ER, Season 2

Dr. Benton (to Carter)':
What do you know about the arteries in the neck?

Carter:
Uh, there's a lot of them?

Carter (after he gives Doug a small idol statue):
Dr. Ross, a little taste of the islands.

Doug:
Carter, you shouldn't have.

Carter:
It's Wondoa. He's the god of fertility.

Carol:
Just what you need, Doug.

Dr. Benton (to Carter):
Just take a deep breath alright. Need you to stay on your feet here. He's totally dry trendelenburg.

Carter:
I think I'm going to be sick.

Dr. Benton:
No you're not. Internal CPR.

Carol:
Defibrillating.

Dr. Benton:
Dam it. 25 clear.

Chuney:
Got a beep, nope it's gone.

Dr. Benton:
50 clear.

Chuney:
Asystole.

Carol:
Well that helped a lot.

Malik:
Smells kind of like a BBQ in here.

Carter:
Oh god. (passes out)

Malik:
Ha, ha, welcome back Carter.

Shep:
(to Carol) Welcome to hell.

Dr. Benton:
Carter, do I look like your father?

Carter:
No. Actually, not at all.

Kerry:
Carol!

Carol:
Oh! You scared me.

Kerry:
Yeah, I do that to a lot of people.

Doug:
What can I say about Mark Greene that hasn't already been said? I think everybody knows how he overcame adversity as a child of Quakers, his years in exile, his political writings and limericks, his mod period with the turtlenecks, his blue period and of course, his ruthless march to power and the silencing of his rivals.

Haleh (to Wendy):
I've known Mark Greene since he was a wet-behind-the-ears med student. He had the most beautiful curly blond hair, and so polite. All I'd do was ask and he would be cleaning the bedpans and changing the sheets. He was the best scut-puppy I ever had.

Wendy:
So would you say that, back then, he was sort of "green"?

Haleh:
No, Wendy, I would never say that.

Shep (to Carol):
You know what your problem is, Hathaway? You've been going out with too many doctors.

Dr. Hicks:
(to Dr Benton about Carter) Any words of wisdom for your student before he staples his first stomach or have you done one of these before?

Dr. Benton:
No, no... I haven't.

Harper (to Doug):
What do you do after a day like today?

Doug:
I tend to drink, but I'm not the best role model.

Jerry:
On that note, I bid you all a fond good eve. It has been a wonderful Weaver-less day.

Randi (to Lydia):
Is he single?

Lydia:
Yeah.

Carter:
(to Harper) Benton is in the foulest mood I have ever seen. And that's saying something.

Mark (to Doug):
Did you get the job?

Doug:
90 grand a year and nobody dies. Hallelujah, auf Wiedersehen, I'll see you around.

Mark (about Doom II, the game the ER staff is playing at the admit desk):
I've done thoracotomies that were less bloody.

Jerry (to Carol):
He just dosen't understand the educational value.

Shep:
Pills are for people that don't really mean it.

Carol:
I really meant it.

Shep:
Yeah, right.

Mark (to Doug):
So you can't take the fact that I'm your boss?

Doug:
Typically narcissistic of you, Mark. I can't take the fact that anyone's my boss.

Dr. Vucelich:
I think that's a hickey you have on your neck, Carter.

Carter:
Yep, yep...

[Carol is trying to convince everyone in the ER to go upstairs and join her in caroling for recovery, with no luck.]

Carol:
Well, you just mouth the words. That's what I do.

Susan:
Well who sings?.....

Carol:
Well I'm working on that. [Carter walks by. Carol smiles, pleasently] Carter!-

Carter:
No, no, no, no. Chronic tonedeaf and acute stage fright.

[Carol is alone in recovery now, caroling without any other ER docs- horribly.]

Carol:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....

[All the other ER docs enter surprisingly and start singing.]

Doug:
12 tonedeaf doctors.

Mark:
11 lords a lording.

Susan:
10 drummers drumming.

Carter:
9 something something.

Lydia:
8 maids a milking.

Malik:
7 swans a swatting.

Harper:
6 geese a gagging.

Everyone:
5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

Carol (to Doug):
Guess who's in the suture room? Come on, guess.

Doug:
We don't wanna guess.

Carol:
He's wearing a Catholic girl's outfit. Plaid skirt, ballet slippers, frilly blouse. David Morganstern ring a bell?

Doug:
Our David Morganstern?

Carol:
Knee socks, too.

Susan:
Somebody get a camera!

Susan (to Mark):
Do you have anything to eat?

Mark:
I think there's some Haggis left over.

Susan:
What's that?

Mark:
Don't ask...

Doug (to Mark):
What are you doing here on your day off?

Mark:
I went for a jog and ended up here, and I figured I might as well save some lives.

Doug:
One other good reason not to exercise.

Mark (to Susan):
Denial is a funny thing; it keeps you from asking the tough questions.

Susan:
What questions are those?

Mark:
Am I dangerous? Should I be practicing medicine?

Susan:
And the answers are: no and yes, in that order.

Mark:
I hope so. I lost my family for this job.

Carter:
Mr. Rubadoux, I'm very sorry about your wife. I made a mistake. Not in the way I treated her, but in the way I treated you. I wasn't honest, wasn't fair. I was wrong and I am very, very sorry.

Mr. Rubadoux:
This day isn't about you, Mr. Carter.

Susan:
(to Carter) You know, when you first got here, we were a little concerned about you. You seemed to care too much. We're not worried about that anymore. What happened to you, Carter?

Conni:
I feel like a damn elephant.

Doug:
An elephant's gestation period is two years.

Conni:
Oh, shut your mouth.

Jerry:
Chuny, you were on yesterday. Tell Dr. Ross Scottie Pippen was in here.

Chuny:
Oh, yeah and so were Jordan and Rodman. Jerry and Conni and I beat them three-on-three.

Doug (to his dad):
I was standing there, Ray. It was 7:30, and you were supposed to be there. I was standing there. Where were you? You were exactly where you have always been your entire life: someplace else!

Doug:
Randi, you meet a cute guy for the first time. What do you do?

Randi:
Run a credit check.

Susan (to Mark):
Wait a minute! I thought your eyes were brown.

Mark:
For an extra 15 bucks, they can be blue.

Mark:
So, Carter, you having fun paying your penance in the ER?

Carter:
Ha. I'm off Surgical Service. I'm working nights in the ER. What's not to be happy about? Still, it is better than not graduating. I thought Dr. Hicks might suspend me.

Mark:
Believe me, she would if she could.

Carter:
I can't believe I was that stupid, sneaking off and drinking on call.

Mark:
I can. You're a medical student.

Jerry (about Mark):
Do you think he's lost his grip on reality?

Carol:
No, I think he's having fun.

'Dr. Hicks (to Carter):
Congratulations, Mr. Carter, on your first toothpick-ectomy.

Randi:
I don't believe in divorce.

Mark:
I always suspected you were an old fashioned girl.

Randi:
I don't believe in marriage either.

[Kerry agrees to go with Mark's recommendations for Susan for chief resident only if Mark agrees to go with Kerry for the attending position.]

Kerry:
So you really think Susan Lewis would make a good chief resident?

Mark:
Yes, I do. [Kerry leaves]

Conni:
What was that about?

Mark:
I think I just sold my soul to the devil

Susan:
I always knew you loved your children. I just never realized how much you fell in love with them. Little Susie was like a storybook, one you never wanted to put down. Every smile was some new page to be poured over, studied, touched, remembered. I loved my storybook. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel alone.

Lydia (to Carter):
What do you call the person that finishes last in med school?

Carter:
What?

Lydia:
Doctor.

Dr. Benton:
Look, Carter, you were my assigned med student. I was your assigned resident. You don't owe me anything, okay?

Dr. Benton:
Now you're the doctor. You graduated, right?

Carter:
Yeah, that's right, I am. It's kind of weird. I... don't know any more than I knew this morning. I really wanted to graduate, too. Well... Anyway...

Dr. Benton:
You take care of yourself, Carter.