Doug, Season One

'Mr. Funnie:
"Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived!"

(The population sign changes to 20,001 people.)

Doug:
"Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!"

Doug:
"I met someone - Skeeter - I hope he becomes my best friend - (Porkchop begins growling) - best human friend!"

Roger:
"I'll catch one that'll make that 'neematoad' look like a 'neematadpole'!"

Mr. Dink:
"So, Douglas, did you find the Honker Burger? Or did you just starve to death?"

Doug:
"My name's Doug. I guess I didn't catch yours."

Roger:
"That's because I didn't throw it!"

(Approaches Honker Burger Register)

Doug:
"Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwish, four large fries and four grape sodas."

Honker Burger Lady:
"What on Earth are you trying to say?"

Doug:
"What do you mean?"

Honker Burger Lady:
"I can't understand you."

Doug:
"Listen, my family is starving...."

(Skeeter arrives)

Skeeter:
"Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four tubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?"

Doug:
"Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?"

Skeeter:
"One salad from the salad bar."

Skeeter:
"Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!"

Doug:
"It's just a phase."

Mr. Dink:
"This is my wife, Tippy. Most people call her Mrs. Dink. I usually call her on a telephone!"

Mrs. Dink:
"Who writes your material, dear?"

Judy:
"The air is electric with fragrance of this new venture. What's that smell? Ooh, gives me strength."

Doug:
"Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal."

Dad:
"That's a big ten-four, buddy!"

Mr. Dink:
"Say, Tippy. Wanna shag some balls?"

(Doug is writing in his journal.)

Doug:
"Dear Diary, it's me... Doug. The school dance felt like it happened a long time ago, but I remember it like it was only yesterday. It all began... Well, this afternoon!"

Roger:
"Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?!"

'Mr. Dink:
"Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?"

Mrs. Dink:
"Yes."

Mr. Dink:
"And do you remember what you said?"

Mrs. Dink:
"Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.'"

Mr. Dink:
"Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet."

Mrs. Dink:
"And into the refreshment table."

Mr. Dink:
"Still, wasn't that hospital really nice?"

Patti:
"Great costume. You make a wonderful slug."