Felicity

Felicity:
They say crash victims --people who lose a limb--that they can still feel their missing arm or leg, even after it's gone. It's called phantom pain, right? Well, suddenly, I had this horrible thought. What if high school went away but the feeling of it didn't? I mean I didn't feel joy... or sorrow... or anticipation. Things were going so well, but all I could feel was.... was dread.

Noel:
OK, OK, OK. Here's--here's my speech. This is the big speech from Noel. Uh... you mustn't leave this school. Why? Here's why. Because this is--this is a life struggle. This is fate, this is a challenge. I-if you turn away from this now, you will -- and I promise you this -- be confronted by the same issue five years from now. Or ten. All right? You'll be--you'll be the fancy doctor with--with the fancy practice. You'll--you'll be married... and you'll have like four phone lines in your home. And then, boom, it'll--it'll grip you like a blast of freezing cold air. You know, "what--what the hell is my life?" And you'll be able to trace it back to this instant. This--this very moment, when that geek R.A. gave you these four words of advice, "stay in New York, or perish". Five... six words.

Sally:
I guess, I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are gonna be. Things happen to us. But it's our reactions that matter. I just want you to know, I think you've made a really great choice. And I can't wait to hear what happens.

Felicity:
It's funny. Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can pretty much change your life forever.

Felicity:
Is it possible to be just friends with someone I have these sort of immoderate feelings for?

Noel:
So you have no intention of buying knives?

Lewis:
[hesitates as he shiftily moves his eyes] No.

Noel:
Or killing your roommate?

Lewis:
[pauses longer with more shifty eye movement] No.

Noel:
I gotta be honest here, Lewis. I wish you were more convincing.

Julie:
[about her adoptive parents] What they don't know. What I haven't told anyone... that I found out my birth mom's name last year and she lives in New York.

Felicity:
Is... I mean that's not why you came here.

Julie:
They'd be really hurt if they found out.

Felicity:
I won't say anything.

Julie:
I know.

Felicity:
God, I feel all grown up.

Julie:
Me too.

Felicity:
Years from now, Ben will look back on college and remember Felicity Porter: as that obsessive girl with frizzy hair who not only followed him across country, but then just began randomly sending him information about herself, as if he'd ever asked for any.

Noel:
Well, if you can live with that, then you're okay.

Elena:
[about the freshman mixer] I hate these things. A room full of junior high insecurities.

Ben:
Did you get what you wanted?

Felicity:
Inorganic chemistry.

Ben:
You got that and you're happy?

Julie:
Last year, at the same party, three people showed up naked.

Felicity:
Whoa... I'm going to be wearing clothes to this party.

Noel:
Okay, does everybody like Ben? And I'm not asking that rhetorically.

Meghan:
I replaced your stupid apple.

Felicity:
With a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?

Meghan:
It tastes so much like butter.

Elena:
Have you seen Felicity?

Meghan:
She's probably in Noel's room, getting some.

Elena:
Getting some what?

Meghan:
A little R.A. ass, or whatever.

Elena:
What?

Meghan:
She's doing the R.A.

Elena:
Felicity?

Meghan:
I know. I didn't think she had it in her either.

Felicity:
You think I'm dating Noel to get an appliance?

Elena:
I think you're dating Noel and getting an appliance.

Felicity:
Who told you that?

Elena:
[about Meghan] That Halloween costume you live with.

Meghan:
Man, I had you pegged for this uptight, no-fun, like, follow-the-rules, kiss-ass bore.

Felicity:
Well, that's actually much closer to my personality.

Noel:
The Tin Man's in your room?

Elena:
Will you shut up?!

Noel:
Sure.

Elena:
We just hung out and listened to music.

Noel:
Fine. Whatever. Just be careful… I heard he doesn't have a heart.

Sally:
I guess we all have our own war stories, but they're meant to be shared, they have to be, because these stories, they're what bring us together, and... they keep us alive.

Ben:
Not everybody's like you, all right? Crazy-sensitive and always judging everybody.

Felicity:
I don't always judge everybody... I always judge you.

Sally:
If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.

Noel:
I'm a big believer in the fact that the truth comes out whether you tell them or not.

Julie:
He touched your teeth, it means something.

Felicity:
My teeth don't mean anything.

Julie:
Don't you think he touched her teeth?

Felicity:
It was like a...flick.

Elena:
I need your advice about men.

Felicity:
You need my advice about men?

Elena:
Noel, you're giving me a speech.

Noel:
It's a speech moment, you know.

Felicity:
You know what?!

Noel:
What?

Felicity:
Maybe I AM a lovesick schoolgirl.

Noel:
I'm not going to be your girlfriend.

Felicity:
Were you ever going to be my girlfriend?

Noel:
Why does anyone have a web page? Too much free time. Not enough friends. Justifying owning a computer.

Julie:
So what's going on? Are you and Ben...?

Felicity:
Screwing? No. Talking? No.

Sally:
Dear Felicity, it's amazing how we blame ourselves. You know when John died, I was a wreck. Certain, that somehow, cosmically, I'd caused that accident. It's probably just human nature to try to make sense of things. Random things. I think the scariest part is realizing that sometimes bad things just happen. No reason, no purpose. They just occur and we're left to pick up the pieces. I guess that's what we're all doing all the time, just picking up the pieces the best we can.

Ben:
[to Zach] See, the difference is, when you said, 'Stop,' I did.

Felicity:
You're not growing a goatee, are you?

Noel:
Not with that tone in your voice.

Story:
How much did that stuff taste like butter?

Meghan:
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? So much.

Sally:
Dear Felicity, I planned on spending Thanksgiving by myself this year. I thought it would be too hard to try and celebrate the holiday with new friends in this new place, but then Emmitt and a bunch of friends from work showed up at my place with all this food. It's incredible really, one minute your standing in this new city with nothing but your suitcase and then you look around and suddenly, you realize you're surrounded by family.

Felicity:
Julie, I'm gonna go wash these.

Julie:
Okay. Try the men's room, it's got a bigger sink. Don't ask me how I know that.

Felicity:
Can you guys excuse me for a minute?

Julie:
Where are you going?

Felicity:
Hyperventilate. I'll be right back.

Felicity:
Can I just say one thing?

Noel:
You never say one thing.

Javier:
I said, "Ma, if Nono's gonna be there for Thanksgiving, count me out."

Felicity:
Good for you! What did she say?

Javier:
There's a little space out back by the garage. She's gonna leave him out there.

Felicity:
Wait, so, ah... Nono's a dog?

Javier:
No.

Noel:
What the hell is this?

Richard:
Oh hey man. Wanna burger?

Noel:
Did it ever cross your mind Richard, that it might be against building code to have a cook out in your dorm room!?

Meghan:
What's your problem?

Noel:
Wow, well, uh, I don't know where to begin...

Meghan:
Hey, if you're actually gonna answer that question, could you not?

Meghan:
You're gonna get real hyper, 'cause that powder's concentrated, like, 200 percent.

Noel:
Stop talking so slowly!

Meghan:
Wow!

Noel:
Have you seen Felicity?

Elena:
Why don't you two put lo-jacks on each other?

Noel:
It's sad. He's got necrophilia.

Felicity:
He sleeps with dead people?

Noel:
No, I mean narcolepsy.

Felicity:
[to Noel] You and I should have sex.

Felicity:
[marking Day Planner] Noel... Sex. Is eight o'clock okay?

Noel:
For sex? Eight o'clock... eight's good.

Noel:
I have a pretty good reason to believe that Felicity's moved past Ben.

Noel:
Don't be jealous.

Felicity:
I'm sure I'm supposed to be, but it's just too sad.

Censa:
You could make a lot of money selling your hair. I know people.

Felicity:
I'll keep that in mind.

Noel:
[at vending machine] I never pictured you as a 'Payday' kind of guy.

Ben:
You, you picture me?

Noel:
What! No! Uh, I just, I needed something to say, and that's unfortunately what came together.

Blair:
Tara and I never slept together.

Elena:
Well, you should. That way I know that you're sleeping with a bitch and she's left unsatisfied.

Ben:
Felicity's got a stalker.

Sean:
'Got' or 'is'?

Felicity:
He came all the way to New York, convinced that I'm, like, his soulmate or something.

Ben:
Imagine that.

Felicity:
I'm sort of in the same situation.

Ben:
You're stalking somebody else? Who?

Meghan:
[after piercing her nose] It's in. I can't even feel it. That's the first time I've said that.

Richard:
[about Felicity and Noel] You guys aren't breaking up are you? 'Cause that would really screw up my life.

Noel:
Hey, have you seen Felicity?

Meghan:
I cannot wait for the day you stop asking me that question.

Todd:
Felicity, you know, I think that kiss was pretty damn good.

Felicity:
Okay, you need to go home.

Julie:
I don't like hospitals. You know why?

Noel:
Every really obvious reason?

Javier:
In my family, brutal honesty is the most valuable commodity. That, and rugalah.

Meghan:
Are you buying her a car?

Felicity:
Meghan!

Meghan:
What?! A friend of mine married a guy from Togo, he bought her a Montero!

Felicity:
Well, he's not buying me a car.

Javier:
Do you want a bicycle?

Noel:
Actually, I haven't been that supportive.

Javier:
Oh. Well, then, no muffins for you.

Felicity:
You don't seem exactly… straight.

Javier:
[gasping] Really?

Meghan:
[to Felicity] Man! Every time I think I got you pegged, you just do something completely bitchin'!

Felicity:
Uh, excuse me, Abby?

Abby:
Yes, Felicity?

Felicity:
You probably know this, I'm sure you do, but our old manager, Javier, actually did employee evaluations on all of us.

Abby:
You're right. I do know that. But remarks like, "a real cutie patootie," and "when he makes a mochachino I get all tingly," were hard to quantify.

Ben:
[to Felicity] Noel would never choose to be with somebody else when he could be with you.

Julie:
What are you doing?

Felicity:
Spying. Blatantly spying.

Elena:
Don't you dare let some mix tape make you go soft on Noel.

Meghan:
[to Felicity] I thought getting some would have loosened you up a little; but, damn, you're worse than ever.

Meghan:
[to Felicity] You snooze, you lose. Hey, that's what you should have told Noel when he threw a hissy fit about you banging the art student.

Mrs. Rotundi:
Do you like art?

Meghan:
Felicity likes artists, Mommy.

Felicity:
We're just talking about this. [Holds up box]

Mrs. Rotundi:
Oh. What's that?

Felicity:
Oh, it's just my secret box. No one is ever allowed to look inside of it, including Meghan. I drive her crazy with it.

Felicity:
[to Meghan] And you know what the funny thing is? You probably wouldn't even care less what's inside the stupid box if I didn't keep taunting you with it, you know?

Elena:
[to Noel] I didn't say every guy was a jerk. I said you were a jerk.

Sean:
Noel, you guys mean more to each other than you think. Go talk to her! You know, really try and make this better! Fight for that relationship, and... let me videotape it.

Noel:
No. It's over. OK, the fact is, I mean even... even if you forget for just a second that we both did horrible things to each other, Felicity never felt for me what I felt for her. And that's just the truth.

Meghan:
[to Sean] If they get back together I'm gonna throw up, and I'm not kidding, I'm gonna vomit on this carpet. And you can videotape it.

Sean:
What's it like living with Felicity?

Meghan:
It's like living with a TV. That's always playing Little House on the Prairie. Only with more sweaters...

Sean:
Anything else?

Meghan:
Yeah. If Noel asks me one more time if I've seen Felicity, I'm gonna kill him! Are you listening, Mr. R.A.? Here's the answer, for the rest of your life--'I HAVEN'T SEEN FELICITY!'

Sean:
Do you have an opinion about Felicity and Noel?

Meghan:
Yeah. First of all, no one cares less than me. Second of all, GET OVER IT, Noel! She slept with an artist, it doesn't matter!

Noel:
So you want me to change my life so you can make a better documentary?

Sean:
Would you mind?

Ben:
[About his mom] She finally left my dad, and has a chance to be happy for the first time in her life..ever. I know that if she knew what was going here, she would be so worried. I've screwed up her life enough.

Felicity:
Maybe you should let her worry. I mean may be that's not such a bad thing. I mean they're still your parents. Maybe you should let your mom, be your mom. Let her take care of you. Let her worry about you.

Noel:
[about Felicity] We're starting over. It's all about foundations and rebuilding.

Richard:
What's that supposed to mean?

Noel:
I have no idea.

Felicity:
I thought that maybe you had hated me just a little.

Abby:
Maybe I do. You're young, perky. And then there's the hair.

Felicity:
I thought you liked Nicole.

Ben:
I did. I did! It's just she's been sending these signals... that she's interested in me.

Felicity:
What kind of signals?

Ben:
Well, she, uh, she kissed me.

Felicity:
What?!

Ben:
Yeah. That was one signal. And then she came over last night... she took her clothes off, which was signal number two.

Felicity:
How is burning my hair going to help you with your finals?

Meghan:
Wouldn't you like to know?

Felicity:
Meghan, what's going on?

Meghan:
What does it look like?

Felicity:
Yeah. I have no idea.

Advisor:
Are you still thinking about becoming an R.A?

Felicity:
I don't think so.

Advisor:
Really?

Felicity:
Yeah, I'm...um, kind of feeling like who am I to be giving anyone advice?

Advisor:
You're someone who's been through it. (pause) So... see you next year?

Felicity:
[to the advisor] I just hope this whole year wasn't for nothing. I hope I learned something. When I came here. I didn't know anyone. I mean, even the boy I followed to New York was a stranger, which,it turns out is why I followed him to New York. There were people here that I never met. Who,just became so important to me, it's like... I don't know... I guess they just felt like real friends. I bet you get this a lot, right? Kids at the end of their freshman year crying about their lives... about the way things turned out.

Felicity:
[to Sally] Is it just me, or did this year go by faster than ever? I mean, it actually seems like time is speeding up. Lately, I have been getting up earlier everyday. I don't know why. I guess it's the excitement of the end of the year or something. I've only got a few days left.

Ben:
[to Felicity] How come everything has to have so much meaning? I mean, I've never met someone so desperate for meaning.

Felicity:
You and I both know that if we were to drive across the country, it would never be platonic.

Ben:
So?

...

Felicity:
I can't be having this conversation, because I am the devil.

Ben:
You keep saying you're the devil. I'll tell you what: you are not the devil.

Felicity:
What if I am? Then what?

Ben:
Then I'd still want you to come with me.

Felicity:
You would not!

Ben:
Yes I would.

Felicity:
First of all, you would not want me to go with you if I were the devil. And secondly, it's not just us. There are other people involved.

Ben:
Yeah, but I like you. I can't help it.

...

Ben:
Where are you going?

Felicity:
I don't know. It's a flight reflex.

[Ben kisses Felicity. Felicity stares ahead in shock]

Ben:
I've been wanting to do that for a long time.