Happy Days, Season 1

Richie:
We played chess.

Fonzie:
You played with her chest?

Howard:
What's a Fonzie?

Richie:
Arthur Fonzarelli. He dropped out of school.

Richie:
We just had some beer - in teeny-weeny glasses.

Howard:
How many teeny-weeny glasses did you have?

Richie:
Seventy-two.

Howard:
I think it's time for some teeny-weeny cups of coffee.

Sergeant:
[speaking to kids rounded up at an illegal drag race and Howard, who tried to stop it] Ah, it's the children's hour. Now, this isn't a nice way to spend the evening, is it? We could all be home, in our nice little beds, but you had to go out and have a nasty, old drag race. Now, in case you haven't heard lately, drag racing is a no-no in this state. [speaking directly to Howard] Ah. You don't make me very happy, kids. [taps Howard on shoulder] You're a little old for this kinda thing, aren't you, sonny?

Sergeant:
Aw, Fonzie. I'm ashamed of you. I never expected to see you in here for draggin' - especially against Skizzy. Now, don't tell me you lost your cool.

Fonzie:
Hey, he insulted a friend. I just thought it was my duty to drive, you know?

Sergeant:
Well, I guess chivalry ain't what it used to be.

Richie:
You make school sound like good fun.

Fonzie:
Well, school's got good points. I mean, smoking in the bathroom, cutting classes, showing my tattoo to the chicks.

Marion:
What do you plan to do when you get out of school?

Fonzie:
Oh, I was thinking I might become a cop.

Marion:
That's very admirable.

Fonzie:
I mean, it's the only job I know where they pay you to drive a motorcycle.

Richie:
Arlene, we've only been going together for two weeks. It's not like we're married.

Arlene:
Richie, one week is a crush. Two weeks is a commitment.

Howard:
Richard, there is one thing that women like men to do. It's what they call "a romantic gesture." We men call it "eating crow."

Richie:
You know, here we are, two able-bodied men with no money. Why?

Potsie:
Because we're lazy?

Joanie:
Today is Junior Chipmunk father/daughter outing.

Howard:
Marion, can't you go?

Joanie:
Oh, great. The only event I'll win is the prettiest father.

Potsie:
What's the world coming to when you can't bribe your best friend?

Howard:
What are you going to wear to Ralph's costume party?

Richie:
I haven't decided yet.

Marion:
How about something like Donald Duck?

Richie:
Oh, Mom!

Marion:
What's wrong with Donald Duck?

Joanie:
Mom, it's hard to neck with a beak.

Richie:
Why did you let me kiss you if you didn't want to go steady?

Cindy:
Because whenever I study with boys, all they think about is how to kiss me. So, I give them one kiss, and then we can concentrate on the books. It's a study system.

Marion:
Your father once even sent me a five-pound box of candy on Valentine's Day anonymously. He was a devil.

Howard:
I never ever sent you a five-pound box of candy.

Marion:
You didn't?

Howard:
No, I didn't.

Marion:
Then I must have married the wrong man.

Marion:
How was the Junior Chipmunk meeting, dear?

Joanie:
It was good. Barbara Jo Allen ate a fly.

Howard:
Well, with beef at 68 cents a pound, I can't blame her.

Fonzie:
You gotta have cousins and in-laws and stuff. I mean, all those people! I got nothing against marriage, but how am I gonna get them all on my bike at the same time?

Howard:
Marion, do you remember our wedding night?

Marion:
Howard, we've been married twenty-one years. You can stop apologizing now.

Fonzie:
Hey, Cunningham, which is cooler? The mirrors up like this at an angle or down like this, straight?

Richie:
Well, I think you can see better with them down at an angle.

Fonzie:
Hey, I don't wanna see where I've been. I wanna see how cool I look getting there!

[The Cunninghams are inspecting the plans for the bomb shelter]

Marion:
Don't you think we should move the bathroom somewhere else so that, when people drop in, it won't be the first thing they see?

Howard:
Marion, we're not trying to get into Better Homes and Gardens. We're trying to survive a nuclear attack.

Marion:
I know, but we can survive with good taste.

Fonzie:
Like I always say, you live fast, you die young, you leave a good-looking corpse.

Potsie:
Hey, that's cool.

Richie:
Nick Romano said that in Knock on Any Door.

Fonzie:
I think I said it better.