Muppet Babies, Season 3 (1986)

[In a Cinderella parody]

Piggy:
[answering the door] Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.

Fozzie:
[Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

Gonzo:
Personally, I never could figure out these toys that change from one thing to another.

[After the power to the nursery is lost]

Gonzo:
Come on, let's set up the dominos again.

Skeeter:
But we won't be able to see them.

Fozzie:
That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.

Others:
Fozzie!

Fozzie:
Sorry.

"Fozzie Burns":
So tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?

"Animal Allen":
Dinner! [Laughs hysterically]

[Audience laughs]

"Fozzie Burns":
No, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka!

[Audience boos and throws tomatoes]

"Fozzie Burns":
Wait a minute! I got a better one! Tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?

"Animal Allen":
Dinner! [Laughs hysterically and falls off chair]

[Audience laughs]

"Fozzie Burns":
No, no, no! That's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka.

[Audience boos again and Fozzie gets hit with tomatoes]

"Fozzie Burns":
Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me.

[Home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at Fozzie]

"Fozzie Burns":
Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny?

"Animal Allen":
Fozzie! [Laughs again]

[Audience laughs]

"Fozzie Burns":
[Dejectedly] Say goodnight, Animal.

Beaker:
Meep, meep meep meep.

Bunsen:
You want to know how I, Sherlock Bunsen, am going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

Scooter:
Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.

Kermit:
Um, what is the Gettysburg address?

Statue of Abe Lincoln:
Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.

Scooter:
When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.

Fozzie:
Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

Fozzie is on a quest to find comedian ancestors. He finds himself in a football stadium with anthromorphic bears wearing football uniforms

Fozzie:
Wow! The Chicago Bears! Hey, why are you so glum?

Football Player #1:
We are champion football players.

Fozzie:
What's wrong with that?

Football Player #2:
We want to be comedians!

Fozzie:
I can help with that! Huddle up, guys.

Football players huddle with Fozzie, who tells them a joke

Football Player #3:
24-36-72-Joke!

Football Player #2:
Why is it always cool at a football game?

Football Player #1:
Because there are always a lot of fans in the bleachers! Wokka, wokka, wokka!

Audience boos and throws tomatoes at football players. Annoyed, they chase Fozzie out of the stadium

Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lilypad in a pond. Suddenly he is abuducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit

Frog Sailor:
Enemy sighted, Captain!

Captain:
You are just what we need for our submarine!

Kermit salutes

Kermit:
I will do my best, Captain.

Captain:
Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!

Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare

Piggy:
What time is it anyway?

Animal:
Breakfast time, yayayayayaya!

Piggy:
Oh, my tummy, it is breakfast time!

Fozzie:
That way, we can go inside Scooter and help him fight off his Germans.

Skeeter:
That's "germs," silly.

Fozzie:
That's what I said.

Rowlf:
Whatcha lookin’ for, Kermit?

Kermit:
This, we can use it like a road map.

Rowlf:
Yeah, but how will we get around once we’re inside Scooter’s body?

Animal:
Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.

Kermit:
Quick, follow Animal.

Fozzie:
Animal, where are you?

Kermit:
He disappeared.

Animal:
Submarine, wawawawawawa.

Kermit:
That’s perfect, Animal, this’ll work great, come on, let’s go.

Piggy:
Hey, where do we get into Scooter’s body when we’re tiny?

Gonzo:
There’s only 1 place that I know, his bellybutton.

All 5 Muppet Babies Characters:
Huh?

Skeeter:
Are you sure, Gonzo?

Gonzo:
Of course.

Scooter:
(Chuckling) Hey, that’s cold. (Sneezes again)

Kermit:
Okay, guys, let’s do it.

Kermit:
Okay, here we go.

Viruses are threatening the Babies. Meanwhile, Scooter drank some orange juice, which has just entered his body

Viruses:
Vitamin C, OH NO! Run, get out of here!

Some viruses flee, but their leader does not

Virus Leader:
Quick! Put on your Anti-Vitamin C masks!

Remaining viruses don gas-mask like gear and survive attack. The Babies are still prisoner

Gonzo got separated from the Babies and is in the brain, the only of the Babies not held prisoner by the viruses

Gonzo{talking to himself}:
This looks like a filing cabinet. Opens cabinet and sees pictures of Babies, to include Kermit, Rowlf, Piggy and Beeker Memory photos! Gonzo finds picture of himself blowing a gum bubble Oh no, this must be the time I stole his bubble gum! Gonzo destroys photo Heh heh, he will not remember that now!

Offscreen voice:
Hold it right there! Just what do you think you are doing?

Gonzo looks around in shock to see what look like several cowboys

Gonzo:
Uh, uh, who are you?

Cowboy:
Name is Sheriff White Cell, and it is my job to keep order and stop outlaws in Scooter's body.

[In a Pied Piper parody]

Piggy:
Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.

Skeeter:
I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!

Piggy:
This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.

Fozzie:
Hamsters, get your free hamsters!

Kermit:
Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.

Piggy:
Eek, rats! No, my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!

Rowlf is hauling a grand piano

Rowlf:
UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!