MythBusters, 2004

Adam:
Yes Honey! That Is An Octopus Hickey!

Adam:
How many of you have ever seen a washing machine... naked?

Adam:
What's that? That can't be that necessary, I don't recognize it!

Adam:
Basically now I'm about to pour the dog wee on the pile of baking soda, which, if the myth is correct, should cause a small explosion, or, if we're actually on Earth, will do absolutely bupkis.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Some of last season's fashions are packed around his legs.

Adam:
(in a strange accent) I told you no colors with the whites!

Adam:
Get me the Jack Russell terrier urine! That oughta do it! They're hyper little creatures.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
You know a rock band has made it when they get their own private jet. The MythBusters know they've made it when they get to destroy their own private jet.

Jamie:
Since he's already dirty, he's been kind enough to...spare me.

Adam:
That's how his shirt stays white. I do all the dirty work!

Adam:
I reject your reality, and substitute my own!

Adam:
An empty car doing doughnuts and a police car with its lights flashing...Nah, I checked. There's nothing more fun than that.

Jamie:
[In a bored voice] When will the fun ever stop?

Adam:
(very fast): Jamie! Jamie! Can I try it this time? Can I blow the bullet up? can I? Can I? really I can try.

Jamie:
Shut up and set the bullet off.

[Adam and Jamie buy goldfish and supplies for the test from Steve, a pet shop owner.]

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
It's the easiest sale Steve's ever made: two tanks, ten fish, and enough supplies to feed a whale.

[The beginning of the competetion, to Adam.]

Jamie:
I'm gonna kick your goldfish ass.

(Jamie's goldfish has just finished the maze in twenty-five seconds.)

Adam:
Mine are eating their own poo.

(Adam taps on Jamie's goldfish tank and says:
"Goodnight fish")

Jamie, talking to the camera:
You see, this is what has basically screwed him up, like, "Goodnight fish" (Imitating Adam), Yea, that helps!

Adam:
We have to identify the smart ones.

Jamie:
Hi, we're here to buy a trombone.

Clerk:
Sure, for a student?

Adam:
Well no, actually we want to blow it up.

Clerk:
You want to blow it up? [pauses] We have some used ones.

[Pyrotechnician Jack Morocco is loading an explosive-filled mute into a trombone.]

Jack:
So how much is in there?

Jamie:
It goes all the way to the tip. That's six rocket engines.

Jack:
Got a regular Panzerfaust here.

Jack:
Boy, I sure hope we don't fly beyond our limits here.

Jack:
Just another day of blowin' somethin' up.

[Adam blows the demolished trombone.]

Adam:
Hey, it still makes noise!

Adam:
[trying to make Buster stand in front of the trombone] It's like trying to make a dead man stand.

Rufus Hound (U.K. Narrator):
Better not ask why Adam knows that.

[During the initial test, where Jamie's soldiers aren't getting enough air power]

Adam:
Jamie's made a doo-wop group, not a battalion of soldiers. Looks like the California Raisins.

Adam:
[Referring to Jamie's soldiers] They're cute...cute for SCIENCE.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Ah, the old Mythbusters motto: when in doubt, add something heavy.

[Adam tips the bridge over, destroying it.]

Jamie:
Feel better now?

Adam:
I do feel better.

Jamie:
Good for you.

Jamie:
There's poo everywhere!

[Adam talking with a toothbrush in his mouth.]

Adam:
We're using the ones that were on top of the toilet.

[Adam is digging a hole in front of the workshop to bury pigs for a test.]

Jamie:
Adam doesn't know it yet, but he's digging his own grave.

Adam:
What's that?

Jamie:
What? Nothing.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Who'da thought? Cheap car, dud battery.

Jamie:
It seems like you have to take the car tire off in order to change the battery. What is the point? Probably because someone built the damn thing in a computer and doesn't have any sense. Piece of crap.

Rob Lee:
While Jamie curses all things modern...

[Jamie rigs the taxi to be operated remotely.]

Adam:
I think Jamie and I should drive around and pick people up.

Jamie:
Yeah, with nobody in the front seat.

[Jamie is wearing a thermal suit while they're testing a myth on exploding aerosols. He hasn't spoken since he put on the suit.]

Adam:
You wanna take your hood off and participate in this conversation?

Jamie:
I kinda like it in here. It's private.

[Jamie is deciding whether he is going to pee on the fence]

Adam:
All those years spent as a political prisoner in South America and they never ONCE attached a battery to your nuts.

Jamie:
Well why do you think I don't want to do it.

[Playing with Buster's face]

Adam:
You guys have f***ed with me long enough. It's payback time and payback's a b****.

(Adam's ****** is censored with rifle gunshot sounds, and Grant is heard laughing in the background)

[Talking to Tory after taking off Buster's face that he had on]

Adam:
You know what's funny is that when you put this on you can smell, and you get all these scents and memories of blowing him up, dropping him off a cliff, a little salt water, a little rotting pig.... It's like a... It's like a trip down memory lane. You wanna try?

Tory:
No thanks.

Adam:
Not only do we get to short out a battery, but we get to do it in a gasoline-rich environment! I can't think of a better way to spend a Monday afternoon.

Adam:
[referring to the safety glass the team uses] You told us all it was bulletproof, and, it's not!

Jamie:
[Adam, after several tries, has finally hit the target] Good shot, Adam.

Adam:
[little-boy voice] Thank you, Uncle Jamie.

[Adam and Jamie release a skunk into the women's room in an attempt to incite it to spray them.]

Christine:
Thanks for putting it in the women's bathroom.

[Adam is pouring beer onto the floor to try and get rid of skunk smell]

Jamie:
What...you're doing it all wrong! It's spilling everywhere. You gotta start at the top and move down.

Adam:
It's hard being Jamie sometimes.

Adam:
Finally! We smell foul!

Adam:
I can't help but notice that IT'S NOT ON FIRE YET!

Jamie:
Our death ray doesn't seem to be working right. I'm standing right in it, and I'm not dead yet.

[After Busting the myth, Adam has the "death ray" flop to the concrete face-first, breaking every mirror in the array.]

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
And that's about 2,000 years bad luck right there.

Adam:
This is the show. It's like four minutes of science and then ten minutes of me hurting myself.

Adam:
COME OOOOON!!!!!!

Rob Lee (U.S. Narrator):
It's a very un-MythBusters-like moment. They've built an invention, and nothing has gone wrong... [Adam loses his balance and falls onto his back from a standing position as the machine is turned off.] Ah. That's more like it.

[Jamie and Kari are scouting a derelict hotel as a location.]

Kari:
Since we're here anyway, can we film a horror movie?

(Jamie, Kari and Scottie are testing the jump mechanism, Buster falls on his face)

Scottie:
Faceplant!

[Jamie and Kari are measuring the height of the elevator shaft.]

Jamie:
92 feet, to the top of the pulleys.

Kari:
Uh, 92 feet to the dead bird.

[Jamie laughs]

[The crew cleans debris from the elevator car.]

Scottie:
[Holds up a dead bird.] Two words - Naaas-tee. Ugh...

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Elevators are designed not to fall. Fortunately, the MythBusters wrote the book on disabling safety features.

[Adam is disabling the elevator's safety brake for the experiment.]

Adam:
Anticlimactically enough, I believe I've disabled the entire mechanism by removing this simple pin.

[After Buster falls down the elevator.]

Adam:
I believe this is more damage than we've ever done to Buster in one myth before.

Scottie:
We'll never get pulled over for going six miles an hour!

Rob Lee:
A few of the guys from CHPs [California Highway Patrol] are on-hand to oversee the experiment. If anything does beat the radar, they wanna know about it.

[Kari just fired off the fire-extinguisher chaff gun.]

Tory:
[to police officer] Which is gonna be more expensive: the speeding ticket or the littering ticket?

CHP Officer:
[laughs] The littering ticket.

Tory:
The only thing that gave us any result, but just barely, was my favorite-And I think you'll like this one, Adam...the Radar Wheel of Death! [The Build Team plonks it in front of Adam.]

Adam:
[laughs] Oh my god!

[Adam makes a miscalculation judging the necessary weight for a ten-inch-tall miniature Buster doll.]

Adam:
10 inches tall…25 pounds. I just did the math. I need him to weigh 25 pounds.

Jamie:
So you're saying that he needs to be built out of depleted uranium.

Adam:
[Laughs.] Do you have some? Is it under "D" or "U" over here?

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Adam removes 5 plywood sheets from the 12 available.

[Adam breaks a sheet of wood veneer.]

Adam:
Screw.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Uhh - make that 11.

Adam:
One tore, bringing it out...trying to get it out of the way of Jay the cameraman!

[Buster is dropped 60 feet to the ground. He lands with a solid thud.]

Christine:
[laughs] I was laying on the ground when he hit, and I felt the ground move a little bit.

Adam:
I never get tired of doing that.

Christine:
He's gonna die... but it's gonna look great.

[Adam's Plywood Parachute is about to be tested.]

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
These rigs represent three days of skill, passion, and effort. Pity, really.

[The parachute fails miserably.]

Adam:
Well, a fat lot of good that did.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
And that's why they don't make parachutes out of wood.

Adam:
[to Jamie] I'm taking solace in the fact that your wing is going to fail so utterly spectacularly.

Jamie:
You're probably right. But then you never know.

Adam:
[nods] But then you never know.

[Jamie's design falls to the ground, hitting the surface on its side and snapping into pieces. Buster thuds to the ground loudly as Adam begins laughing hysterically.]

Adam:
[laughs] Whoooo!!!

Christine:
Do you feel better now?

Adam:
I do, I feel a lot better.

[a trailer just before a commercial]

Rob Lee:
Next, In his quest to build the ultimate plywood parachute, Adam Savage...screws up.

Adam:
[after ruining a part of plywood] Oh, *beep*!

[Adam flying over Jamie on a zip-line.]

Adam:
AAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO! I fart on you!

Jamie:
We're trying to up the bar on this stupid stuff we're doing.

[Christine is hauling in a toilet to use in their bathroom set.]

Christine:
Rented it for $10... and it's dripping on me! God knows what's in this water.

[Adam is working on creating a full-size dummy out of ballistics gel.]

Adam:
Let's get on our knees and pray. I don't know to whom. Is there a patron saint of ballistics gel?

Adam:
Next up, we have the iron, or as we like to call it, "Fierro de los Muertos!"

Adam:
If Jamie doesn't believe it'll work, then I have no trouble dropping the toaster in the bathtub when he's sitting in it. But something tells me he won't.

[The MythBusters have just dropped a hair dryer with a ground fault interruptor (GFI) switch into the bathtub. The GFI switch has failed to trip.]

Adam:
What kind of ground fault interruption is this? It's pumping water! I would say that's bad!

[Electricians are assessing why the test bathroom has electrical problems.]

Rob Lee:
Turns out there are two faults in the system: Adam and Jamie.

[Adam drops a toaster into the test tub. The flash pot goes off, indicating a fatal shock.]

Adam:
Whoa...

Rob Lee:
Our friend here is...toast.

Adam:
Oh yeah: 12 milliamps. Toasters-no good.

[After Adam drops the toaster into the bathtub and picks up the curling iron.]

Adam:
Now it's time for one of my personal favorites, [imitating Pee Wee Herman and making the curling iron look like it's talking] the curling iron! Let's go!

Jamie:
What are you? Pee Wee Herman?

Adam:
Killer quicksand. Is that why I'm standing here in this stupid pith helmet?

Jamie:
No, you're standing there in that stupid pith helmet because you're an idiot.

Jamie:
Adam needs a cookie.

Jamie:
[pushing Adam into the quicksand] Drown, you bastard!

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
[After a microwaved jawbreaker was put in the metal teeth which caused it to explode, injuring Christine] So, the MythBusters have conclusively proved that jawbreaker plus microwave plus steel teeth equals scalded MythTern.

Adam:
STOP SPARKING MY [censored]!

Adam:
In Monterey Bay, Ping-Pong ball plus sea otter equals jail time for at least some member of the crew, I think we'll have to draw straws to figure out who.

[Tory tries a second test of the boom-lift.]

Tory:
All right, I'm gonna count down...49, 48... just kidding. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

[The test fails.]

Tory:
Aaand Buster didn't even spill his coffee.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Doing things "the MythBusters way" usually spells trouble... on a titanic scale.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
It's audacious. It's ludicrous. It's... MythBusters.

Adam:
I think it's about a 10% chance of the whole thing falling down, about a 40% chance of Buster actually flying any distance, and the other 50% is Buster going "FOOM!" right in front of the thing.

Tory:
[commenting on the amount of destruction] Hey Adam, would you say it's safe to say that there won't be a second shot?

Kari:
Myth totally failed. Completely busted. Totally, completely busted.

Scottie:
And Buster: busted. And boomlift: busted.

Jamie:
And everything's busted.

Adam:
Ground:

Scottie:
busted.

Jamie:
MythBusters.

Adam:
Breaking big things for science, every day.

[One of the crew members' phone rings; cast and crew crack up]

Jamie:
NASA can put a man on the moon.

Adam:
But can the MythBusters find a needle in a haystack?

Jamie:
That means the first stop is a hay store.

Adam:
Uh, otherwise known as a farm.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Ah, the hay store.

Adam:
Its funny, because if you asked me to pick out what you would think of as your traditional, y'know, "movie-type" hay, I would point to the straw.

Jamie:
Traditional "movie hay?"

Adam:
Yeah, y'know, like the people are always getting stuck in a hay bale or rolling in the hay, or whatever they do in the movies? Thats what I would think of as hay.

Jamie:
Having a roll in the hay with your girlfriend?

Adam:
Yeah... don't get all red-faced.

Kari:
Do you see his [Jamie's] machine working? It's like Dante's Inferno over there!

Adam:
I can see the cut now, "Hey! We'll be drinking mimosas in an hour or two."...

Adam:
[in a flashback clip] We'll be, like, sipping mimosas on the beach...

Adam:
...Cut to, "6 hours later, Adam's team is still going at it."

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
6 hours later, Adam's team is still going at it.

Adam:
"They've found two needles..."

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
They've found two needles...

Adam:
"But still have the smallest needle and the bone needle to go."

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
But still have the smallest needle and the bone needle to go.

Adam:
This is adding some magnets to the front end of our feed trough. These are super strong neodymium magnets. And see if we can't pick the needle out at the very beginning.

Scottie:
You just had your finger on it!

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Good idea. Jamie thought of it ages ago.

Adam:
All right, so I think my faulty wiring of the faulty wiring is no longer faulty, so that it's correctly faulty.

Jamie:
Yet again we're blowing things up in front of my shop. And not only that but there are noxious chemicals involved which will probably leave a residue over the whole block and, um... I guess it's okay. I'm getting used to it. So are the neighbors.

Rob Lee (US Narrator):
Time to take stock. Model house - check. Potentially explosive bug bomb - check. Various open flames and electrical sparks - check. What could possibly go wrong?

Adam:
Big boom, big boom, big boom!

Adam:
Here on MythBusters Makeover, we're turning this lovely California bungalow into a disaster zone.

[After they succeed in blowing up the gas from the bug bombs.]

Adam:
That's what I wanted to hear!

Jamie:
Putting all of these greenhouses up on the roof, I think I'm gonna get checked out by the police for growing pot or something up here, y'know. It's like "What are you doing?" It looks kinda suspicious.

Tory:
Do you have hardcore, to-the-bone death metal?

Music Store Clerk:
Do we ever!

Kari:
I just think the talking plants are committing suicide because they're listening to [in a very high-pitched voice] "I loveyouloveyouloveyou" all freaking day!

Kari:
[From the recording] If you were in college, you'd be a freshman!

Adam:
You called the plant a freshman?

Kari:
[embarrassed] I... I was running out of material!!!

[Scottie and Kari are recording various lines for their 'nice' and 'nasty' houses]

Scottie:
[to a pea plant] I hope your roots rot in hell. The only thing you're good for is giving people gas.

Kari:
[yelling to another pea plant] YOU SUCK FRESHMAN [censored]! [to a crew member (normal voice)] How's that?

Scottie:
Beautiful round green peas...

Kari:
You nasty little awful green pea that's ruined every single burrito I've ever had.

Kari:
[Talking while mimicing a mitten puppet.] The plants are doing very well today, Tory!

Scottie:
[In the same puppet voice.] Hi Tory, what plants do you think are doin' better?

Tory:
Hey, you guys... [Leading them to the door in a concerned way]

Scottie:
Well I think the heavy metal plants are better! Because there's so much anger in this world it really helps to listen to that kinda stuff so we can get it all out.

Tory:
Its okay, shhhh.

Scottie:
[Answering herself] Oh! I can see what you mean! That classical music really kinda makes the hairs on my neck stand up!

Tory:
Lets get out of the sun.

Kari:
Dumbass peas.

Adam:
Me and Tory are going to try one of the Death Metal peas.