I Love Lucy, Season Two

Lucy:
What's your name?

Mrs. Porter:
Mrs. Porter.

Lucy:
And what do I call you?

Mrs. Porter:
Mrs. Porter.

Lucy:
Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular?

Lucy:
[later, after getting drunk from drinking a potent "health" tonic] Well, I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl! Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you un-poopular? Well, are you?

Lucy:
[whenever Ricky stages a new show] Can I be in the show?

Ricky:
No!

Betty Ramsey:
I've loved parties ever since I was a little girl, how about you, Ethel?

Ethel:
I haven't been to a party since I was a little girl.

Lucy:
[after buying a pair of hostess pants for Ethel's birthday gift] Well, now, wait a minute, Ethel, look. You get yourself a little black, off-the-shoulder blouse, and a big crushy belt, and little ballet slippers, and you're all set!

Ethel:
What for, Halloween?

Lucy:
I have an idea!

Ethel:
How can you stand there in the middle of this mess and utter those four horrible words: "I've got an idea?"

Lucy:
I saw them last month in Harper's Bazaar.

Ethel:
Well they're certainly bizarre!

Lucy:
Once you get to know Ethel, you'll find she's more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Ethel:
Monkeys that seldom get invited out of their barrels, that is.

Lucy:
We're in the egg business together, so half of those eggs belong to Ethel. Isn't that right dear?

Ethel:
Yes, the shells.

Lucy:
It's my mad money.

Ricky:
There's over $200 here.

Lucy:
Well, I get awfully mad.

Ethel:
[referring to Ava Gardner in a restaurant] She's just people Fred, remember? Just like you and me.

Fred:
She may be people, but she's not like you and me.

Lucy:
You were just up here and said it sounded great.

Ethel:
Well, I'm down here now and it sounds lousy!

Ethel:
[referring to hamburgers] At least we put meat in ours.

Lucy:
And just what are you insinuating we put in ours?

Ethel:
I'm not saying, but you can bet on it in the afternoon and eat it at night!

Ethel:
Thanks for the present!

Lucy:
YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!!!

Fred:
Possession is over nine-tenths of the law!

Lucy:
Yeah, and I'm possessed!

Lucy:
"Butter? What do you want butter for?

Ricky:
I wanted to put some on my bread.

Lucy:
Butter? On bread? I'll never get used to your crazy Cuban dishes.

Ricky:
[reading to Ethel from a script Lucy wrote] Is there something wrong with your lover?

Lucy:
LIVER!

Ethel:
[later on, to Ricky] I think you go out to meet your liver.

Lucy:
LOVER!

Ricky:
What do you know about rice?

Fred:
Well, I had it thrown at me on one of the darkest days of my life.

Ricky:
How do spell "s'perience"?

Lucy:
E-x-p...

Ricky:
E-x? You're kidding?

Ethel:
Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18? I was 19.

Fred:
Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.

Employment agent:
What did you have in mind?

Lucy:
What kind of jobs do you have open?

Agent:
Well what do you do?

Lucy:
What kind of jobs do you have open?

Agent:
Well what do you do?

Lucy:
What kind of jobs do you have open?

Agent:
You go first this time.

Lucy':
Alright, what do you do?

Agent:
What kind of jobs do you have... Oh. Cut it out.

George Reeves (known for originating Superman on TV):
[after being harassed by Lucy] How long have you been married?

Ricky:
15 years.

George:
And they call me Superman!

Lucy's doctor:
(from Jamestown) Hello, Mr. Ricardo. I'm the man who brought your wife into the world!

Ricky:
I don't know whether to thank you or punch you in the nose!

(Ethel wants a new lamp.)

Fred:
What do you need a new lamp for? Abe Lincoln read by candlelight.

Ethel:
Don't drag your boyhood friends into this, Fred.

(Choosing a bet)

Fred:
What about ten dollars?

Ethel:
What's the matter with twenty dollars?

Ricky:
Well what's the matter with thirty dollars?

Lucy:
Well what's the matter with fifty dollars?

Fred:
What was the matter with ten dollars?

Lucy:
Ricky!

Ethel:
Fred!

Lucy:
We're revolting!

Ricky:
No more than usual.