I Love Lucy, Season One

Ethel:
Sing something.

Ricky:
I couldn't.

Lucy:
Let's neck.

Ricky:
Wait a minute, I'll sing.

[Lucy and Ethel can't find dates.]

Ethel:
We can always call the zoo and order a couple of dancing bears.

Fred:
Yeah with all that champagne, even Ethel might look good.

Lucy:
We must know two men who are single and attractive. [Lucy and Ethel pause to think] Two men who are single. [pause] Two men. [pause] A boy and a dog.

Ethel:
Maybe we should settle for Little Boy Blue and Peter Cottontail.

Lucy:
Ethel and I are going dancing at the Copa.

Ricky:
I hope one of you knows how to lead.

Ethel:
I think a tuxedo is the best looking thing a man can wear.

Fred:
Unless he's wearing boxing trunks.

Ricky:
Everybody knows you can get around a lady with a little sweet talk.

Fred:
That's alright for Lucy, but it's a little longer trip around Ethel.

[Fred talking to Ricky about his anniversary]

Fred:
I'd like you to join me in commemoration of an eighteen year-old tragedy.

Lucy:
[to Ethel about her marriage] Ever since we said "I do," there are so many things we don't.

[Lucy and Ethel are washing dishes]

Ethel:
Here, you missed something on this one.

Lucy:
That's the design.

Ethel:
It is?

Lucy:
Sure, can't you see. Flowers against a background of (scratches plate with nail) gravy.

Ricky:
That's the reason I married you - because you're so different than anyone I've known in Cuba.

Lucy:
Who'd you know in Cuba?

Lucy:
[looks at cards] My, this is a problem.

Ricky:
Honey, please, you're holding up the game.

Lucy:
Well, I can't decide whether to throw away my two queens or my three kings.

Ethel:
[explaining poker to Lucy] It's a lot like hearts, only you bet, and there isn't any old maid.

Ethel:
[reading from 'Dr. Humphries' book] If he hunts, take up hunting. If he fishes, take up fishing. If he golfs, take up golfing.

Lucy:
Ricky plays poker. I'll have to take up poking.

Ethel:
[reading from Dr. Humphries' book] Often, after the first years of marriage, the husband seems to lose interest in the wife. He reads the paper at the breakfast table, he doesn't answer when you talk to him. In short, he doesn't even know you're alive.

Lucy:
I wonder where Dr. Humphries ever met Ricky.

Announcer:
(during the credits) The part of Harold was played by Mr. John Emery. Freddie Fillmore was played by Mr. Frank Nelson.

Lucy:
Mr. Maryweather, I'd like to present Madame Ethel Mertzola. She's going to be our medium tonight. She's psychopathic!

Fred:
Presenting Raya, the medium. Well done, Medium Raya.

Ethel:
I shall now contact Tilly! [in a monotone voice] Ethel to Tilly, Ethel to Tilly. Come in, Tilly. Over.

[Lucy accidentally sneezes]

Mr. Maryweather:
Tilly! Tilly, is that you?

Lucy:
Yes, it's me Tilly.

Mr. Maryweather:
But Tilly, that sneeze. Are you sick?

Lucy:
Sick? I'm dead!

Mr. Maryweather:
Oh, that's right.

[Lucy gets too close to the fireplace]

Lucy:
Ow!

Mr. Maryweather:
What's the matter?

Lucy:
I burned myself. It's awfully hot here.

Mr. Maryweather:
Oh, that's where you are! Oh Tilly, I'm so disappointed in you.

Ethel:
My trance is wearing off, I think you better hang up now.

Lucy:
Ethel, you underestimate your transmitter!