Codename: Kids Next Door, Season 3

[Numbuh 4 has just told Numbuhs 1, 2, 3, and 5 that he is going to boarding school.]

Numbuh 1:
Boarding school?!

Numbuh 5:
That's serious business, man.

Numbuh 2:
You'll never make it out alive!

Numbuh 3:
Oh, you poor thing!

Numbuh 4:
Relax. They haven't built a boarding school yet that can hold me.

[A school bus drives up behind Numbuh 4.]

Numbuh 4:
My parents try to put me into one every year-

[The school bus door opens behind Numbuh 4.]

Numbuh 4:
-and I always bust out by midnight.

[Two women grab Numbuh 4 by each of his arms.]

Numbuh 4:
Hey!

[The women throw Numbuh 4 into the bus. They enter as well. The bus drives off, with Numbuhs 1, 2, 3, and 5, watching on.]

Numbuh 3:
[Cheerfully] Bye, Numbuh 4! Send me an idiot tough guy, okay? [Giggles]

Mr. Boss:
[chasing after Sector V along with the rest of the villains] Stupid kids! You can't hide in my garage! [stops running; realizing] Wait a minute. I don't have a garage.

2x4 Tech Computer:
Kids Next Door, M.E.G.A.R.A.G.E.: Mechanized-Extra-Giant-Airship-Resembles-Aged-Garage-Excellently.

[As Sector V escapes the villains' barbecue after realizing there were too many villains to handle]

Numbuh 1:
Well, that was a bust.

Numbuh 4:
Tell me about. Did you see all that food those guys had back there?

Numbuh 4:
[while hallucinating] Hey! Give me back my cheeseburger!

[Numbuh 5 wakes up to see three members of Stickybeard's crew standing before her. A member holds out a chocolate bar.]

Numbuh 5:
Ch- Chocolate? [Snatches the chocolate bar from the crew member] Ha! [Flips to her feet and takes a bite out of the chocolate bar] Alright, you cannon-filthin' freaks! [Takes another bite out of the chocolate bar] Who- Who wants a piece of Numbuh 5?!

Stickybeard:
[Laughing] Easy there, lassie. Fighting's no way to thank Old Stickybeard for saving your gumdrops.

[Numbuh 5 looks up to see the Great White Asparagus on the ship. Two crew members pull Numbuh 3 out of the Great White Asparagus.]

Numbuh 3:
[Disgusted] Eww! [Sees Numbuhs 1, 2, and 4 eating from a pile of candy, excited] Yay! [Dives into the pile] Candy!

Numbuh 2:
Hey, Numbuh 5, you should try these caramel cannons.

Numbuh 5:
[To Stickybeard] Why'd you save us, Stickybum?

Stickybeard:
[Laughs] I might be out to destroy you Kids Next Door, but I'll be dipped in chocolate before I let a blasted vegetable do anyone in.

Crew:
Ar!

Stickybeard:
Ah, but don't you be getting too comfy though, lass. Once we're free of this cursed sea of vegetables, it is back to being mortal enemies for you and me.

Numbuh 5:
[Pulls out a blurpleberry lollipop from Stickybeard's beard and gives it to him] Ah, put a pop in it, Stickybun.

Stickybeard:
[Takes the blurpleberry lollipop from Numbuh 5] Ooh, blurpleberry! [Tastes the blurpleberry lollipop]

[Numbuh 5 and the crew laugh. The pirate ship sails off into the sunset.]

Stickybeard:
[To Numbuh 5] Say, lassie, ye wouldn't mind keeping this business of me saving ye quiet from the other villains, would ye? They wouldn't invite me to next year's barbecue if they found out.

[Numbuh 1 walks into his room.]

Numbuh 1:
[To himself] All sticky and gross. I don't even like strawberry.

[As Numbuh 1 walks, he passes by Lizzie, who is sitting on his bed.]

Lizzie Devine:
Hi, Nigie.

Numbuh 1:
Oh, hey, Lizzie. [Realizes Lizzie is sitting on his bed] Lizzie?! What are you doing here?

Lizzie Devine:
Don't you remember, Nigie? You promised to take me to the big Junior High Football game tonight.

Numbuh 1:
Can we do this another time? I've just finished a mission, and I'm tired and sticky.

Lizzie Devine:
[Gets up from the bed and approaches Numbuh 1] Poor Nigie. Always working so hard on those missions.

Numbuh 1:
It's a tough job, but some kids got to do it. Now if you'll excuse me- [Takes off his sunglasses] -I have to go clean up. [Hangs his sunglasses on a hook and goes into the bathroom] I'm filthy.

Lizzie Devine:
[Sadly] Poor Nigie.

[Numbuhs 2, 3, 4, and 5, and Lizzie are flying in the C.O.O.L.B.U.S.]

Numbuh 4:
[About his new hairstyle and outfit] Look at this crud! This isn't a mission! It's a- It's a- What's the word, for worse than horrible?

Numbuh 2:
[To Lizzie] Lizzie.

Lizzie Devine:
[Offended] Hey! I bought you guys ice cream! [Angrily] So shut up!

Numbuh 3:
Don't you tell Numbuh 4 to shut up!

Lizzie Devine:
I'm the leader! I can tell anyone I want to shut up! So shut up! [Slams her fist on Numbuh 5's hand]

Numbuh 5:
Hey! [Holds up her hand] Watch the nails.

Lizzie Devine:
Shut up!

Numbuh 5:
Don't you talk to me like that!

[Numbuhs 2, 3, 4, and 5, and Lizzie start arguing with each other as the C.O.O.L.B.U.S. flies through the sky.]

Lizzie Devine:
I'm sorry, Nigie. I had no idea how hard your job is.

Numbuh 1:
It's alright, Lizzie. Just promise you won't do it again.

Lizzie Devine:
Oh, Nigie. [Hugs Numbuh 1] I promise!

Numbuh 1:
Okay, Lizzie. Uh, how 'bout I go get us some ice cream? [Runs out]

Runt:
That ain't the way you spell the word "hat."

Numbuh 4:
Shows what you know. This here homework is A-plus material.

Runt:
Great. Just what the boss wants.

Numbuh 4:
Hey! Give me back my homework before I... [Lunk picks him up] Whoa!

Lunk:
Before you what?

Numbuh 5:
I suggest you put him down.

Lunk:
Hmm? How's about Lunk lets you keep your homework, iffen you give me a little kiss, instead? Huh, beautiful?

Numbuh 5:
How's about Numbuh 5 just gives you her homework and forget that you just said that?

Lunk:
[laughs] Your loss, gorgeous.

Numbuh 5:
[holding her S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.] Pucker up, cowboy!

2x4 Tech Computer:
Kids Next Door, S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.: Solid-Pine-Loaded-Artillery-Nicely-Kicks-Enemy-Rear.

Numbuh 5:
Hey, is it 9:15 already?

Bus Driver:
9:15?! We're late for school!

Dixie:
[confused] Huh?

[In Mrs. Thompson's classroom…]

Mrs. Thompson:
[berating her students] I'm very, very disappointed with you, class. Not one of you did your spelling homework, last night.

Numbuh 4:
[heartbroken in tears of shame] Oh… But…

Mrs. Thompson:
Except, of course, the Delightful Children From Down The Lane.

Delightful Children:
Thank you, teacher-person. We enjoy doing homework so much, we did it sixty times.

Baby Numbuh 5:
This mission is over, guys. WET'S go!

Baby Numbuh 2:
[giggles] I just did!

Numbuh 5:
[getting sprayed with the fountain of youth water by Leona] No, no, no!

[Water stops, Numbuh 5 is now a baby.]

Baby Numbuh 5:
'WEONA! PWEASE!'

Leona:
Abigail, help!

Baby Numbuh 5:
Why should I, meanie-face?!

Leona:
I was wrong! I should've trusted you guys!

Baby Numbuh 5:
Yeah, you should have. [starts walking away, is stopped by Baby Numbuh 4]

Baby Numbuh 4:
I thought you said we came here to save WEONA?

Baby Numbuh 5:
Change in PWANS! She's an adult, and a jerk! [starts walking away again, but Baby Numbuh 4 pulls on her sleeve]

Baby Numbuh 4:
But she wants to be a kid! A big kid once told me: "We save kids. That's our job!"

[Baby Numbuh 5 thinks about this. She then looks at the other babyfied Kids Next Door. Baby Numbuh 1 sucks his thumb, smiles at Baby Numbuh 5]

Baby Numbuh 1:
[in baby talk] How about you?

[Baby Numbuh 5 smiles, then sighs, knowing Baby Numbuh 4 and the others are right. She closes her eyes]

Baby Numbuh 5:
Kids Next Door... [suddenly smiles, makes fists, and waves them in the air] Battle stations!

Numbuh 1:
Fellow Kids Next Door members, it has been an honor to battle adult tyranny alongside such brave warriors.

Numbuh 3:
Ooh, kitten? Did you get me a kitten? Did you? Did you? Did you?

Numbuh 1:
[ignoring Numbuh 3] So... it is with a heavy heart that I must RESIGN from the Kids Next Door... effective immediately.

Numbuh 3:
Ooh, I know, I know! You brought me a parrot! Oh, they're so cute and wiggly!

Numbuh 5:
[to Numbuh 1] Hold up. So we made you go to the stupid beach. That's not bad enough for you to just quit...

Numbuh 1:
This is a private matter, Numbuh 5. I'm sorry.

Numbuh 4:
Dude! You can't just quit!

Numbuh 1:
Watch me. [leaves]

[Numbuh 1 decides to quit the Kids Next Door]

Numbuh 4:
[to Numbuh 3; teary-eyed] No, you dolt! Numbuh 1 just quit the team! He's not getting you a pony! He's not getting you anything! He's... he's gone! J-A-W-N! Gone! Don't you get it?!

Numbuh 2:
Guys! I found this in Numbuh 1's room! [hands out a letter]

Numbuh 5:
Let me see that! [reads the letter] "Leave your team behind or we'll put your behind in the school yearbook?"

Numbuh 4:
What does that mean?

Numbuh 5:
I have no ide- [takes out a very interesting photo and had mixed emotions] Ew. Oh… oh no...! Is that Nigel's heiny?

Numbuh 2:
[looks at the picture] Wow. That is one big butt!

Numbuh 1:
[to the Delightful Children; coldly] You're despicable.

Delightful Children:
Thank you, Nigel. Won't you come in? And we'll discuss the terms of your surrender. [Numbuh 1 remorsefully walks in]

Kid General:
Charge! [Kids run to attack the adults, then they see the giant robots] Run away like little girls!

Numbuh 1:
It's a lie! It's a lie! Everything you know is a lie! We have to rise up! Stop the oppression! Rise up, rise up, rise up and- [Realizes how silly he looks to his history class] But I was just getting to the good part!

Mr Frybingle:
Mr. Uno, that report has absolutely nothing to do with the Declaration of Independence.

Numbuh 1:
Doesn't it, Mr. Frybingle?

Numbuh 2:
I liked the part with the giant robot war. [Starts mimicking machine gun noises]

Mr. Frybingle:
Well I like when my students actually use their textbooks to write a report, and not their ridiculous imaginations! So I'm giving you [Numbuh One] a double F minus. [Bell rings]

Numbuh 2:
Aw, he's crazy, Numbuh 1! How could he not like the part with the water balloons?

Mr Frybingle:
[Picks apple up off of desk, which turns out to be not a fruit but a phone] They know...

Numbuh 86:
Nice bra, teenager!

Cree:
Thanks. Battle-Ready-Armor makes such good disguises, don't you think?

Mushi Sanban:
You're getting MARRIED?

Numbuh 3:
No!

Mushi Sanban:
But that knight said,

Number 3:
Damnit, It's a long story, OK!

King Sandy:
The king is NOT PRETEND!

Mushi Sanban:
What the hell do you mean is not pretending?

Numbuh 5:
[after Numbuh One asks for suggestions on how to take the Delightful Children's cake] I say we go down there with some kind of giant robot so we don’t get our butts kicked by the giant robot you know they got waiting for us.

[later, when the Delightful Children's giant present-robot attacks them] What I say before? Giant robot.

Numbuh 1:
Any ideas?

Numbuh 4:
I say we kick the crud out of them!

Numbuh 1:
Simple.

Numbuh 3:
We could ask them really nicely if they would just share the cake!

Numbuh 1:
Simple MINDED.

Numbuh 1:
Since that plan went up in smoke, we to back to our original plan.

Numbuh 3:
We ask them to share?

Numbuh 1:
No, we beat the crud out of them!

Numbuh 4:
Now we're talking!

Numbuh 1:
We storm their castle, kick their butts, and then it's cake for lunch!

Numbuh 1:
[reading to the chicks] Once upon a time there was a Little Red Riding Hood, and the wolf ate her. The end.

Numbuh 5:
"I work ALONE. I AM the Tommy!" Boy, is he definitely your younger brother, Numbuh 2.

[The others laugh]

Numbuh 2:
Hey, what's THAT supposed to mean?

Father:
[seeing Sector V breaking into the mansion] Ah. Our guests have arrived. Go forth and supervise the battle, my delightful children. I wish to give Sector V the benefit of my full attention.

Father:
I'm so very glad you could visit me today, because I want to show you something that will change your lives forever! [plays a few keys in the organ]

Numbuh 1:
Kids Next Door, activate your birthday suits, full protective power. Tough luck, Father. Our 2x4 technology makes us immune to any kind of ray-based aging effect.

Tommy:
Yes!

Father:
I'm impressed, or rather I would be if I had wanted to change your ages!

Numbuh 5:
"If?" If this thing doesn't change ages, then what in the heck are… [her birthday suit breaks and her hand turns into a hoof; screams in pain and transforms into a gazelle]

Numbuh 3:
Horabella adorabella- [her birthday suit breaks and screams; transforms into a red-crowned crane]

Numbuh 4:
I can think of a bazillion cooler places than the Rainbow Monkey fair-and-share fair! I could be back at the treehouse, working with Numbuh 2 on our giant wrestling robot right now! But, no! Instead, I'm stuck here in a "girly, woovey, Rainbow Monkey world." Rainbow Monkeys are so… STUPID!!!! [echoes]

Numbuh 3:
[enraged] Don't ever, ever call Rainbow Monkeys stupid!

Heinrich Von Marzipan:
Und vhy is zis candy is so important to you?

Numbuh 5:
I am saving for a special occasion.

Numbuh 5:
Sorry I was late Numbuh 1, I have to pick up yo gift.

Numbuh 1:
Blurpleberry, Yuck!, You know I prefer cherry.

[Sector V crashes through a hospital and Numbuh 1 approaches the counter.]

Numbuh 1:
I am Numbuh 1 of the Kids Next Door. We have received intelligence that one of our fellow operatives has been injured and is being treated in this facility. As of the last three months, every Kids Next Door operative that has been in this hospital has been attacked by enemy agent and had their brains scram-lified. Because of YOUR lack of security, Global Kids Next Door command has ordered my team to protect the nation from adult attack at all costs. I will require blueprints of this entire facility including information of all entry ports AND emergency exits. I will also require scans and fingerprints of the entire staff over the agent thirteen, access to your computer networks, and details of your aerial defense systems! [waited for unresponsive answer] H-Hello? Helloo?

Nurse:
[suddenly appears in the counter] Oh, hello! [shocks Numbuh 1] How can I help you?

Numbuh 1:
[sighs in frustration] Urgh. I am Numbuh 1 of the-

Numbuh 3:
[suddenly butts in] Where is he?! Tell me, tell me, tell me now! [breaks the glass window] Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! [suddenly gets pulled down by Numbuh 5]

Numbuh 5:
Um, could you please direct us to Dr. Lincoln? He's my dad, and he's taking care of one of our friends.

Nurse:
[surprised] Is that your boyfriend that's currently on the operating room right now?

Numbuh 4:
Well, um... you must really like this guy, huh...?

Numbuh 3:
I don't like him, Numbuh 4. I love him.

Numbuh 4:
Uh, listen, Numbuh 3... I-I know that you, uh, love this guy... but there's something I have to say.

Numbuh 3:
Yes, Numbuh 4?

Numbuh 4:
Um, I... Uh, um... I wanted to tell you... that I think that... that... [smells something unpleasant] Pee-yew! You stink!

Numbuh 3:
Ah! You got a lot of nerve Mr., I'll-

Numbuh 4:
You'll stick out the joint is what you'll- [the door to the surgery room opens and he gets smashed behind it] Hey, what's sticky Bradley doing here?

Numbuh 1:
We sent Numbuh 6 to spy on Cree and we didn't expect him to visit a hospital. But like any good operative, he found a way to complete his assignment.

Numbuh 4:
[holding his nose] Wait a second! [not holding his nose] We came here to protect Bradley?! [points to Numbuh 3 who is holding Bradley] Then you... love... hey! You still think that stupid skunk is your baby? [gets hit by Bradley's laser]

Numbuh 5:
Come on, guys, let's beat it before somebody sees what you did to that operating room.

Numbuh 3:
So... what did you truly want to tell me Numbuh 4?

Numbuh 4:
Oh, um... Your shoes un-tied.

Numbuh 3:
[pauses then looks at him angrily] No, it's not!

Numbuh 4:
Well, it was!

Numbuh 3:
Nuh-uh! [they begin arguing down the hospital hallway]

Dr. Lincoln:
[goes into the operating room] Well, well, if it isn't my oldest daughter Abby. What are you- pee-YEW! We better operate immediately girl.

Mrs. Beatles:
[as Numbuh 4 ate a vegetable] Oh, I'm so proud of you, Wallabee! You'll be a big, strong adult at no time if you keep eating your Brussels sprouts!

Numbuh 4:
[realizes, horrified] Brussels sprout?!

Numbuh 1:
All right Numbuh 4, what did you eat?

Numbuh 4:
[on the verge of 'vegetable sickness] Brussels sprouts...

[everyone gasps]

Numbuh 1:
You didn't swallow it, did you?!

Numbuh 4:
I-I... yes!

Numbuh 4:
I never meant to eat a vegetable... I'm-I'm sorry...

Numbuh 5:
Save your energy, Numbuh 4! We'll get that sprout.

Numbuh 4:
Really?

Numbuh 5:
Cross my heart and hope to... uh... yeah, sure.-

Numbuh 2:
Let's go!

Numbuh 3:
[suddenly went inside the bathroom for a minute and came out; Numbuh 1 stares at her] What? You said go!

Numbuh 1:
Kids Next Door, battle stations! One!

Numbuh 2:
Two!

Numbuh 3:
Three!

Numbuh 4:
Ooooohhhweehhh...

Numbuh 5:
Man, he does not look good.

Numbuh 1:
[while inside Numbuh 4] We're being absorbed into Numbuh 4's brain juice! Numbuh 5, shoot the grapnel hook unto Numbuh 4's brain and swing us out!

Numbuh 5:
I don't know... the target is pretty small.

Numbuh 1:
Do it!

Numbuh 5:
Here goes nothing!

Numbuh 1:
Hop in, Numbuh 3. How's the patient?

Numbuh 4:
[sickly] I... want to... clean my... room...

Numbuh 3:
Ooh! Hurry, you guys, the sprout's taking over!

Numbuh 1:
[in getting the Brussels sprout] Two of us will have to go out there and attach cables by hand.

Numbuh 5:
All right, here's how we'll choose. Eenie, meenie, minie, I ain't going in there.

Numbuh 5:
[while Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2 is getting the Brussels sprout] Be careful out there, guys. Don't fall into that gross stomach juice.

Numbuh 2:
You don't have to tell me twice.

Numbuh 5:
[Numbuhs 1 and 2 will be sucked down in a whirlpool; the cable disconnected] The cable! Oh, think fast, Numbuh 5. Think fast! [sets the ship in auto-pilot and attempts to dive towards Numbuh 4's stomach juice] Yeech, nasty! Numbuh 5 can't believe she's doing this!

[Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2 get to cross the rope]

Numbuh 5:
[connecting the cable with each other] More electricity! Hurry! [Numbuh 1 crosses over her] Aw, watch the head!

Numbuh 1:
S-Sorry!

Numbuh 2:
L-Look out! [crosses over Numbuh 5, causing to her drown her] Sorry...!

Numbuh 4:
Erm, sorry about that.

Mrs. Beatles:
Ah, no worries, dear. Your father was just telling us an amusing story!

Mr. Beatles:
You see, I was just telling your mama about how we rode the pins. [Numbuh 4 gets bored and eats] Well, people used to say I was a pickle in the jar of the situation and... why son, I don't know you like liver!

Numbuh 4:
[realizes, horrified] Liver?!

Valerie:
[to Numbuh 5, after forcing Numbuhs 2 and 4 out of her house] What are you doing in my house? Trying to steal some of my homework, I suppose?

Numbuh 5:
Yeah, right! If I wanted third-rate homework, I'd just ask Numbuh 4 to do it. Now, where's your real dog... The one you sent to attack me?

Valerie:
Abby, Abby, Abby. So you think you're so smart, but you can't even figure out the obvious answer, even when it's staring you in the… [viciously with red eyes and sharp teeth] FACE! [growls and snarls as she starts transforming into a were-poodle while Numbuh 5 watches in horror] My…dog…didn't…eat your…homework! I DID!!! [howls] If there's anything yummier than good homework, it's the girl who did it!

Mrs. Thompson:
[to Valerie] How many times have I have to tell you, missy, the truth can never be known!