Law & Order, Season 6

[during arraignment]

Clerk:
Case #622395. People vs. Nicholas Capetti. Charges are murder in the first degree and kidnapping in the first degree.

Judge Fraser:
Give me a plea.

Nick:
Not guilty.

Judge Fraser:
Miss Kincaid, what are the People looking for on this?

Kincaid:
The victim's a 12-year-old girl, your honor. The defendant has a prior...

[suddenly, 3 gunshots are heard, causing panic in the courtroom; Nick hits the ground; Karen has pulled the trigger]

Karen:
You bastard!

Court officer:
Call EMS!

[other officers and Mrs. Capetti check on Nick while Karen is arrested]

Mrs. Capetti:
Do something! Do something!

[Curtis walks up to Kincaid, who had ducked for cover]

Curtis:
Kincaid, you all right?!

Kincaid:
No, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Curtis:
You sure?

Kincaid:
Yeah, I didn't see what happened.

[after hearing that Karen shot Nick to death in the courtroom]

Schiff:
How in Hell did she get that gun into the courthouse?!

Kincaid:
I don't know.

Schiff:
You don't know. Well, somebody better find out. Normal-lookin' people out there taking the law in their own hands!

McCoy:
With 8,000,000 taxpayers cheering 'em on. They're lining up to pat Karen Gaines on the back.

Schiff:
Right.

Kincaid:
Well, it doesn't take much effort to put yourself in her shoes.

McCoy:
Unfortunately, she's not the first parent to lose a child. That can't justify premeditated murder.

Kincaid:
You wanna try her for murder-2?

McCoy:
She had the presence of mind to smuggle a loaded weapon into a courthouse. I have 40 witnesses who saw her shoot Capetti. I don't see what the problem is.

Schiff:
The problem is that your jury will wish that they pulled the trigger!

McCoy:
If we don't come down hard on Karen Gaines, somebody else'll get the idea that it's okay to turn another courtroom into the O.K. Corral.

Schiff:
And if she gets acquitted, what message does that send? I'm not takin' that chance. You're talkin' to her lawyer.

McCoy:
Your son was convicted of committing violent crimes, isn't that right?

Mrs. Capetti:
He wasn't a saint. I didn't say he was. And if he had anything to do with that little girl, then he should've paid by the law! Now, I could live with that, but not with this. [to Karen, furiously] What gave you the right to shoot him like a dog?!

Judge Caffey:
Mrs. Capetti, please! Address the court.

Karen:
How can you think for a minute that I would let my own child die? What kind of mother do you think I am?! You don't know what I did for her. For 10 years, I stayed in a nightmare marriage, just so she could have a real home. I fought for custody for her, but he had more money, more lawyers. He turned me into an addict, and then used it against me! That bastard! He stole her away from me! He told her lies about me! He made her afraid of me! I loved her!

McCoy:
But you hated your husband more.

[Briscoe and Curtis find a murdered college student at a biker bar]

Curtis:
He goes to NYU. I guess he wanted to see how the other half lived.

Briscoe:
They don't live for long.

Montero:
Tommy didn't want to be poor. He just wanted to play poor and screw poor.

Quinlan:
You want my testimony, you drop the money laundering charge completely. And I get blanket immunity for anything I say that might tend to incriminate me.

Kincaid:
That's ridic-

McCoy:
Done.

Quinlan:
[to his attorney] You should be paying me.

Sandig:
I was so ashamed of what I did to that detective. Do you know why I kept the gun? I was gonna kill myself.

McCoy:
So why didn't you?

Sandig:
[voice breaks] Because I don't wanna die. I'm sorry, okay? Please... [sobs] I don't wanna die!

Briscoe:
You know, Rey, if you ever get laid off, you could have a hell of a career as an egg timer.

Schiff:
Danielle Melnick. She ought to have you on retainer. Dig up this other crime, it strengthens her case.

McCoy:
I get it. I was supposed to ignore the fact that Leslie Harlan shot up a liquor store.

Schiff:
It answers the unanswered question of why the girl didn't try to escape.

Kincaid:
If it really was because Trapp forced her to act like a criminal, why didn't Leslie tell us about it?

Schiff:
Because she knew that you'd try to use it against her. Now, look what you tried to do with it.

McCoy:
Look at what her lawyer did do with it.

Schiff:
She's not as smart as her lawyer. You are.

Professor Rothenberg:
It's a disgrace, McCoy. My client should be home helping his kids with their schoolwork.

McCoy:
I saw the crime scene photos. I know how much his family means to him.

Peter:
But I'm innocent. I didn't kill anybody.

McCoy:
You've already learned the Rikers Island theme song. Good for you.

Schiff:
You got past double jeopardy. You climbed Everest in your shorts on a very cold day.

McCoy:
Shelley Cates could convince a jury that Jeffrey Dahmer had an eating disorder.

Lt. Van Buren:
[reading a student's poem] "The more I stab you the more I want you."

Briscoe:
Sounds like Gershwin.

Lt. Van Buren:
Damn. My college's idea of sex in literature was Jane Eyre.

Hooker:
Are we talking afternoon delight?

Curtis:
[pulls out his badge] I'd be delighted to throw you in jail.

Hooker:
Can't arrest a girl for asking.

Kincaid:
So, do you think Danforth will keep it in his pants next time?

McCoy:
[pause] Probably not.

McCoy:
Doesn't the Bible tell us not to kill, Mrs. Coleman?

Leah:
I am already suffering for what I did.

McCoy:
So now you know what you did was wrong?

Leah:
Yes.

McCoy:
Did you know it was wrong when you woke up that morning?

Leah:
Yes.

McCoy:
Did you know it was wrong when you ate your cereal?

Leah:
Yes!

Fineman:
He's badgering, your honor!

McCoy:
Sit down and shut up, Mr. Fineman!

Judge Stein:
Overruled. And you will address the court from now on, Mr. McCoy.

[Fineman sends McCoy a drink at the bar]

McCoy:
[to the waiter] Send it back.

Kincaid:
You can't forgive anyone, can you?

McCoy:
No, I can't. Besides, that was bourbon. I'm drinking scotch.

Payne:
I'm going to ask the jury what they think about Jews... and all I need is one.

[An anti-Semitic killer has been freed thanks to a deadlocked jury]

Kincaid:
They voted 11 to 1 to convict.

McCoy:
One juror.

[pause]

Schiff:
So what else is new? Next case.

[New evidence in a 30-year-old rape case might set a convict free]

Kincaid:
We're obligated to turn this over to the defense.

Schiff:
And give this 3-time rapist a chance to bluff the jury?

Kincaid:
That can't be a consideration.

Schiff:
It sure as Hell can!

Kincaid:
Marks just held a press conference. She actually thinks she righted a 30-year-old wrong.

McCoy:
And I bet she hopes to be the centerfold of next month's Bar journal.

Nichols:
[accused of electrocuting horses] Trust me, sir. The horses don't feel a thing.

Briscoe:
I'd like to shoot 120 volts through his rectum and see what he says then.

Kincaid:
Christopher's horse-trading records are insanely complicated. He covered his tracks. He wasn't so cautious about his mating rituals.

McCoy:
Should I be taking notes?

Kincaid:
[smiles] If you want to go broke.

Damien:
We wasn't doin' nothin'!

Briscoe:
Oh, yeah? And just where wasn't you doin' it?

Hawthorne:
The part of private practice I hate - clients.

[Briscoe and Curtis arrest Brian Egan, who had been using the alias "Ronald Reagan"]

Curtis:
Ronald Reagan. That's cute.

[Egan tries to run, only to be confronted by Briscoe]

Briscoe:
You're not going anyplace, Mr. President.

Egan:
You don't see anything. You have no idea what's going really on.

McCoy:
Why don't you tell me.

Egan:
I'm just the tip of the iceberg.

McCoy:
You're a racist, and a murderer, and you just found out your country won't tolerate it.

Egan:
You mean your country won't. Mine is growing. You think you can stop it? You can't stop anything.

Kincaid:
So because of the bigots, any black criminal has a ready-made excuse?

Robinette:
Not an excuse. A mitigating factor.

Robinette:
Ben Stone once said I'd have to decide if I was a lawyer who was black or a black man who was a lawyer. All those years, I thought I was the former. All those years I was wrong.

Murphy:
I didn't see nothing, I don't know nothing, and I don't want to know nothing.

Briscoe:
Sort of a Zen thing, huh Frances? Keep your life clean and simple?

Murphy:
I don't know.

McCoy:
Did he say he was going to marry you? [places 2 morgue shots of Michael's previous wives in front of the witness] This is what happened to the first Mrs. Dobson, and this is what happened to the second Mrs. Dobson. Do you really want to be Mrs. Dobson #3?

Briscoe:
[about Weber] If he loved his kids that much, he'd have been home to tuck them in.

Curtis:
You tell me you never drank too much and blacked out.

Briscoe:
Hey, I missed the entire Carter Administration, but I was always home for breakfast.

Bell:
What do a sperm cell and a lawyer have in common?

Kincaid:
They both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human being. There's a law: You pass the bar, you have to stop telling lawyer jokes.

Briscoe:
What's your relationship with Liza?

Conneca:
I'm Liza. As in Minelli. See the resemblance?

Briscoe:
You're a drag queen.

Conneca:
A female impersonator. I dress up for work the same as you do, detective.

Briscoe:
Yeah, only I don't have to tuck in so much.

Briscoe:
You had a beef with your boss?

Lt. Van Buren:
His lady boss.

Curtis:
She was coming on to me.

Briscoe:
What?

Curtis:
That's why I transferred here.

Briscoe:
So can I transfer there?

Schiff:
Isn't your theory getting to be like theirs? They say he's an outraged boyfriend, you say he's an outraged would-be boyfriend.

McCoy:
There's a world of difference between a jealous lover and some horny bastard who's mad he can't get to first base.

Schiff:
Eloquent. Can't wait for your closing argument.

Schiff:
This kid falls in love with a girl he has no chance in the world to get.

McCoy:
And in a stupid, hopeless attempt to impress her, he shows her a million dollars worth of cocaine.

Schiff:
Yeah, I guess etchings don't work anymore.

Kincaid:
And as a result he ends up having to kill her.

Schiff:
A story for Sophocles.

McCoy:
Or Larry, Moe and Curley.

Schiff:
Yeah. I always loved those guys.

[An alcoholic murder suspect's daughter is covering for him]

Curtis:
Daddy's little helper.

Briscoe:
Yeah, I used to have one of those.

Curtis:
Tell the truth now, Clayton. You wait for him to come back with those test results, it's over. You're gonna be in the same boat as Lonnie.

Luanne:
For God's sake, Clayton, tell 'em what they wanna know.

[Clayton is silent; his father, Frank, grabs him by the lapels]

Frank:
You little punk. You show your mother respect!

Clayton:
Hey! You're hurting me!

Luanne:
Frank! Frank!

Frank:
You're gonna tell the truth! [slaps his son] You're not gonna ruin your life for some dope dealer!! Tell them what happened, damn it! Tell them!

[Briscoe and Van Buren have seen everything]

Lt. Van Buren:
We can't let him do that.

[she enters the room]

Lt. Van Buren:
Detective Curtis!

[the scuffle stops]

Lt. Van Buren:
Take Mr. Doyle outside now.

[Frank releases Clayton as Curtis takes him out]

[Curtis allows a man to slap his teenage son during an interrogation]

Lt. Van Buren:
Your conduct was unacceptable.

Curtis:
Why? Cause I let a father discipline his kid?

Lt. Van Buren:
No one lays a hand on a suspect in my interrogation room. Now that man was out of control and it was up to you to manage it.

Curtis:
Well, that kid was out of control, and you know what scares me? That somebody like that can go to school with my daughter.

Lt. Van Buren:
You think you're the only one who loses sleep? Look, if you don't like the way this place is run... transfer.

Schiff:
Crack open the piggy bank; see what falls out.

[Taggart's assets have been frozen]

Taggart:
How am I supposed to stay in business?

Briscoe:
You know what? I don't think you're supposed to.

School Principal:
[sarcastically] A tall black teenager. It figures - he's a criminal and he plays basketball!

Briscoe:
Well, we'll check out your chess team next.

[A schizophrenic murderer is representing himself]

McCoy:
His first trial, and he knows just enough law to turn it into a circus.

Schiff:
A circus? 3 counts of murder? He's taking it seriously.

McCoy:
Then why doesn't he plead insanity?

Schiff:
Because he's insane!

Schiff:
Ruthie Miller? Who's paying her bills?

Kincaid:
The British Consulate.

Schiff:
Go to tea. Offer her a crumpet.

Kincaid:
I never did like chasing my tail.

McCoy:
But it's a lot of fun when you catch it.

Doctor:
Heard you did okay last night.

Mickey:
Meatloaf and mash, couple Dr. Peppers.

Doctor:
I would've gone with the pizza. Sausage and pepper.

Mickey:
Maybe I should start over.

[the doctor places the needle in his arm]

Mickey:
I bet you get a real kick outta that.

Doctor:
Now's not a good time to go crybaby, Mickey.

Mickey:
Yeah, right. In your dreams.

[McCoy talks about his father]

McCoy:
Sometimes my mother had to lock herself in the basement.

Bar Guy:
Son of a bitch hit her?

McCoy:
10 years. I'm still scared of those hands. He smoked like a chimney. Cancer. He'd lay there in that hospital room, with tubes coming out of his arms. They pumped him full of morphine, so he wouldn't know how much he hurt. He didn't know where he was. This tough... He just lay there. He was breathing, and then he was gone. [pause] I don't know why I'm talking about this. I never talk about this. Let's play darts.

[Kincaid is driving an inebriated Briscoe home]

Briscoe:
You know, it wouldn't be so terrible.

Kincaid:
What's that?

Briscoe:
If you were my kid.

Kincaid:
I guess I should take that as a compliment.

Briscoe:
Hey, you're smart, you're pretty, you got a good job, and you don't hate my guts.

Kincaid:
Lennie, I doubt your daughter hates you.

Briscoe:
You don't know her. [laughs ruefully] I don't know her. I never will.

Lt. Van Buren:
[voiceover narration over Kincaid's death scene] A crowd of people stood and cheered when he raped her. They were supposedly good people, and they did nothing. Then he beat her to death with a tire iron. And today, the state of New York got its revenge. It's not enough, and it's too much.

Briscoe:
[about his new partner, Rey Curtis] I've got ties older than him. Some shoes too, I think.

Briscoe:
When I was growing up around here, the worst thing that could happen to you was skinning your knee while playing Johnny-on-the-pony.

Curtis:
Yeah, well, I don't remember things being so rosy when I was a kid.

Briscoe:
When was that, last week?

Igor:
I don't talk to Spics unless I'm drunk.

[Brolin finds McCoy eating a sandwich outside the courthouse after Sandig is convicted of Croft's murder]

Brolin:
Tuna fish? Is that how you celebrate a victory?

McCoy:
It's chicken salad. It's not over 'til after the sentencing hearing. Then it's tuna fish.

Brolin:
Well, I wouldn't go planning my menu just yet. [hands the EADA a notice] My motion for a declaratory judgment with Judge Boucher's decision.

McCoy:
Denying it.

Brolin:
Yes. Well, and my appeal and my brief. [hands McCoy her appeal and brief] The way I see it, the New York death penalty statute doesn't even come close to passing constitutional muster.

Pembleton:
You want your kid to know what you did? Because we're gonna have to tell Kenny. 26 dead bodies, women, children - hell, you're up there in Ted Bundy territory. That should make him real proud.

McCoy:
Over the past two weeks, I put on a near-perfect case. I proved the defendant had access to the materials used to make the bomb. I proved he was on the subway the day the bomb exploded. You heard testimony that someone fitting his description committed a similar crime using the identical toxic gas five years ago in Baltimore, which just happens to be his hometown. A near-perfect case. And still, there's a chance I could lose; that's why I tossed those law books. And that's why Mr. Le Clair is absolutely right when he says black fingers are pointing at us. Where else are they going to point? No, none of us ever dragged anyone here in chains. We never hanged anybody's grandfather from a tree for looking too long at the master's daughter. We're a lot smarter than that and subtler. Instead of chains, we use reasonable doubt; instead of restricted bathrooms, we use unanimous verdicts. Yes, we can send a message. We can say, The racial divide in this country has grown, and is growing, and here's another example of just how unfair it gets. Or we can say, Enough. Equal protection under the law means exactly what it says.