Kitchen Nightmares, Season 7

Paulette:
Here's your sausage pizza.

Gordon:
[eyes wide as saucers] Holy crap...

Paulette:
Isn't that ridiculous?

Gordon:
[facepalms] It's like the pizza that ate Denver.

Gordon:
Looks like Pete's (bleep) in my pasta. (Bleep). Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give.

Gordon:
I think, Pete, you've overestimated how good your pizza is. ... I did a little research in Denver. Here's the results in a nutshell. 75 percent preferred the pizza from the top local Italian restaurant. In second place, with 15 percent of the votes, was the store-bought frozen pizza. And in third, and last position, was yours with only 10 percent of the votes. You're actually beaten by a store-bought (bleep) frozen pizza. Get the message?

Gordon:
What is this?

Randy:
What is this?

Gordon:
This thing here.

Randy:
Fiona?

Gordon:
Who is this?

Randy:
Fiona.

Gordon:
It has a name?

Randy:
She has a name. Yes.

Gordon:
Come on. Seriously?

Randy:
It's not an it. It's a she. She changes outfits regularly. Careful, she's slippery.

Gordon:
I walked in and there's a dreadful smell. All musty, stinky--

Kristen:
It's musty.

Gordon:
Where's that smell coming from? Is it these antiques?

Kristen:
I don't know if it's the antiques as much as the old upholstery. If you sit in one of these booths, it smells like someone that hasn't showered in a while.

Gordon:
Serious?

Kristen:
Yeah, serious.

Gordon:
You mean, like someone's B.O.?

Kristen:
Yeah. Go ahead and smell it.

Gordon:
[sits down and sniffs] Oh yeah, you're right. (Bleep.)

Kristen:
[laughs] Yeah, it's pretty bad. When I have to set the tables, I smell it all the time.

Gordon:
They stink. Have they been reupholstered?

Kristen:
No, I think this is the original upholstery from 1980.

Gordon:
That's a lot of farts in these chairs!

Gordon:
How can I help two individuals who don't care about what they're doing?

Randy:
We do care.

Alexa:
We care tremendously.

Gordon:
So, why didn't you do anything before I got here?

Randy:
We did. I can't tell you how many hours we cleaned.

Gordon:
You cleaned before I got here?

Randy:
I threw out my clothes on Monday, I was so encased with grease.

Gordon:
How long?

Randy:
How many hours?

Gordon:
HOW MANY DAYS?!

Randy:
Five?

Gordon:
(Bleep)! WHAT THE (bleep)?!!

Alexa:
We just need to stop.

Gordon:
[walking out of the restaurant] What a (bleep) mess!

Julie:
Our spinach has never never never never NEVER looked like this!!

Kevin:
This restaurant runs like the Jerry Springer Show.

Mike:
The food... isn't cooked with much love. It's cooked with stress and a microwave.

Gordon:
(Bleep). Are you serious?!

Gordon:
I've got a little quiz. Are you ready for this? ... How do you spell 'bistro'?

Mark:
B-I-S-T-R-O.

Gordon:
Uh-huh, good. Now, how do you spell 'dining'?

Mark:
D-I-N-N-I-N-G.

Gordon:
Definitely not a hero, there. There's a typo on the menu. It's not "hero", it's "zero".

Pete:
I love you, you old Brit.

[food comes from lift]

Gordon:
What is that? Where is this coming from?

Chef:
This is for the special.

Gordon:
For the special. That's all hot. No, I know, but wait. It's all hot. Where is it coming from?

Chef:
Downstairs.

Gordon:
So you have a team of chefs downstairs as well?

Chef:
No. Only one woman... put in the microwave.

Gordon:
Only one woman?

Chef:
Yes. That's all the work she do.

Gordon:
[yelling down the lift] Hello? Hello? Hello? Wow. [talking to Christina] Christina, there's a lady downstairs that heats this stuff up.

Christina:
Yeah, she puts these in the microwave.

Gordon:
What is that?

Gordon:
[handing Mike a dish of lasagna] Okay, now into the microwave for four minutes--

Gordon:
You're good at taking orders, but you've got a brain. Use it.

Gordon:
So, you wrote this menu?

Gordon:
Good evening, and welcome to a very special edition of Kitchen Nightmares. Last year, something happened that shocked me and millions of you, when I tried to help a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was forced to do something I've never done – walk away. I went to Amy's Baking Company to help, but the owners were incapable of listening. There was such a strong reaction to the episode, that we decided to give you an update on what's happened since. We'll also show you some footage that has never been seen before, and we'll hear from Amy and Samy themselves. But first, a brief reminder of my wild journey at Amy's Baking Company.

Amy:
[during an interview with Ana Garcia] We were made to look like the most psychotic, lunatic people in the universe, and after watching Kitchen Nightmares, I see all the crazy, but I don't see any of the good. I know the people that came here were Yelpers because I have proof of it. They were on Yelp talking about it after they were filming and before they were coming here. This is not stuff that I've invented. I'm not delusional, I'm not crazy, yes we are passionate, yes we are wild! If I came after you, you would probably stand up too. If I came after anybody else, you would defend yourself, wouldn't you? If you have a family, wouldn't you defend it? Has it been stressful? Stressful, yes, it's been very stressful. We've had people walk through my doors, come casually over here like this, walk over, look at the display case, keep going like this, and then leave! And then my waitress comes up to me– Now we have waitresses because we had to change our whole procedure, because the whole universe thinks my husband was stealing their tips. So we tried something new: I took all the negative things that Gordon Ramsay said, and I tried to improve on it, that's why I had him come here! People come here to try to set us up because they think it's fun and 'cause they have a heart on for Gordon Ramsay. There was one person, he left on this plate; and I have it in my office, and I have the surveillance camera proof of it-- he puts a giant rubber cockroach on the plate and left it there, left without buying a cake and thought that was funny. We are dealing with that daily-- it's not gonna work here. We stood up to Gordon Ramsay, we're gonna stand up to the WORLD! Cause we don't go down without a fight! We have to show the world and every single business owner out there, that you have to stand up, you cannot let anyone shake you down; we have a voice, he has a voice, and it's up to us to stay strong and to show our true product and what we really have to offer here at Amy's Baking Company. And that's it!

Janelle:
Hey Kevin, let's talk about how many times you haven't shown up to work without your tie.

Kevin:
Two times.

Janelle:
You're so disrespectful to her! You need to show a little respect!

Trevor:
She doesn't listen to anything we have to fucking say!

Janelle:
She tries to but you guys don't give her a chance!

Julie:
Trevor, I have talked to you a hundred times about, stop! I've talked to you over and fucking over, you fucking know I'm not fucking lying, you are! I have sat down and talked to you so many fucking times and said "What can we do to make this better?" and you never fucking say fucking anything, so that's a fucking lie!

Trevor:
But when I do say something, it gets shut down!

Julie:
You are fucking lying, you fucking fuck!

Trevor:
Whatever!

Janelle:
She's given you so many chances Trevor and you know it! Let's talk about your habits for a second and all the times, you've come in so high that you throw fuck at the walls! So high, you fucking punch people!

Trevor:
WHO INTERROGATES IT?! YOU!!!

Janelle:
NO, FUCKING YOU!!

Trevor:
YOU OUGHT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS RESTAURANT SO WE CAN WORK!!

Janelle:
NO!! I DON'T FUCKING OWE YOU ANYTHING!! YOU'RE SO FUCKING HIGH ALL THE FUCKING TIME THAT WHEN YOU GO OFF FUCKING DRUGS, YOU'RE SO ANGRY THAT YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO FUCKING WORK!

Gordon:
Drugs? Who's on drugs?

Janelle:
He's a fucking tweaker! AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING TWEAKER! YOU'VE BEEN DOING DRUGS FOR THREE YEARS!!!

Gordon:
Janelle, Janelle.

Julie:
Janelle, come here.

Janelle:
NO, FUCK HIM!! HE DESERVES TO BE FIRED AND YOU KNOW IT!!! HE TRIED TO FUCKING PUNCH ME!!!! AND IF I WOULD'VE LET HIM RIGHT NOW, I KNOW HE WOULD'VE FUCKING PUNCHED ME AGAIN!!! HE'S SUCH A FUCKING FUCKHOLE!! HE'S SO DISRESPECTFUL!! (cries)

Gordon:
Okay, stay away from him now. Darling, go inside the restaurant please, and get a glass of water please.

[Gordon meeting Traci, the manager, and discussing the problems with the restaurant]

Gordon:
Are the locals biting?

Traci:
No.

Gordon:
No? No one's biting?

Traci:
No. Not at all. And this place should be banging. We have to do things. I run a 50 Shades Of Grey bingo on Thursday night.

Gordon:
Say that again?

Traci:
50 Shades Of Grey bingo.

Gordon:
Bingo?

Traci:
It's adult bingo.

Gordon:
Adult bingo?

Traci:
Yeah.

Gordon:
Are handcuffs involved?

Traci:
No.

Gordon:
No?

Traci:
Well, they could be if you wanted them.

Gordon:
But, I mean, why would you-- [facepalms] No, God, no. Geez, man.

Traci:
[laughing]

Gordon:
I just arrived!

Gordon:
Are you kidding me? (to the staff) All of you, quick! (staff comes to Gordon) If you think I'm serving that, you're dreaming. We may as well go back to where we were!

One of the staff:
All right.

Gordon:
All of a sudden, we've just dropped our fucking standards! The next person that throws that out at me, I will throw them out!

One of the staff:
Yes, Chef.

Gianfranco:
Come on, guys, let's go.

Gordon:
Come here, you. (takes Gianfranco outside) Is that what—is that what you busted your arse off for?

Gianfranco:
No. No, no, no, no. Absolutely not.

Gordon:
Come on!

Gianfranco:
You're right.

Gordon:
It's in front of your eyes. Get 'em together! (throws plate of lasagna on the ground)