CSI: Miami, Season 4

Cardinal Benedetti:
You coming to confess a new sin?

Horatio:
No, same one.

Cardinal Benedetti:
You're angry.

Horatio:
Father, I am... I am confused.

Cardinal Benedetti:
Well guilt takes many forms.

Cardinal Benedetti:
I told you when you came to me those many years ago, with blood on your hands, that it's not about the life you took, but the lives you make different in the here and now. That's what God is judging you on.

Horatio:
I know what my penance is!

Cardinal Benedetti:
So why are you here?

Horatio:
I need you to tell me.

Cardinal Benedetti:
When you've done enough, Horatio, you'll know.

Ryan:
[About the Mala Noche.] New Mafia, my ass!

Cooper:
[About Erica Sykes.] She's hot.

Ryan:
She's a case against the First Amendment.

Horatio:
Frank, we got to move quick; the tide is rising and we have a sinking crime scene.

Calleigh:
Run and shoot, Ryan, our crime scene is going under.

[Ryan is breaking glass to prove liquid flow patterns in a crime scene.]

Calleigh:
Anger management?

Ryan:
No, just an experiment.

Alexx:
[About the victim.] No soot in his lungs; no esophageal burning.

Ryan:
He was already dead when he got on the Gannons' boat.

Alexx:
Look at my boy, all grown up.

Tripp:
He ran head-on into a stone wall. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Looks to me like it was just a freak accident...

Eric:
Or the perfect crime!

Tina Saunders:
What are you doing?

Sara Jennings:
Dancing.

Tina Saunders:
With your tongue? Total lesbo.

Sara Jennings:
Don't be a buzzkill.

Tina Saunders:
You're wasted!

Sara Jennings:
So?

Tina Saunders:
So, so I'm two shots behind.

Tripp:
Looked like you were about to bust out in a 40-yard dash!

Stetler:
My heart goes out to her, but the taxpayers aren't responsible for covering the cost of Horatio Caine's hunches.

Horatio:
Put it on my tab, okay?

Calleigh:
[To Thomas Woodward, a suspect.] Water puts you on the murder scene. Evidence puts your hands on her neck.

Thomas:
You're crazy.

Horatio:
You're guilty.

Horatio:
We are to believe Eric that this kid killed this woman, waited for the spatter to dry, and then slipped and fell in the blood pool.

Tripp:
Are you stuck on stupid? Just do it!

Michael:
We're re-organizing.

Horatio:
You mean getting divorced.

Cooper:
M. Boland is the only one who signed on today.

Ryan:
Yeah, that's her husband. How did you know that?

Cooper:
I'm a computer geek, Ryan. It's what I do.

Tripp:
[To Mr. Boland.] Now we know you didn't kill her for love... it had to be for money.

Alexx:
[To Erica Sykes, who's trying to get a shot of the victim.] I'm going to ask you one more time, take that camera off my body! The dead deserve better.

Erica Sykes:
[Annoyed] We're good to go.

Alexx:
Then go!

Calleigh:
Okay, so, the poolboy's cabana wouldn't go up.

Beth Jacobson:
It's one thing when it happens with my husband, but come on this guy was 24 years old and he couldn't preform. I was embarrassed.

Ryan:
Are those rolling papers?

Eric:
They're not mine. Someone must have borrowed my kit.

Calleigh:
At least they restocked it.

Ryan:
[Sarcastic.] We've really gotta crack down on the pot-smoking kit thieves around here.

Eric:
It's unbelievable.

Valera:
What?

Eric:
Wolfe.

Valera:
Again? You need to just go in a room and beat each other up.

Alexx:
[Waiting for the CSIs to show up for the post.] All right, look like it's gonna be just you and me, Armando, baby.

Felicia:
The brochures say the air is different in Miami. I didn't know what they meant until I got here.

Eric:
[Scoffing.] Yeah, right. The air. It makes you cheat on your husband.

Ryan:
[After Erica Sykes tells him he has to pay for the recorder he broke.] 500 bucks? For a recorder? Are you kidding me? Geez, was it dipped in gold?

Ryan:
P-R-A-D-A.

Kimsey:
That spells expensive.

Craig Seaborn:
I swear, I didn't kill anyone. I got a call from the penthouse suite asking me to move a body.

Ryan:
Is that just one of your many services?

Tripp:
You two are lucky to be alive, wish I could say the same about your other friend.

Lisa:
Oh my god, I don't know her, there were only two of us.

Alexx:
I was hoping my services wouldn't be needed today.

Horatio:
Frank, you'd better move quickly, because right now I'm your only suspect.

Tripp:
What about Yelina? She disappeared.

Horatio:
Frank, what...what are you asking me?

Horatio:
[To Walter Dresden, after punching him] Are you okay, Walter? That looked like it hurt.

Resden:
I should kill you right now.

Horatio:
[As sirens approach in the distance] But that wouldn't be good for you would it?

Resden:
No Horatio, it wouldn't.

Horatio:
So, Walter, what happens now?

Resden:
I'll tell you what happens. You're going to wait for the cops!

Eric:
I found the murder weapon. It's got a bloody print on it.

Ryan:
You think our killer was that stupid?

Eric:
No. I think he was that smart.

Calleigh:
Resden seems to be one step ahead of us at every turn, and you know if the news gets a hold of this it'll look like there's blood on your hands, and we know that's not true.

Horatio:
But there is blood on my hands.

Calleigh:
[Smiles] That's why you asked me to bring the kit.

Ryan:
[About the killer.] This Resden guy is good. He's sick, but he's good.

Resden:
Ahh, so Horatio told you about me.

Calleigh:
I know everything.

Resden:
Don't lie to me. Did he show you the file?

Calleigh:
I've seen crime scene photographs of your last murder.

Resden:
No, not exactly my last, what else was in there?

Calleigh:
What should I have seen?

Dresden:
[Sarcastically] I don't know. The truth, maybe? Ask Caine about Jennifer Wilson's mother.

Henry Darius:
She was fighting, screaming, so I took care of her.

Interrogator:
Took care of it how?

Henry Darius:
Shot her, she didn't make a peep after that.

[About digging up a grave.]

Calleigh:
We're gonna need a warrant.

Ryan:
And some heavy equipment.

Tripp:
Prisoners troll the Internet. Freedom of speech B.S. And those lowlifes reel in women like you!

Tripp:
Do you think I guy like Darius can stop on his own Horatio?

Horatio:
He's not going to stop until we make him stop.

Club President:
Please explain why I just had 6 police officers barge onto club property!

Horatio:
It's called a murder investigation.

Mac:
Car has GPS, we'll find you.

Henry Darius:
You will find me when I want you to find me.

Eric:
I never made it to the original crime scene. Did you?

Horatio:
Five hours ago.

Frank:
No matter how you cut it, divorce sucks.

Horatio:
Frank, it's a killer. [Puts on sunglasses.]

Ryan:
[To Calleigh] So I guess you can take the girl out of firearms, but no you can't, 'cause it's you.

Ryan puts on protective glasses to try firing the nail gun.]

Ryan:
[Scoffs.] Yeah, like these things are gonna stop a nail.

Ryan:
[About Eric, after an argument with him.] You always take his side.

Calleigh:
Funny, he always says the same thing about you.

Gary Hall:
You know, they say that ex-sex is... the hottest.

Gary Hall:
So, I'm human.

Horatio:
Yes, it's a shame there's not a swab that can confirm that.

Calleigh:
Injuries say violence, husband says sex. Hopefully we can figure out which is true.

Ryan:
Well, that's a fine line with some people.

Calleigh:
Broken fruit bowl. Looks like there was a fight.

Ryan:
Or it could be sex. Haven't you ever pushed aside the dinner plates to get some?

Calleigh:
Could you focus on the task at hand, please?

Karl:
Hey, I did my time.

Horatio:
Yeah, and you're gonna do some more.

Eric:
[Leaving the hospital.] Look, you ever mention anything about "Delko Time" again, you're gonna need to rent a room in this place.

Ryan:
Fair enough.

Eric:
Nothing about this makes sense, the vault's untouched, there are eight telestations filled with cash and they only rob one.

Alexx:
Then attempted a rape in the middle of a hot crime. Nothing they've done was logical.

Horatio:
Maybe not to us.

Alexx:
What's going on Horatio?

Horatio:
Alexx, Miami has a new breed of criminal.

Horatio:
Mr. Wolfe, they seem to be recreating a game.

Ryan:
A video game.

Horatio:
Which explains why they robbed a bank and tossed the money.

Ryan:
That's why they killed people without provocation, none of this is real to them.

Horatio:
It will all be very real soon Mr. Wolfe. Quite real.

Horatio:
We're looking for your friend with the demon mask.

Gabe:
If I dime him out, that's minus, what, five hundred points?

Horatio:
If you don't, it's 25 to life.

Gabe:
I'm already head on points, and besides with good behavior, I'll be out in ten years. 30 is the new 20, chief.

Horatio:
Inventive. Take him.

Chris Allen:
Guys, I'd love to help really, but if you want to know what's in the game, well, I suggest you play it.

Horatio:
In the meantime Detective Tripp here is going to arrest you for obstruction of justice.

Eric:
Have you seen Peter Elliott?

Ryan:
Is that the federal guy with the salt-and-pepper hair? Yeah, he poked his head in, wanted to get to the documents lab.

Eric:
And you sent him to the print lab instead, right?

Ryan:
Yeah, of course. [Pause] He's only here for Calleigh, anyway.

Eric:
Yeah, he's had a thing for Calleigh since the first money case they worked together. You get anything yet?

Ryan:
I can't get past this second level... because you keep shooting me!

Eric:
What?

Ryan:
No, not you, it's the cop in this game.

[One of the kids who broke into the Crime Lab to steal evidence, following a video game plot, is shot in the arm.]

Michael:
It hurts!

Horatio:
Real bullets are funny like that, Michael.

Ryan:
What are you doing here?

Natalia Boa Vista:
I just live up the street and I heard all the sirens, what's going on?

Ryan:
You live up the street, in this area?

Natalia Boa Vista:
It's a long story.

Ryan:
Well it can't be a bad one if it ended up in this neighborhood/

Tripp:
That's not too sly, sweetheart, we had 9-mil casings at the scene. You wanna explain that?

D-Nasty:
Look, T.J. Hooker, it's a coincidence.

Tripp:
No such thing.

Alexx:
I assume I got this house-call because you don't want an emergency eye exam on your county medical record.

Ryan:
Well you never know what some county doctor will come up with, it's probably just some pinkeye.

Alexx:
Pinkeye huh? In the same eye you had a big rusty-ass nail sticking out of two weeks ago.

Tripp:
Cameras, maps, guns... Oh my.

Merrick:
May the best man win.

Horatio:
I intend to.

Horatio:
This is not about Eric is it? This is about you and me.

Rick Stetler:
I don't have time for this Horatio.

Horatio:
I want an answer.

Rick Stetler:
You want an answer.

Horatio:
Mmm hum.

Rick Stetler:
Okay I'll give you an answer. Your name wasn't the only one on Lieutenant's list for promotion, I scored better than you, I interviewed better than you, and I don't know what favor you pulled for the chief, but the promotion was mine, now the only thing I can do to make Lieutenant is this IAB crap and everybody hates IAB.

Horatio:
Don't punish my lab over it.

Rick Stetler:
I'm just evening the score.

Horatio:
This is a dangerous game.

Rick Stetler:
It's one I intend to win.

Calleigh:
Take your clothes off.

Johnny:
What?! Why?

Ryan:
Because we said so.

Johnny:
[Points to Calleigh] Not in front of her, man. That's embarrassing.

Ryan:
Hey, Delko had to piss in a cup because of you. So strip.

Eric:
I had a great time last night.

Natalia:
Me too, next time, we'll have to watch the movie.

Natalia:
What's that? Plan B?

Ryan:
More like Plan W.

Dr. Kessler:
Dr. Woods, this is my fifth year as attending thoracic surgeon. Do you have any idea how many people are out there living happy, healthy lives because of me? Try sticking to the dead ones.

Alexx:
Try not sending them to me.

Alexx:
Looking to buy?

Horatio:
Not in this lifetime Alexx, there was a piece of sculpture here.

Alexx:
What are you thinking?

Horatio:
I'm thinking it was the murder weapon.

Alexx:
Tell you this, it was personal, fueled by rage.

Horatio:
And nobody has more than a rape victim.

Hammett:
Is my client now a suspect in a murder investigation?

Tripp:
We're sure as hell not here to sip tea, Hammett.

Tripp:
Okay, see, here's what I don't get- you're getting ready to jump in bed and you're looking for a closet?

Todd Manning:
This jacket cost fifteen hundred bucks!

Tripp:
Well, who the hell worries about a jacket when you're getting ready to get in somebody's pants?

Mr. Reynolds:
I bet they call you a secretary with a gun when you're not around.

Calleigh:
Actually, I do type almost as well as I shoot.

Ryan:
Did he have a belt pack with him?

Alexx:
Mmm hmm, boy had some freaky stuff in it too.

Ryan:
Pack of breath mints, condoms, doesn't sound so freaky.

Alexx:
He had a bag of lint.

Ryan:
Oh yeah, they hand those out at the seminars, they're like, uh, props for pick-up artists.

Alexx:
What ever happened to dinner and a movie?

Cooper:
Don't tell anyone this, but I think she's got a thing for H.

Ryan:
Cooper, are you writing a blog? I've got a suspect on ice!

Ryan:
Fondue set? Who eats fondue?

Cooper:
I do.

Ryan:
That's exactly my point.

Tripp:
Nice business dress. Probably on a break and got caught in the crossfire.

Horatio:
That's what happens when worlds collide.

Cooper:
You obviously want they guy we can't see.

Eric:
So obvious I don't have to answer.

Ryan:
[On looking like Jake Gyllenhaal.] It's in the eyes. I get it all the time A-Rod.

Eric:
[laughing] You get it in the eyes all the time?

Jim Trinner:
[Being caught out having adulterous sex in his pool with his neighbor.] I know this doesn't look good...

Tripp:
Well, this is about as far from good as anything could look...

Tripp:
[To Jim Trinner.] You were banging the neighbor lady and we call that "motive."

Horatio:
Yes, we do.

Ryan:
[Looking at the result of Cooper's server search.] ... And that's the IP-address, right?

Cooper:
You catch on, that's cute.

Alexx:
There's no bruising around his neck. This baby boy was dead before he played Hangman.

Eric:
He must have been shot in the car.

Calleigh:
The car could have absorbed all the blood and the bullet.

Eric:
Which means that a portion of our primary crime scene drove away.

Calleigh:
So you believe the Professor, that someone stole his car and then ever so kindly put it back?

Valera:
That noose was a pain in the neck (Horatio looks unimpressed) Sorry.

[Finding a match in CODIS.]

Horatio:
Norman Stein.

Valera:
In the system for an attempted-rape charge last year.

Horatio:
Well, welcome to strike two, Norman!

Norman:
I'm a movie producer. I glorify violence, I don't engage in it.

[About a screenplay written by two college guys.]

Calleigh:
What are the first 40 pages about?

Eric:
Kid gets a job at a restaurant washing dishes, he insults some big mob boss who then decides to take him under his wing.

Calleigh:
Is that it?

Eric:
Life's too short, I'm gonna spare you the rest.

Tripp:
[Pulls out a gun from a filing cabinet.] Nine-millimeter filed under S, for stupid.

Eric:
Uh, ladies, this is D.C. We work together.

Cooper:
[Staring at two beautiful girls in beach attire.] Hey...

Eric:
Give him a second. He'll get up to two syllables!

Ryan:
I don't get it, Resden kills the mail carrier, gets someone to dump his body at the beach, then he brings two vics to the guy's house.

Calleigh:
Killer's logic, only understood backward.

Natalia:
I'm late!

Eric:
For what?!

Natalia:
I'm late!

Eric:
Oh my god. Wait, wait, Natalia wait. (Puts arm in elevator door to prevent it from closing)

Paula:
It's easier if you press the button.

Eric:
Yeah, thanks Paula. Talk to me.

Natalia:
What do you want me to say?

Eric:
Look, you can't just drop some news on me like that and then run, now are you sure about this?

Natalia:
Those hometests don't really work on me and my doctor can't see me til this afternoon.

Eric:
Alright, and then after you see him.

Natalia:
Her.

Eric:
Her, then what do we do?

Natalia:
[laughs]

Eric:
What?

Natalia:
It's nothing.

Eric:
It's something, what?

Natalia:
It's just nice. You said 'we'.

Eric:
It takes two to tango.

Calleigh:
Oh my lord, there's one on my block.

Ryan:
Are you going to move?

Calleigh:
I'm going to move my gun safe into my bedroom.

Ryan:
Anything on the wife?

Tripp:
Yeah, her alibi checks out, doctors office called and confirmed an appointment.

Ryan:
So why she acting so weird?

Tripp:
Probably conflicted, didn't want to live with Phillip, but she's married to his brother.

Ryan:
And people think you're a tough guy.

Calleigh:
A killer is a killer.

Ryan:
You really believe that?

Calleigh:
Personally, no. Professionally, yeah. And I'm still on the clock. Wanna ask me again in an hour over a beer?

Ryan:
Oh, you're not mad at me? 'Cause I heard we got in a really big fight today.

Calleigh:
[Smiling.] Don't believe everything you hear.

Rita Davis:
Can I go now?

Horatio:
Let me see, how can I put this...no.

Benchley:
I followed her to try to get some dirt, regain custody. You know, she's the crazy one.

Horatio:
Yes, and now she's the dead one, Howard, so mission accomplished for you.

Calleigh:
Pawn-shop guy said he wiped it down before he planned to move it. You know, no one wants to buy a dirty gun.

Eric:
Well, there's pawn-shop clean and then there's CSI-clean.

Benchley:
You won't believe me, but I didn't come to town to kill her.

Horatio:
You're right, I don't believe you.

Benchley:
Just wanted to see her, to get her back, I was the only man for her.

Horatio:
But she disagreed with you.

Benchley:
She just needed convincing.

Horatio:
So, in order to convince her, you killed her.

Allison Grady:
A jury found him innocent.

Horatio:
Never confuse an acquittal with innocence.

Ryan:
I liked your Erika Sykes exclusive about finding Rowe's weights.

Eric:
I didn't say any of that to her, she made it all up.

Ryan:
Huh, where have I heard that before? Oh, that's right, I've said the same thing.

Eric:
Give it a rest, Wolfe.

Ryan:
Equal time, bro. Equal time.

Tripp:
Well I guess that clears up the car thing... since you've got the keys!

Eric:
You got an excuse for going 150 miles per hour?

Hayden Cruise:
Too much caffeine?

Dan Cooper:
Not that I'm not enjoying these, but this guy's gross.

Calleigh:
I can't believe I let this guy go.

Alexx:
At the car place? Don't yourself up Calleigh, the boy looks like Charlie Brown.

Hayden Cruise:
I couldn't let him get away with that! A street punk like that pulling a gun on someone with my background?

Horatio:
Well, now, Hayden, you can add "killer" to your resume!

Alexx:
The maggots devoured the infected tissue surrounding the entrance wound, keeping it clean.

Calleigh:
And that's what kept him alive. That's amazing.

Alexx:
I think he'd use other words to describe it.

Mr. Suero:
My structural engineer says if I file for an extension now, I won't be cutting ribbon in eleven months.

Tripp:
Hm, I'm crying inside, Mr. Suero.

Tripp:
[To Danny.] The police report said you left the keys in the ignition outside the bank- did you leave your brain in the glove compartment, too? I mean, who does that?

Elliott:
Too many singing canaries in your lab, Horatio...

Tripp:
Scare her?! We call that felony, stupid.

Horatio:
Eric, there are black-tip sharks out there, be careful.

Eric:
[Smiling.] You know me, I love fish.

Horatio:
Agent Wynn, I don't know who you are, or who you work for, but if you ever contact Marisol again, it'll be the last thing you ever do.

Calleigh:
[About the shark on the autopsy table.] How's our gunshot victim?

Alexx:
Ugh. I'm never eating seafood again. These guys really are garbage disposals!

Calleigh:
Chicken bones, vegetables, mmm, looks delicious.

Alexx:
(Pulls out a foot) Doubt the cruise-line serves this.

Calleigh:
Our murder victim was worth a fortune, looks like Mr. Judd made it disappear.

Alexx:
I work in a morgue. If I say something smells... it smells.

[Alexx wants Calleigh and Ryan to search the rest of the shark's stomach contents.]

Alexx:
Ryan, honey. Procrastinating is only gonna prolong the agony.

Tripp:
All eyes are trained on her every move.

Horatio:
Except her last one.

[About April and Brandon.]

Ryan:
Looks like they've been joined with grief.

Calleigh:
Yeah, at the hip.

Brandon:
We totally have each other's backs.

Ryan:
And fronts, apparently.

Ryan:
She's a pretty good actress!

Calleigh:
She's not that good, she only does Reality TV.

Jose:
You're already dead brother.

[Horatio shoots him]

Horatio:
Join the club.

Calleigh:
[To Eric about his taste in women.] Yeah, well see, that's the problem, you love crazy until crazy loves you.

Eric:
Yeah well crazy has messed with every girl I've been with since and I think she just busted up Boa Vista's car, so I've got to put a stop to it.

Calleigh:
My advice... talk to her once as Eric Delko.

Eric:
And then?

Calleigh:
Talk to her again as a cop.

Eric:
If you come near me or anyone that I know, I'm going to arrest you.

Gloria:
Mmm, so that'll be the second time we use your cuffs.

Ryan:
So, guess what I found in my pile of puke.

Valera:
Do I have to?

Gloria:
You know, I'm starting to remember why we broke up.

Eric:
I NEVER FORGOT!

Horatio:
Memmo, in the unlikely event that I haven't made myself completely clear, you deserve to know [Draws his gun and puts the barrel up to Memmo's head.] ...this is your last chance.

Horatio:
Memmo, now that you work for me, I want you to tell Riaz that I said he's a dead man!

[Cooper tells Natalia he thinks Valera's the mole.]

Cooper:
Yep, that's how the Feds operate.

Natalia:
[Sarcastic.] Yeah, 'cause you're a big FBI expert.

Cooper:
It's what they do. They start an investigation, put in an operative.

Natalia:
[Sarcastic and disbelieving.] An operative...

Cooper:
Which they make sure they get out before the fur starts to fly.

Natalia:
Cooper, you've seen way too many Tom Clancy movies.

Dan Cooper:
Trust me on this. Things are about to go down.

Agent Landrey:
And, CSI Wolfe, thanks for your cooperation.

Ryan:
For the record, I didn't cooperate.

Calleigh:
Please document that I am transporting all casing recovered from the pool area to the southwest corner of the lab.

Agent Landrey:
Great, I've been dying to slip out to the bathroom.

Calleigh:
Nice to know you're human.

Agent Cole:
Miss Duquesne, you're up. I'll walk you over.

Calleigh:
I'll walk you.

Elliott:
[As Calleigh walks out for her interrogation.] Give 'em hell, Calleigh.

Valera:
That guy reminds me of my junior-high school principal.

Calleigh:
He knows more about me than my principal ever did.

Delko:
H…It's our move.

Horatio:
We're going to Brazil.

[last lines of the season]