Hawaii Five-O, Season 1

McGarrett:
Kono?

Kono:
Blanksville.

McGarrett:
Danno?

Danno:
Double blanksville.

Chin:
Chin Ho Kelly strikes again!

McGarrett:
Shut up and sit down.

[McGarrett and HPD trap an intelligence agent who tailed McGarrett on Brent’s orders]

McGarrett:
Book him.

Agent:
Wait a minute. You can’t do that!

McGarrett:
Book him!

[McGarrett drives off]

Officer:
[grinning] Mister, right now I’d hate to be your boss.

Attorney General:
You have any idea of the red tape involved in getting an out-of-state body exhumed for autopsy?

McGarrett:
Yes, sir. That’s why I came directly to the Attorney General.

Attorney General:
In that case, the difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes us a little longer.

McGarrett:
How much longer?

Attorney General:
McGarrett, at times I get the distinct impression you think I work for you.

McGarrett:
Oh no, sir.

Attorney General:
You’re certain?

McGarrett:
Oh yes, sir.

Attorney General:
I’m glad one of us is.

McGarrett:
You know, it's a funny thing. I'm used to Intelligence playing it cool. Really cool. But you seem more interested in a quiet funeral than in finding out who killed your man.

Brent:
You go ahead and think what you like, McGarrett.

McGarrett:
Thanks. I usually do.

Miller:
Everybody knows that Steve McGarrett only takes orders from the Governor and God -- and occasionally even they have trouble.

[Governor sees McGarrett in dirty work clothes]

Governor:
What’s the get-up for?

McGarrett:
Well, sir...

Governor:
Don’t tell me. Keep those work clothes handy. You may need them on your next job.

Rosemary:
Well, what shall we drink to, Steven?

McGarrett:
You name it, huh?

Rosemary:
To cops.

McGarrett:
To hippies.

Rosemary:
Peace?

McGarrett:
Peace.

Chin:
I don't like it. One stray shot on that deck and "Pow" -- 250,000 barrels of diesel. All of Honolulu harbor could go up.

Kono:
You wanna live forever?

Chin:
Uh-huh. I sure do.

Rawlings/Reese:
{after his latest victim dies} "Boring to the Last Breath....[Slightly misquoting Shakespeare] Full fathom five the widow lies; and Of her bones are coral made; Those are pearls that were her eyes; Nothing of her now that doth fade, But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange. Sea-nymphs hourly ring her knell: Hark! now I hear them - Ding-dong, bell.

Chin:
[to McGarrett] Confucius once said, "We got a winner, boss."

McGarrett:
There's no law that can force the rich to get richer.

Skaggs:
Well, there should be.

McGarrett:
Anytime we can help you find another missing person, let us know. Peace, brother.

Danno:
I don't like it.

McGarrett:
Nobody asked you. [pause] Make up a complete cover history for her with documents to prove it. Can you have them by noon tomorrow?

Danno:
Sure. Forgery was my best subject.

McGarrett:
What do you know about laundry marks?

Chin:
Well, some of my best ancestors are Chinese.

Kono:
And then?

McGarrett:
Then use your imagination and training. You’re a rich haole lady, and you want to disappear. What would you do?

Kono:
Man, that would take a whole lot of imagination!

Rawlings/Reese:
{To his next prospective victim after she drops her poisoned glass}: "The Truth of the matter is...we's getting ready to Kill you"

Steve MacGarrett:
What have we got?

Kono Kalakaua:
Homicide, Land Commissioner Manu.

Steve MacGarrett:
Manu.

Kono Kalakaua:
This guy's here to place a commissioner's bag in the cab. and then, boom.

Hawaiian guard:
But I just-just put inside the cab and I went away and then, pow.

Benny Kalua:
There's an old Hawaiian saying, McGarrett. "And one day we shall be strangers in our own land."

Tokura:
If you have pressing affairs elsewhere, Mr. McGarrett, we will quite understand.

McGarrett:
As a matter of fact, I have. I'm about to order a medal -- for the next bushido who comes to chop you down.

McGarrett:
Don't bleed, Danno, think!

McGarrett:
[to Danno] Well, if there is anything else, you better remember it. A cop pulls his gun, he better remember every single detail. There's always trouble when you pull a gun, more if you fire it. You hit somebody, and you're up to your hip pockets in it. And if a cop kills somebody, every single fact better jive or he gets nailed to the wall. He's guilty until he proves himself innocent. Now that's backwards, ugly and unfair but that's the way it is.

Danno:
A small blonde who might've been there? Not much to go on.

McGarrett:
Well, it eliminates all the tall redheads.

Danno:
It's a stinking job.

McGarrett:
Who told you it was anything else?

Danno:
He was just a boy, Steve. A boy. Probably never even had to shave.

McGarrett:
You think it's easier to kill a grown man? You think the next one'll be easier than this one? God help you if you do. [pauses] It better hurt every time. It better tear your guts out every time you pull that gun, whether you use it or not. You learn to live with it, but don't get used to it.

Grey:
A million dollars?

McGarrett:
It's the kind of bait he can't resist.

Grey:
If you lose it, they'll take it out of your salary.

McGarrett:
What's a couple of hundred years of peanut butter sandwiches?

Al, the bar owner:
What will it be, Steve?

McGarrett:
Oh, water will be nice.

Al:
You don't care if my wife and three kids starve, do you?

McGarrett:
You're single, Al. Remember?

Al:
Yeah, but my sister's married and she's got five kids.

McGarrett:
Some of our best work is luck.

McGarrett:
I don't think you've been listening, Miss Michaels. I've known a hundred Joeys. As soon as he's finished using you, as soon as he makes that one big hit or he gets in a tight spot and he can run faster without you, then comes the kiss-off. But you know that better than I do. Think about it, huh?

McGarrett:
[to Chin, as a witness refuses to look at a line-up] Talk to him some more. Maybe he'll develop a public conscience, huh?

McGarrett:
He also claims he never saw the cat burglar, doesn't even know his name.

Lt. Wilson:
You believe that?

McGarrett:
Sure. I believe everything.

Chin:
But there must be a thousand places a guy could hide out.

McGarrett:
Well, you've got a thousand relatives. Use them.

Danno:
You're smart enough to know if you ran, we'd make a connection.

Irene:
Ohhh... that I killed Philip Lo?

Danno:
If you didn't, you know who did and you know why.

Irene:
The newspapers said that Private Franklin killed him. You know, with this line of yours, you could really make me dislike you.

Danno:
Wait a few hours. Then you can really hate me.

Irene:
You're a pig, Georgie. You've got more dough rolling in from numbers, pushers and prosties than you know what to do with.

George Barker:
I came from a poor background. I'm insecure, OK?

Dr. Cohen:
[referring to McGarrett] Any idea who shot him?

Danno:
No, but whoever did killed another man a few hours ago.

Dr. Cohen:
Any clues from the second victim?

Danno:
Would two patients hit by heart attacks let you know where the third one would be?

Chin:
Settle down, boys. Any trouble you got is the trouble you make.

M.K.:
What you want, venerable pain in the ancestor?

Chin:
Any read you got on the man that hit Steve McGarrett. That and no more smart mouth, or I'll shove it down your throat.

Joseph Trinian:
Some things never change. Other things maybe can't be forgotten. But removed. You think about it, Em.

McGarrett:
How do these kids of eighteen get mixed up with these bums -- would you tell me?

Danno:
Maybe they're looking for something.

McGarrett:
Yeah, trouble.

Cardonus:
[to McGarrett] I've been in the rackets long enough to know you can't buck the odds. When a pro is gunning for you, he's gonna get you.

McGarrett:
The new treatments are even more fascinating than the diseases.

Matsukino:
Man, you fracture me with that treatment stuff.

Matsukino:
[to McGarrett] Don't give me that stuff. The newspapers wouldn't print a phony story.

McGarrett:
What size shoe do you wear?

Kono:
I got teeny little feet. Size 13.

Danno:
You're always one step ahead.

McGarrett:
That's why I got the big office, Danno.

Chin:
Hey, boss, easy case. Everything fits like one, two, six.

Danno:
Peace and joy, strong brother.

McGarrett:
Peace.

Hayes:
How do you live with it?

McGarrett:
You don't. You start from right now wiser. You live for today and for what comes next. You bury the dead and you move on.

[Dr. Kemp is attending to Chin]

Dr. Kemp:
Did he mention any other complaints?

Kono:
Dizziness

Danno:
Said he felt hot.

Kono:
And cold.

Danno:
At the same time.

Kono:
Trouble hearing.

Danno:
And breathing too.

Dr. Kemp:
Any history of anxiety in his family?

Chin:
Only when I see a needle. [grimaces at a needle shot]

Kono:
He worries a lot when he breaks open a fortune cookie.

Doc Patchett:
This man needs a blood transfusion. Needs the bullet removed. If I don't get him to a hospital, he'll die.

Charlie:
I didn't shoot him so he'd feel better, doc.

[McGarrett writes down Charlie's complaints about the prison]

McGarrett:
Okay, what else?

Charlie:
The homosexuals. These old smart ones. They don't do anything to keep 'em away from these young kids that are just coming in for their first stretch.

Charlie:
Yeah, but first I gotta do 20 years in the new prison. I'm a real winner.

McGarrett:
Who told you to be a thief, Charlie?

Charlie:
It's all the fault of my environment.

Danno:
It's probably a crackpot, Steve.

McGarrett:
Unfortunately crackpots kill, Danno.

McGarrett:
Was she assaulted?

Lt. Pelak:
Just murdered.

McGarrett:
Just, huh?

Charlie:
Sounds like a psychotic, a crazy killer.

McGarrett:
All killers are psychotic.

McGarrett:
Interesting theory. You'll make a good cop one of these days, Danno.

McGarrett:
Morgan said he was with a blonde playing gin when Joey was hit.

Danno:
He was with a blonde alright. Couldn't swear to what they were playing.

Lois:
[to Phil Kalama] So go ahead, lieutenant. Go ahead and find out why your son was really killed. And then get your gun and blow your brains out.

Lois:
That rock you a little, McGarrett. Joey and I planning to get married?

McGarrett:
Nothing rocks me anymore, honey.

McGarrett:
[discussing his sister with Danno after hearing of his nephew's death] She cried so hard, she choked on her own tears. The telephone turned to salt in my hand.

McGarrett:
Chin, you're gonna make a speech tomorrow.

Chin:
Me? What do I talk about?

McGarrett:
Law and order.

Chin:
For or against?

Fremont:
I was born of woman. A stupid, superstitious, and salacious old witch, my mother. From the hills of Tennessee. Where I was born and raised. Hallelujah! [pause] Fascinating? Hmm?

McGarrett:
Like watching an auto wreck.

Fremont:
You're sweet.

McGarrett:
I try.

McGarrett:
I abhor violence in any form. I think that violence breeds violence on any level. Every war, every riot started with one individual act of violence. I’m a peace officer. Euphemism? Maybe. But I want peace more than anything else in the world.

McGarrett:
Lesson one. Nobody is loved by everybody.

McGarrett:
There are dangerous animals in the world and some of them walk on two feet. They don't want peace and they're not capable of love. Society [...] need[s] protection from these warped minds, and that's my job. Now, you have every right to sing about peace, and march about it, write about it... but what I just told you is the way it is, unfortunately. That's why we're armed.

Margi:
Have you ever thought that sometimes this world can be harder on a woman than a man?

McGarrett:
[undercover as Harry Brown] Yeah. Yeah, sometimes.

Margi:
Underneath what we grow up to be, I suppose there's just a little girl in all of us looking out, wondering why people turn into such frightening misshapen monsters. And then one day, you look and you're one of those people. You're one of those frightening misshapen monsters. Crowding, destroying, doing anything to stay alive.

Chin:
You believe in Pele, huh?

Kono:
You gotta be kidding. I ain't believed in Pele since I was four years old. [pause] You know, I suddenly feel like I'm four years old.

McGarrett:
How can a man cling to the ancient beliefs in this day and age? Will you tell me?

Kono:
People got to believe in something, boss. Even if it's a high priest like the kahuna.

McGarrett:
I'll buy that, Kono.

McGarrett:
[repeated line] Book him, Danno. Murder one.

McGarrett:
[after each episode preview] Be there. Aloha!