ER, Season 6

Vanilla Latte Boy (to Carol):
Warm milk is nasty.

Carol:
Really? And what are you having?

Vanilla Latte Boy:
Double tall vanilla latte.

Carol:
A latte. Don't you know that coffee stunts your growth?

Vanilla Latte Boy:
That is so not true!

Carol:
Do your parents let you drink it?

Vanilla Latte Boy:
What are you, the coffee police?

Luka (while carrying a 5-year-old girl named Michelle through a chaotic ER):
Have you ever been to the circus?

Michelle:
No.

Luka:
You have now.

Lucy:
Dr. Finch, do you always jog to work?

Cleo:
It's only four miles.

Weaver:
Kind of makes you want to dislike her, doesn't it?

Vanilla Latte Boy (to Luka):
I don't get this. You're a regular doctor...

Luka:
Yes.

Vanilla Latte Boy:
...But you don't work here.

Luka:
No, I do work here, but only when they need me. I'm what they call a "Moonlighter."

Vanilla Latte Boy:
Because you're from another country?

Luka:
No, because I only work here from time to time, when they need me.

Vanilla Latte Boy:
And they needed you today because of the truck crash!

Luka:
(sighs) No. I'm here because one of the regular doctors...

Vanilla Latte Boy:
I thought you said you were one of the regular doctors.

Luka:
I just fill in when someone else is absent.

Vanilla Latte Boy:
Oh, I get it! You're like a sub!

Luka:
A sub...? Yeah, yeah. I'm a sub.

Vanilla Latte Boy:
What kind of accent is that?

Luka:
(sighs again) Thick!

Carol (to Luka):
So, you took that little girl in to see her mother?

Luka:
Yes.

Carol:
Even though Dr. Weaver and Dr. Greene didn't think it was a good idea?

Luka:
Oh, mostly they're not sure if I'm a good doctor.

Carol:
Why do you say that? This is like the second or third time you've worked here, isn't it?

Luka:
Yeah. Enough time for them to stop calling me Dr. Kovac. You know, when people are not sure, they tend to keep things more formal. I hope you will be happy enough with your sutures to call me Luka. I took the girl in because, uh, children need to know, need to see, even if what they see is not good. It's still better than being in the dark, you know? Having... that kind of fear.

Lucy:
Dr. Dave, how much should I lower his O2?

Malucci:
Oh, I don't know. Crank it down. If he turns blue, crank it up.

Lucy:
You're kidding, right?

Malucci:
No. Purple ain't good.

Malucci (to Cleo):
Hey, Jackie Joyner. Nice spandex.

Cleo:
Get a life...

Mark:
(about not being consulted regarding the hiring of Gabe Lawrence) Couldn't you have the courtesy to at least tell me first? It's called respect, Kerry. Hey, look, it's even on your stupid badge.

Carter (to Elaine):
I want you to know that I'm here for you and that for me this wasn't just about...

Elaine:
Sex?

Carter:
Yeah, it wasn't about that.

Elaine:
It was for me. And if we're talking "needs" John, I don't need you to feel sorry or worried or tender or anything. I just need you to go away.

Carter:
I don't want to go away.

Benton [to Malucci]:
Do you know what it means to be skating on thin ice?

Malucci:
Okay, this is me, backing off.

Malucci [about Dr. Lawrence]:
What's with the new guy?

Greene:
Oh, which new guy would that be? Dr. Lawrence or you?

Romano [to Corday]:
Lizzie, when you assume, you make an ass out of 'you' and 'me.' Oh, never mind...

Dave:
Hey, how you doing, Jesse? I'm Dr. Dave.

Patient:
I'm not feeling too well.

Dave:
Well, what seems to be the problem?

[The patient throws up.]

Dave:
That's...colorful.

Malucci [to Greene]:
Have you always been at County?

Greene:
Going on 10 years.

Malucci:
Damn! Guys who kill their entire families don't get 10 years.

Greene:
It's not a prison, Dave.

Malucci:
I don't know about that. Doctor Weaver sure acts like a warden.

Dr. Lawrence:
[to Kerry] For the record, my way may be older, but its still faster and better...kinda like me.

Carol [to Mark]:
I got a pregnant junkie arrested for possession so she could get clean in jail and give the baby a chance.

Mark:
Want to talk about it? Drown our sorrows in a couple of ginger ales?

Dr. Lawrence [about being diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease]:
I was thinking of committing suicide, but I wasn't sure when I should do it. If I did it too early, I'd miss out on what little life I had left. If I waited too long, I wouldn't remember to do it.

Chad:
(to Finch) If you call this drunk, lady, you don't get out much.

Greene (to Dr. Lawrence):
How are things going?

Dr. Lawrence:
For a doc that can't practice medicine, I can't complain.

Carter [to Malucci]:
You did a rotation in Grenada?

Malucci:
No, Sherlock, I went to med school in Grenada.

Abby [to Carol]:
How are you feeling?

Carol:
I am in love with the epidural man.

Abby:
Some people call him an anesthesiologist.

Carol:
Oh, he will always be the epidural man to me.

Abby (to Carol about Greene):
You know, I wouldn't repeat this outside the room, but you owe your friend your future children.

Corday (to David Greene after he is injured slipping on ice):
Do you know what time it is?

David Greene:
Yeah, time my ten-year-old granddaughter started her period.

Haleh:
The Sixties were from 1961 to 1970.

Conni:
What about 1960.

Lily:
That was the last year of the Fifties.

Haleh:
Which means the new millenium really starts in 2001.

Chuny:
Then why am I spending half my paycheck on New Year's Eve plans?

Lily:
You and the rest of the world.

Corday (to Dean Rollins):
I'm curious about something.

Dean Rollins:
Me too. Are you a natural red head? I'd like to see for myself.

Romano:
Well, it's nice to see that when the cat's away, the mouse still jumps.

Benton:
What's going on?

Romano:
Just teaching Ms. Knight the finer points of an L-VAD implantation. You know, from now on, I think I'm only gonna do favors for people who come begging at my doorstep. Which leads me to ask, Peter, why wasn't it you?

Benton:
I never even considered it.

Romano:
O ye of little faith.

Lucy:
Dr. Romano, I again just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you doing this.

Romano:
Eh, that's enough sucking up, Lucy. Cut please.

Valerie (to Lucy):
I cannot thank you enough, Dr. Knight.

Lucy:
I'm not a doctor yet.

Valerie:
You are to me.

Carter (to Chen):
Yeah, I'm actually pretty surprised to see you around here. I, uh, thought you dropped out of medicine after...

Chen:
I almost killed that patient by leaving a guidewire in his chest?

Carter:
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up.

Chen:
Oh yes you did, John. But that's okay. And let's face it, it was kind of a low point. But it did force me to face the truth. I was being way too aggressive. Way too much of an overachiever. Always trying to show people up.

Carter:
Well...

Chen:
And way too successful at it. I'd left the patient out of the picture.

[When Greene tells Carter he has to go to San Diego]

Carter:
Hey, is everything okay?

Greene:
Well, my father's barricaded himself in our old house. There's no heat, there's no electricity. He's running around in his underwear so actually everything isn't okay,

Malucci:
So, uh, Carter... did you know this new resident, Jing something-or-other?

Carter:
That's good, screw up her name. That'll impress her.

Weaver:
Luka, I heard about what happened. I'm sorry.

Luka:
No, don't, don't apologize.

Weaver:
It might not always make sense to us, but when there's a difficult family situation, we call DCFS because they have expertise in this area. We have to defer to their judgment.

Luka:
You don't break up families.

Weaver:
Sometimes we do. It's complicated.

Luka:
No! My wife and kids were taken.

Weaver:
In the war?

Luka:
Yeah. And then killed. You don't break up families.

Romano:
(to Lucy) Miss Knight, you are like a crazed Energizer Bunny on this one. You just keep going and going and going.

Weaver:
(to Greene) A two-gallon dump gives you a solid flush..

Luka:
I'm European. We like to be gallant.

Lucy:
Somebody stole my patient.

Greene:
Peter, did you steal Lucy's patient?

Benton:
Check the lost and found.

Romano:
Why mess with natural selection? Nothing like a good influenza epidemic to thin the herds.

Carol:
Residents, the only thing worse than med students.

Abby:
Patients normally don't bite in OB.

Greene:
That's an occupational hazard down here.

Abby:
I used to work in O.B., and up there I would deliver a baby, and then I would deliver a baby, and then I would deliver a baby. And today, I was puked on, spit at, bit, and then I tricked a psychotic woman, and then I almost killed a guy.

Mark [to David]:
It's not good medicine for...

David Greene:
...for one family member to look after another.

Mark:
[to Chen and Malucci] Do you know why I had only one child? Because I didn't want to listen to the two of them arguing in the back seat of my car.

Corday:
Robert, this is a dog.

Romano:
Correction, Lizzie, this is my dog.

Corday:
I'm sorry, Robert, I just don't think it's proper to be operating on your dog.

Romano:
I'm chief of staff, is that proper enough for you? Besides, what would you have me do? Leave her to some poodle surgeon?

Abby (to Carter):
Today was the first day I saw an old person die and I guess I'm just not used to it.

Carter:
Well, you want the good news or the bad news?

Abby:
Give me the bad.

Carter:
You never get used to it. The good news is you never get used to it. At least I haven't. So you may have come up here to be alone, but you're not.

Carter:
[weakly] Lucy!

Corday:
(when Lucy dies from complications of her injuries) Time of death, 2:56.

Luka:
Pretty scary, huh?

Malucci:
Yeah, pretty scary.

Abby:
I was complaining about my day.

Carter (to Benton):
Lucy's dead, isn't she?

Carter (to Benton):
We all know what happens after the "jazz club."

Benton:
Just when did you lose the filter between your brain and your mouth?

Carter:
I think you might have taken it out in the OR last week.

Mrs. Knight (to Carter):
Um... Can I ask you something?

Carter:
Yes.

Mrs. Knight:
When you were... Well, when that man stabbed you, what did you think? No--I mean, what did it feel like?

Carter:
Well, um... It happened really fast, and I didn't really know what was going on. But I didn't feel a thing.

Mrs. Knight:
No pain?

Carter:
(shakes his head) No pain.

Abby:
One of my patients dies and I'm the last one to know.

Benton (to Carter):
Hey, how are you feeling?

Carter:
Ready to go.

Benton:
Yeah? You know, I saw your MRI. Looks like you're recovering just fine.

Carter:
Yeah, I should be able to get rid of these things in about a week or two.

Benton:
Carter, take your time. Don't push it, alright?

Corday:
We're going through potential recipients like...

Greene:
Crap through a goose?

Corday:
Yeah, that works.

Carol:
(to Luka) No offense, but you look like crap.

Romano:
Luka? What is that, Croatian for "lucky"?

Luka:
No, Luke.

Romano:
Uh...

Randi:
(holding out the phone) Dr. Greene, it's that nurse again.

Greene:
Now what?!

Randi:
Apparently your father's making racial slurs.

Greene:
She's Swedish!

Randi:
Well, maybe he called her a meatball.

Carol (to Luka):
Did you grow up in the city?

Luka:
No, near the coast.

Carol:
Is that where you were during the war?

Luka:
No. Then we were in Vokuvar. Small apartment, didn't have much money. We kept the children in all the time for safety. They would get crazy, what do you call it...?

Carol:
Cabin fever.

Luka:
Yeah... I was going to the market to...not for much, some cheese and bread... and they were climbing all over me. "Please let me come, let me come." And the answer was the same as always, "No, it's not safe." My wife stayed with them.

Carol:
Luka...

Luka:
No, it's OK. I was only maybe, uh, 50 meters away when I heard the whistle in the air. An artillary shell hit the building. (pauses) It's already done now. People rebuilt all during the war. One day you're sitting at a café, the next day it's bombed, and the day after that, they begin to build! That's what you do. Something happens, you rebuild, you go on. (pauses) We should probably go. Your mother will think you've gone joy-riding.

David:
I love you, Mark.

Greene:
I love you too, Dad.

Malucci (to Weaver):
Hey Chief, am I a yuppie?

Weaver:
No, but you will be when you grow up.

Corday:
(to an anorexic patient) A friend of mine died today, fighting for his life. Go ahead, kill yourself. You don't give a damn? Neither do I. Fine! Discharge her

Carol:
I have to go find out.

Luka:
Find out what?

Carol:
If he's still in love with me... because... I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. He's the father of my children... and he's my soulmate.

Weaver:
Dr. Malucci, if I don't see you standing over a sick patient looking compassionate and engaged in the next 30 seconds, you're going to spend the next week doing nothing but disimpactions and yeast infections!

Kerry:
It's five after seven. Is there some kind of natural disaster that I'm unaware of? An earthquake, or half of Chicago swallowed up by a giant sinkhole?

Haleh (to Abby):
You're younger than us, prettier than us, and skinnier than us.

Lydia:
We hate you.

Abby:
Thanks for the candor.

Benton [to the gunman]:
I'm a doctor, I'm here to help. Can you talk?

Gunman:
Go to hell.

Benton:
I'll take that as a yes.

Benton:
Carter you wanna fight that's cool man, but either way your getting your ass in that van.