Hill Street Blues, Season 2

Esterhaus:
[addressing the station about using the phones] If you feel you must misdemeanor, let's use the pay phones, huh?

Esterhaus:
[about Grace] Frankly, Howard, I'm exhausted. The woman's a sexual juggernaut.

Esterhaus:
[to Howard] Sex. Ironic, isn't it? I have more than I know what to do with. And you can't get arrested.

Renko:
[to Hill] No comprende, Gordito. Larue and Washington get the martini circuit. Ellis and Perez get to take a stroll in the park. What do you and me get? A walking tour of the third world.

Jesus Martinez:
[to Frank] Yo, Furillo. Don't let the shadows get you.

Grace:
I have waited, Phil, and I have endured! First your Gidget phase with that post-pubescent pom-pom girl, and now the second coming of Margaret, your Tupperware Madonna!

Adrianna:
How fresh is the wound?

Furillo:
[sheepishly] Still bleeding.

LaRue:
Henry, you're bleeding all over my arrest report.

Belker:
[to Collar] You forgot to pay your fare, Dogbreath.

Grace:
It stirs something deep within me.

Hunter:
All night maneuvers have that effect.

Goldblume:
[to LaRue] You haven't had a meaningful relationship with a woman since your mother quit breastfeeding you.

Davenport:
[to sleazy Alan Wachtel] Some of us changed, Wachtel. Others of us mutated.

Hunter:
Just another light-loafered step on the path to Socialism.

Calletano:
Excuse me, Howard?

Hunter:
Those union wags have got cream of wheat where their bone marrow was.

Renko:
I'm just a thirty-one year-old white guy just tryin' to make my way in the world!

Calletano:
[indignantly] Chipped beef is not a proper menu anywhere!

Belker:
[misquoting the ATM] I'm here to assist you with all your banking needs, hairball!

Luana:
[to Pickpocket] How would you like me to tear out both your lungs, dogbreath.

Hunter:
The Concrete Galapagos: Reverse Evolution and the Inner City by Heinrich Pentegrass. Have you read it, Frank?

Furillo:
No, Howard, I missed that one.

Furillo:
I owe you.

Jesus Martinez:
You're damn right you owe me, Furillo.

Furillo:
They scared you, too. Didn't they?

Jesus Martinez:
Later, Furillo. Later.

Belker:
Name?

Captain Freedom:
[stands up] Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. Ten tons of nitro in one fist and a neutron bomb in the other. When I walk buildings shake and bad guys wet their pants. [sits down] Wanna hear my manifesto?

Belker:
[annoyed] Name?

Captain Freedom:
Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. I vow to give crime two black eyes and fight injustice and corruption wherever they may lurk. And brotherhood, I want to establish universal brotherhood.

Belker:
They're laughing at you. They are. They're making fun of you. Don't you understand that?

Captain Freedom:
What am I supposed to do? Hide in my room? Lock my doors and windows? Let the fear in the streets rule me like it does millions of others? If every man and woman got up off their knees and took a stand, do you think that criminals would walk the streets with impunity? No. This is my city, my country. And I'm gonna fight for it. Life. Life is a gift and you gotta reach out and grab hold of it or you are just part of the problem. You gotta, you gotta hug your kids every day and you gotta put gum wrappers in your pockets and take shorter trips in the car. Because that's what's right. Me? I'm not backing down. I'm not givin' in. They can beat me. They can rob me. I'll keep coming back. They can stomp on me until I'm just a little grease spot on the floor and someone else will jump in my place. Life triumphs. Love triumphs. I'm a man and I'm gonna hold my head up and walk like one.

Belker:
Yeah.

Chief Daniels:
Did you ever have hemorrhoids, Frank?

Furillo:
I can't say I have.

Chief Daniels:
You're one of the blessed ones, believe me. It's the closest thing in the world to having a tennis ball up there. [raises his glass of mineral oil] Cheers. [makes a bitter face and shivers as the liquid goes down] Weak rectal tissue. It's hereditary, Frank.

Hunter:
They're not interested in third-world dysgenics! They want my financial records! Judas Priest, Frank! If they're putting the brown shaft to our types can you imagine what they have in store for this hombre [gesturing to an already nervous Ray Costello]

Furillo:
Howard.

Hill:
The guy is going to his brother's wedding. You stop short and he plows into the rear of our car. He winds up no job, a broken nose, arrested, plus he's on the hook for bail money. Not to mention a torn tux. And you say, "No harm, no foul". Where the hell have you been all day?

Renko:
What is justice, my man? What is justice?

Belker:
You gotta get straight. You gotta put yourself back in reality.

Captain Freedom:
What is reality, Mick? Ever seen the nucleus of an atom? Yet the existence of the entire universe depends on it. You ever touch the human soul? Yet it drives you more strongly then any muscle in your body. We step in and out of reality at every instant of our lives and yet we persist in reducing everything that we see to bland and secure terms. A single fly is capable of laying more than twenty million eggs. Leo Tolstoy pulled War and Peace from the nothingness of pure thought. The gold in your teeth was manufactured in an interior of an exploding star. What is reality? Who governs it? What are the rules? Who is to say that at this very moment I and everything around you are nothing but the creation of your own cosmic dreams?

Belker:
Yeah.

Captain Freedom:
Actually my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.

Captain Freedom:
Where are the bad guys?

Belker:
They're in your head playing Canasta.

Fay:
Unless you'd rather be buried with Miss Davenport, don't you think it's time we considered cemetery plots, Frank?

Esterhaus:
Due to a shortage of female decoys, the less hefty and bearded of you will find in your lockers a varied selection of wigs, dresses, and appropriate foundation.

Furillo:
Last time you went out undercover, you ended up getting booted out of your house and sleeping on my couch for three nights.

Calletano:
Size fourteen, Henry. [gives him a pink woman's overcoat and red blouse to wear]

Goldblume:
[takes it from him] Don't worry, Frank. I think my marriage is safe in this.

Chief Daniels:
[about his bowel movement] I gotta tell ya, I feel great! For the first time in three weeks, this morning I had a normal sit-down. I can't tell you what a joy it was. Went in there with the sports section and it was unbelievable.

Captain Freedom:
[as Fay walks by] It's you! 4000 BC, the Princess Zuma, daughter of Theluminkis, whose likeness graces the wall of the Great Temple at Amar.

Fay:
Excuse me?

Captain Freedom:
[holds her hand] The lips, the eyes, the regal slope of the nose. The sheer overwhelming majesty of your beauty. They taunted you. A woman of uncommon intelligence, a free spirit. They did not understand your sensitivity or the fiery compassion that raged within you. You vowed you would return and now you're back, oh Princess of the Night.

Fay:
Umm, could you let go of my hand? I think you have the wrong person.

Captain Freedom:
[looking closer] You're right. The lights are bad in here. My mistake.

Hunter:
These people have about as much appreciation for small arms weaponry as a Marseilles pimp!

Hunter:
What have we here? [picks up a switchblade that the gang member dropped] Why, it's a Caribbean toothpick!

Mr. Sosa:
Get out of here.

Goldblume:
Not this time, Mr. Sosa. Your sweaty little reign of terror is over.

Esterhaus:
Change overtakes us all, Mick. And it can crop up anywhere. As for me personally, it was first apparent in matters of a sexual nature.

Hunter:
Testosterone peaks and then starts diminishing. Many are out.

Esterhaus:
Oh, sure, I was troubled the first few times it happened, but...

Esterhaus:
Hello, Grace.

Grace:
I'm wearing your favorite: Eau de Sade. You once said that it put you all out of control.

Esterhaus:
A weakness I share with Weimaraners.

Esterhaus:
Grace, I know you see in me some blue-clad symbol of male sensuality, but beneath this gabardine exterior beats the heart of a simple man with strong domestic desires. Grace, I have to know once and for all. In the twilight years, when the blaze has been reduced to embers, will we still be together? Semper fidelities at my side?

Grace:
Philip Freemason Esterhaus, are you asking what I think you're asking?

Esterhaus:
Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I...

Fay:
What's a precinct captain's ex-wife have to do to get arrested around here, jaywalk in the nude?

Belker:
[to the man who puts his arm around him in the theater] Move it or lose it at the elbow.

Man:
I could take you out to lunch.

Belker:
[pulls out his badge] I could take you to jail, dog breath.

Hunter:
Alright, are there any more questions?

Shamrock:
Yeah, I got a question. Are you some kind of a queen?

Hunter:
[to Furillo] Just say the word, Frank. Twenty paddy wagons and a little tear gas and I'll accomplish more urban renewal in one hour than the feds have managed in a decade.

Esterhaus:
Now be reminded that in springtime, a young man's fancy turns to robbery, rape, and aggravated assault.

Furillo:
You can always get guns, Marv. The world's full of guns.

Renko:
Now, what is so funny about this?

Hill:
[while laughing] The whole thing. I'm sorry cowboy, but it's just so funny. Your old man sitting in that alley in his hospital greens with no shoes and Dogbreath Belker offering him a bite of his sandwich.

Renko:
[also laughing] If he wasn't dead already, Belker's breath woulda killed him. [laughing heartily] You know what? That's the first decent laugh that damn old man ever gave me.