Law & Order, Season 15

Lt. Van Buren:
Can I help you?

Fontana:
I'm Fontana.

Lt. Van Buren:
Oh, hey, Anita Van Buren. This is your new partner.

Green:
Hey, man. Ed Green.

Fontana:
It's about time they gave me a partner with a little smooth.

Green:
[as Fontana leaves] Wasn't sure if he was a cop or a wiseguy.

Lt. Van Buren:
Make it work, Ed.

Southerlyn:
We could've just ducked the whole issue instead of trying to set policy.

Branch:
And I can't believe I have pusillanimous pussyfooters on my own staff.

McCoy:
I don't think Spiro Agnew is the person to be quoting here, Arthur.

Branch:
If the shoe fits.

Fontana:
I never heard a woman talk so good about a man who done her so bad.

[a paroled ex-con has been murdered]

Fontana:
I love a public service homicide, don't you?

Branch:
You know, Serena, if you were right, you were right for the wrong reasons.

Southerlyn:
Meaning?

Branch:
Emotions, not facts. What was it you said, everyone you talked to said they couldn't have killed that man?

Southerlyn:
My emotional responses make me...

Branch:
...an advocate. You're a superb attorney; you ought to be involved in cases that feed your passion.

Southerlyn:
Well, that would be wonderful.

Branch:
Serena, you must know, that will not happen in this office. It can't. Now, a prosecutor can be zealous, but not passionate. Advocacy is warm-blooded, enforcement's got to be cold-blooded, and blind, and even angry.

Southerlyn:
Does Jack feel as strongly about this as you do?

Branch:
No, but it's my office and my decision, and he accepts it.

Southerlyn:
A decision? You've already made a decision?

Branch:
Yes. I have. You're fired.

Southerlyn:
Is this because I'm a lesbian?

Branch:
No. Of course not. No.

Southerlyn:
Good. Good.

[McCoy is prosecuting a man who counterfeited flu vaccine that killed 16 people]

Green:
Elliott Peters, you're under arrest!

Peters:
What for?!

Green:
For killin' a whole bunch of people! I'd read you a list, but it's too long, you bastard! Turn around!

Fontana:
Do me a favor and read this crumb his rights. I don't have the guts for it.

Green:
Me, neither. But I don't want there to be any technical difficulties.

[during arraignment]

Pollack:
19 manslaughter counts? Your honor, my client is accused of selling sterile saline solution, a harmless substance.

Borgia:
Hardly harmless if it's passed off as flu vaccine. Mr. Peters recklessly caused the death of these people by providing a useless vaccine to a marketplace driven by panic and hysteria.

Pollack:
The definition of recklessness is the conscious disregard of a substantial risk.

Borgia:
The phony vaccines were sold to at-risk groups. The elderly, young children, people with chronic medical conditions. The victims didn't get the vaccinations they needed because they wrongly believed they were protected by Mr. Peters' worthless version. If I could charge him with 19 counts of murder, too, I would.

Pollack:
Your honor, my client allegedly sold sterile saline solution to one party who sold it to another, who sold it to a third, who gave it to someone else who may or may not have gotten the flu. And if they did, may or may not have died from it.

Borgia:
Gave it? It was injected into their bodies in lieu of the real vaccine, one that these individuals desperately needed. This "harmless" saline solution would be used by physicians who mistakenly thought they were protecting their patients from a life-threatening illness.

Pollack:
Your honor?

Judge Shiro:
Save your break, Mr. Pollack. I, too, regret that your client can't be charged with murder. No bail. Defendant is remanded. [bangs gavel]

McCoy:
Did you ever see an old movie called The Third Man?

Pollack:
Objection, your honor.

Judge Karan:
Mr. McCoy?

McCoy:
The defendant says he couldn't foresee any substantial risk to his actions. I'd like to explore that state of mind a little further.

Judge Karan:
The defendant may answer.

Peters:
The Third Man, with Orson Welles. It's been a long time.

McCoy:
Orson Welles plays a black marketeer who steals insulin, dilutes it, and sells it, with tragic consequences: Death, amputation, children die.

Pollack:
Objection.

McCoy:
it's a parallel situation, your Honor. I think the analogy is apt.

Judge Karan:
Overruled.

McCoy:
There's a famous scene on a Ferris wheel.

Peters:
I remember that scene.

McCoy:
Orson Welles goes on a ride on a Ferris wheel, and it stops when they reach the top. His friend, who's played by Joseph Cotton, asks, "Why? Why did you do this?" Orson Welles says, "For the money." Joseph Cotton is horrified: "Have you no conscience? How do you live with yourself?" Orson Welles points to the people on the ground, and the people on the ground are very small, walking around in the square. Orson Welles says, "Would you really feel anything if one of those dots down there suddenly stopped moving?" [pause] What was your expectation when you labelled your saline solution as flu vaccine and then sold it in bulk to people like Sklar?

Peters:
[quietly] That they'd sell it to someone else.

McCoy:
And it would eventually be used as vaccine?

Peters:
[chokes up] Sure, eventually.

McCoy:
And you couldn't foresee the risk to those patients? They were just dots to you, weren't they? Far away, insignificant...

Pollack:
Objection!

McCoy:
...And if they suddenly stopped moving, who'd care? Not you!

Pollack:
Your honor...

Judge Karan:
All right, Mr. McCoy. You've made your point.

McCoy:
[looks at Peters, disgusted] Nothing further, your Honor.

Clerk:
Docket #47238. People vs. Silas Inwood. Charge is murder in the second degree.

Judge Valentini:
Guess Philly won't be goin' to the playoffs this year.

Chiles:
Don't count them out just yet, your honor.

Klaas:
If people found out that he slept his way to a cooking show on basic cable... I mean, how sad is that?

Borgia:
[reading one of Jobson's articles] "Women find Moretti as mouthwatering as his tirimasu..."

Ambrosia Editor:
That was another reason she was fired - her writing sucked.

[Fontana and Green try to convince Ron Drexler to give them a DNA sample]

Drexler:
Is that a threat?

Det. Fontana:
A threat? No. A threat would be more like... 'If you stonewall this investigation any more I'm gonna break your jaw. And when you're on the ground, I'm gonna kick you 'till you spit blood you cheap shyster.' That would be a threat. This is more of a request.

[about Nathan Fogg]

Borgia:
So mostly he was a good guy?

Lawyer:
Sure, if you like hypocritical, narcissistic, cold-hearted frauds.

[about Det. Green's shooting]

McCoy:
I'm sorry about your partner.

Fontana:
Thanks.

McCoy:
Are you alright?

Fontana:
I'm thinking...just...thinking.

[McCoy meets with the defense lawyer after Green has been shot and the main witness killed]

McCoy:
Forgive me, Rosalie, if I'm not in a very generous mood.

Rosalie:
What do you mean?

McCoy:
Peluso's body is still warm, Detective Green is fighting for his life. And you called me in to make a deal.

Helton:
Jack, the case goes forward today and I'm afraid the prosecution doesn't have a chance without Peluso. I'm willing to take man one with a possibility for parole.

McCoy:
[angrily] I'm not having this conversation.

Helton:
I'm just trying-

McCoy:
[raises voice] I'm not having this conversation!

[Main cast wait outside Green's hospital room. McCoy talks to Van Buren, then addresses Fontana, who is slouched in chair.]

McCoy:
How are you doing?

Fontana:
Still thinking. [pause]

McCoy:
[Helplessly] Is there anything I can do?

[Walks up to McCoy.]

Fontana:
You work your side of the fence, McCoy. I'll work mine.

[Fontana and temporary partner Falco investigate the murder of a porn star, followed by the death of her killer.]

[The detectives discuss Samantha Savage's body.]

Fontana:
Samantha Savage? The porn star?

Falco:
Kind of hard to tell with her clothes on.

Fontana:
First stage of grieving: the media interview.

[Helen DeVries, an editor, talks to a subordinate ]

DeVries:
You've got to stop thinking here [points her head] and start thinking here [points to her abdomen]

[McCoy informs Ms. DeVries she may serve a life sentence for killing Samantha Savage.]

DeVries:
Life? Are you retarded?

[A murderer is asking for a lenient sentence because of his religious conversion]

Borgia:
I'm curious, what would have been your offer?

McCoy:
Man 1. [sarcastically] Praise the Lord!

Borgia:
Forgiveness is a Christian ideal.

McCoy:
And if you don't believe in Christ, well, then you'll just have to serve your time?

McCoy:
I don't care if he comes to court with a hair shirt and a scourge, murder is murder.

[Someone leaves an SUV on the railroad tracks seconds before the train comes, leading to the death of 12 people and the injury of hundreds. The possible causes range from terrorism to murder to a failed suicide.]

[Interrogating a suspect]

Fontana:
It's called motive. M-O-T-I-V-E. MOTIVE.

[speaking emotionally about the crash to Borgia]

Lt. Van Buren:
If this case doesn't help to bring back the death penalty to New York state I don't know what will.

Fallon:
Millions spent on prisons and almost nothing for health insurance...

McCoy:
I don't make social policy.

Fallon:
No. You just have to clean up after those who do.

Fontana:
When you were a kid, did you ever call your old man by his first name?

Green:
Not unless I wanted to smell the Aqua Velva on the back of his hand.

Marsden:
The only thing sweeter than a dead CO is one on my side of the bars. It's the gift that just keeps on givin'.

Green:
Robbery-homicide?

Fontana:
Robbery-suicide.

Green:
That'd be a first.

Serena:
I was doing catch-up on discovery.

Branch:
Discovery? You're halfway through trial.

McCoy:
The defense disclosed dozens of boxes of paperwork. They're trying to drown us.

Serena:
They have nine paralegals, and we just have me. But I don't think they meant to disclose this. [hands McCoy a piece of paper]

McCoy:
[reading it] Miss Southerlyn, you've outdone yourself.

Branch:
Do I get to see it? [McCoy hands him the paper, he reads it] Well, let's see if Dr. Cedars can wiggle his way out of this one.

Branch:
Since when do gun dealers surf the Web?

Serena:
Everybody surfs the Web, Arthur - everybody but you.

Samuels:
You and Detective Green are both good at making people believe what you want them to believe.

Det. Valenzuela:
We're good at our jobs.

Samuels:
Does your job include breaking the law?

Det. Valenzuela:
Technically. I've bought drugs from drug dealers and guns from gun runners.

Samuels:
Guns and drugs.

Det. Valenzuela:
[sarcastically] Sometimes I even break the speed limit in the pursuit of a criminal.

Samuels:
Find this amusing, do you, detective? This is all just a big joke to you?

McCoy:
Objection!

Judge Fischer:
Sustained.

Samuels:
Is it fair to say as an undercover you would do whatever it takes to catch the so-called "bad guys", even if it means breaking the law?

Det. Valenzuela:
We don't break the law. The law allows us to pose as bad guys and lie to bad guys, in order to catch the bad guys.

Samuels:
[yelling] And if you can't catch them, you just kill them? Take the law into your own hands and gun them down to die like dogs in the street? How many people have you killed doing "your job", detective? How many?

McCoy:
Your honor!

Samuels:
You are the bad guys, officer! You!

Fontana:
This is a crime scene. It says so right there on the tape.

Branch:
Cosmetic surgery. It's an epidemic in this country. Whatever happened to aging gracefully?

Serena:
Only a man would say that without a trace of irony. Men age gracefully, Arthur. Women just age.

Kaplan:
This is a waste of my valuable time. I'm gonna have my lawyers make a complaint to the chief of police.

Fontana:
Hey, how come you rich guys always have to have your lawyers do your talking for you?

Serena:
You're going to argue that spousal privilege should only apply to heterosexual relationships?

McCoy:
To put a murderer behind bars? Yes.

Serena:
Are you sure those nuns didn't get inside of your head, Jack?

McCoy:
That has nothing to do with it. I suggest you leave your opinion on sexual politics at the water cooler and help me win this case.

Green:
Mr. Whitestone, I hope you got a lot of scripts to read, because you're looking at some serious jail time.

Whitestone:
You think so?

Fontana:
Think of it as research for your next role. Only, if I were you, I wouldn't invite a lot of roles for women.

Ruffino:
You don't like me for this, do you?

Fontana:
I don't like you, period. But, for this? You tell me: who else should we like?

Ruffino:
[to McCoy] Congratulations, counselor. You got me for the one I didn't commit.

Lt. Van Buren:
27 eyewitnesses, and the only thing they agree on is "four shots fired".

Green:
So, we're looking for a tall, white, Haitian, Hispanic midget with maybe an accomplice, who took the subway?

Fontana:
Or, according to the two starlets I interviewed, drove off in a blue SUV. By the way, they're going to make very believable police officers.

[Fontana and Green are questioning the bartender in an obviously mobbed up "social club"]

Green:
If you don't talk, I'm sure Granados will.

Bartender:
I thought you don't know where he is.

Green:
Oh, we're gonna find him. Doctors say in his condition he ain't gonna get that far.

Fontana:
[leans in close and whispers] You know what I've got here, tovarisch? Huh? In about ten seconds, I'm gonna start smilin' like a village idiot and peelin' off hundred dollar bills onto your shiny brass bar.

Bartender:
What are you talkin' about?

Fontana:
And then my partner here is gonna start droppin' "thank yous" and "tell us more" like there's no tomorrow.

Green:
Which means, if your friends back there aren't deaf, dumb, and blind, you're gonna have a little trouble.

Bartender:
Don't.... I don't know why he was here. I put him on books as favor.

Green:
A favor to who? Andropov? [silence] Where's Granados?

Fontana:
Here comes the first C-note. Is there anything you'd like us to tell your widow?

Laval:
My client's looking for a big drop-down from the top count.

McCoy:
Let me explain the facts of life, Mr. Laval. We go up the food chain, not down. Wheel man, shooter, button man, [gestures to Andropov] chief.

Laval:
You think Mr. Andropov is all there is to this?

Warner:
Unless you're offering up Vladimir Putin.

Khaleel:
I have diplomatic immunity.

Green:
For drug trafficking and murder? I doubt it.

McCoy:
So, which is it, Mr. Khaeel. You deny ordering the murders, or the United States government authorized you to do so to protect your identity as a drug dealer?

Khaleel:
I don't understand your question.

McCoy:
Of course you do. Make a choice in front of this jury. You ordered the murders, or you had no hand in them.

Khaleel:
Every day in my part of the world, the United States drops a bomb or fires a missile in order to kill terrorists. Do other people die as a result? Yes, regrettably. But for the greater good. I ordered no murders. I simply dispatched a subordinate to retrieve a product that was stolen from me.

McCoy:
Using any means necessary.

Khaleel:
I will not answer that.

McCoy:
I believe you just did, Mr. Khaleel.

Captain Donald Cragen:
How's Lowenstein?

Fontana:
He's still on the critical list.

Captain Donald Cragen:
I hope he lingers a long time in excruciating pain.

Carla Lowenstein:
If I was still angry enough to want to kill him, it would mean I was still tied to him emotionally. And I can't afford that.

Van Buren:
Even after what he did to you and your children?

Carla Lowenstein:
You know what I want in life? Not to think about him. Not remember him. Not talk about him. Not hear his name. That's all.

Tremont:
[during a search of his apartment] You guys gonna put everything back?

Green:
That's your problem.

Tremont:
Doesn't seem fair.

Fontana:
The Fourth Amendment protects you against unlawful search and seizure. It doesn't say anything about being neat.

Branch:
Why would anyone take up with a man accused of murdering his lover?

Serena:
You're not a woman. I get it - he's charming, attractive, he's an outlaw. He's a classic bad boy.

[Branch and McCoy look at her questioningly]

Serena:
What?

Fontana:
[about rap music] Makes me wanna go home and listen to some Tony Bennett records.

McCoy:
She pleads to Man-1 and testifies against Miranda Shea. 10 years.

Shatenstein:
She's gonna hand you the person who masterminded the murder, Mr. McCoy.

McCoy:
She's the one who pulled the trigger.

Borgia:
This trial's starting to look like Rashomon.

Green:
Have a seat, Mr. Levin.

Levin:
I have a meeting in an hour. [Green pushes him into a chair] I could reschedule if you think this is gonna take a long time.

Fontana:
How does 20 to life sound to you?

Fontana:
A bolt action Remington model 700. A fine deer rifle. I had one just like it as a kid.

Lt. Van Buren:
You hunt?

Fontana:
Oh yeah. My uncle Phil used to take us up to Door County, Wisconsin to hunt whitetail. Of course, I always preferred using a bow. It kinda levels the playing field.

Lt. Van Buren:
Mm-hmm. And the deer, what kind of weapons did they use?

Fontana:
Same as the cow.

Stoler:
You're treating me like I killed those people up there.

McCoy:
What about the people you did kill? Don't they count?

McCoy:
[to the jury] Hold Randall Stoler accountable. There are real heroes out there. You don't have to settle for a fake.

Ranson:
Taking a human life was the hardest thing I've ever done. [chuckles bitterly] Not that it made any difference. I'll never escape the past. I know that now. Thanks for trying. Goodbye.

Mrs. Shelby:
My daughter is very disturbed...

Borgia:
-and your son is a murderer and potential suicide!

Mrs. Shelby:
[stares blankly] Your point?

Mrs. Shelby:
We believe in God's laws, not man's

Lawyer:
The guy literally invented the 80s-style hostile takeover.

Borgia:
Good guy?

Lawyer:
Sure. If you like hypocritical, narcissistic, cold-blooded frauds.

McCoy:
Are you alright?

Fontana:
I'm thinking, Mr. McCoy. Just thinking.

Helton:
I'm just trying to resolve a difficult case in the fairest way possible.

McCoy:
Fair? There was nothing fair about what happened to Jackie Ogden.

Fontana:
[after McCoy tells him to be careful] You work your side of the street, Mr. McCoy, and I'll work mine.

Falco:
The porn world is gonna be in mourning tonight.

Fontana:
I wonder what they fly at half-mast.

Van Buren:
Now, this may come as a surprise, but I know all about Samantha Savage.

Fontana:
Why, Lieutenant.

Van Buren:
Please. I've got two teenage boys. She's huge on the web. A top-tier adult video star. Her autobiography came out a couple of months back, bestseller.

Fontana:
Next thing you're gonna tell me, she's on Oprah's Book Club.

Helen DeVries:
Samantha Savage was a home video hooker who couldn't write a sentence if you spotted her the noun and the verb. I came up with the idea for the book, found the ghostwriter, edited the manuscript, chose the cover art. I took that silicone-stuffed bimbo and turned her into a best-selling author. How does she repay me? By taking her follow-up how-to sex manual to Knopf.

Falco:
So you made her a success, and she runs off to the competition?

Helen DeVries:
In a nutshell.

Fontana:
That would have made me mad as hell.

Helen DeVries:
Oh, you have no idea.

Branch:
[about Verick] In addition to a life sentence, I'd like to see this guy hauled out in stocks in Foley Square.

Fontana:
[after Verick is found murdered] How many people did this guy screw over at his company?

Falco:
300. Throw in the family and friends of Oscar Salazar, that's a lot of suspects.

Fontana:
And a lot of justice.

Borgia:
[after Elwin agrees to plead guilty] I'm just curious, Jack. What were you going to offer?

McCoy:
I was considering going as low as Man One, praise the Lord.

Lt. Van Buren:
[about the defendant in the train crash case] Look, I hope you're charging him with twelve counts of murder, 1,250 counts of attempted murder, and whatever else you can throw at him. I was at the scene, counselor! And if this case doesn't help bring back the death penalty in New York State, I don't know what will.