NCIS: Los Angeles, Season 2

Hetty:
Second unrelated question, do you have plans for this weekend?

Nate:
Plans?

Hetty:
Plans.

Nate:
Uh, are you asking me out? No, that'd be weird. No, no plans.

Eric:
Gotta love that bureaucracy.

Nate:
The bureaucracy we work for?

Eric:
Like I said, love that bureaucracy.

Sam:
You were a magician once.

Callen:
Not magician, illusionist.

Sam:
You bought a white rabbit, G.

Callen:
It came with the hat.

Callen:
I'm all for going green, reducing our footprints, but if Hetty has her way we're going to be reusing our bullets.

Sam:
She just wants us to recover our brass, if possible.

Callen:
Reusable water bottles, no more paper towels, no more paper cups, what's next to go?

Sam:
Saving the planet, G.

Callen:
Don't come whining to me when she replaces our toilet paper with used post its.

Deeks:
I think theres something wrong with you hot water heater

Hetty:
The showers are on a timer Mister Deeks you cleary went over the recommended amount of time.

Kensi:
You might want to make an exception in his case Hetty

Deeks:
I'll have you know I won the hygiene award in high school

Eric:
What kind of school awards you for bathing?

Deeks:
I don't know, a sparkly clean one?

Deeks:
How certain are you about your tracks?

Kensi:
I'd bet your life on it.

Deeks:
awesome...

Kensi:
Ready to go for a little ride? (Deeks smirks) On the bikes, Deeks, on the bikes.

Deeks:
I didn't say anything.

Callen:
We did realize he'd just gotten back from....

Hetty:
Oh yes. His mission.

Sam:
Which was where exactly?

Hetty:
The peoples republic of... none of your damn business.

Callen:
Is that where he learned to shoot?

Hetty:
No I gave him a few pointers.

Sam:
Apparently the peoples republic of none of your damn business can be a dangerous place.

Callen:
What's the safe word?

Sam:
Headlock.

Callen:
Really? Use headlock in a sentence.

Sam:
I wasn't planning on using it.

Hetty:
(To Nate as he leaves) Keep your wits sharp, your heart open and your gun loaded.

Kensi:
Nell's been here less than a week, and has already taken over whistle duties. Eric is not a happy camper.

Sam:
Ah, he shouldn't worry. It won't be long before she's folding her tent like all the others.

Deeks:
Because?

Callen:
Many mysteries of Hetty. For some reason intelligence analysts just seem to rub her the wrong way.

Deeks:
Hence the ten-year rule.

Kensi:
Mhm?

Deeks:
You should always know your partner at least ten years prior to marrying them. You date me for a decade, you deserve my hand in marriage.

Kensi:
That sounds so much more like a punishment than a reward.

Kensi:
Dead guy Deeks

Deeks:
Now you see that wasn't funny

Kensi:
Not you idiot, dead guy

Deeks:
Oh yeah, dead guy... well dressed dead guy.

Hetty Lange:
"I sense impending mayhem...and perhaps an outrageous petty cash request."

G. Callen:
"One question."

Sam Hanna:
"Do you trust us?"

French Intelligence Operative:
Federal agents! Don't move!

Deeks:
LAPD!

French Intelligence Operative:
NSA!

Kensi:
NCIS!

Deeks:
M O U S E!

French Intelligence Operative:
What are you doing here?

Kensi:
This is our case.

French Intelligence Operative:
Sebastian Renner was a foreign national with information considered a threat to the United States of America.

Kensi:
Still our case.

French Intelligence Operative:
We don't have to be adversaries, after all we are on the same side. Perhaps we can work together. Have you found anything that might be....[Gets kicked in the gonads by Kensi]

Deeks:
WHOA!!!!!! [Kensi then puts her knee into the guys face knocking him unconscious and Deeks fights with the guy's partner and wins by body slaming him into a table leaving the partner unconscious. ] What are you doing? You heard the guy! We're on the same side!!

Kensi:
I'm pretty sure they're not NSA.

Deeks:
Pretty sure? Because you teed off on him like you were kicking a field goal!

Kensi:
Deeks! I've got a hunch they're foreign operatives, ok?

Deeks:
A hunch! You don't kick a guy in his junk on a hunch. Geez! Sometimes I don't even know you! Who does that?

Sam:
Where are they now?

Deeks:
Had my LAPD buddies lock 'em up downtown for a few hours. You know, give 'em a taste of the real LA that's not in the star tours.

Callen:
They probably have diplomatic immunity.

Deeks:
That's exactly why we put them in county. I mean they're going to be lucky if they get to make a phone call by Christmas!

Sam:
Hm.

Deeks:
Just uh...don't let Kensi interrogate them.

Callen:
Why is that?

Deeks:
Well, cause the guy on the right, she kicked him right in the nom de plumes.

Sam:
No!!!!!

Deeks:
Guy didn't even have his weapon out!

Callen:
Really?

Kensi:
I...

Deeks:
Uh huh. right in the cul-de-sac. Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomach ache!

Kensi:
So what! It would have been better if I had pistol whipped him across the face?

Deeks, Callen and Sam :
Yes!

Callen:
Dare I ask what we did to deserve this, Hetty?

Hetty:
Rest assured, Mr. Callen, I never give gifts unless they perfectly suit the recipients.

Callen:
And perfection struck four times today?

Hetty:
...Happy Holidays everyone!

Kensi:
Hetty's never given us anything for Christmas before. Why this year?

Callen:
Exactly.

Deeks:
Because she knows I like surprises.

Sam:
You guys ever feel like we're stuck babysitting some kid whose parents won't come to get him - ever.

Sam:
No, no, no, no, that's a nice spice rack.

Deeks:
I know.

Sam:
I bought it myself. I bought it for Hetty Christmas 2008!

Callen:
Scented candle? Smells like sage.

Kensi:
Jasmine...I gave that to Hetty two years ago.

Callen:
Same scent?

Kensi:
Same candle.

Sam:
I don't run around... giving gifts to just anyone. Takes a cold woman to do me like that.

Callen:
And you took a lot of thought into that spice rack, and the sweater.

Sam:
You still have those steak knives I gave you?

Callen:
...Yes.

Sam:
Okay.

Kensi:
What if we take him back to the crime scene to jog his memory?

Navy Commander Dr. Stanfill:
I wouldn't recommend that. There's a strong chance that if he's re-exposed, it'll trigger a major panic episode.

Deeks:
So we may *never* know what happened in the house last night?

Navy Commander Dr. Stanfill:
This man has no family and no friends. The trauma he experienced while deployed has driven him into complete isolation. Frankly, forgetting what happened last night may be the best thing for him.

Kensi:
(about her ex-fiance) He said life over there was like falling through the sky. Constant rush of adrenaline. Everything felt vivid and real...And coming home to me - coming home to me felt like hitting the ground. And I did - I did everything I could.

(Kensi starts sobbing)

Kensi:
Oh my...I worked with a psychiatrist. I helped with his meds and I listened. I always listened - *always*. It was Christmas morning, I woke up and he was gone.

Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot:
Where he go?

(Kensi shakes her head)

Deeks:
(from observation) She's - she's playing him. She's trying to get him to open up, right?

(Callen and Sam exchange looks)

Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot:
You know your ex was right. It's exactly like falling through the sky. And - and that's why what you're suggesting scares me. I already hit the ground when I came back from Afghanistan. What if it happens again?

Kensi:
I will be right there to catch you.

Deeks:
Were you ever tempted to go looking for him?

Kensi:
Maybe I was hoping one day, he would come looking for me.

Sam:
Kensi, I know what you're going through. I've been there.

Kensi:
I watched Jack...slip away. Maybe I didn't try hard enough.

Sam:
I don't believe that for one minute. I know what it's like to have someone I care about come back from deployment a different person.

Kensi:
After all that Talbot's been through, I'm going to do everything in my power to help him!

Sam:
Kensi, Talbot's not Jack.

Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot:
So what do we do now?

Kensi:
We'll, uh, we do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Deeks:
Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in a toaster?

Deeks:
Turkey sandwiches for everyone?

'Kensi:
Actually, tradition in my house was ice cream and beer.

Deeks:
Really?

Kensi:
Don't knock it til you've tried it.

Deeks:
Oh, I've tried it. Although it was 7th grade and it didn't end pretty for anyone. Unless of course, you like Jackson Pollock.

Kensi:
(Waking up after being knocked out) I had a dream. I was um, being visited by the Three Wise Men, and then I saw Deeks.

Deeks:
Kensi. Kensi!

Kensi:
I'm good to go!

Sam:
I don't think you are. And it has nothing to do with the head wound.

Deeks:
I'm driving.

Kensi:
(tosses him the keys) Fine. Scratch my car, I'll Ben Gay your shorts.

Kensi:
When he thought I was getting suspicious, he confessed to killing both of them, thinking his PTSD would cover him. I should have seen through it.

Callen:
LAPD, the entire US Navy, his own psychologist didn't get it. What makes you so special?

Deeks:
The report says it's a home invasion gone bad.  Yousef Afzal was killed by blunt force trauma to the head, he was hit, he fell, and then died.

Kensi:
And then half autopsied.

Sam:
And then stolen.

Callen:
 That's a bad day, even for a dead guy.

Callen:
So why do you steal a dead body?

Kensi:
Proof of death.

Sam:
Satanic ritual.

Deeks:
Cannibalism.

Deeks:
I was just thinking outside the box.

Sam:
You need to get back in the box.

Deeks:
That had better be a real badge, or my partner will kick you in the FBI balls.

Hetty:
(to Sam) There will be a time and a place for what you want. And I promise you; you'll have it.

Sam:
Need to stop this video Eric!

Eric:
Video's already in the cloud, the auto run script executable is about to go live, I'm almost there....

Sam:
Eric!!

Eric:
Video's been disabled guys.

Hetty:
What did you just do?

Eric:
I used a VNC controller to piggyback the upload with a Trojan and corrupt the streaming data packets by initiating the stack buffer overflow.

Hetty:
(pause) In English, Mr. Beal?

Eric:
Oh...I broke the Internet.

(Nell punches Eric's shoulder)

Kensi:
Oh hey, guys! What did Eric do with the video?

Sam:
He shut down the Internet.

Kensi:
(looking astonished) What....the WHOLE Internet?

Sam:
(matter-of-fact) Yeah.

Deeks:
Even Twitter? Whoa.

Deeks:
The hospital asked me for my next of kin. Who should I put?

Hetty:
Lang. Henrietta

Eric:
(whistles for the team) You hear the shrill, you know the drill!

Deeks:
(walking into a suspect's motel room) Ya know, for a guy who lived here for 18 months, he sure doesn't have much to show for it. He's got no big screen flat plasma TV...

Kensi:
(clicking on laptop) Computer's configured for Arabic.

Deeks:
(opens fridge) No beer. No funky, week-old cloths in the corner. No pizza boxes. This is very un-American.

Kensi:
(picks up passport) Felix Attino. Colombian.

Deeks:
That explains why he's un-American, but not why he speaks Arabic.

Kensi:
(picks up a second passport) This would. A Yemini passport. Look at the name.

(passport reads:
Saadat Habaza)

Deeks:
We just found Abdul's brother.

Sam:
This isn't the way home.

Callen:
Nope. Promised Hetty I'd get her a futah. Bright colors.

Sam:
Better get her two.

Hetty:
Being in charge sucks, Mr. Callen. Everyone looks to you for guidance and answers - even when you have none to give.

Callen:
Well, I've never known you to ever be at a loss for words.

Hetty:
The true test of a commander is when he is as frightened and confused as those who look up to him. In that moment, when you can't find it in yourself, you will find it in them. That's leadership.

Hetty:
You need a place to live, Mr. Callen.

Callen:
I'm staying at Sam's.

Hetty:
[groans] Spare rooms and office couches. Flophouse floors are not conducive to a restful sleep. And I need you awake. Someone's gone missing.

Callen:
Who?

Hetty:
Deeks.

Hetty:
Pack a bag, and your passport.

Nate:
I'm sorry?

Hetty:
You're needed.

Nate:
Needed where?

Hetty:
You'll find out when you get there. There's a C-117 leaving in 90 minutes. Transport's outside.

Nate:
But I - uh.

Hetty:
You did say you had no plans.

[Nate sighs]

Hetty:
Go.

Nate:
Going.

[Sam is opening a box]

Hetty:
What are you doing?

Sam:
I need to activate a former alias.

Hetty:
Oh, no. NLV. NLV. "No longer viable. " Tyrell Ellis was compromised.

Sam:
I know. I was Tyrell Ellis, remember?

Hetty:
I also remember you were nearly killed before we got you out.

Sam:
My cover was never blown. I spent 7 months undercover working Memo Torres when he was still a cartel underling. Now he's the man. That means he's the fastest route to find those missing Marines. And the only person who can get to Torres right now, is in this box.

Hetty:
The man in this box has a price on his head. Why don't you just arrest Torres?

Sam:
We don't have anything on him. We yank him in off the streets and we blow any chance of ever going back under in his organization. Plus, Memo hates cops of any kind. He'll be lawyered up as soon as we bring him in and we may never find those missing Marines, Hetty.

Hetty:
[Callen walks in] Oh, Mr. Callen, could you please talk some sense to your partner?

Callen:
What, like that's ever worked? Admittedly, putting Sam on the streets as Tyrell Ellis is not without risks. Memo Torres is behind this. Reactivating Tyrell Ellis is the only way to find him.

Sam:
It's our only bet, Hetty, and you know it.

Hetty:
I don't like it.

Eric:
[Clears throat] I wouldn't exactly call it a problem. More of a situation - may be a problem.

Nell:
Because I'm new?

Eric:
No. Because you...

Nell:
Finish you sentences.

Eric':
Yeah.

Nell:
Has to do with being a type "A" with borderline ADD. And control issues with men I admire. [Clears throat] It's something I'm aware of and working on and hope to have some measure of control over.

Eric:
You admire me?

Jason:
I don't know these guys. Navy born and bred. I trust NCIS. Is there any way you can stay on this?

Callen:
It's no longer our jurisdiction.

Jason:
I lost my wife. I can't lose my child. Please.

Callen:
I understand, but there's nothing we can...

Sam:
We'll see what we can do.

Vanessa:
He might be a lof of things, but Andre couldn't do something like that to a young girl.

Kensi:
I agree. I don't think he did it. But I don't think he was home last night either. And I bet you'd like to know where he was. Was your husband home last night.

Vanessa:
[Long pause. Then Kensi starts to leave] Wait, I didn't give you my answer.

Kensi:
Yeah, you did.

Sam:
Trained in wilderness survival, G. I know what poison oak looks like.

[Callen shakes his head]

Sam:
It's on my butt, isn't it?

Hetty:
Yes it is, Mr. Hanna. And there's nothing like a good *thick* slathering of calomine. Remove your pants.

[Hetty puts on rubber gloves]

Hetty:
I won't look. I had to do this for Ollie North in Nicaragua - twice. The man really was an ass.

[Hetty turns around. G and Sam are gone]

Hetty:
Mr Hanna. Mr. Callen. Gentlemen?

Eric:
Well, this is weird. According to the military database, there's no Tracy Keller listed as next of kin.

Callen:
That's because the name's an alias.

Kensi:
An alias for who?

Callen:
My ex-wife.

Callen:
She retired, last I heard. That was 5 years ago.

Hetty:
: [Entering] Undercover agents don't retire. They just go deeper.

Deeks:
[Quietly to Kensi] You guys ever consider putting a bell around her neck?

Hetty:
Many people have tried, Mr. Deeks.

Callen:
What'd you say to him?

Deeks:
Ah, there's this little rule about not dating the captain's daughter.

Callen:
He broke it?

Deeks:
All over the captain's desk.

Callen:
Kensi, don't let him crowd you. Watch his shoulders. He's telegraphing.

Sam:
Thought you were on my side.

Callen:
I don't take sides.

Sam:
Then stop coaching. Okay

Callen:
Circle to his outside.

Sam:
I thought we were partners.

Callen:
We are, but I'm having second thoughts. It's a tie. Again. Way to go, Kens.

Kensi:
Thank you.

Sam:
Tough girl. I went easy on her.

Callen:
Uh-huh.

Kensi:
Oh, please.

Callen:
What's up, Deeks?

Deeks:
Got a shooting at the Federal Building. What are you kids doing in here?

Kensi:
Training.

Deeks:
For what, Pirate Fest?

Callen:
Well, you're welcome to challenge Captain Blye anytime you want. She just bested Sam ten to three.

Deeks:
Really? Did you go easy on her?

Sam:
No.

Deeks:
Really?

Sam:
No.

Deeks:
Kensi with a knife? [Kensi shocks Deeks] Ow. Oh, my Aah. Okay, I'm coming. That really hurt.

Hetty:
I sense impending mayhem...and perhaps an outrageous petty cash request.

Callen:
One question.

Sam:
Do you trust us?

Callen:
What would you do with $25,000,000 in reward money?

Sam:
You mean if I wasn't a government employee and I could legally accept it, ah... probably buy a first class ticket to somewhere real quiet. Really quiet. Someplace you don't take a partner. You?

Callen:
I would hire the best private investigator money could buy. And have him track down my partner. Then when I found him...

Sam:
You'd follow me?

Callen:
Send him Hetty, in an overnight package - with a big bell.

Sam:
[chuckles] I wouldn't sign for her.

Callen:
That's nine.

Sam:
Nine what?

Callen:
Nine times we've done the... corrupt agent... betrays his partner routine.

Sam:
Didn't know you were keeping count.

Callen:
You'd keep track too if you were the one getting a knee to the solar plexus.

Kensi:
You don't trust me. I'd say that's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you?

Deeks:
I just have a thing about my gun!

Kensi:
At this point in our relationship, after all the stuff that we've done...

Deeks:
[frowns] Escusss-sss...

Kensi:
Wha-what?

Deeks:
I'm sorry... Did you just say relationship?

Kensi:
No. I said partnership. Okay? [pauses] You're very annoying!

Callen:
"Did you take anything new away from Renner's?

Kensi:
"Yes-- these two guys. These jokers waltzed in while we were there, tried to pass themselves off as NSA agents, but they're DGSE-- French Intelligence Agency."

Sam:
"How'd you know they were bogus?"

Kensi:
[shrugging] "Their accents."

Deeks:
"They didn't have accents."

Kensi:
Do you know the difference between French open syllabic organization and English trochaic speech patterning, Deeks?"

Deeks:
[awkwardly] "That old chestnut?"

Hetty:
Mattias.

Mattias:
This is getting to be a habit.

Hetty:
I told my director, that he might someday regret having passed you to the C.I.A.

Mattias:
And one day later?

Hetty:
The regret is all mine.

Mattias:
And now you're asking yourself, why would the CIA free me? Especially after I tried to kill you.

Hetty:
Obvious answer. You're working for them. You get your freedom. What do they get?

Mattias:
The book.

Hetty:
Ah. You said you didn't think it even existed.

Mattias:
Doesn't matter what I think. The CIA believes it exists. And by your presence here, so do you. Although I do find it odd. This office has already been thoroughly searched.

Hetty:
Then why are you here, Mattias?

Mattias:
Because the easiest way to find the book...

Hetty:
Is to follow me. You're aware there are other players?

Mattias:
Isn't it in all our best interests that the Russians don't get the book?

Hetty:
The Russians. (sighs) Then I can trust you to leave my agent inside alone.

Mattias:
She'll find nothing. And you know it. It's a shell game. You want us looking here so we're not looking somewhere else.

Hetty:
I could shoot you right now, Mattias. But you're not even worth the paperwork. (keyless entry remote chirps)

Callen:
Anybody see anything?

Eric:
Wait a second. I've got one of the guys who killed the cop. He's at the bus stop across the street.

Sam:
Three more guys in a Jaguar pulling up behind you, G. [realizes] This is a stakeout.

Deeks:
A stakeout for what?

Callen:
Us. Cole must have told them about Renner's safe deposit box before they killed him. Without the key, they're stuck.

Kensi:
They're waiting for us to get the book. Then they're going to try and take it.

Sam:
They got to ID us first.

Callen:
[answers his cellphone] Yeah?

Blond Russian #1:
Do not move, Agent Callen.

Callen:
[looks down and spots a red dot on his chest] Sam, I think they already have.

Deeks:
Want to get some ice cream?

Kensi:
Deeks! Look out!

Blond Russian #1:
Give us the book.

Kensi:
We don't have it.

Blond Russian #1:
Purse.

[Kensi hands over her purse Henchman shakes purse revealing no book]

Kensi:
Told you.

Blond Russian #1:
Then get in the car!

Deeks Uh-uh. She's not going anywhere

Blond Russian #1:
Then four of us die, and one of us lives.

Deeks:
He's got a point. All right. Take me.

Kensi:
Deeks.

Deeks:
She's just a cop, you know? She's not even an agent. To tell you the truth, no one even really likes her that much, you know? Too pretty for her own good - kind of a snob.

Blond Russian #1:
Get in the car!

Deeks:
Kensi! Don't move.

Kensi:
Nice try Deeks.

Deeks:
Kensi!

Kensi:
It's ok. You'll get me back.

Blond Russian #1:
Tell your superior her life for the book.

Deeks:
Oh, yeah? How do you know I'm not the superior? I could be. Kensi?

[Henchman shoots out front tire of Kensi's Cadillac SRX]

Deeks:
Damn it! Eric, I got a license plate for you. It's Nine-Queen-John-Item, Nine-Zero-Five. [Sam and Callen arrive to Deeks] They got Kensi.

Deeks:
I'm going for cryogenic suspension.

Kensi:
Ah.

Deeks:
Mm-hmm. Frozen in a suspended state of animation and then thawed out when they have medical technology to bring me back.

Kensi:
Can we keep you in the office? Ooo. With a little viewing window like an aquarium. That would be so cool.

Deeks:
You mock me now. Twenty years from now when I come back, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to marry your daughter.

Kensi and Deeks:
Oh!

Deeks:
That is awkward.

Kensi:
That is creepy.

Duane:
Is that what you call surveillance?

Deeks:
Uh, we sure as hell surveilled your FBI asses.

Carla:
You're interfering with a federal investigation.

Kensi:
Uh, our investigation, actually.

Frisbee:
We've been working this case for months.

Callen:
It is clearly time for us to take over.

Kensi:
You wouldn't have even known there was a leak if Naval Intelligence hadn't discovered it.

Carla:
Isn't that an oxymoron?

Kensi:
No. But there is a moron in all this - several, in fact.

Deeks:
Oh, snap. What? Point: Kensi. FBI serves.

Frisbee:
You've overstepped your jurisdiction. We're the senior agency here.

Callen:
Good point. But... it's best to be sure about a thing like that. I'll get Hetty in on this. (speed-dials cell phone) Hetty, this is Callen. We got a situation.

Carla:
Hetty? As in Henrietta Lange?

Kensi:
You know her?

Frisbee:
We've heard stories.

Duane:
Sounds like a whole lot of urban legend if you ask me.

Deeks:
Au contrare, mon frer. She's real. And you do not want that little chupacabra surveilling your asses.

Callen:
[hands his phone to Frisbee] She wants to talk to you.

[Deeks chuckles]

Frisbee:
This is Agent Frisbee.

Eric:
(whispering) Landon Archibald Frisbee, born in Hackensack, New Jersey.

Hetty:
Agent Landon Archibald Frisbee from Hackensack?

Frisbee:
Yes

Nell:
His wife's name's Darlene.

Hetty:
How's your wife, Darlene?

Frisbee:
She's fine.

Eric:
(whispering) Lots of late-night phone calls to this woman... Uh, Heather Teasdale. She's a recent divorcée, works in the same federal building.

Hetty:
How's Heather?

Frisbee:
(clears throat) Heather?

Hetty:
Teasdale. Oh, no. Oh, was that a secret? I'm so sorry. I think we can both agree, Agent Frisbee, that this is a matter of national security.

Frisbee:
It's "Freeze-be."

Hetty:
I would hate to have to call Bobby and complain to him about your reluctance to collaborate with us on such a serious matter.

Frisbee:
Bobby?

Hetty:
Your director!

Frisbee:
(clears throat) I don't, um... Think that'll be necessary.

Hetty:
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. Have a wonderful day... Agent Frisbee.

Frisbee:
It's Freeze... (Hetty hangs up) (phone beeps)

Hetty:
Move it, Mr. Callen.

Callen:
I've got more body mass to move than you.

Hetty:
You've got a lot more excuses too.

Kensi:
Can you shut down his server?

Eric:
His server, his cell service, his electricity. You name it.

Deeks:
Can you get me free cable?

[Everyone stares at Deeks]

Deeks:
No, because that would be piracy.

Hetty:
I just got off the phone with Director Vance. He's on his way to brief Sec Nav. Who in turn has an appointment with the President. You know what that means, don't you?

Callen:
Heads are going to roll.

Hetty:
Its the other end of one's anatomy that I'm worried about. The ass chewing gets worse on the way back down the ladder.

Callen:
What does that mean? You're next?

Hetty:
No. Because you're going to resolve this before that happens.

Callen:
I will do my best to protect your ass... sets.

Deeks:
[Kensi is eating her breakfast] You want to talk about it?

Kensi:
No.

Deeks:
We're - we're here to listen.

Kensi:
No, I'm fine.

Sam:
Let her eat her feelings in peace.

Nell:
Hi, Nate.

Nate:
Hi, Nell.

Eric:
You two know each other?

Nate:
We go back a few years.

Sam:
You should've told me.

Hetty:
That's precisely why I didn't.

Sam:
Moe isn't trained for this. He shouldn't be in there alone.

Hetty:
He isn't in there alone. You underestimate me, Mr. Hanna. One of our best people is in there with him. Uh, Eric, ISP number 579.72.351.462. Access camera 7.

Eric:
Okay.

Nell:
Where is this?

Eric:
Oakville Federal Prison.

Hetty:
I'm sure Nate is more than capable of this.

Sam:
Besides you don't look like a cop.

Deeks:
All this *gestures at his face* is so I can go under cover.

Sam:
As what? Shaggy from Scooby-doo?

Kensi:
He's right, you do kind of look like Shaggy!

Deeks:
You ever think that we're gonna be that happy?

Kensi:
Yeah...Just not together...

Deeks:
Well why don't we act like partners to save our partners so you and i don't have to be partners.

Deeks:
I didn't tell her because I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal.

Kensi:
You went out with one of her girlfriends.

Deeks:
For drinks, all right? And it was her friend's idea. And I - I was just being polite.

Kensi:
So you wouldn't have slept with her friend if she offered?

Deeks:
No... Okay, maybe. But just to be polite. You know, because I'm a hopeless romantic.

Kensi:
To me, you're just hopeless.

Hetty:
You see what happens when you pull away from your team.

Callen:
My team? I didn't hire Deeks, or any of them for that matter.

Hetty:
No, if I left the hiring up to you, you'd be the only person working here.

Callen:
You saying I don't play well with others, Hetty?

Hetty:
I'm suggesting that your default is to go it alone when you may be needing them the most. I'd like to think that I impart a certain wisdom and skillset to those who pass through those doors. The one wish I have for you, Mr. Callen, is that by the time you leave here, you've learned the art of trusting others in your personal life as well as your work.

Callen:
[On his cellphone] Nell, you don't have to whisper.

Nell:
Right, well, maybe I don't have to, but I would prefer to, if that's okay with you. Not that I don't respect your authority, Agent Callen. It's just, I think it would be in my best interest not to get on Hetty's bad side.

Hetty:
[Entering] Too late dear.

Kensi:
Callen, who is Deeks' next of kin?

Callen:
That's a good question.

Deeks:
Do I know you?

Kensi:
Deeks.

Deeks Not my nurse?

Kensi:
I'm serious, Deeks.

Deeks:
My name is Deeks really? I'm kidding, I remember you Fern

Kensi:
Yeah? You're a funny guy? I'm gonna punch you in your bullet hole.

Deeks:
That sounds vaguely dirty. I think I'm gonna have to tell Hetty.

Sam:
[about Deeks] The guy gets shot because he doesn't alter his daily routine. I wanted to make sure he got the memo on personal security. Being this is his first day back.

Callen:
And?

Sam:
Got tired of waiting for him to leave home. I guess he slept through his alarm clock.

Kensi:
Better call him then.

[Kensi dials Deeks' cellphone]

Sam:
...That's my bag.

[Sam pulls out a cellphone]

Sam:
What the -?

Deeks:
[enters and takes the phone from Sam] That'd be for me.

Callen:
[after Deeks puts his cellphone in Sam's bag] Who did you pay and how much?

Deeks:
School kid. 20 bucks.

[Deeks give Callen 5 behind the back]

Nell:
Am I in trouble?

Callen:
No... But next time, pick on someone your own size.

Sam:
Nice gangster walk.

Callen:
Feels like I was thrown out of a moving car.

Sam:
You were thrown out of a moving car... several times.

Callen:
Well not recently... was I?

Deeks:
Did you get the little Hetty note?

Kensi:
No. By the way, there's no such thing as a "little Hetty note." There's a "Big Hetty Note." There's a "Holy Moly Hetty Note." There's an "Oh Dear God! Hetty Note."

Deeks:
[about some courses] "Offensive Driving" Really? This is Los Angeles. Everybody's driving is offensive. Besides, I've already taken that.

Kensi:
Emily's hanging in there. An Amber Alert was sent out. It's all over the local news, freeway signs, and Internet.

Callen:
Nice going.

Kensi:
Yeah. But it wasn't us. 9-1-1 received 3 calls in 4 minutes.

Callen:
4 minutes?

Kensi:
Including 2 accurate license plate numbers and a lady id'd the van a block away. She'd gotten a text from a friend.

Callen:
Huh? Nice neighbors.

Callen:
If I ever go off the reservation, you have my permission to take me out.

Sam:
Well, how far off the reservation? I mean, you've pushed it pretty far, and I haven't killed you yet.

Callen:
All the way. You know, go rogue.

Sam:
You? Never gonna happen. I've never seen anybody see more sides of the coin than you. If anybody's gonna snap, it's me.

Callen:
You? Textbook SEAL. And blood pressure's undetectable. Do you even have a blood pressure. Something gets to you, you take it out on the heavy bag. You're lucky like that. If anybody's gonna snap...

Callen and Sam:
Kensi.

Callen:
Good luck, Deeks.

Kensi:
Just once, I would love to get dressed up to go out and not have to chase a suspect or get shot at.

Sam:
Where's the fun in that?

Hetty:
Another wardrobe malfunction, Miss Blye?

Kensi:
I'm sorry, Hetty.

Hetty:
A small price to pay for a successful assignment. (hands Kensi a towel)

Kensi:
Thank you.

Deeks:
[shoots a cardboard Hetty Target on the range] Uh... Oops.

Hetty:
Cheeky bastard.

Sam:
No offense but survival kits are for urban sissies who don't know how to make a floatation device out of a pair of pants.

Callen:
Or how to extract the venom out of a horned viper using only a twig and a shoelace.

Deeks:
Or how to make a latte without soy milk.

Kensi:
[about an earthquake] Crack of dawn. Shook me right out of bed. You guys didn't feel it?

Callen:
I was on a run.

Sam:
Deep sleeper.

Deeks:
You forget I'm from Californ-I-A. We don't get out of bed for anything less than a 6.

Deeks:
Why do bad guys always have such awesome houses?

Sam:
What's the matter, Deeks? Not feeling your loft?

Deeks:
This guy's got his own Hobbit Shire.

Stanley:
Where'd you learn how to do that?

Kensi:
Misspent youth.

Eric:
[Watching from Ops] Actually, I talked her through it.

Nell:
Yeah, we never get the credit.

Eric:
Or the glamour.

[Hetty clears her throat]

Eric:
Which is totally overrated because I love my job - love it!

Callen:
You're always trying to milk it.

Sam:
Is it truffle season yet?

Callen:
Okay, a couple ground rules though: No weird expensive fungi. No eggs that don't come from a chicken. No scotch that's older than you or me.

Sam:
I can still order a Seafood Tower.

Callen:
Great.

Eric:
He got trapped in a satellite test chamber.

Deeks:
Looks like he didn't pass the test.

Deeks:
Poop scooping aside, though, going undercover is the best part of our job. I mean, you get to be somebody you're not.

Sam:
For you that's an improvement.

Kensi:
And also, you like to lie.

Deeks:
What? No. I thought we were picking on Sam. And secondly, it's not lying. It's uh, truth - reimagined for the greater good.

Callen:
Anything useful on Drewett's cellphone?

Nell:
Uh, it froze then melted.

Deeks:
So it... frelted?

Callen:
Spell that.

Eric:
Black Ops, Call of Duty - I've wiped out entire platoons in an afternoon. World of Warcraft - God knows how many.

Hetty:
Mr. Beal?

Eric:
...I don't have to bring a gun, do I? I don't think I could actually really kill someone.

Hetty:
Heaven forbid. I have no intention of making you carry a weapon.

[Eric sighs]

Hetty:
Relax, Mr. Beal. This isn't rocket science after all... Well, actually, in this case, it is.

[Hetty laughs]

Hetty:
You'll do fine. Nell will be listening in on you at all times.

Eric:
"At all times?" What if I have to use the restroom? I have a shy bladder.

Nell:
[to Eric's earpiece] Sorry you almost got frelted.

Eric:
I hate that word.

Deeks:
She said "frelted," didn't she?

[Kensi groans]

Deeks:
See Kensi? It's catching on.

Kensi:
Yeah.

Sam:
Mr. Holt?

Holt:
Yes?

Sam:
Agents Hanna... Callen. NCIS.

Holt:
I'm sorry. Did we - um - did we have an appointment?

Sam:
No, but here we are.

Holt:
Well, can this wait? These gentlemen have come a long way, and we're on a strict schedule.

Callen:
Pretty business as usual considering your partner was just killed.

Hetty:
So this is the infamous Max Gentry.

Deeks:
This is an alias I did not miss.

Hetty:
As I recall, his reputation was less than stellar.

Deeks:
I've known Ray since I was 10 years old. I used our friendship to keep him in the line of fire as an informant. The only reason he risked himself is because he trusted me.

Hetty:
And yet, he didn't tell you about his change in travel plans.

Deeks:
Doesn't matter. Somebody's gotta look out for him.

Deeks:
When I was 11 years old, my old man was... one drink away from killing my mom and me.

Hetty:
Until you shot him in self-defense.

Deeks:
...38 revolver that I used - Ray's the one that gave it to me.

Hetty:
You know, some might say you've paid that debt. Rather than send him to jail, you took him under your wing.

Deeks:
Let's be honest. I turned my best friend into a snitch for $100/week. If he gets himself killed, it's on me.

Deeks:
Well, maybe we should set up your relocation in Nebraska.

Ray:
That's not funny. I'm the best informant you ever had.

Deeks:
A claim you can only make due to the fact that you're a criminal.

Ray:
Retired! You're looking at the new man - upstanding citizen.

Deeks:
[laughs] Must've been difficult to say with a straight face.

Nell:
Ray couldn't testify against the Southland Kings even if he wanted to. He doesn't have the intel - unless...

Callen:
Nelson Sanders told them Ray did.

Nell:
Uh huh.

Callen:
That's not bad.

Sam:
Maybe we need to get her away from her desk more often.

Eric:
I heard that Rock Star.

Deeks:
Thank you for letting Ray take Jenna with him.

Hetty:
No one should live out his life alone - including you.

Deeks:
What are you talking about? I got you. I'll be fine.

Kensi:
[Hetty gives Kensi a gift] Oh, that is the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Hetty:
I figured you'd like it. Like you it's both feminine and deadly. Therein lies its true value.

Kensi:
You think I'm feminine and deadly?

Hetty:
Among many things. It's what makes you so good at this job. The true challenge is knowing when to stop.

Kensi:
What do you mean?

Hetty:
The job. The importance of what we do, the excitement of doing it. It makes it very difficult to give it up. When the day comes for you to hang up your gun...

Kensi:
Oh?

Hetty:
And it will. You're going to want to come home to something more than a collection of antique weapons.

Kensi:
Unfortunately, most of the guys I meet... are trying to shoot me.

Hetty:
Not to worry. Sometimes you find them, or sometimes they find you. You just have to keep your eyes open

Kensi:
[about a gift Hetty gave to Kensi] No, it's just something Hetty's getting rid of.

Deeks:
Really?

Kensi:
Yeah, but you have to be careful. Be -

[Deeks triggers the switch revealing the blade]

Deeks:
Mm hmm. You two scare me.

Kensi:
...Good.

Kensi:
Feel free to dazzle me with your detective skills anytime.

Deeks:
Heh. You couldn't handle my skills.

Kensi:
Oh? I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Deeks:
That's classy.

Hetty:
You know, it's been a *very* long time since I have heard you laugh, Sam. Hell, life itself can be absurd. But you have to embrace it. If you can't smile now, how can you possibly laugh in the face of death?

Sam:
Hetty, why are you telling me this?

Hetty:
As a sailor, Sam, you know the importance of a solid anchor. You have your faith, your family, your sense of humor. Mr. Callen doesn't think he needs anyone. He does. He *needs* you. You're his anchor. And I sense there's a storm coming.

Sam:
Hetty, you're a lot of things, but psychic is one of them. You want to level with me?

Hetty:
I just did.

Callen:
You avoiding me?

Hetty:
If I wanted to avoid you, Mr. Callen, you wouldn't find me.

Callen:
[about Hetty] Why would she be worried about me?

Sam:
You can be a worrisome guy. [chuckles] She pulled me aside - wanted to talk about it today.

Kensi:
Me too. But not about you. It - we had a real heart-to-heart today - about the future.

Deeks:
Me three. She's talking about things changing.

Callen:
Guys. She's putting her affairs in order.

Callen:
[as they're driving to Hetty's House] I followed her home a couple times?

Sam:
"Couple of times?"

Callen:
Closer to a dozen. She keeps moving. She sleeps in a different house every night.

Sam:
Oh, that's great. And I get to be there when you tell her you followed her home. She's gonna be so pissed when we knock on her door.

Callen:
Not as pissed as me.

Kensi:
You took cover behind Hetty's jag?

Deeks:
What - are you insane?

Callen:
Well, they were shooting. It was close.

Deeks:
And you think Hetty's going to be fine with that?

Sam:
What'd you want us to do? Get shot?

Kensi:
Well, personally, I would've risked it.

Vance:
You are no longer on this case, Agent Callen.

Callen:
Then give me a reason. Tell me why? What is Operation Comescu about?

Vance:
It's about you, Agent Callen. Operation Comescu is all about you.

Vance:
The Comescu wants you dead, Agent Callen.

Sam:
Why?

Vance:
Some sort of long running family feud as far as we can tell.

Callen:
I don't have... any family... They think I do.

Vance:
They probably mistake you for someone else.

Callen:
Probably.

Vance:
[as he's about to enter his username and password] You don't have keystroke recognition software installed on this computer, do you Miss Jones?

Nell:
[disables keystroke recognition software] No, sir.

Vance:
I'm pleased to hear it. [enters his info] Done.