Law & Order, Season 17

[Cassady has just sworn to Carvahal that the NYPD will find her husband's killer]

Lt. Van Buren:
[angry] Lesson One: Watch and learn.

Cassady:
I was just offering my condolences...

Lt. Van Buren:
Watch and learn!

Cassady:
[to Green] How many lessons are there?

Green:
740.

McCoy:
[about Goodwyn] That's why I'll never get married again.

Rubirosa:
Woah, she's your...

McCoy:
Second ex-wife's attorney.

McCoy:
Well think of it this way: instead of making a giant leap for woman-kind, you'll actually help one of your clients.

Imam:
Which am I first, an American or a Muslim?

McCoy:
You need to decide if there's a contradiction.

[Imam's mosque has been torched]

Imam:
Mr. McCoy, you asked me before which I was first, an American or a Muslim. It turns out I'm neither. This was thrown through my window. [holds up a brick with the word "TERRORIST" scrawled on it] And this morning, someone did this.

McCoy:
I'm sorry. [pause] What did Ben Faoud shout at you in the courtroom?

Imam:
"Burn."

McCoy:
And what did you say back?

Imam:
"God bless the United States of America."

Cassady:
Hannah Welch, you're under arrest for the murder of Carl Mullaly. You have the right to remain silent...

Welch:
You're kidding. He's a pedophile! He strips little girls of their youth, their innocence! He's a monster!

Cassady:
It's still murder.

McCoy:
If people want to watch a man crawl through a tunnel full of rats, I can only shake my head. But no one gets to sell tickets to a murder.

[Green and Cassady are investigating a murder that occurred at a $2 million "Sweet 16" party.]

Cassady:
My sweet 16, dad wouldn't even loan me the Buick.

Green:
He obviously didn't love you.

Cassady:
I told him as much at the time.

Lt. Van Buren:
Don't you ever talk out of turn in front of a suspect's lawyer again!

Cassady:
It just came out of my mouth.

Lt. Van Buren:
Then get a muzzle.

[Carroll claims not to remember his drunken, anti-Semitic rant]

Cassady:
Are you just saying that because you don't want to talk to a Jew cop?

Carroll:
What?

Cassady:
Detective Sugar Tits? Jews control the world? Any of that ring a bell?

Carroll:
I never said those things.

Green:
She's Irish, by the way, in case you wanna to get anything else off your chest.

Green:
[to Carroll] You have the right to remain silent.

Cassady:
You might want to try it this time.

Robert:
I did exactly what you were trying to do. Everyone agreed he should die.

McCoy:
I was seeking to have Vorgitch legally executed.

Robert:
And I executed him. How can you come after me for that?

McCoy:
Because New York doesn't have a do-it-yourself death penalty, Mr. Purcell.

Robert:
I don't care what the law says.

Rubirosa:
That's hardly a defense.

Weaver:
You think I am guilty because I am a woman with power.

McCoy:
No, I think you are guilty for the same reason you bugged your corporate headquarters - you're a person with power who couldn't bear to lose it.

[Rubirosa is upset with McCoy over McCoy's methods to convict Weaver]

McCoy:
[to Rubirosa] 'Night.

[After receiving no response, McCoy walks over to Rubirosa]

McCoy:
Ask me how I sleep at night.

Rubirosa:
[stops packing her briefcase and looks at McCoy] How do you sleep at night?

McCoy:
[pause] Like a baby.

[McCoy leaves]

[McCoy and Rubirosa are investigating an actress whose adopted child died of mistreatment]

Rubirosa:
So, adopting a baby was just a publicity stunt?

Archer:
I was giving Christopher a better life, and I was drawing attention to a region of the world that is buckling under an AIDS pandemic.

McCoy:
Save that for the press, Mrs. Archer.

Archer:
Was he going to be raised by the nanny? Yes, but so is my daughter, and so are the children of a lot of working women.

McCoy:
Not to the extent that their children are unrecognizable to them.

Rubirosa:
[over a scotch with McCoy] I wanna have kids, you know? I wanna wake up with them in the morning, make them breakfast, see them off to school, and tuck them in at night. I just can't imagine seeing them as a burden.

McCoy:
Some people are wired wrong. Ugliest part of our work.

Rubirosa:
Babies... babies as fashion... pour me another.

Green:
[about Barlow] No wonder they call her 'the most hated bitch in America.'

Cassady:
You mean woman, right?

Green:
No, I mean bitch.

Barlow:
People love me.

Branch:
I'm sure some people love spiders, too.

Barlow:
They eat flies, don't they?

Branch:
And we know what flies eat.

Branch:
Convince me that this is not colored by your history with Lange.

McCoy:
I want to convict him, Arthur. This coincides nicely with the fact that he's guilty.

Melnick:
Mind if I crash your little arm-twisting party?

Reese:
I was just trying to protect my daughter.

McCoy:
By breaking the Fifth Commandment, Mr. Reese. You not only killed, you killed the wrong man.

McCoy:
I'm no politician, Arthur.

Branch:
Yeah, that's what everyone says.

Rubirosa:
[her closing argument] There is nothing imagined about the wrongs of Trina's childhood. Whatever she was in her adult life, she learned from a master. Randall Bailey had a pathological need to abuse his daughter. A need that he finally took to its logical, deadly conclusion. And thanks to a tricked-up claim of self-defense that has been a staple of crime fiction for decades, he thinks he can get away with it. But consider this. 6-foot, 180 pounds vs. 5' 5", 110 pounds. Consider 13 deep, devastating stab wounds vs. 8 pin pricks. Consider what it took to drive this knife through meat and bone into the body of his own daughter. [stabs a book with Senator Bailey's knife repeatedly] Not once. Not twice. But 13 times! This was not paternal love, or instinct! No! It was murderous rage! [stabs once more]

Senator Bailey:
[after his conviction] You're a hack, Dilwynn! You're a pinheaded idiot! I'm gonna make it my business to see you thrown off the bench!

Cassady:
[to Green] How many lessons are there?

Green:
740.

McCoy:
You can't yell "fire" in a crowded chatroom.

Cassady:
I recognise the logo on this bra. Frisky Kitty. Lingerie shop off Times Square.

Green:
Really?

Cassady:
I went there for my sister-in-law's bachelorette gift, but thanks for assuming I have crappy taste in lingerie.

Kaplan:
We are living in America in the 21st century, and we have every right to provide our children with unpolluted, affordable food!

Cassady:
We are talking about Brooklyn, right?

McCoy:
What did Faoud say to you in the courtroom?

Imam Ibrahim:
"Burn."

McCoy:
What did you say back?

Imam Ibrahim:
"God bless the United States of America."

Welch:
He's a monster.

Cassady:
It's still murder.

McCoy:
Even reality TV's biggest fans know that twenty people on a desert island competing for a can of soup or drinking goat's urine for $50,000 is not that real. Lots of people think it's fun, maybe some of you. It's entertainment. Ellie Harper claims she's a journalist. And the motto of a journalist used to be, You two fight, and I'll write about it. But the reporter didn't set up the fight. Nowadays, the distinction between the news and entertainment is not so clear. Staging events for the news cameras, doctoring photographs, planting pseudo-news on the news without a disclaimer. That's not fun. That does real harm. Some of those situations are frustratingly unclear or beyond our reach to correct. But not this case. Ellie Harper was looking for ratings. She knew the danger. But did she care? No. Did she even care enough to send someone along with Hannah Welch in case this staged encounter got out of hand? No. So tell her, and anyone tempted to follow in her footsteps, that an event where one of the participants is trained, paid and armed by the producer is not journalism. And a man being stabbed to death is not entertainment. It's murder.

McCoy:
You've had quite a run for someone so young. Exploiting unsuspecting college kids, taking advantage of their youth, their innocence, their vulnerability. And if they change their minds, to hell with them. A release is a release. Like it or not, the world is going to see you naked. Unless you pay me. Or screw me. That's a lot of heartache. A lot of ruined lives. And no one can touch you. But now, you are directly responsible for a death. And I intend to make you pay for that.

Cassady:
Don't they get it? Video is forever.

Green:
So is anonymity and boredom if you're a teenager.

Clerk:
Docket #48215. People v. Leon Wayne Vorgitch. Charges are 8 counts of murder in the first degree, escape in the first degree, and criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree.

Judge Bryce:
How does the defendant plead, Mr....

Leon:
Kiss my ass! That's how I plead.

Judge Bryce:
Control your client, counselor.

Edlund:
I'll do my best, your honor. He pleads not guilty.

Judge Bryce:
And since he's already serving three life sentences for mass murder, bail's not an issue.

Connie:
But which cell he's returned to is, your honor. The defendant obtained the tools for his escape while incarcerated at Green Haven. People ask that corrections place him in a federal super-max facility pending trial.

Judge Bryce:
Mr. Edlund?

Edlund:
No objection, your honor.

Judge Bryce:
So ordered. [bangs gavel]

Leon:
[as the court officers escort him out] You can lock me up wherever you want, bitch.

Judge Bryce:
We're done! Get him out of here!

Leon:
You can lock me up wherever you want, 'cause that's all you can do. And next time I get out, I'm comin' straight for you, bitch! [to the court officers] Get your hands off me.

[McCoy discusses a plea offer with Leon]

McCoy:
Murder-2 on all 8 charges.

Leon:
Go to Hell, McCoy. Murder-1, 2, 3. What's the hell's that even mean? I want somethin' real. TV time. Conjugal visits.

McCoy:
We're not here to offer perks, Mr. Vorgitch.

Leon:
I want one of them flatscreens. That's my price. Take it or leave it.

McCoy:
We'll leave it.

Leon:
Fine, but every day I get on that bus and go to court is another day I don't have to spend in here. Another chance to escape.

McCoy:
Vorgitch was a monster. No one disputes that the world is a better place without him, but this is not about who Robert Purcell murdered. It's about the simple fact that he is a murderer. Mr. Purcell is not insane. He does not believe himself to be a judge, a jury, or an executioner. And yet, by killing Leon Vorgitch, he chose to act as all 3. He may have felt morally justified, but still, he knew that what he did was wrong. So, the question before you is not: "Did Vorgitch deserve to die?". It's "Did Robert Purcell have the right to kill him?". And the answer is no. Leon Vorgitch was a danger to our society, but so is what the defense is asking of you today. They want you to look the other way. Even though Robert Purcell ignored our system of justice, took the law into his own hands, and committed murder in cold blood, they want you to give him a pass. If you let Robert Purcell get away with murder, just because you hate the man he shot, you're telling everyone out there that it's okay to kill, as long as the victim was a bad person. Judges, juries, who needs them? If you want to see insanity, let this murderer go.

Branch:
Even the noblest crusaders aren't beyond a little hypocrisy and it usually involves money.

Dr. Vaughn:
He expected me to save his legs, so I did!

McCoy:
You saved his legs. You lost the patient!

Dr. Vaughn:
And given the odds, I'd do it again.

McCoy:
Which is why, Dr. Vaughn, your cure is worse than any disease.

Lt. Van Buren:
[to Green about Reverend Sterling's arrest] Hey, Ed. Make this one public. I want that hypocritical preacher to feel some pain.

Dawn:
My husband is a minister! A man of God! I mean, do you really think he'd be involved in the murder of a homosexual prostitute? Look, why do you hate us so much? Well, is it because we have the courage to worship the Lord? Because we believe in the sanctity of marriage? Because we renounce homosexuality?

McCoy:
Dawn Sterling is a terrific liar.

Branch:
Yeah. Too bad she's not our witness.

Connie:
I used to think this was about an immigrant chasing the dollar, but maybe it's just good old-fashioned American greed.

Lt. Van Buren:
Look, it's one thing to say you shoved someone. It's a big leap to say you strung 'em up.

McCoy:
Or your people didn't push Rodriguez hard enough.

Lt. Van Buren:
So what? We should've broken out the waterboard? After all, Rodriguez is here illegally.

McCoy:
It was a sloppy interrogation!

Lt. Van Buren:
My people worked Rodriguez appropriately! If you don't like it, call the Chief of D's.

Easton:
Why would I kill her?

Connie:
To protect your profit center in illegal workers. Over half of your employees are underpaid, undocumented aliens.

Easton:
Look, maybe I cut a few corners. But it's still my word against the word of this illegal Spanish kid.

Connie:
And who do you think the jury's gonna believe? A kid who busts his ass sixty hours a week to send $75 to his mother, or a man who flouts the law and parlays his desperation into a small fortune?

McCoy:
If you're convicted of staging Erin Garrett's suicide, I promise, you'll do forty to life. I'm offering you fifteen.

Easton:
I have a family. A wife and kids.

Connie:
So did Erin Garrett.

[after Easton consults with Oscar about McCoy's plea offer]

Oscar:
10 years. No property forfeiture.

McCoy:
The deal is 15 to life.

Easton:
If I didn't hire these people, what else were they gonna do?! How else are they gonna support their families?!

McCoy:
That might be a defense in a labor violation, not a murder. Fifteen years or a trial, Mr. Easton.

Connie:
You're a one-man border patrol, Jack.

McCoy:
You give me way too much credit.

Connie:
I don't think so. You cleaned house.

McCoy:
Not really. You're forgetting Erin Garrett had a Jamaican nanny.

Lange:
What do you wanna hear from me, McCoy? That I killed my wife? That I cut her throat? That I gutted her?

McCoy:
I read your book. I heard it already.

Lange:
Yeah, and you're pissed off that you can't do anything about it.

McCoy:
Contrary to what your attorney says, Mr. Lange, that's not why you're on trial here.

Lange:
I'm not gonna say I killed Serena, either.

Carsley:
An Alford plea is still justice served, Jack. It's win-win.

McCoy:
It's still 15 years too light. Forget it, we'll finish the trial.

[McCoy and Connie get up to leave]

Carsley:
You know all that talk in the press about a vendetta? It was just that, it was talk. But I wasn't far off the mark, was I?

McCoy:
Show yourselves out.

Cassady:
[about the victim who is a rapper] Too violent for me. Sex, guns and a nasty mouth.

McCoy:
Maybe Blair's right. Maybe it is always a black and white thing.

Connie:
He did have an attitude.

McCoy:
Maybe he's got a right.

Connie:
He would get a fair trial here.

Karpovich:
Yes, well, Guantanamo detention camps can lead one to think otherwise.

Cassady:
It's all in Russian. Can you make it out?

Green:
I'm actually not fluent. I just know enough to get a date.

Connie:
We're getting our ass kicked.

McCoy:
Thanks for sugar-coating it. Any suggestions?

McCoy:
[to Kraslow] Enough of your treacly mea culpas!

McCoy:
Doctor, when we send our soldiers ... No, strike that. When we send our children to fight in a war of choice, don't we have the moral obligation, the patriotic duty, to care for those who come home alive whatever the cost?

Branch:
[to McCoy] I just got off the phone with the U.S. Attorney's office. They're seeking contempt charges against you. Talking about jail time.

Connie:
I'm gonna go bake you a cake. Put a hacksaw in it.

McCoy:
Make it chocolate.