engine. But neither will guarantee that the truck won't swerve into oncoming traffic. But if you force a dump truck's front tires off the road, then you drastically reduce its maneuverability. Of course, getting a dump truck's tires off the road is much more difficult than it sounds, and a hell of a lot more dangerous.

Larry:
You know, the last guy who cost me a bunch of money didn't tell me about it with a smile on his face.

Michael:
Larry, you're looking at it all wrong. I didn't cost you a bunch of money, I saved you a lot of hassle. This way, you're clean and you don't have to kill four or five people.

Larry:
Four or five people, what is that?

Michael:
Well, that is something.

Larry:
If you say so, Michael.

Michael:
[V.O.] Covert Operatives try to avoid assuming other peoples identities whenever possible. There's just too many pitfalls when you're dealing with someone your new identity has corresponded with. What have they said? What have they been told? What have the agreed to? Of course, it helps if the person you're deceiving is terrified of the person you're pretending to be.

[Madeline wants Michael to come down to the police station and look at mug shots of known burglars in the area.]

Michael:
Uh...

Madeline:
Michael, what is so important that you couldn't do that with me?

Michael:
I'm helping a man find justice for his murdered daughter.

Madeline:
...Well, if you need any help with that job, you let me know.

Madeline:
Did you catch your guy? The guy that killed the girl?

Michael:
Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Madeline:
(beams) Good for you, sweetheart.