Men Behaving Badly, Series 3

Gary:
I once turned down an eightsome, which is like a threesome plus a fivesome.

Gary:
Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is that if you're both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.

Gary:
Does this office have to sound like an episode of Little House On The Prairie?

Anthea:
Well, we're a bit like that, aren't we? Little Office On The Prairie.

Gary:
Don't be twee, Anthea.

[on the way to the countryside]

Dorothy:
Maybe I should move down here.

Gary:
Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk.

Dorothy:
What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had?

Gary:
That's a bit unfair. Oh, look at those lovely hedges... so what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?

Gary:
You bastard.

Tony:
Oh, bastard, is it? Well, at least I'm not a dork and that's what she called you.

Gary:
Ah! She doesn't know the word "dork". Ha.

Tony:
Well, she looked it up in a dictionary, and she couldn't decide between "dork", "jerk" and "berk".

[on his daffodil present to Deborah being thrown away]

Tony:
Excuse me! That was a present.

Ray:
Oh, yeah, right, I could tell it was from you, it was scrawny, served no obvious purpose, and neither of us liked it.

Tony:
Well, I'll have it back then, please.

Deborah:
Why?

Tony:
I wanna do some cuttings.

Deborah:
How can you do cuttings from a dead daffodil?

Tony:
You make incisions in the green, middle, stick-y bit, put it in the airing cupboard, couple of days, hey-presto... tulips!

Enter Tony, clutching his groin in pain

Gary:
I think I'm getting married.

Tony:
I don't think I am.