Cow and Chicken, Season 1

Cow:
[gasps] Chicken, that is a good way to lose a beak!

Chicken:
Ah, shut up, Cow! Mind your own Beezwax![gets hit with sign] What!

Chicken:
I gotta be home by 8:00 or I'm in big trouble! Anyhow, Mom is making pork butts and taters. She only makes it on Tuesdays; it's my favorite!

Chicken:
[pretending to be an inmate and slyly pantsing the warden] Jailbreak!

Guard:
Sound the alarm.

[A guard falls down and the inmates laugh at him.]

Chicken:
Eat this, you filthy screw.

Inmate:
Way to go, Red.

Guard:
[He is insulted and grabs Chicken] [Pretending to be Red] Lockdown!

Dad:
Chicken, the warden of Folsom Prison just called.

Chicken:
I know what he said; I did time at the big house 'cause I pantsed the guard!

Cow:
That's it! I'll get a part-time job at the milk farm. I'll make money to buy Crabs the Warthog.

Chicken:
You think they want your milk? It says the finest cows on Earth, not Mars!

Chicken:
Hey, Mr. Hiney! When do I get paid for this gig?

The Red Guy:
Oh, you won't need any money where you're going, little fella...

Dad:
Will you be needing anything while we're away?

Boneless Chicken:
Sure, how 'bout a spine for my limp and lifeless body?

Cow:
Oh, Mom and Dad! I missed you both so much these long months of being marooned.

Dad:
Sweetheart, we've only been gone half an hour for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.

The Red Guy:
[holds up a sweetcorn-based superhero costume in disdain] "Corn-Cobb Man"?! There's a lotta sick people in this town.

The Red Guy:
Superheroes, are your leotards starting to stink? Is your booties getting brittle? IS YOUR CAPE KIND OF CRUDDY?! Well come on over to Hiney Beau Dry Cleaners. Where if your a superhero, your CLEANING is free.

Cow:
Mom always says not to go to the carnival naked.

The Red Guy:
Got any scabs?! They could be worth gold.

Cow:
Didn't you remember mom always says we should never run into a burning school auditorium?

Chicken:
It must've slipped my mind!

Red Guy:
Oh, we're flat out of time! Stay tuned after the commercial break! And maybe we'll show you the rest of the play! Or maybe we'll fill the time up with even more commercials! [laughs]

The Red Guy:
[as the Orthodontic Policeman] What are you people, a bunch of communists?

Teacher:
Nothing is more important than straight teeth. Well, at least that's what the pantsless policeman said.

The Red Guy:
[After getting his butt kicked by Supercow, he removes the last of the braces off the police officer] There, that's the last one.

[The policeman happily eats his doughnut and runs laughing.]

The Red Guy:
[Revealing to wear the permanent braces with a satellite attached to it.] Okay, I did what you said, I removed the braces off everybody. Now can you take off mine?! That was the deal.

Chicken:
Oh, I wish we could, but we have already rented you out as a Satellite Tracking Dish.

[Cow and Chicken laugh as the Red Guy drives away after satellites drop from the sky]

The Red Guy:
Is there a real orthodontist in the house?

Cow:
I'm a big fat loser!

Chicken:
I could have told you the big and fat part.

Winney:
Hi Chicken! I like your waddle! Do you clean it with special soap to make it so shiny?!

Mom:
Oh Chicken! You don't get cooties from being kissed; listen to Father!

Chicken:
You don't?

Dad:
No son. you get them from...toilet seats.

Chicken:
[to Cow] They'd never let you go in outer space. There's no room!

Dad:
We're going to Oregon to find some head hunters.

The Red Guy:
Walter Jeans-Begone, headhunter guide, at your service!

The Red Guy:
Hello! It's me, Larry Lackapants, Arkansas Cheese master, soon to be the King & Queen of Cheese!