Family Ties, Season 1

Steven:
[about Alex] I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan got elected.

Steven:
[to Elyse] Do you think maybe he was switched at birth and the Rockefellers have our kid?

Elyse:
Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think?

Alex:
Are you going to wear your hair like that, or are you going to put it up?

Mallory:
[witnessing her parents kissing in the kitchen] You guys have been married for a long time. Haven't you had enough?

Alex:
How do I look?

Steven:
Middle-aged.

Alex:
Dad, recent studies show, that you can predict success by the way a person dresses.

Steven:
Alex, you're a young man. You shouldn't be worried about success. You should be thinking about hopping on a steam trainer, and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico, South America, or anywhere.

Alex:
The 1960's are over Dad.

Steven:
Thanks for the tip.

Jennifer:
What's impetuous?

Steven:
Well, uh. That's when you do something without thinking it through.

Jennifer:
Like when you guys decided to have Alex?

Alex:
Skippy, remember when we were little kids, and I accidentally ran over you with my bicycle?

Skippy:
Yeah.

Alex:
I drive a car now.

Mallory:
What do you say, Alex? She really thinks you're cute.

Alex:
Look, Mallory. I don't go out with girls who have an IQ lower than room temperature, or have contagious diseases, or friends of yours. And there's certainly some overlap in those categories.

Alex:
[turning on the radio] Oh I hope you don't mind, it's time for the commerce and shipping news.

Mallory:
Alex we do mind we're doing a project for school here.

Alex:
All right, all right I'll listen to it upstairs, it's a lot more exciting in stereo anyway.

Elyse:
What happened?

Alex:
Oh he was going out for a pass and he ran into the pole.

Jennifer:
I told you to run down and in Skippy, you were supposed to go to the pole and stop!

Skippy:
I did, I stopped when I hit the pole.

Elyse:
Who is Sherry Marshall?

Mallory:
She happens to be a Pi Nu the best sorority in the whole world, she's the president.

Steven:
Is she coming alone or with some secret service agents?

Elyse:
Mr. Carlyle, Do you really believe that my brother stole that money? I mean, he's not the type.

Carlyle:
I'll mention that to the guys in New York. But to be honest with you: I think they're going to want to push ahead with the case anyway.

Carlyle:
[on what would happen if it turned out that the Keatons were lying to him about where Ned is] Well, hypothetically speaking, you would be hypothetically arrested for harboring a known criminal, and hypothetically sent to a very real jail.

Alex:
It's like taking candy from a baby.

Jennifer:
Brings back memories.

Steven:
No movies, no dates....

Alex:
Sounds fair.

Steven:
... and no TV.

Alex:
Not even Wall Street Week?

Steven:
Especially not Wall Street Week.

Alex:
Come on Dad. I didn't kill a guy!

Steven:
Alex I am out $2,700. I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines. They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption, Our Founder. You are lucky to be getting off this easy.

Alex:
Oh listen, just in case, I mean if this stock does go up, we are in this 50/50 right?

Mrs. Matthews:
This is not very good news is it?

Mr. Matthews:
No it is not.

Mrs. Matthews:
We invested everything we had with you. Our, our life savings.

Mr. Matthews:
We knew there would be risks going in. We discussed that.

Mrs. Matthews:
But we are retired people there is no way that we can re-earn what we have lost. We will lose our house, our car.... Is not there anything you can do?

Mr. Matthews:
Sorry. Say Hi to Dad.

Mallory:
So Alex what are you going to do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who is nearsighted?

Alex:
Jennifer…

Jennifer:
Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you get a really bad headache.

Alex:
Dad, I'm 138 and 0 against you [in chess].

Steven:
138, 0 and 1. You forgot about the draw.

Alex:
I had my appendix out that day.

Steven:
The anesthesia had worn off.

Alex:
I want you.

Ming:
You don't want me, Alex. You want another you. You want someone who looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you.

Alex:
Is that how I acted?

Ming:
Look, I can't be Alex; I gotta be Ming.

Steven:
Hey, Alex. How's it going?

Alex:
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more:
it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

Steven:
He seems a bit depressed.