DuckTales, Season 3

Fenton:
[watching Scrooge freak out and begin to make squirrel noises] Interesting...

Scrooge:
Fenton, it's Saturday! You were supposed to sign that lease extension yesterday!

Fenton:
That's what I don't understand, Mr. McDuck! I flew out here yesterday, but when I arrived, it was already tomorrow. Talk about your long flights!

Scrooge:
Wait a minute. You did leave yesterday, which was Thursday. That means today should be Friday!

Fenton:
Right now, I'd be happy if it was Tuesday and this was Belgium!

General Chiquita:
It's your last day, McDuck! For assaulting the president of the Banana Republic, I order you and your amigo here shot at high noon!

Fenton:
Is that high noon on Friday, or Saturday?

Fenton:
But I'm too young to die! And too nice! And much, much too nervous!

Scrooge:
What's going on? High noon isn't for another hour!

General Chiquita:
I thought I would save you needless anguish by moving up the execution.

Fenton:
But, but I was just starting to enjoy my anguish!

Fenton:
Friends, Romans, and banana lovers! I regret that I have but one life to give to your ridiculous country!

Webby:
There's no place like home.

Scrooge:
Fenton, you're a genuine genius!

Fenton:
Oh, I bet you say that to all the genuine geniuses.

Scrooge:
[after Bubba causes a stack of books to fall down] Well, you get an "A" in home wreckonomics.

Scrooge:
[Getting out of bed] Time to make like interest rates and rise.

Fenton's Mother:
I'm so proud! My own son on Oprah Webfeet! And to think your class voted you most likely to become homeless.

Mrs. Crackshell:
[Reading a telegram from Fenton] Dear Mama, if you thought my head was in the clouds before, you should see me now. Your ever-loving and free-floating son, Fenton. P.S. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Scrooge:
Always be ready for surprises when you work for Scrooge McDuck! Got it, Beaver?

Scrooge:
Well, you're no-good, low-down degenerates who belong behind bars, but... keep up the good work!

Ma Beagle:
Just shut up and suffer for your art!

Dr. von Swine:
Now I must go! I have a one o'clock beak transplant, and I can't keep the patient waiting or she won't pay for her bill.

Ma Beagle:
Hang on, boys! Your mother's about to enter the state of matrimony!

Burger:
Is that the state near Minny-soty?

Ma Beagle:
Don't I get a kiss goodnight? [Puckers up]

Scrooge:
I'd rather plant a wet one on Swamu the Whale!

Duckworth:
One more precious family moment, and I may upchuck.

Big Time Beagle:
What are we gonna do, Daddy Scroogey?

Burger Beagle:
Yeah, nothing personal, but we hates living here!

Scrooge:
I hate having you here. But I'm afraid your mother and I are in this 'til death do us part... [rubs his hands together] which suddenly gives me a perfectly demented idea.

Burger Beagle:
Ooh, those are our favorite kind!

Laurence Loudmouth:
We don't need facts, we're in television!

Gandra:
The ducks found the journal.

Black Heron:
Access to the most mysterious relics lost to time.

Bradford:
Then the race...is on.

Scrooge:
Sorry to interrupt. [turns off radio] But… [shouting] WHY ARE YOU IN MY BATHROOM?!

José:
That's the fourth rich guy's bathroom we've been kicked out of.

Panchito:
What are we doing wrong?

Donald:
We just need someone to listen to us.

Louie:
Oh. I'm listening. You wanna be famous?

Donald:
Uh, sure.

Panchito:
Absolutely!

José:
More than anything!

Louie:
And you're willing to do whatever I say at any cost whatsoever?

[Louie and the Three Caballeros meet in the triplets' bedroom]

Louie:
The fastest way to fame is Emma Glamour's IT List. [shows them Emma's IT List website on his laptop]

Three Caballeros:
[amazed] Ooh!

Dewey:
[popping out from under the middle bunk] I know everything about the IT List. Whatever Emma Glamour posts on her annual online list becomes instantly popular. How do you think I found my favorite band? And my signature hairstyle? If I'm following the trends right, I think next year's big thing is gonna be sick yo-yo tricks. [tries to perform one but his yo-yo wraps around his body and hits him] Ow. I'll get it by the time the IT List comes out.

Louie:
Yeah? Sure, Dew.

José:
We must get on this blog!

Donald:
But how?!

Panchito:
Why will no one tell us?!

Louie:
Okay. Okay, just… Look, Glamour is a famous tastemaker who only emerges once a year to post her IT List at…

Dewey:
[interrupting] An exclusive party at the Duckburg Museum. A night of famous people celebrating how great they are. These are my people. [gets into Louie's face] We're going?!

Louie:
I get you into that party…

Panchito:
We perform for Glamour…

José:
We get on the IT list before it's posted online…

Donald:
We'll be famous around the planet!

Dewey:
Internet fame, the most important fame of all.

Donald:
I don't know. How do we get in?

Dewey:
Why is Falcon Graves working security here? He's gonna recognize me and know we're not invited to the party.

José:
Maybe he'll won't remember you.

Dewey:
The last time I saw him, I cost a millions of dollars and threw him off a building.

Donald:
Ooh.

Panchito:
Hey, that does make this harder. New plan. Dewey's not going to the party!

Dewey:
Uh, what?! You need me in there. This is the Dewey-est party in town! Ohh! Why was I cursed to be so flashy and unforgettable?!

[Dewey is performing his yo-yo tricks on the stage]

Beaks:
Oh, my gosh, he's the worst. But… fascinating somehow?

Graves:
I want to look away, but I can't.

Gabby:
It's grotesque. [she and Hack walk up]

Hack:
But amazing.

Louie:
Good plan, Dewey…is a thing I never thought I'd say.

Emma Glamour:
The failure of it all is ridiculous… and beautiful! That is IT.

Beaks:
What? No way. Gimme that phone!

Daisy:
[with her face turning red of fury, attack Graves] Ahh! That's ruining our big chance and an event I have been planning for months! I WILL NOT BE RECOMMENDING YOUR SERVICES TO OTHERS!

Fenton:
Dr. Gearloose?

Gyro:
Intern.

Fenton:
Can we have a word?

Gyro:
Oh, here's two: leave now. Nothing can distract me--

B.O.Y.D.:
Dr. Gearloose?

Gyro:
[gasps and exclaims] Where did you get that thing?!

B.O.Y.D.:
I haven't seen you since... I can't remember.

Huey:
Aren't you overreacting? Look at him. He's a kid like me. Just wired a little differently. Besides, dozens of your inventions have tried to kill us, and you always say they're "wildly misunderstood."

Gyro:
I understand 2-B.O. all too well. Don't get too close to it.

[Gyro, Huey, B.O.Y.D. and Fenton arrive in Tokyolk]

Gyro:
Remember, no one can know we're here. We have to remain discreet.

[A car pulls up and a crow named Inspector Tezuka steps out]

Tezuka:
Gearloose!

Gyro:
Oh, no. Hide 2-B.0. Ah, Inspector Tezuka. Konnichiwa. What are you doing in Tokyolk-- [Tezuka grabs hold of him] Ow!

Tezuka:
Keeping it safe from evil robots. You got a lot of nerve showing your mech-loving mug around here.

Gyro:
We both know I was cleared of those crimes. Ow!

Huey:
Crimes?

Tezuka:
But your mentor, Dr. Akita, wasn't. So where are you hiding him?!

Gyro:
I haven't seen Akita since he disappeared.

Huey:
What is all this?

Gyro:
It was Tokyolk's most advance research lab. This is where 2-B.O. was built.

Fenton:
And where Dr. Gyro Gearloose was born! Was this your lab coat? Was this your stool? Was this your Trinocular Inverted Metallurgical Microscope? [gets dust in his eye] Ah! Dust in my eye! The dust of genius!

Gyro:
All right, knock it off, intern.

Gyro:
All right, let's finish this and go-- [notices Huey, B.O.Y.D. and Fenton have gone] HEY! [angry] INTERN!!!!!!

Fenton:
Huey, step away from B.O.Y.D. You don't know what he's capable of.

Huey:
Sure, I do. He just saved me with his rocket feet.

Gyro:
And that is the problem. His weapon systems are back online. We wait any longer and the city is doomed.

[Gyro, Fenton and Tezuka all start arguing]

Huey:
[breaks up the argument] Stop trying to make B.O.Y.D. something he's not. He didn't glitch once while we were having fun. He was just being a kid.

B.O.Y.D.:
Dr. Gearloose, please, I'm a definitely real boy. Why can't you see that?

Gyro:
[sighs] Because deep down, you're this. [hands B.O.Y.D. the tablet with a recorded video] This is 2-B.O.'s core memory. Dr. Akita and I invented 2-B.O. to be the city's prime defense robot, but during the test run, 2-B.O. lost control and attacked the city, until Tezuka finally took it down. 2-B.O. was the first invention I worked on that turned evil, and I have spent my whole life trying to live that down. 2-B.O., B.O.Y.D., whatever, is dangerous down to its core.

B.O.Y.D.:
But, you said you could fix me, so I'd never malfunction again.

Gyro:
Yes. By shutting you down for good.

Huey:
[grabs hold of Gyro's arm] B.O.Y.D., run! Get out of here!

Tezuka:
No, not again.

Gyro:
No. Not again. Save Gizmoduck. I've got to destroy 2-B.O. for good.

Huey:
You can't! This is not who B.O.Y.D. is! He's a--a definitely real boy!

Gyro:
It's just made to look that way! You saw its first memories! [holds up the tablet] At 2-B.O.'s core, it's a weapon!

Huey:
Wait, there's more there. Hidden under all those old memories!

[Gyro speaks gibberish, Huey takes the tablet and plays another old memory]

Young Gyro:
All systems online. Welcome to the world, 2-B.O.

B.O.Y.D.:
[turns to the reflection] Am I a real boy?

Young Gyro:
Hm. Definitely. [hugs B.O.Y.D.]

[Video memory changes to Akita and Young Gyro]

Akita:
No, he's not. This is a defense drone.

Young Gyro:
Isn't he more than that? Yes, he's dealing with some first-time jitters, but I think--

Akita:
No. Now, go prep the monitors for the field test. [turns and walk to B.O.Y.D.] 2-B.O., you are a rare breed. The ultimate weapon. Overwrite all of Gyro's "Real Boy" programming, and execute protocol World Breaker.

Gyro:
[shocked gasp] That was his core, until Akita overwrote my work. 2-B.O. never had a choice. You forced him to be a weapon!

Akita:
Oh, intern, 2-B.O. is, and will always be, a weapon for destruction. For power. For evil.

Gyro:
Not all my inventions are evil! Some are just WIDLY misunderstood!

[Dewey wakes up from his nap and Huey and Louie suspiciously notice that he's looking a little taller]

Dewey:
What are you guys staring at?

Louie:
Dewey, are you taller?

Dewey:
What? [looks down at his legs] I must've... had a growth spurt!

Huey:
That's crazy, you hatched after me.

Dewey:
Well, Hubert. Maybe my egg was laid first, ergo vis-a-vis, it is I who am big brother now.

Huey:
That's not how biology works.

Dewey:
It is now, because big brother is in charge!

Scrooge:
Bless me bagpipes!

Goldie:
Great gobs of goblin spit!

Both:
You're young! [laughing]

Scrooge:
The stream must be fed by the Fountain of Youth! If we follow it, we'll find its source! Do you know what this means?

Goldie:
Yep! Beating you will be so much easier now! Ha!

Leon:
[pops out of the water] NO! My precious youth! [ages forward to his death and turns into dust]

Black Heron:
Ever the gentleman, McDuck! [punches Scrooge, sending him into a stack of rugs] Consider your treasure hunt officially F.O.W.L.'ed up! Agents, I have Top Hat distracted. Find that sword!

[The kids split up into three groups in order to retrieve the three pieces of the Sword of Swanstantine around the Istanbird marketplace before the F.O.W.L. agents do while Uncle Scrooge battles Black Heron]

Webby:
Okay, if we wanna find the sword piece we're after, we can't do anything to alert F.O.W.L.

Dewey:
[to every person] You, sword? Looking for a sword! Looking for a sword here! Do you have a sword?!

Webby:
Or we can blindly ask every person we see. According to Finch's journal, our piece of the sword resides in the "Heavens."

Dewey:
Aw, how am I gonna get to heaven when legends live forever?

Webby:
We have to rely on our inner strengths. Keen observation. [she and Dewey look up and spot the Sword's Handle in the grip of the statue of Swanstantine the Great at the very top of a building; gasps] Oh, there it is!

Dewey:
[spots Gandra Dee, making her way to get there first] Oh! We could follow that F.O.W.L. lady and beat her to it.

Webby:
[gasps] Agent Dee! Okay, okay, no problem. We can use those platforms to figure out a way up there first.

Dewey:
[calling out] Hear that, tech-head?! Prepare to get Control-Alt-Dew-leted!

Webby:
As long as she doesn't realize we're here.

Gandra:
Oh, this is a heck of a predicament. [analyzes the two kids] On one hand, I don't wanna hurt you two, but in my other hand, I have a flash bomb. [throws the flash bomb at them, causing them to be temporarily blinded]

Dewey:
Uh, Webs?!

Webby:
Dewey?!

Dewey:
I… I can't see anything!

Webby:
It's a flash bomb! It should wear off in a few minutes.

Dewey:
We don't have a few minutes!

[Louie and Violet enter the Spice-a-torium to get the Sword's Guard piece and come across John D. Rockerduck]

Louie:
Ah, Cristoph, old friend, hello!

Violet:
Cristoph?

Louie:
I'm looking to spruce up the decor in my torture dungeon and I heard you were in possession of Swanstantine's Sword Guard.

Cristoph:
Oh, dear, Serpent, you've put me in such a pickle. I don't want to incur your wrath, but I also want this man's 50 pounds of gold.

Rockerduck:
[exiting the bathroom] All right, Condiment Duke, or whatever you call yourself, John D. Rockerduck shall have his guard! What's this hullabaloo?

Violet:
F.O.W.L. beat us here?! You had to stop for that liver kabob.

Louie:
I don't have to tell you what happened to the King of Si-Ham when he crossed me.

Cristoph:
I'm sorry, mein freund, but the Silver-Tongued Serpent demands the Guard, and he's not to be displeased.

Rockerduck:
[laughs] Silver-Tongued what? He's a mere child, a drooling, blabbering, buttercup. And I'm me, the heir apparent of the Rockerduck fortune, ruthless rustler, and the greatest land baron of the American West… In America!

Cristoph:
Well, it seems we will settle this the way we settle all feuds.

Everyone:
Spice-Off!

Scrooge:
Lads, lasses, where are ya?

Webby:
We got the Handle!

Louie:
We got the Guard!

Huey:
And we got the Blade!

Scrooge:
Ahh, I knew you could foil those feculent F.O.W.L. agents!

Rockerduck:
I beg to differ.

Steelbeek:
Your Bazaar adventure is over. Get it? "Bazaar?" Ho-ho-ho, man! I gotta try stand up!

Black Heron:
[closes his beak, shutting him up] Quiet! My patience is up. [walks over to the kids] Hand over the Sword pieces.

Lena:
[to Huey] Come on, man! Duke it up again!

Black Heron:
[on the phone with Bradford Buzzard] Mr. Director, mission accomplished. [holds up one of Webby's duck feathers] We got what we came here for.

Young Donald:
Oh, boy! Jackpot! Wait, it's just an old dime. Oh, new pick.

Scrooge:
[takes back the dime and reads a letter from his sister, Hortense] "Dear Scrooge, I am sending your angel niece and nephew, Della and Donald, to stay with you while their father is in the hospital. A giant firecracker exploded under his chair. The little darlings are so playful. I hope you enjoy them. Your sister, Hortense." [crumples up the letter and throws it in the trash can Duckworth's holding] I am a multi-billionaire businessman, not a babysitter. I do not have time for this!

Young Donald:
Same old grouchy uncle. Today's gonna be a total bummer.

Young Della:
No way! Uncle Scrooge toppled the Colossus of the Nile. He discovered the Treasure of the Ten Avatars. So what crazy fun adventure do we have on deck for today?

Scrooge:
I do not adventure.

Young Della:
I'm looking at a big room of gold that says different.

Scrooge:
My expeditions were grueling, treacherous, and only served to build my company and my fortune. Nothing fun about them. These days, I've left all that behind to focus on a new kind of conquest… Corporate conquest.

Young Della:
Oh.

Black Heron:
Oh, what a rush. We got them!

Bradford:
That was terrible.

Black Heron:
That was classic.

Bradford:
Why did we reveal ourselves?! We could have landed the plane safely, captured them. I--

Black Heron:
Embrace your wild side, Bradford. We're supervillains.

Bradford:
No, we are not. Your showboating is going to cost us the papyrus.

Black Heron:
Please, there is no way that Scrooge and his brats are going to survive the… [the plane flys and lands past them]

Young Della and Donald:
We're alive! Yay!

Bradford:
Ugh, let's move.

Huey:
Fenton! I'm sorry to interrupt…whatever you were doing, but I was searching the docks and found a piece of Agent Dee's clothing embedded with nanites!

Fenton:
Agent Dee, you say.

Huey:
If we can reverse-engineer their signal, it could lead us right to her! Hey, what are you working on?

Fenton:
Oh, nothing. It's really not at all revolutionary or earth-shattering or even a little brilliant.

Huey:
Did you create a virtual reality cloud space?! With thought-based environmental manipulation? Can I see it? Please, please, please?!

Fenton:
I'd love to. You can only access it through a VR helmet. The Gizmo helmet only responds to me. Ahh, if only I… [Manny comes in with a cart of VR helmets and foot-taps: "Here are those extra VR helmets you asked for."] Thank you, Manny. How convenient. No, Huey, stop! You don't understand!

[Huey puts on the VR headset and is teleported into the Gizmocloud]

Huey:
Woah. Amazing! Incredible!

Gandra:
What the…?

Huey:
F.O.W.L.?! Ahh! [grabs and throws a beaker at her but she dissolves it, waving her hand]

Fenton:
[beams in] Gandra Dee? How did you get in here… a place we've never been in together… villain?

Gandra:
Ugh, you are such a bad liar.

Huey:
He was lying? Wait, Fenton, are you... working for Gandra Dee?!

Fenton:
No, not working for, working with.

Huey:
But she's a F.O.W.L. agent! Are you a F.O.W.L. agent?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! [Gandra summons a weighted blanket, covering him] What's this?! Some evil F.O.W.L. trap?!

Gandra:
No, it's a weighted blanket. It helps with anxiety.

Huey:
Well, it can't stop ME from being ANXIOUS! I... I... curses, I'm totally relaxed now.

Gandra:
[turns to Fenton] I can't believe you let someone in!

Fenton:
It was an accident. But, he's not gonna judge us. Huey, Gandra and I have been working on the Gizmocloud in secret. Together.

Huey:
But, she's an evil cyborg!

Gandra:
Yeah, this kid seems real judgement-free.

Louie:
No! Please! Huey made me do this! [runs away] Do not arrest me!

Huey:
Louie!

Gyro:
Red nephew? Red nephew? [gasps] Green nephew! [Huey presses the button, closing the doors] No, no, no!

Huey:
Sorry.

Gyro:
Why do I keep going in this closet?!

Bradford:
Hello, Agent Dee.

Gandra:
Director Buzzard. I…

Bradford:
I hear you were considering leaving F.O.W.L.

Gandra:
Yes, that's right. I'm not scared of what people think anymore. I've got something better going on now, and that doesn't include F.O.W.L.

Bradford:
But I'm afraid your request is denied. [snaps his fingers, summoning some Egghead soldiers and they grab hold of her] And for using precious F.O.W.L. resources to build your little "cloud," I'll be docking you two weeks pay. Oh, and locking you up indefinitely. Take her to the Lost Library!

Gandra:
[as the Egghead soldiers take her away] What?! What library?!

Bradford:
You have your secrets, Agent Dee. And I have mine. [smirks evilly]

Daisy:
Ah, looks like I win.

Della:
Well, dag! Guess you hit the jackpot, too, Don.

Fethry:
Donald, allow me to bequeath you a bon voyage gift. May it help you pick up tiny items on your journey.

Della:
Journey?

Daisy:
Oh, he must be confused.

Donald:
[covers Fethry's mouth; sweating nervously] Crazy Cousin Fethry.

Fethry:
Oh, so you're not leaving with your lady love to sail the ocean blue? And it won't just be the two of you on the houseboat, far away from your family which I'm not supposed to tell Dell--

Della:
Uh, what? You're leaving?

Huey:
Gyro?

Gyro:
Hat nephew?

Gandra:
Huey?

Huey:
Gandra? What's going on here?!

Ludwig:
Bradford's Grand Plan.

Gyro:
Ludwig Von Drake? Impossible! You were ancient in the 60s. How are you not dead?

Ludwig:
Well, between being captured and that Bradford forcing me to carry out his evil will, I was getting so busy, that I never got around to it.

Huey:
Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah. What do you mean "evil will?" Bradford is just studying artifacts. It's what any Junior Woodchuck would do.

Ludwig:
Ho-ho! Bradford wasn't just the first Woodchuck, he was the worst Woodchuck. He hated and couldn't stand adventuring with his granny-mama! He wants to get rid of it entirely altogether.

Gandra:
Bradford harnessed the Solego Circuit to create a dimensional void. It erases things from reality forever!

Huey:
Do you know what this means? Bradford is collecting artifacts because he wants to rid the world of anything adventurous!

Gandra:
And he's not just getting rid of artifacts.

Huey:
He's gonna erase my family! I GOTTA WARN EVERYONE! [runs off but bumps into Bradford]

Bradford:
What a disappointment.

Bradford:
Look what you've made me into! A base villain!

Bentina:
The Sword of Swanstantine amplifies who you are inside!

Della:
This is all you, ya buzzard!

Huey:
Bradford, your contract is FLAWED!

Bradford:
What?! Impossible! I've worked on it for thirty years! Went over with the finest toothcombs!

Louie:
According to this, Scrooge can be with his family as long as he doesn't adventure.

Huey:
But family is the GREATEST ADVENTURE OF ALL!

Bradford:
That's... the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's no way that-- [the Papyrus promptly disintegrates the contract] No NO! [he is drained of his power] I will not lose to Scrooge!

Scrooge:
You didn't lose to me. You lost to my family. ALL of them!

[The McDuck family are joined by their allies, and Bradford crawls backwards in fear, only to find himself at the feet of Scrooge's other enemies]

Ma Beagle:
Really? And you're supposed to be Scrooge's greatest villain?

Glomgold:
He's not even wearin' a kilt!

Bradford:
Please, no! I'm not a villain!

Magica De Spell:
No, you certainly are not.

[Magica turns Bradford into a non-anthropomorphic vulture and directs him to fly to her arm, and she and the villains depart]

Launchpad:
Pad. Launchpad. McQuack. My name is Launchpad McQuack.