Lost Girl, Season 3

Hale:
The Amazons won't listen to me.

Kenzi:
Because of your stupid penis?

Hale:
I prefer 'untested leadership'.

Traso:
Name?

Kenzi:
[Southern accent] Kenzi Von Clare. I'm Bo's honeybee, and I'm here for some sugar.

Traso:
But... you're human!

Kenzi:
Trust me: the shorter the lifespan, the deeper the quicksand!

Kenzi:
Can we just forget about your Fae-self for like a nanosecond, and talk about something that's really important?

Vex:
Doubtful.

Kenzi:
[whispers] Mascara.

Vex:
[sits up] You have my attention.

Kenzi:
Dude, your lashes are freakin' amazing!

Vex:
Yeah... it's all in the brush technique. Wait- [grabs a bag] I picked up a few tips from Da Vinci.

Kenzi:
As in The Code?

Vex:
[chuckles] Oh, yeah, now there was a queen for ya. He was all over David's ass like curry on chips.

Kenzi:
Can you help me with my clumping?

Vex:
Oh, please...

Bo:
O.M.G. You guys are so cute together. I wish I had a makeup buddy. I thought she could be my friend, and she doesn't even like me.

Kenzi:
Who?

Bo:
Tamsin! She is so mean girl, right? I mean, buy an actual personality already.

Vex:
Did you happen to rifle through my duffel bag, and scarf down a couple of yellow pills with tigers on 'em?

Bo:
I'm gonna talk to Dyson. And Bee-Tee-Dubs- It is tres private. [leaves]

Kenzi:
Private? [in sing-song] Lauren's pelt is gonna be steamed!

Vex:
What's it with you and the doc? I mean, besides her terrible bedside manner and the fact that she's a damn sight cleverer than you.

Kenzi:
Not to mention sneaky! She spy-banged Bo.

Vex:
Dyson's drop-kicked Bo's heart times over, and you still howl when he comes 'round.

Kenzi:
I-! No! Listen, are you gonna teach me the double pump smudge-proof technique or not?

Vex:
[sighs] I'm so proud of you.

Dyson:
[affected by the bug] Hey, Tammers. T-sin. Officer Slamsin!

Tamsin:
[playing pool] Okay...

Dyson:
Are you playin' with yourself?

Tamsin:
Did somebody spike your brewski?

Dyson:
Dude- This one time? That totally happened. I got to be Kenzi. Nailed it.

Bo:
[Trick turns of the music while she's dancing on the bar] Hey! Let me finish! Don't Kanye me!

Kenzi:
Dude, you are the leader if the Light Fae, hello? You need to start dressing like the leader of the Light Fae. Okay? This sports coat is waaaay caj. And the shoes, I can't even talk about the shoes. Obviously you need a stylist.

Hale:
Uh huh. And I suppose you're just the fly-girl to do it, huh?

Kenzi:
Why, Mr. Ash... I'd be delighted! I have so many ideas. I'm thinking like, silk ties and tailored suits. You know, your basic Ocean's Eleven special-

Hale:
Ok, ok, ok, ok- Just don't go too crazy, huh? [hands her a credit card]

Kenzi:
The Ash has his own black platinum?!

Hale:
Honey, the black platinum ain't got nothing on that.

Kenzi:
Thank you! You will not regret this. [Hale leaves] How do we feel about ascots...?

Kenzi:
Is this gonna take long?

Lauren:
Pardon?

Kenzi:
The bed antics. It just keeps going, like a Grateful Dead jam...

Tamsin:
What's so great about Kenzi, anyway?

Bo:
She's, uh... She's Kenzi. She's smart and honest and kind. And she makes me feel normal. And special- all at the same time.

Tamsin:
Oh.

Bo:
She is my heart, Tamsin.

Bo:
Thanks, Balzac, I owe you one.

Balzac:
[puts out his hand] Excellent.

Tamsin:
[Bo takes it] No! Crap...

Bo:
What?

Balzac:
You said you owe me one, then you shook on it- softest hands, do you moisturize? But that favor? I'm really gonna have to call that in now. You must help me find that which I truly seek.

Bo:
Once again- What?

Tamsin:
You made a deal with a Spriggan. And it's binding.

Bo:
[after chasing a man] Hey- How you feeling?

Kenzi:
[panting] Like Wile E. Coyote... You?

Bo:
Yeah, he's fast... But Stella says I need him. Well, his sweat.

Kenzi:
Right, right- At least we're not risking a heart attack for something gross.

Bo:
He secretes pheromones I need to gain entrance into the Temple. He's an Oo'Glug. Didn't Trick tell you?

Kenzi:
Me and Trick only talk sweat on Tuesdays. We gangsta like that. Anyway, not that I don't enjoy this rest- but doesn't the most important ceremony of your life start in like an hour?

Bo:
Yeah, you're right. Break's over. [starts running after the man again]

Kenzi:
No, I-! No, I take it back! We have plenty of time! Where's the ACME company when you need 'em?!

Kenzi:
Back when I got that rash from the Kitsune and she Kenzi-napped me and yadda yadda yadda... She told me that I could be Fae.

Trick:
Did she now?

Kenzi:
Which- Isn't really true. Is it?

Trick:
What did Stella say to you? You looked upset.

Kenzi:
She told me what happens to humans who are abandoned by the Fae who claimed them.

Trick:
[sighs] You're not Bo's pet.

Kenzi:
I'm not Fae either.

Trick:
Bo's very strong. I have every hope and faith that she will emerge safely.

Kenzi:
And if she doesn't?

Trick:
Hale or Dyson could use someone to do chores around their house.

Kenzi:
Don't play me, homie.

Trick:
I suppose... If Bo weren't around anymore- I could claim you.

Kenzi:
Get out.

Trick:
Even though I have no right to, I've come to think of you as family, Kenzi. I hope you don't mind.

Kenzi:
[smiles] Well, it's a little presumptuous but- if you must.

Trick:
And for however long you want it, you have a place in my world. Our world. [Kenzi hugs him]

Bo:
[both inside the Temple] I appreciate the help but stop cop-blocking me!

Dyson:
I guess a thousand years of chivalry is hard to shake.

Bo:
Did it ever occur to you that I don't need taking care of?

Dyson:
I know. I just wanted to be here.

Bo:
Why?

Dyson:
Because I love you.

Bo:
Was that so hard to say?

Dyson:
You're with Lauren now. I can't say I like it, but I respect it. [Bo hits him in the arm] God, I'm not gonna be much help if I'm crippled!

Bo:
You're not going to be much help to me either if you're pining away for me, you moron! Wait- Is this some sort of suicide mission? Some kind of male honor bullshit?!

Dyson:
I'm here because I want to be.

Bo:
Why?

Dyson:
Because you would have done the same for me. 'Cause in the last three years, I have learned more from you than I've learned in the first fifteen-hundred from every other person I ever met. Even if I can't have you- Even if I can't be with the woman that I love with every ounce of my being- Look, I'm just a wolf, standing in front of a succubus asking her- [Bo hits him again]

Bo:
A-HOLE!!!

Dyson:
Ugh- I deserve that-

Bo:
You are the most frustrating, stubborn, ass-face that I have ever met!

Dyson:
I don't like me much either, trust me-

Bo:
Stop- Stop being so charming- This isn't the time! Okay, I will kill you! So, what happens now?

Dyson:
Nothing. But ask me again in a hundred years. When things are different- [he kisses her]

Nelson:
Anyone else think that these deaths might be some sort of freaky animal attack?

Trudy:
Like a wolf?

Dyson:
[standing in the doorway] A wolf wouldn't leave the body intact.

Kenzi:
Yeah, not to mention, they're really lame.

Dyson:
Oh, really?

Kenzi:
Yeah, and surprisingly girly.

Dyson:
I think you protest too much. I think you love wolves.

Kenzi:
Wolves WISH I loved them.

Kenzi:
[telling a story] SuperKenz wasn't just any human. Not only did she have killer personal style, but she had a smorgasbord of powers. Her sense of smell was a strong as a wolf's. And when she sang, she could knock people out just like a Siren.

Ethan:
What's a Siren?

Kenzi:
A douchebag who wears stupid hats.

Tamsin:
[drunk] Where do you get off being so perfect? You think you've seen everything and then you see you.

Bo:
I'm alright, but I'm not perfect.

Tamsin:
[leans close to her] Yes you are. To me you are. Your eyes are both brown and blue.

Bo:
[whispers] Tamsin, what are you doing?

Tamsin:
[touches Bo's chest] Your heart is both strong and gentle. You're virtuous. Yet you're a Succubus. You shouldn't be.

Bo:
Be what?

Tamsin:
Be real. Be here.

Bo:
[toasting] To a new Fae under the right man.

Dyson:
To that dress under the right man.

Bo:
[laughs] Ohhh... Drink your whiskey, wolf.

Hale:
What are you still doing here?!

Kenzi:
Bo's in trouble. I think Tamsin's trying to hurt her-

Hale:
Forget about Bo for a second. You have to go-

Kenzi:
Stop saying that to me! Why does everyone keep saying that?! We all used to be friends, Hale!

Hale:
Goddamn it, Kenzi! You are not my friend! You've never been just a friend! If anything happens to you... I won't be any good to anyone. And right now I need to be better than I've ever been.

Kenzi:
[quietly] Asshole. You stupid- Why didn't you tell me that?!

Hale:
Because I was scared.

Dyson:
Aife. Please talk to me.

Aife:
Is my daughter okay?

Dyson:
Bo is fine.

Aife:
She's my daughter, you see. My daughter. Bo is my daughter. Bo is my daughter. [singing] Dark, light, wrong, right. Skip to my loo darlin' skip to me loo. [normal] Most couldn't handle the pain. But I could. I can.

Dyson:
What does he want?

Aife:
At first he wanted... me. He'd been watching me. Tracking me. Thought me powerful, the most powerful. Then he saw me defeated, broken, after Bo and I fought. Still he picked me up. Brought me here.

Dyson:
Aife. What did he do to you?

Aife:
Always with the questions. What's the ultimate type of Fae? Succubus. Who's the strongest? But I never told them. I never told them it's my Bo, my daughter. I told them it was you. I saw it in her eyes, that night. You gave up your wolf, to save her.

Dyson:
Yes.

Aife:
I did too, I gave up the wolf to save my girl. Because we love her. We love her.

Bo:
Mom, it's okay.

Aife:
No, it's not okay, you have to leave. If your father was here he would kill them all! And then resurrect them and kill them again!

Bo:
My father?

Aife:
They want powerful? They fear us? If HE were here, if he were here... he would never allow this to happen to his seed.

Kenzi:
Look out for surprise attacks.

Bruce:
Surprise. I'm huge. I don't do stealth.

Kenzi:
Bruce, I'll be fine. Really, you have to go. If The Morrigan finds that out you helped me...

Bruce:
The Morrigan just declared you an enemy of the realm. I'm not leaving your side 'til you're safe. You're tough, Kenzi. But you're human.

Kenzi:
Not for long.

Bruce:
What?!

Kenzi:
I met someone who said he could make me Fae. I think I'm going to take him up on it.

Bruce:
Bad idea.

Kenzi:
Yeah, I'll probably owe Massimo for the rest of my life, but-

Bruce:
Massimo, the Druid? Really bad idea.

Kenzi:
Yeah, well, my friends need me, Bruce. They need me to nut up. Do the rescuing, for once. And I can't. I can't when I'm... this.

Bruce:
I'm not letting you meet him alone.

Kenzi:
Well, it's a long walk.

Bruce:
Who's walking? [unlocks a sports car] The Morrigan's new toy. And you get to drive.

Kenzi:
I love you.

Bruce:
I love you too, Kenzi.

Kenzi:
I was talking to the car.

Bruce:
[quietly to himself] Uh, idiot.