Call Me Kat, Season 2

Kat:
Hey.

Max:
Hey.

Kat:
That's what's changed. I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend.

Max:
Okay. Okay. But, what's wrong with me, not wanting to lose you?

Kat:
Max, I've been considering blowing up my entire relationship with a guy who makes me really, really, happy. You know what? I was gonna do that for a fantasy like: "I don't even believe you can fly!", but I know that Oscar has at least 2 kinds of mustard.

Kat:
What happened?

Randi:
He found out my middle name.

Kat:
(gasps) That rat bastard!

Randi:
I just don't need him knowing every little detail about my life.

Kat:
Well, I like when people know every little detail about my life. I wish I could wear one of those medical bracelets, but, instead of allergies, it would have fun facts about Kat. I'd call them Kat Facts.

Kat:
Randi, I have never felt sexier.

Kat:
Let's do this again, and video it for TikTok!

Kat:
Exactly. That's when we talk about the flaws, like the Hugh Grant story. I mean, the prime minister falling for his junior staffer? That's totally sexual harassment, given the power imbalance.

Kat:
Good. We had a great time. Your mom is lovely. Couldn't be lovelier. The loveliest of lovely. Just a frickin' delight.

Kat:
I love you, too. Wow. We just did that.

Oscar:
We did.

Kat:
40's turning out to be a pretty good year.

Oscar:
Wait. You're 40?

Carter:
The bottom line is, I'm sorry.

Randi:
But, okay. I hear you. Maybe I did jump on you a little bit.

Carter:
I've seen a lion be more gentle with a gazelle.

Kat:
Oh, he's getting out with a bouquet of flowers.

Randi:
Ooh, look at Preston swagger. Is he whistling? Ooh, I want to slap that whistle right off his cheating cheater lips.

Oscar:
Happy to help out.

Kat:
Handsome and helpful. You're the total package. Delivery driver pun intended.

Oscar:
Good one.

Kat:
Randi, did you see what he did with the cups?

Randi:
Yes, I saw what he did with the cups. I saw what he did with the straws. I saw what he did with the napkins. Nothing in this café is where it's supposed to be.

Oscar:
On the truck, I like to say "Organization equals optimization!".

Randi:
Who does he say that to? He drives alone.

Kat:
I'm really sorry.

Carter:
This day sucks.

Carter:
I don't know how you got out of that math department a lot.

Kat:
Right. I'm just saying that one day I finally realized that I had started a whole new chapter of my life and I was happy. I didn't need to keep obsessing about everything that was going on there because it just had nothing to do with me anymore. Are you happy?

Carter:
I am!

Kat:
What is going on?!

Carter:
This food has been living down here.

Max:
Hey.

Randi:
Seriously, am I the only one who didn't know about the damn basement?

Phil:
Why don't you go take a nap? You might be getting sick.

Kat:
Oh, no. I'm not sick. I can't be sick. Dale Dixon comes in 2 days.

[Kat blows her nose with a tissue.]

Kat:
You know, maybe I will take a nap, 'cause I have the chills. I'm feeling a little dizzy, but that doesn't mean I'm sick. I felt the same way when Beth died in little women.

Sheila:
Hello.

Kat:
Hello, mother.

Sheila:
He's all you've talked about the last couple of days, and you seem to be finding reasons to go see him.

Kat:
Well, he's actively targeting me.

Phil:
I love when you say that I'm the one doing most of the ding-dang work. Sorry. I get ugly when I'm trying to solve a mystery. I almost stabbed Kat during a game of clue.

Phil:
And be a gentleman, pull her chair out.

Oscar:
And bring mints, in case, things go well and you get to smooching.

Phil:
I got one. I got one.

Kat:
Why don't you just ask him?

Phil:
Men of my generation are not as open about things like that. That's why the gay bars were always called secrets, or whispers, or Thursday night choir practice.

Kat:
I would love to see Max find somebody.

Kat:
You guys are so cute, I want to drill holes in the top of your heads and turn you into salt and pepper shakers.

Kat:
I know Max better than anyone, and this is a mistake.

Oscar:
I don't understand.

Sheila:
Oh, where's my ring? I'm on Instagram live, and 6 people want to see it.

Kat:
Oscar's coming over, and I broke his heart. So I feel like, as the dumper, I owe it to the injured party, I.E. the dumpee, to not flaunt my feminine wiles in this, his time of need.

Oscar:
You feel horrible? I had to bring back an engagement ring. The guy looked at me like I was some kind of loser who got his proposal shot down. You know why? 'Cause I am.

Robin:
Aw, are you serious?

Sheila:
Too grand to be diagnosed with "clumsy".

Shrub:
Go, go, go, go!

Randi:
What?!

Carter:
Well, just stop texting Daniel!

Randi:
Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?!

Carter:
I don't know. I don't want to lose you. Okay?

Randi:
Why do you think you're going to lose me?

Carter:
Because you're out of my league in every way possible.

Randi:
Well, that's the first smart thing you said all night, but you're not gonna lose me.

Carter:
Well, how did I know that?

Randi:
Because I love you, dumbass.