Las Vegas, Season 1

Danny:
[Voiceover] Never sleep with the boss's daughter. Especially if the boss is Ed Deline, former head of CIA Counter Intelligence and the greatest security man Vegas has ever seen.

Ed:
Danny, welcome to the family.

Danny:
Excuse me, what?

Ed:
If I catch you looking at another girl, take a poison pill, because I'll kill ya.

Mike:
Hey, don't forget: barbecue at my house tomorrow night. I've got some great new gadgets I've been working on.

Danny:
You're not going to rewire my car and set it on fire again, are you?

Mike:
That really hurts, Danny. You had a short, okay? That was an accident!

Ed:
Trudy and I were wondering what your intentions might be.

Delinda:
My intentions, Daddy?

Ed:
Well, you know, Danny --

Delinda:
I thought I'd have as much sex with him and his cute little butt as possible, then when I get bored, dump him.

Ed:
That's cute. That's really funny.

Sam:
If he pinches my ass I'll deck him.

Ed:
No you won't.

Ed:
She dumped you.

Danny:
Like yesterday's newspaper.

Mike:
When I start dating a girl, you know what I do?

Danny:
What do you do?

Mike:
Whatever she wants. Sunrise hike in the mountains? Sounds good! Antique shopping? Let's go! I establish rapport.

Danny:
It sounds like guy code for ass kiss to me.

Ed:
Cominski. Cominski, Marie. Shoplifting, conviction. Check forgery, conviction. Mail fraud. Now you add to this misappropriation.

Sam:
Stealing from your husband.

Ed:
Who you adore. Or I can make your life miserable.

Sam:
He will.

Ed:
Very miserable.

Danny:
Rowan Davies.

Rowan:
How do you know my name?

Danny:
Shut up. At this point, it's safe to assume I know your mother's maiden name, her birth date and her real weight.

Rowan:
What do you want?

Danny:
I wanna break one of your fingers, that's what I want. I wanna crack 'em like two dollar glow sticks.

Rowan:
Look, I know I used some bad judgment but...

Danny:
Yeah.

Rowan:
...break breakin' me fingers, that ain't right. And it's illegal.

Danny:
Well, so is cheating. Which we take real serious around here. Finger-breaking serious.

Danny:
(voice-over) Groundhog summer. For everyone else, summer's over after Labor Day, but in Vegas, we get an extra six weeks. And on that last weekend, before we close the pools for the season, Vegas throws the biggest pool party of the year. This year, Groundhog summer happens to fall during the sci-fi convention. These people really freak me out.

Danny:
(voice-over) Another Groundhog Summer is in the books. And tomorrow, another 300,000 people come to town to celebrate somethin' else. For us locals, it's a reminder that no matter how bad it gets, in Vegas, we take care of our own. No matter how crazy it gets, the party never stops.

Sam :
Do you really think you should have your feet up on Big Ed's desk?

Danny:
Big Ed's probably at a luau right now patting down Don Ho, but don't you worry, ladies. Big Danny's here.

Nessa:
Oh, my God. The boss isn't gone five minutes, he's already gone mad!

Sam:
Either this guy is the nicest multi-millionaire I've ever met, or he's completely screwing with me.

Danny:
The tint is off. The thickness is way off. Look at this thing!

Ed:
I'm your father. I work in a casino. You took chips that look like they were made by a zoo animal. How do you suppose that makes me look? A: good. B: not so good.

Delinda:
Well I'm sorry. You never invited me to take your daughter to work day.

Ed:
You were busy gallivanting all over Europe!

Delinda:
Well you wanted me to get an education.

Ed:
Exactly. So that you could be taken by some two bit hustler in the ladies lounge of my casino. Money well spent, I'd say.

Mary:
Did you get them back?

Sam:
The front desk is going to let them freak out for a few minutes and then blame it on the computer.

Mary:
You're bad!

Sam:
I know!

Danny:
Since when do you speak Chinese?

Sam:
Mandarin.

Danny:
Mandarin.

Sam:
Since I learned eighty percent of high rollers were Chinese.

Danny:
Oh. So how did you land Zhao? I thought he only played in Monte Carlo.

Sam:
I found out his daughters go to school in New York and he doesn't get to see them very often, so I organized...

Danny:
So you organized a little reunion. Very nice.

Sam:
Xie-xie.

Jillian:
I want to start working again.

Ed:
But you don't need a job, I mean what the heck would you do anyway?

Jillian:
Something...that would allow me to interact with other human beings. I mean, ever since Delinda left the house I...do you have any idea what I do all day? I go to the club, if I'm not at the club, I go to the spa.

Ed:
(laughs) I know a lot of people who'll want that job.