Everwood, Season 4

Reid:
It's tough trying to make new best friends after a certain point in your life; it's like, how do you catch them up on everything they already missed?

Amy:
You're not the only one in the room Narcissus.

Bright:
I thought we agreed that you were going to stop insulting me in Spanish.

Amy:
Grandma's wedding doesn't count as a date, loser.

Bright:
I'm in a tux! It's a date.

Amy:
You're an idiot.

Amy:
Oh my God Bright, you have to let Reid be your new roommate.

Bright:
Why? So you can stalk him outside the hospital?

Amy:
I am not stalking him, I'm admiring him. Those are two very different verbs.

Delia:
Am I allowed to wear white?

Andy:
Normally no, but in this case I think we can make an exception.

Delia:
Interesting. Am I allowed to wear black?

Andy:
Not until you're 30.

Edna:
Three months farting around in Europe and not a tattoo to show for it...that's my boy.

Ephram:
Well I was sporting a goatee for a while but that was just to fit in, those people in France have a real thing for body hair.

Andy:
I think sometimes that ignoring something gives it too much power... pretty soon all that we can remember is what it is we were trying to forget.

Bright:
[to Hannah] I've never wanted a fourth date... until now.

Bright:
[to Ephram] So let me get this straight, you flew half way across the planet to see Irv and my grandma renew their vows? Dude, I almost didn't go because of a Smurfs marathon.

Ephram:
I love parties.

Bright:
Since when? You're a social black hole, all light goes into you and dies.

Ephram:
Alright, first of all, it's not certain that light is conscious, so it can't die.

Amy:
Hannah, Ephram moved in with Bright and you meant to tell me? That's like Paul Revere, get-on-your-horse-and-ride type information.

Bright:
[to Ephram] So, you don't go to a party when you have a girlfriend. It's like taking Ben & Jerry's to 31 Flavors.

Hannah:
[to Bright] Look, it's obvious, you're embarrassed because I'm still in high school and I wear bad glasses and I dress like Laura from Little House on the Prairie.

Bright:
[to Hannah] It's a bacchanal. It's in honor of the Greek god, B.A. Baracus. He's the god of beer and chicken and stuff.

Rose:
But I'm not Lance Armstrong...

Bright:
No. You're better. You're my mom.

Father Patrick:
Hi gentlemen, I am Father Patrick.

Bright:
Hi Father, sorry about the hell thing.

Father Patrick:
It's not a problem. Have either of you ever thought about...

Bright:
Oh, don't waste your breath, Padre. [Points at Ephram] Jewish. [Points at himself] Lost cause. Ready to go?

[Bright, Ephram and Delia are at the Job Fair]

Ephram:
Where is Delia?

Bright:
[looking around] I don't know. I bet she's got a job by now.

Ephram:
You're supposed to watch her, right? She is just a little kid. You can't let her walk ...

Bright:
Sorry! Sometimes I forget how young she is. She's got the Dakota Fanning thing going on, she acts like a 40 year old. She freaks me out.

Bright:
So um... what do you mean by not believing in premarital sex?

Hannah:
Well, anything with the word 'sex' in it, I'm not comfortable.

Bright:
How about the word 'job'?

Andy:
Why'd you come back to Everwood?

Ephram:
[exhales] I am still in love with Amy.

Bright:
She's not going to have premarital sex until she's married.

Ephram:
That's uh... nevermind.

Bright:
Do you have the padres with you?

Ephram:
No I don't know where they are. They're probably making out.

Amy:
[to Hannah] He's learning to save lives... I barely have a life!

Nina:
Yeah, but he's a plastic surgeon from L.A. People think Jake is going to make them look like Jessica Simpson.

Jake:
Aw, that's sweet of you, babe.

Sam:
I like Linsday Lohan better.

Ephram:
[To Andy, referring to the cookies in the kitchen] Wow, it looks like you and Mrs. Fields hooked up and threw a rager.

Ephram:
[about Reid grinding coffee] Is there a law against doing that before noon?

Reid:
I'm sorry man. My morning coffee's the key to my whole day. It's Kona... and serious. That's why it costs like, 20 bucks a bean.

Ephram:
Is that why you can't afford a shirt?

Bright:
I know you don't want to have sex because of the Bible, but I was thinking like, I'm not sure that there's anything in there that says you can't take your girlfriend's bra off.

Hannah:
Well... it's not about the Bible... it's, it's, it's about timing. It's just not bra removal time.

Bright:
Oh yeah... out of curiosity, when exactly would you say would be bra removal time?

Ephram:
Every time you left my garage last summer it was like Pig-Pen had just been there. Sometimes when I think about you, I envision this, like, uh, dust cloud over your head.

Amy:
I guess that makes you the obsessive Peanut who's always banging away on his piano.

Ephram:
Well, chicks love Schroeder.

Nina:
Jake, I don't care. My best friend lost her husband, Hannah is freaking out, and based on Sam's favorite new word, I'm pretty sure he's been sneaking episodes of Deadwood.

Hannah:
I'm serious, Amy. You've got to get out there and meet some new people.

Amy:
Yeah, I tried that. And you know what? New people suck!

Bright:
My chest hurts and I just want to sleep all the time.

Rose:
Here, let me see if you have a fever. [feels Bright's head] Nope, you don't feel warm to me.

Bright:
I feel warm to me.

Rose:
That's because you just pulled your head out of the laundry. What you have is a heartache.

Bright:
Can't I just have whooping cough or something?

Harold:
Here's to hurling ourselves out of an airplane.

Andy:
Here's to hurling in general! [high fives with Harold]

Harold:
Owww! [holding his arm out and wincing]

Andy:
Problem is you're holding your hand up too high.

Harold:
You don't have to slap so hard next time!

Harold:
Shall we consult; share our suggested feats of derring-do?

Andy:
You go first.

Harold:
Alright. Don't be alarmed by the criminal nature of the suggested. After all, it's mealy a misdemeanor…I propose that we shoplift chewing gum from Herb's general store.

Ephram:
Are you sure I can't interest you in a peanut butter jelly sandwich dipped in cold tomato soup?

Amy:
It's the dipping that freaks people out Ephram; why must you dip?

Hannah:
[answering her cell] Hey, Amy.

Amy:
Are you sitting down?

Hannah:
Yeah, why?

Amy:
I need to talk to you.

Bright:
[answering his cell] The boy is back in town, how was New York, man?

Ephram:
Fine. I need to ask you something.

Hannah:
What's the matter?

Ephram:
Say you ran into an old girlfriend.

Amy:
Are you sure you're sitting down?

Bright:
Don't tell me you saw Madison?

Hannah:
[to Bright] He saw Madison?…!

Ephram:
No, not Madison.

Amy:
So, I went over to Ephram's last week.

Ephram:
And you weren't planning on anything happening…

Amy:
And we were just supposed to study…

Ephram:
And things got a little heated…

Amy:
And there was no one there…

Ephram:
And then something kinda…

Amy:
And we totally had sex.

Hannah:
You and Ephram slept together?!!

Bright:
[to Hannah] What?! No way!

Ephram:
"No way" what?

Amy:
I've been meaning to tell you.

Ephram:
Hello, you there?

Amy:
I just felt so weird.

Bright:
Dude, did you and my sister get back together?

Amy:
And I don't know what it means yet.

Ephram:
What? Who told you that?

Hannah:
I can't believe this.

Bright:
I can't believe you.

Hannah:
Bright. This is so…Great.

Bright:
…Bad.

Ephram:
Have you talked to her?

Amy:
And he said he's still in love with me.

Ephram:
Did she say we were back together?

Amy:
And we haven't spoken since.

Hannah:
Okay, listen, come and get me right now.

Bright:
Okay, stay where you are.

Hannah:
We have to celebrate.

Bright:
Time for some serious damage control.

Amy:
This is not a celebration, Hannah.

Ephram:
I don't need damage control.

Amy:
I'll be there in ten.

Ephram:
Fine, if you're coming, bring breakfast, and beer.

[Hannah and Bright both hang up and look at each other]

Hannah:
Guess that bike ride's gonna have to wait.

Bright:
Yeah.

[They share a kiss and both depart]

Andy:
Go to your room!!

Delia:
I'm going!

Andy:
Well...go faster!!

Andy:
Does your sister know you're using her computer?

Ephram:
Do I care?

Andy:
Have you seen her lately? She'd kick your skinny white ass.

Bright:
Aw yeah, B plus. Career high. Who puts the stud in American Studies? Bright Abbott does, ladies and gentlemen. I could do this professionally.

Ephram:
You want to be a Historian?

Bright:
God, is that what it would make me? Never mind.

Ephram:
[To Reid] My dad always said that medical school was like the fifth ring of hell... or maybe it was the seventh. I can't remember, I always tuned him out anyway.

Nurse:
Well, Edna, you did not have a heart attack.

Andy:
Thank God.

Edna:
Ah, thank Lipitor.

Laurie:
[To Amy] I live for students like you. Most kids just want to get an A and go home and watch Laguna Beach. A show, by the way, which is scarily instructive about gender roles.

Bright:
[To Ephram] If Jennifer can get over the Brad, you can get over my sister.

Ephram:
So, is everything all right?

Kyle:
Have you been watching Lifetime or something?

Andy:
[Referring to online dating] Look, no one is more depressed about this than I am, but this is how people meet these days. I mean, Diane Lane's doing it, how bad can it be?

Ephram:
That was a movie.

Andy:
Yes, but it was a movie she agreed to do, so she must have found the character plausible.

Ephram:
Don't you have to at least kiss a girl to know that you're gay?

Reid:
I don't know. Do you have to kiss a guy to know that you're straight?

Andy:
What if he's gay?

Ephram:
Isn't he a little young to know if he's gay?

Hannah:
I think you should shut your piehole Bright Abbott before I come over there and shut it for you!

Bright:
Bring it on Splotchy!

Jake:
Everwood is not going to like this.

Andy:
Nope. But it's been kind of quiet around here anyway. It's time to shake things up a bit.

Jake:
What is this? Some kind of Andy Brown neurosurgeon mind game?

Andy:
Yes, I'm going to bring you down by agreeing with you.

Amy:
[to Hanna] Wow, you're actually expressing a feeling. And it's negative. Maybe we should throw a party.

Bright:
She doesn't like parties.

Harold:
[after finding Bill and Rose smoking pot] I trust you're not driving home in your condition.

Bill:
No, I can drive with cancer... [laughter from him and Rose].

Rose:
Really Harold, I took one hit.

Harold:
Hit, so now you know the lingo. I suppose next you'll be listening to Pink Floyd over dinner.

Ada:
Well, you know what they say. If the sex is good it's five percent of the relationship. If the sex is bad, it's ninety five percent.

Bright:
Well, what do they say if there's no sex at all?

[Kyle just told Ephram that he got the audition at Julliard]

Kyle:
Any words of advice?

Ephram:
Yeah... don't suck.

Andy:
You would sell your soul for a toaster?

Ephram:
It's a kick-ass toaster.

Andy:
Does it look like a florist threw up in here to you?

Ephram:
What would you do? Would you have forgiven me?

Amy:
Probably not, but you would never have done what Bright did.

Ephram:
Yeah true, only because I know you would have come after me with a knife.

Amy:
[walks into the room as Ephram is playing the piano] When are you gonna start playing stuff that I can sing along to?

Ephram:
Well, if you can't sing along to Rachmaninoff, then I don't think I can help you.

Andy:
[to adoption agency worker] Harold is an extraordinary husband and father. I am constantly going to him for parenting advice. He could be the next Dr. Phil.

Ephram:
[to Bright] Okay, yeah, that doesn't count when you're talking about Ada. That's like having a crush on Heidi Klum; you can't get in trouble for that.

Harold:
You're not a bad person, Bright. Your impulses may not always be the best, but they are always honest. You have a good heart. At the end of the day that's all I could ask for.

Bright:
So, is that all the stuff mom told you to say?

Harold:
No. It is true she has always understood you better than I, always knows what to do. I've been at a loss more times than I care to admit. The fact is I'm a little jealous of you...

Bright:
Now I know you're messing with me.

Harold:
No, God no, not at all. Your ability to make friends at the drop of a hat: something I've never mastered. You approach life with an ease and natural social grace and I've always been hindered in that department. I've been waiting for a moment like this between the two of us.

Bright:
Really?

Harold:
I've always hoped that I would have something of use to say when you would need me, I guess. Of course after our camping debacle last fall, I'm thinking that maybe that time has past and you don't need me any more. And I really wanted to give you something, because the fact of the matter is you have taught me a great deal. Taught me how to laugh, take myself less seriously. I admire you.

Rose:
[to Hannah] I just started at the art museum over in Colorado Springs. It's very little money involved, but I do get to look at Cézanne all day, which does wonders for the spirit.

Hannah:
[to Bright] I just really need to figure out how to move on with my life right now... [pause] without you.

Thalia:
I'm talking about that loser, Ashlee Simpson, backing out of my party.

Delia:
She did?

Thalia:
My mom's getting Jessica now, which is way better anyway.

Reid:
I really feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now.

Ephram:
And you wonder why we always think you're gay.

Andy:
Don't tell me you were just talking to that man there.

Ephram:
Yeah, why? Do you know him?

Andy:
He's my father.

Bright:
[Drunk] Did you happen to know almost all hookers strip, but nearly no strippers hook? That's not a word, is it? Yeah it is... Hook! Captain Hook!

Hannah:
[as Bright lies unconscious in the hospital] Please don't die. [Puts her head down on his bed and starts to cry] Please don't die.

Bright:
[Coming around] Okay.

Ephram:
You're not working on any plan. I came in here yesterday and you were watching the Lifetime channel.

Bright:
That was all in the spirit of research, my friend, okay? Besides, Meredith Baxter Birney? Total MILF.

Bright:
[rapping] B Abbott, I'm funny like a rabbit or bunny and I don't have a job, which means I ain't got no money.

Amy:
[to Ephram] So, yeah, I thought about it, but more in the way I thought about marrying Big Bird when I was six.

Andy:
[to Ephram] Are you kidding? Patience is my middle name. I am all about maintaining the zen of my motorcycle, or whatever that book says.

Stephanie:
I had this Physics professor that looked like Johnny Depp. Made calculating stuff a lot more interesting.

Ephram:
You know, I've been told that I have a Depp-like quality.

Ephram:
I mean, everybody's got that picture in their mind. The one of, you know, how they think their life's supposed to be.

Andy:
Well, the thing about the picture is... how do you look in it? It's not about who you're standing next to, or what's in the background... it's are you smiling? Are you happy? Are you good with the choices that you've made? Because if you are, it doesn't matter where you're standing or who you're standing next to... it's... it's a good picture.

Rose:
Amy, you haven't moved for over two hours. Are you sick, sweetheart?

Amy:
No, I'm stupid. I had the thing, mom. I had the thing that everybody wants and I threw it away. And now Ephram has become Stephram and you can't just walk up to Stephram and be like, Hi, I'm in love with you again. Especially 'cause she's buying him jackets.

Rose:
Ok.

Amy:
She's worked back from the inside. She has home-court advantage. I thought I could work the old-school angle, but now I'm realizing that I have no angle. All I have is how I feel and I can't even describe how I feel because it's just, it's so...

Rose:
Much.

Amy:
Yes, exactly.

Rose:
You love Ephram.

Amy:
Mom, yes. Keep up.

Rose:
But why aren't your feelings enough, sweetheart? Considering the history you two have, it could maybe amount to more than a jacket. And if you could express your feelings to Ephram in a slightly less anxiety provoking way than you just expressed them to me, well...

Amy:
It won't be enough. Saying the words doesn't even come close to how I feel about him. And besides that, this is Ephram. Grand gesture Ephram. He had his dad perform surgery on my boyfriend while he was in love with me. He wrote my Princeton essay for me. Our first time together.

Rose:
I get it. Say no more.

Amy:
I just think if I can find a way to show him just how much I love him, that I remember everything and I'm not gonna forget.

Rose:
Then you will. You will.

Bright:
So you come any closer to making a decision? About school, you know?

Hannah:
Ugh. No. It's getting ridiculous since my registrations is due like tomorrow.

Bright:
I think you should go to Notre Dame, Hannah.

Hannah:
What?

Bright:
It's not because I don't love you, I really do love you, but this is... it's the right thing to do.

Hannah:
I don't understand. Why...

Bright:
I was all ready to tell you to not go to Notre Dame, I had a whole pitch all planned out, and knowing my charm it probably would've worked out. But I was doing it for me. Okay, because I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing you every day, and because part of me was hoping that maybe we could get back together, or something. But I was being selfish. I mean, come on, if there's anything you taught me, when you love someone you gotta put them first. You worked your ass off to go to Notre Dame and you should go. You deserve to go.

Hannah:
Yeah, but I...

Bright:
The only reason you wouldn't go is cause you're afraid to lose us? Come on, Hannah, that's not gonna happen. Alright, we're always gonna be here. I'm always gonna be here for you. I know I let you down before, I promise that will never ever happen again.

Hannah:
Right.

Bright:
So it's gonna be me and you, just best friends, for life.

Hannah:
For life.

[They hug]

Andy:
Come on, I want to ask you something.

Nina:
I don't have any shoes on.

Andy:
Doesn't matter, you won't need them.

[They leave Andy's house and walk to the front of Nina's]

Andy:
This is where we met. You were pregnant with another man's baby and I was fighting with my son. It wasn't a great beginning but it was our beginning. Anyway, you were working on the yard in this exact spot which I thought was very odd because there was still snow everywhere.

Nina:
And I remember.

Andy:
The next time I saw you, you invited me into your house. We drank coffee and we talked, and I remember thinking when I left that it wasn't just a coincidence that I ended up buying that house. It was fate. Someone was trying to tell us something. You know how I feel about you, Nina. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time and I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. So... [He gets the engagement ring] I know you've seen it already.

Nina:
No, I haven't. I never looked at it, I promise.

Andy:
Oh. This makes this part more fun. [He gets on his knees] Nina Feeney, will you marry me?

Nina:
Yes, I will.

[Ephram runs downstairs and outside, and sees the Ferris wheel, with Amy in front of it. He stops and stares at it]

Amy:
Don't say anything yet. I wanna go first, and since I brought the Ferris wheel I figured you'd let me. Okay, um. Four years ago, you came to my little town, and you changed my life. I never thought that one person could do that to another, but you did. And from the moment I met you and each moment after that, somehow everything that happened to me, kept coming back to you. I don't know if the Ferris wheel reminds you of anything...

Ephram:
Are you kidding me? How could I forget our first Thawfest? It's when you first told me your nickname was Grover.

Amy:
I can't believe you remember that.

Ephram:
I remember everything about us, Amy.

Amy:
Me, too. See, that's the thing. Every time I try to forget the feelings that I have for you, they just... they just keep coming back, and now they're back, and I don't want to push them down anymore. I don't wanna run away from us. Because I never want to lose you again, I just want to be with you, next to you, wherever you are. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, I really am, because I hate all the time that we lost and I know it's my fault and I just really hope that you can forgive me.

Ephram:
Amy.

Amy:
Because I love you, Ephram. I love you.

[Ephram kisses her]

Ephram:
Is it my turn yet? Good. Because I love you, too. I knew it then. I know it now. I'll know it always. You're it, Amy. You're my one.

Amy:
I am?

Ephram:
You always have been.

Nina:
Are all men twelve years old?

Andy:
In the inside, yes.

Andy:
We are cities boys, the only thing we do agree on is that nature sucks.

Andy:
I will more hands off, I won't talk to him, I won't pressure him into doing anything he doesn't wanna do. And if I do have to engage with him, I'll just get in quick and get out quicker.

Delia:
This family needs so much help

Doctor Abbot:
So, why exactly are you here? This trip was suppose to be about bounding with your son. Thus far you have spend all of ten minutes with him since we pulled into the parking lot.

Doctor Brown:
Not true, we had dinner, I told a joke about the nuns, he laughed, it was great.

Doctor Abbot:
Waw, I'm offering you an opportunity for the ultimate father-son experience here, so get up and have your son and start establishing some traditions.

Doctor Brown:
We have established traditions, it's called not fighting for 24 hours. And so far, it rocks.