House, Seasons

Patient:
"Oh wow. Oh thank God. Wow, I'm gonna be a mom. Whoa. Thank you so much, I gotta get you a gift or something."

House:
"Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."

House:
(getting out of a conversation with Dr. Wilson): "Gotta go! Building full of sick people, if I hurry, maybe I can avoid them."

Patient:
"Are you this rude to all your patients?"

House:
"Yes. Don't think you're special."

House:
(diagnosing an African-American patient) "You're turning white."

Patient's Mother:
"What does that mean?"

House:
"It means he doesn't need football to get a good job anymore."

Obese Patient:
"You must be Dr. House."

House:
"And you must be full of bologna. Lot of it."

Obese Patient:
"Right! Fat joke! Always fun, the only people you can still make fun of."

House:
"And Christians. And black people."

Cameron:
"Brandon's not ready for surgery..."

House:
OK, let's leave it a couple of weeks. He should be feeling better by then. Oh wait, which way does time go?"

Foreman:
"Her oxygen saturation is normal."

House:
"It's off by one percentage point."

Foreman:
"It's within range."

House:
"If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin."

House:
"As I suspected, you have significant losses in the upper right quadrant of your visual field."

Patient:
"Are you serious?"

House:
"No, it's a joke. Two guys go into a bar and one has significant losses in the upper right quadrant of his visual field. And the other guy says, 'You're gonna need an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumor.'"

Chase:
"I'd give her a day. Two days at the most."

House:
"Great. You be the clock. Everyone else will be the doctors."

Dr. Kutner:
"We loaded him full of prednisone to try to fix the liver..."

House:
"...Good news is, he's running out of organs to fail."