Doogie Howser, M.D., Season 1

Doogie:
September 21, 1989... Today is my 16th birthday. A major milestone because my driver's license is at long last a reality. Wich means tomorrow, Sept. 22, I'll be behind the wheel on the way to the Harvest Dance with Wanda Plenn, the prettiest most beautiful girl in the whole world.

Doogie:
September 22, 1989... Kissed my first girl. Lost my first patient. Life will never be the same again...

Doogie:
October 7, 1989... Today I made my first real adult decision. I decided to stay a kid a little longer.

Vinnie:
I'm addicted to sex.

Doogie:
Vinnie, how is that possible? You're a virgin.

Doogie:
October 17/18 1989... Went to see Batman. Parked at Mission Point. Removed Wanda's appendix. Broke up. Got back together. What can I say? Just your average weekend.

Doogie:
October 24, 1989... Got arrested. Almost lost a patient. Doesn't take a lot of beer to cause a lot of trouble.

Doogie:
November 1, 1989... Moved out. Moved back in. Met Charmagne. Ate her nodule. Life is full.

Doogie:
November 13, 1989... $100,000, a six-week vacation, and my own air-conditioned office vs. Hector Gonzales... No contest.

Doogie:
November 7, 1989... I know that I'm supposed to be the smart one, but when it comes to the art of friendship, Vinnie's a genius.

Doogie:
November 20, 1989... Love is not just flowers and poems. It's compromise and forgiveness. You don't need to be a genius to know that love is impossible to understand.

Vinnie:
Women control everything, Doog, we are here for them! Caesar went to war for Cleopatra! Paris built the Trojan horse for Helen! Paul McCartney lets his wife play in the band! These are not choices we men make! We're libido slaves!

Doogie:
November 30, 1989... They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe if we all spent a little less time beholding -- We'd be a lot happier.

Doogie:
December 3, 1989... Went on annual fishing trip with Dad. He still talks to the fish. Sill does his bird calls. Still tells the same stories... I can't wait till next year.

Doogie:
December 9, 1989... Tonight Wanda and I said those three little words "Let's not doit." I love you Wanda Plenn.

Doogie:
December 15, 1989... Helping a little kid got me fired. Public opinion got me rehired. I realize medicine is a business... but the best part of all is listening to your heart.

Doogie:
December 25... Christmas. Getting is good. Giving is better. Once you understand that, it's always Christmas.

Dr. Canfield:
We've got a lot of gifts to give out. We'll start at pediatrics, then go to geriatrics, and if we don't make it to the psychiatric ward, we'll just tell them it's Christmas on Tuesday.

Doogie:
January 12, 1990... I guess Joe E. Dunn was right -- The best prize of all is knowing that winning isn't always a victory and losing isn't always a defeat.

Vinnie:
This is the sort of thing we'll look back on one day when we're old men, 30, and we'll laugh.

Doogie:
January 17, 1990... Jealousy. You never outgrow it. As Bogey might have said... The only thing worse than a jealous lover is a slug from a .44... Then again, there's nothing better.

Doogie:
January 27, 1990... I met a really fascinating person this week ...My mother. Go figure.

Doogie:
February 7, 1990... Tank Seranski vs. Kid Howser. Tank gave me a black eye, a bloody nose and broke my hand. It was no contest. I killed him.

Doogie:
What's your name?

Tank:
You don't read the sports section? Terry Seranski. First team, all state.

Doogie:
Oh, so you mean there's a whole team of people like you? [mock shiver] What a thought.

Tank:
Hey, Bud, don't be getting smart with me.

Doogie:
You're right. How would you ever understand me?

Doogie:
February 15, 1990... Fathers and sons... When we're little we want to be just like them. When we're teenagers we want nothing to do with them. When we're adults we end up just like them.

Dr. Howser:
The American dream is doing better than our fathers did, so our sons can do better than us.

Doogie:
February 24, 1990... There's nothing better than being cool and having a lot of friends... except being uncool and having one real friend.

Doogie:
Dad, can I take your 750 to the party tonight?

Dr. Howser:
[pondering for a moment] No.

Doogie:
Why? I have proven myself to be responsible and mature.

Dr. Howser:
A mature person doesn't wear an earring, cut holes in a brand new pair of jeans and call his father 'Mungo dude.' Right, dear?

Mrs. Howser:
I like the earring.

Valerie Simpson:
[from TV set] Again, the standoff here in a West Los Angeles convenience store heads into its third hour. At this time police are still withholding the names of both the gunman and his hostages.

Vinnie and Raymond:
What?

Vinnie:
Withholding our names?

Raymond:
Man, I don't believe this! They're messing with my air time.

Doogie:
March 3, 1990... I never thought of myself as prejudiced against black people... but after last night, I think I might have to rethink what I thought.

Doogie:
March 10, 1990... Tonight my dad heard people say things about him you usually don't hear until you're dead. He couldn't ask for a better reason to go on living.

Vinnie:
What you doin'?

Doogie:
Oh, I'm throwing all these old medical journals out.

Vinnie:
Why?

Doogie:
Well, I've memorized most of them.

Vinnie:
I got my favorite educational journal memorized too.

Doogie:
Which one?

Vinnie:
Playboy. It's like weird. I've all kinds of trouble in history class but I can tell you that Miss July 1987's favorite pastimes are snow skiing, riding horses and baking. Is there some kind of medical term for what I got?

Doogie:
I think you'd be diagnosed as a horndog.

Doogie:
March 24, 1990... Vinnie's been about 5'3 for over two years....but this week I actually watched him grow.

Doogie:
April 14, 1990... It's a hollow victory that comes at someone else's experience... I wish I'd understood that a week ago.

Doogie:
[in a dream] APRIL 28, 2025... Everything's the same. Nothing ever changes.

Doogie:
April 28, 1990... Wanda and I broke up tonight. If I don't love her anymore, why do I feel so sad?

Doogie:
May 1, 1990... I could've made love tonight... but I didn't. Now I know why... I love someone else.

Doogie:
June 11, 1990... Why am I busting my butt as a doctor while Wanda is strolling down the Champs Elysees? Maybe if I knew a little less, I'd have time to live a little more. Even when you're a genius, life's a mystery.