Justified, Season 5

Raylan Givens:
The next one's comin' faster.

Raylan Givens:
You get in the weed business with teenagers, and it's their fault when things go wrong? You the type of fella who walks under a flock of birds, and is surprised when he ends up with shit on his face?

Wade Messer:
There's a lot of expense in taking care of whores.

Raylan Givens:
It's the kind of thing you drop soon as you discover girls. And yet here you are, all growed up, still dinging and donging and don't have the sense to ditch.

Boyd Crowder:
Now sometimes being a man means you gotta know when to put your foot down. Well, put your foot down, Dewey Crowe!

Raylan Givens:
I hoped you were the kind of man who chooses not to live in the past.

Wynn Duffy:
Well, normally I am. It's just that, you know, try to kill me once, shame on you…

Wynn Duffy:
You're protecting me from a situation that you created?

Raylan Givens:
I can see how'd you'd see it that way if you want to focus on the negative.

Albert Fekus:
Now answer my question.

Ava Crowder:
I was thinking, aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Boyd:
People of Harlan County, rich and poor, will marvel at your debasement and venality. They will spit venom when they speak your name. And they will take your suicide as the last pact of a coward. Now your reputation is ruined, your good word worthless, but death will not be the end of your suffering. For generations your children, and your children's children will have a mark against their name, and that will be your legacy.

Art Mullen:
Well, see, now you know my name and I know yours, but these two guys, what, am I just gonna have to guess? I'll bet you're Mike. I'll show you I did my homework. I know that you are his hairdresser.

Mike:
You got it, pops. Step outside, I'll give you a clip.

Art Mullen:
Now, that means that you must be, Mr. Picker, right? Ethan Picker. You have a rather noble profile, Mr. Picker. Is that due to your Greek heritage?

Ethan Picker:
I got my nose from a surgeon in Beverly Hills.

Art Mullen:
I'm gonna give you ten seconds to leave, and then I'm gonna shoot you.

Wynn Duffy:
FYI, that's kind of a thing with these marshals.

Dewey Crowe:
All I'm saying, you do a thing that you never done one day, shit changes. And you change, and things change, and everything's changing…

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
So we're clear. You are saying no?

Boyd Crowder:
I been accused of being a lot of things. 'Inarticulate' ain't one of them.

Wynn Duffy:
You must be Mr. Yoon.

Mr. Yoon:
And how do you know that? Oh, the one wonton among the tortillas?

Boyd Crowder:
I would have said 'kimchee in the salsa'.

Danny Crowe:
Carl said he ain't gonna press charges. He said we were up there doing some sex thing, and it was… it was… consens… it was consexual.

Boyd Crowder:
Well, look at you. Even vultures can fly south for the winter.

Wendy Crowe:
I have to admit I find your blatant abuse of government privilege incredibly sexy.

Dewey Crowe:
That's gonna look awful bad, we get pulled over with a load of dead dudes in the truck.

Daryl Crowe:
You ain't gotta worry, cousin Dewey. We'll hide 'em underneath all that heroin.

Raylan Givens:
I'm on vacation, actually.

Alex Miller:
Vacation? And you thought you'd come to Memphis and kick the hornet's nest, huh?

Raylan Givens:
And have some ribs.

Alex Miller:
[mocking] And have some ribs. Yeah.

Wynn Duffy:
Hi, this is Wynn Duffy in 236. Could you send up another pot of coffee, please? Because this one tastes like my ass on Sunday. Thank you, dear.

Raylan Givens:
Miller, would you call this a herd, a gaggle, or a flock of assholes?

Alex Miller:
I would call this a United Nations of assholes.

Boyd Crowder:
Well, that's funny because we were just discussing ratifying some shit.

Roscoe:
"King Lear"? Shakespeare? Basically, Lear split his kingdom in half and gave it to his two daughters, deal being Lear get to hang out and keep 100 knights. They agree, and then later, these two bitch-ass daughters, they change the deal. They like, "well, daddy, what you need with 100 knights? 50, 10, 5? What you need with one?" Lear says, "reason not the need." Hot damn! Reason not the need.

Raylan Givens:
Uh-huh. I don't understand what these two are talking about, but I got to admit I'm interested.

Roscoe:
Well, in the analogy, we be Lear, and we just want what's rightfully ours, and then we out, never to be seen again. And, well, they the bitches. You can have them and they kingdom.

Art Mullen:
[to Raylan] Jesus Christ. Is this real, or has early-onset dementia finally set in, and I'm starting to see you in my waking hours?

Dewey Crowe:
This conversation is just you and me.

Boyd Crowder:
Hold on, Dewey, I'm gonna put you on speaker phone.

Katherine Hale:
Wow, you got yourself caught between the Detroit rock and the shitkicker hard place. Trafficking in weight, like you said you never would. What happened Wynn? Did you finally just get greedy?

Wynn Duffy:
[quietly] I don't know what happened.

Dickie Bennett:
Alright, Raylan, alright, you win. You wanna find Dewey here's what you do. First of all go to a gas'n'go or whatever and get yourself a map of Kentucky. Follow route 9 southbound with your finger, follow it way way down until you're pointing right at... your asshole, and then what you gonna do is you're gonna take your hand and just go ahead and cram it right up inside. You gotta make sure, Raylan, that you do it in a way so that the rest of you just keeps on following your hand right up your ass, right up inside all that shit you're so full of, Raylan. And then what you gonna do is you're just gonna [whistles] wink out of existence forever.

Raylan:
Proud of that one, aren't you?

Dickie Bennett:
...It'll do.

Danny Crowe:
I had this buddy that ran a puppy mill in Sarasota, and he got popped for a DUI. He asked me to take care of his puppies. And I found this, this litter of dead puppies. I guess the mom had died when she was giving birth and couldn't take care of the brood. But there was one puppy who was barely alive, and it was Chelsea. And I, I raised her up.

Boyd Crowder:
You know, I spend most of my time in the company of criminals. Now one could argue I'm guilty by association, but between me and you, I'm every bit as despicable as they are.

Boyd Crowder:
Mr. Picker, the only explaining I've ever done in my life was to my Mama when she caught me sneaking in after my curfew. And you ain't my Mama. But I'll indulge you with a short answer to your question: Shit happens, Mr. Picker.

David Vasquez:
She tell you anything about why she was at Duffy's hotel suite?

Rachel Brooks:
[imitating Katherine's accent] "Visiting an old family friend. Is that a crime?"

David Vasquez:
Well, not compared to racketeering, conspiracy, and murder, no.

Ethan Picker:
Our friends in Mexico are furious about the bullshit that happened in the desert -

Wynn Duffy:
I need you to be quiet.

Ethan Picker:
- they're this close to sending a goddamn hit squad up here.

Wynn Duffy:
I need you to stop.

Ethan Picker:
I say we put Boyd Crowder's head in a goddamn box!

Wynn Duffy:
[standing] Mr. Picker!

Boyd Crowder:
I may not know a lot about a lot of things, but I do know how to blow shit up.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
Just so I'm clear You're not gonna kill me? 'Cause I was worried for a minute.

Raylan Givens:
Oh, be worried.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
Yeah?

Raylan Givens:
'Cause that web of bullshit you spun around yourself to protect yourself I'm gonna use it to strangle the life out of you and take away everything you got. Then you're gonna wish I'd have blacked you out - with a bullet to the head.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
Well, this feels like one of those "time will tell" deals which, as a free man, I have plenty of. Question is: how much time you got?

Wynn Duffy:
Alberto, was it? Alberto, I'm not one to niggle over management styles, but let's say you would have let me know you were coming, I would have preserved some proof for you. A head, say, or a set of teeth?

Wynn Duffy:
My suite is being cleaned. The microwave exploded.

Rachel Brooks:
Someone put metal in the science oven?

Tim Gutterson:
I finally saw that.

Rachel Brooks:
What did you think?

Tim Gutterson:
Needs more Jason Statham.

Dewey Crowe:
I give you a gift, the anus is on you to take care of it, not just give it away to any old dick face happens along.

Dewey Crowe:
This it then, Raylan? No final words, put Dewey Crowe in his place?

Raylan Givens:
My advice? Stop talking about yourself in the third person. Makes you sound like a fool.

Dewey Crowe:
Third person? This guy? [indicating the driver]

Raylan Givens:
You said you'd help us get him. You didn't get him. So we'll be proceeding to convene a grand jury, bring charges against you as soon as possible.

Boyd Crowder:
Are you back to that file bullshit?

Raylan Givens:
Bullshit?

[Raylan opens his desk and pulls out a thick file of papers.]]

Raylan Givens:
There it is. Thick with the names of the suffering and the dead, and many felled by your own hands. A trail of human wreckage you've left rotting in jail cells and cold graves throughout this state. And why? Because they had the poor judgment to believe your lies and follow your tune. Well, it's high time that tune reached a shuddering crescendo.

Alberto Ruiz:
You should know your friend tried to escape to warn you when he heard your keys in the door.

Boyd Crowder:
He's a good man.

Alberto Ruiz:
He was.

[Alberto shoots Jimmy in the stomach]

Raylan Givens:
Say, what's the first thing you ever killed? You're from Florida, right?

Kendal Crowe:
Gator, maybe. When I was 11.

Raylan Givens:
I was 11, too, or thereabouts. Wasn't a gator, though. Will Hendricks' pig got out of its pen, went feral, started tearing up my mama's vegetable patch. Arlo built the trap, caught it, gave me a gun, said, "get 'er done." You ever see a pig that's gone feral? Nasty. Tusks grow. They get dirty, ill-tempered. They don't look bad from a distance, but get up close, best watch your ass. You hook the gator before you?

Kendal Crowe:
Danny hooked him. Wanted to do it himself, but Daryl said it was my time.

Raylan Givens:
Well, there you are, pointing that gun at something that's staring back at you, right? Longer I stood there, the less I wanted to do it. Not that I had a choice. Arlo'd tan my hide if I didn't.

Kendal Crowe:
Danny called me a pussy.

Raylan Givens:
Ain't about being a pussy, though, is it? No small thing, taking a life. Hell, my hand was shaking so bad, first shot nearly missed. Pig squealing, bucking, spraying blood. Put three more shots just to get it to lay still. I knew I should have felt good about it, but I didn't. Walked home, stepped through the front door, and threw up. That's when Arlo called me a pussy. He beat the shit out of me, too. Started thinking less about what I'd done to that pig and more - about what I'd like to do to Arlo.

Kendal Crowe:
Well, did you do it?

Raylan Givens:
Not as such. I always wondered, though, if I didn't join the Marshals just to prove something to him what a badass I was. Maybe just to spite him. He hated me being a lawman. And I knew. I knew when I joined that I might have to shoot someone in the line of duty. But first time it happened, god damn if it wasn't the same feeling sick to my stomach. Just kept asking myself if there was something I could have done different short of pulling my gun. - What was it like for you?

Kendal Crowe:
What, the gator? It's a goddamn dinosaur. Who gives a shit?

Boyd Crowder:
Now, some folks say Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth. Well, I promise those folks ain't never partied with Boyd Crowder in Sin City.

Alberto Ruiz:
You have good hunting around here?

Boyd Crowder:
Not bad. My daddy used to take me and my brother when we was young, but I didn't much care for it. Prefer to hunt animals who have a chance to fight back.

Alberto Ruiz:
My father took me as well - to the Sonoran desert.

Boyd Crowder:
Ah. Hunting big game, like scorpions - and lizards and whatnot?

Alberto Ruiz:
Mostly bighorn sheep and mule deer. We'd spend the morning making our kills, take them back to our campsite, where my father taught me how to skin them. The first cut, you make right down the belly. Bleed the animal, remove the insides, careful not to puncture the bladder. Next, you remove the genitals. Now you are ready to the take the skin. Cut first at the ankle joints, snap the tendons, start to peel back the pelt. The trick is to remove it in one piece. It's easiest when the animal is still warm.

Boyd Crowder:
You want me shit my pants, Alberto? 'Cause it seems to me, that'd make your job a hell of a lot more unpleasant. You see, I know real pain. Shit you can't even imagine. Now, you want to put me out of my misery? How 'bout you stop running your goddamn mouth and do whatever it is you got to do.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
You a dirty, rotten, nasty bitch.

Wendy Crowe:
Well, I guess we all get the family we deserve, right, Daryl?

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
You know good and well I ain't gonna let you walk up out of here with that, right?

Wendy Crowe:
What are you gonna do, kill me?

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
Mm. Give me that phone, Wendy, or I'm gonna take it - and stick it down your goddamn throat.

Wendy Crowe:
Well, that'd be a real ballsy move, wouldn't it, Daryl? [Wendy presses a gun to Daryl's crotch] How are you gonna do it without your balls?

Mike Reardon:
Mr. Crowe, a settlement offer of $20,000 has already been made. The U.S. attorney has modified it to three hundred. Do you accept that offer?

Dewey Crowe:
No, I do not! After what I've been through? My kidneys and everything? You telling me all I get is $300?

Mike Reardon:
$300,000, you nitwit.

[Dewey sits down in stunned silence]

Mike Reardon:
I'll take that as a yes.

Wade Messer:
Well hey, Raylan.

Raylan Givens:
Wade.

Wade Messer:
Can I get you a blowjob or something?

Raylan Givens:
Just some water.

Wade Messer:
I didn't mean me, of course.

Scott Fenton:
The idea behind organized crime is that it's supposed to be organized. When people start using chainsaws, that's a sign. And it is not a good sign.

Raylan Givens:
You can come back here, and we'll take you in, or swim to Cuba.

Greg Sutter:
That old lady just did it. Might work out for you.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
When my daddy, Daryl Senior, died 14 years ago April, he made me promise him on his deathbed I'd keep this family together. Same like he did. No money makes it harder.

Raylan Givens:
Mm-hmm. Your daddy didn't die in his bed. He got drunk and flipped his airboat. You told me yourself, the day I took you to prison.

Charles Monroe:
You got any idea what that thing is worth?

Raylan Givens:
What, like 100 bucks?

Charles Monroe:
That's a third-model Colt Dragoon used by Confederate General William Mahone.

Raylan Givens:
So more than $100?

Charles Monroe:
That's Manuela. She keeps the house. She also sautes up a mean iguana, if you're ever in the mood.

Manuela:
Is very tender.

Jay:
He screwed your daughter?

Raylan Givens:
My daughter's in diapers.

Jay:
Damn. That must be awfully upsetting, then, huh?

Raylan Givens:
First off, whatever transpired between you and those kids gets squashed. No vendetta, no debt. You tell me it's over, and it stays that way.

Rodney "Hot-Rod" Dunham:
Would you prefer that I respond point by point or should I wait till the end?

Dewey Crowe:
God, I ain't prayed in a while. It's just, I...listen, I ain't fixing to die out here in the woods like some animal. You hear me? That's bullshit. Jesus, if you help me find him, once I kill him, I swear, I'll straighten up. I'll go to church, Sunday school, whatever you want. But, Goddamnit, I got to get this thing done, you understand? I ain't ever asked you for shit!

Raylan Givens:
Did it get you?

Tim Gutterson:
No, but I think something just came between me and my Calvins.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
Marshal, you know good and well ain't nobody going nowhere. Matter of fact, we came up here to lay down roots. 'sides, if you had good enough reason to run us out of here, you'd have done it already. Ain't that right?

Raylan Givens:
Just remember, so when later you're regretting the decision you made, remember I gave you the chance.

Elias Marcos:
You know why I'm here.

Ethan Picker:
'Cause you're a boot-licking errand boy?

Elias Marcos:
You talk to me like that because you know I'm not here to work. If I were, there wouldn't be talking.

Daryl Crowe Jr.:
[to Raylan] Got yourself a dark, twisted mind, don't you, Raylan?

Alison Brander:
Who are you, really? The guy whose chief punches him in the eye? That runs off to defend the honor of a lady? A guy that has a lady and the ex and the baby daughter all stashed out of state?

Raylan Givens:
I guess so. What's your point?

Alison Brander:
You are a hero, Raylan. I met enough LEOs to know. I can tell you're a man that would run into a burning building without blinking an eye. Thing is, I think you're the one setting the fire.

Mr. Yoon:
In all my years of doing business, this is a first. And I don't mean that in a good way.

Chris:
Technology to reply to a post is decades away.

Boyd Crowder:
[to Johnny] You know, what you could never understand is that some men lead and some men follow, and when you can't lead and you refuse to follow, you die alone in the desert.

Raylan Givens:
[standing over a dying Daryl] Didn't I tell you you were gonna wish I killed you? Well, don't you?