Lucifer, Season 6

[Lucifer sees Chloe, dressed very elegantly.]

Lucifer:
Well. Hello, Chloe.

Chloe:
[laughs] Still not used to you calling me that.

[Lucifer is about to instigate another round of sex with Chloe.]

Amenadiel:
[calling from the other room] Lucifer!

Lucifer:
[shouting] Would it kill you to knock?!

Amenadiel:
[also shouting] Your door is an ELEVATOR!!

Carol:
Kate told us you that she heard you and Fiona arguing on the phone.

Busty:
Oh, we argued like trailer trash in a Walmart parking lot on Black Friday.

Ella:
[contemplating Dan, her pet bullfrog] How far do you think a frog could fall and live?

Lucifer:
[pleased] Sounds like a fun experiment... for us, less the frog, but.... You're welcome to use my penthouse if you wish.

Ella:
I'm not gonna do that, Lucifer.

Lucifer:
[discussing taking Chloe with him to Hell] No, no, no, this is a terrible idea. Worst I've heard since some genius decided to cancel Bones.

Chloe:
Why?

Lucifer:
Oh, where do I start? That show was the perfect combination of procedure and banter--

Chloe:
No, I mean, Lucifer, I'm talking about me going down to Hell.

Lucifer:
Oh.

Rory:
What is this?

Lucifer:
Oh, dear, do you not have Christmas in the future? Is that my fault as well?

Rory:
No, tacky consumerism still exists.

[Lucifer sits atop the Throne of Heaven]

Lucifer:
I, Lucifer Morningstar - the Devil - have returned to rule as God Almighty. And it's all thanks to one woman. A woman with the mind of a genius, the patience of a saint. A woman I adore with all of my heart. The greatest therapist the world has ever known: Doctor Linda Martin, MD, PSYD, PhD, MA, MFIL, Master in Science, Master in Technology, Master of the Universe, Ma-

[The image pauses]

Lucifer:
[voiceover] This is preposterous! [we see Lucifer and Chloe reading Linda's manuscript, revealing that it was all from Linda's book] I mean, socks with sandals?

Dr. Linda Martin:
What? Your Dad wore them!

Chloe:
Linda, is this what you really think happens?

Dr. Linda Martin:
I don't know what's going to happen! I've been the therapist to the Devil for the last five years, and I still couldn't get him ready to be God! [pauses] I'm a failure. So I wrote a fake ending to make myself feel better.

Lucifer:
And the red river? The missing socks?

Amenadiel:
All caused by our siblings' screwups.

Lucifer:
[laughs] Unbelievable. Right, well, I should wake Chloe, tell her the world isn't actually ending.

Amenadiel:
No, no, no, Luci, look. You heard Ella. Now if this continues to happen, it's gonna have a catastrophic domino effect. Apocalypse by a thousand paper cuts.

Lucifer:
Just tell our siblings to stop.

Amenadiel:
I tried. They don't take orders from me. I believe their exact words were, "You're not the God of us."

Rory:
Maybe that's the real reason I came back in time. So you could help me.

Chloe:
So that you can help everyone. Every Dan down in Hell who deserves another chance.

Lucifer:
Well,... Well, I suppose I do know what it's like to fall. And also to rise. [realizing] Oh, you cheeky bastard.

Chloe:
Who?

Lucifer:
My Dad. He said I'd figure it out, and I did. When He said Hell no longer needs a keeper, it doesn't. It needs a healer. Chloe... I think I finally found my calling!

Reese:
Do you really think it's possible to change?

Lucifer:
Of course. I mean, look at me. For millennia, I was down here, stuck in my own Hell loop of sorts, thinking I deserved to be in charge of people's punishment. And then even when I left, I found myself in a cycle of selfishness and violence, [smiles] debauchery, sex... Yeah, I mean, clearly it wasn't all bad, but the point is, with the right guidance and the right help, I was able to change, to grow. To... find true meaning in life.

Reese:
I wish I could just... take it all back. Everything that I did on Earth.

Lucifer:
I hear you. I felt that way, too. I wished I could do everything differently, but then, I wouldn't be the devil I am right now, sitting across from you, right here, would I? [chuckles]

Reese:
I dunno. Maybe I'm just a lost cause.

Lucifer:
Nonsense, Reese. And certainly not on my watch. Because if the Devil can be redeemed, then anyone can.

[Lucifer opens the door of Hell's 'therapy session' room and sees Chloe.]

Lucifer:
Hello, Detective.

Chloe:
I thought you could use a partner. [approaches Lucifer; they kiss]

*[Last lines of the series]