NCIS: New Orleans, Season 1

Pride:
Something… might have happened to Calvin. Something bad.

Parks:
But you’re not sure

Pride:
I’m not sure

Parks:
Only two things I ever loved in this life. Calvin and jazz. Going to hold on tight to one, and pray I haven’t lost the other.

Pride:
All I’m saying, where you lay your head in this city defines you.

Brody:
Okay so where do I go if I want to be defined by a full night’s sleep?

Pride:
Don’t ever go into politics, Christopher. All of a sudden your definition of good and evil becomes defined by how many votes it gets you.

LaSalle:
You present yourself all buttoned up, but you’re an odd bird, Brody.

Pride:
Go grab your coat and hat. We’ll take a walk. We’ll talk.

Parks:
I got nothing to say, old friend.

Pride:
Let me re-phrase the question. Why did the sailor cross the road?

Wade:
Let me re-phrase the answer. The sailor crossed against his will. Something made him do it. Now he's dead.

Pride:
Talk to me Loretta.

Wade:
Steinbeck.

Pride:
Pardon?

Wade:
Gone are the days when people died of working too hard in the field. And old age was a legitimate medical diagnosis. I bring up Mr. Steinbeck because those were simpler times. Now it's all about peeling back the layers. Cases like this are mysteries, wrapped in complex enigmas.

Vance:
Pride, it's clear we need to contain the situation fast. If word gets out, a city-wide panic would be just as deadly as the plague itself.

LaSalle:
Brody you've been a big help. Pride and I want you to know we kind of like having you around. There's been way too much testosterone in this office for too long.

Brody:
Well, you two know I needed a change. Guess I got lucky.

Brody:
It really smells awful in here.

LaSalle:
Smells like stupidity to me.

Pride:
Why they pay you the big bucks.

Sebastian:
Well not exactly Daddy Warbucks. Then again, better than a barista at Starbucks.

Pride:
Just take the compliment, kid.

LaSalle:
You don't worry much about cholesterol do you?

Addie:
I try not to worry about anything, LaSalle. You only live once. You might as well enjoy it while you got it.

LaSalle:
Don't mind if I do.

Pride:
Help me out, Gibbs. Need to know what was in Babakov's interrogation file.

Gibbs:
Heavily redacted?

Pride:
That's why I'm on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic. Anything that's there I need to know. You got to read me in on it.

Vance:
You disobeyed a direct order, Agent Pride, which puts us in the dark. We've no clue what intel Nash compromised or who Babakov was selling it too. Needless to say there's fallout. Both the CIA and SecNav want an internal investigation.

Pride:
With all due respect, Director, you want me to make a choice between a traitor and one of my own, I'll take the shot every time. You want my badge, you know where to find me.

LaSalle:
Can I ask you a question?

Addie:
Shoot.

LaSalle:
Why haven't we....

Addie:
Dated? You know that's funny, because I was just asking myself the same thing.

LaSalle:
Come up with anything?

Addie:
Cause in about two seconds we'd be broken up. Crossing paths at work and that would just be....

LaSalle:
Uncomfortable.

Addie:
Bingo.

Wade:
Sebastian's a connoisseur of conspiracy theories.

Sebastian:
Well they're not conspiracies, okay? They're discernments. Just wait until I show you how the fake moon landing fits in with why we haven't found Bigfoot yet.

Wolf:
We fought cause I called his girlfriend what she is: a whore.

Brody:
This her?

Wolf:
That's her. Natalie..someone. Two words: hook-er.

Brody:
What's going on in there?

LaSalle:
Chill and spill. Chill out over food, spill what you know.

Pride:
Alright. I'll speak to Blake's Master Chief, find out more about Blake and that mission in Somalia.

LaSalle:
King, you know how SEALS don't like anyone poking in their business. Especially NCIS.

Pride:
I'll use my gentle face.

Sebastian:
Ballistic fingerprinting began when scientist Alexandre Lacassagne matched an individual bullet to the inside of a gun barrel. He realized that the imperfections inside made every gun unique and special. Not unlike the imperfections of a snowflake.

[Softly, with a nostalgic look in his eye]

Sebastian:
Or a toddler with a large nose whose mother still loves him.

[Brody and LaSalle exchange looks]

Sebastian:
Right. Moving on.

LaSalle:
Great storyteller. I mean he tells me a beauty.

Brody:
About?

LaSalle:
About you.

Brody:
Well a - I don't have anything to hide. And b - you should mind your own damned business.

LaSalle:
Well a - everyone has something to hide. And b - he offered it up. I didn't even have to ask. And c - since you don't seem to like to divulge, I was all ears.

Wade:
I broke up with James.

Pride:
Why?

Wade:
He was too interested and available for my tastes.

Pride:
Since when is available a problem?

Wade:
He's never been married, Dwayne. Any man his age who has never made a serious commitment, sends up red flags.

Pride:
Loretta - you're his age. You've never been married either.

Wade:
This is why I like the dead. They don't call me on my hypocrisy.

Pride:
Bad timing?

Sebastian:
Oh, not at all. I was just trying an experiment in weight distribution. Someone once said to me "always expect the unexpected". Unfortunately it was my urologist and that is not someone you want to hear that from.

Morgan:
That's Jessica Flint, biggest gossip in uptown. You would think that between her husband having an affair and her gambling issues, Jessica would be more discreet. I work at Harrah's; I deal blackjack. I see that woman there all the time.

Brody:
So much for minding your own business.

LaSalle:
You never played mailbox baseball?

Sebastian:
I grew up in the city. The only mailbox was in the lobby of our building. That would have been awkward.

Pride:
[to Councilman Hamilton] It'd be a shame to cuff your ass in front of all these registered voters.

Pride:
If Judge Hermann had someone in her courtroom whose reflection doesn't show up in a mirror, they're suspect number one!

Wade:
[Their victim was found in a cemetery] It gives a whole new meaning to 'graveyard shift', right?

LaSalle:
The bacon's not to eat - it's my costume! The Baconator: half bacon, half Terminator. [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'll be back fat.

Wade:
No matter how quiet and gentle a soul, you get 'em behind a wheel and suddenly they revert to the most base and primal.

Pride:
I know - I've driven with you!

Oscar Randolf:
But the truth is, the technologies we develop are the cutting edge. They're worth killing for. A fact we're admittedly quite proud of.

Patton:
Bio track is the purest fusion of biology and electronics. There's a whole branch of tech devoted to craziness just like this. It's all the rage with guys like me.

LaSalle:
Hackers like you.

Patton:
Investigative computer specialists. Too legit to quit.

Pride:
How you doing with Wilson's computer?

Patton:
Oh, I'm into it. I'll tell you what. This puppy is buttoned up tighter than a... very... tightly... buttoned up puppy. [pause] Okay, I got lost in the middle of that one.

Sebastian:
Afternoon... friends.

Patton:
Mr. Lund.

Sebastian:
Mr. Plame.

Patton:
How's my favorite conspiracy theorist doing?

Sebastian:
I prefer the term creative realist.

Martino:
I've never heard of Drayer, but I mean, that doesn't mean anything-- military Web sites are targets for lots of groups. Think this ties in with Jonathan's death?

LaSalle:
We don't know yet.

Martino:
You know, he was helping with Robbie's charity. I didn't even ask him to-- he just showed up and donated his time and helped us raise money.

LaSalle:
Hey, did Robbie ever get that-

Martino:
Replica NCIS badge? Are you kidding me? He wears it constantly. He tried to arrest the neighbors the other day.

LaSalle:
Tell him I'll give him a call when I'm in a fix.

Martino:
I will, I will. He'd love that. He'd probably wait by the phone. Man, you know, the kid was dealt a tough hand, but he's always got a smile on his face.

LaSalle:
And you?

Martino:
It, uh it's a struggle. Kid requires a lot of care. But, um I put him to bed at night, I watch him sleep, and I-I can't imagine my life without him. Guess once you're responsible for another human being things change. You understand that.

LaSalle:
My brother's issues aren't physical.

Martino:
But they're no less real.

LaSalle:
Yeah. Well I feel like I've done everything I could do for him. That's when I started going to see the kids at the hospital. Felt good to make 'em smile. You know, hope is still alive, my brother.

Martino:
That's right.

LaSalle:
Hey, I'm gonna throw another name at you.

Martino:
Mm-hmm.

LaSalle:
An alleged associate of Drayer's, back in his Stealth days-- James Walker.

Martino:
James Walker? I know that name. That guy's dangerous.

Sebastian:
Her Instagram was just deactivated.

Patton:
Same with the Twitter account.

Sebastian:
She just deleted all her remaining online accounts.

Patton:
Well, that's all right. I'll find her. Nobody gets away from Double P, baby.

Sebastian:
Double P?

Patton:
Yeah, that's my nickname.

Sebastian:
Nobody calls you that.

Patton:
I do

Sebastian:
You can't give yourself a nickname!

Patton:
Why not?

Sebastian:
You just you can't. It's a known rule. You're breaking a known rule.

Patton:
Wait a minute. You're supposed to be helping me-- why is there a ape on your screen?

Sebastian:
A, it's not an ape, it's a yeti, all right? And B, I am helping you-- I just also happen to be having a conversation with my girlfriend about the Ape Canyon conspiracy.

Patton:
Well, A, I would very much like to lay eyes on said girlfriend; and B, this is the way the conversation should go. Is there a such thing as a yeti? No.

Sebastian:
Well, we have a different point of view.

Patton:
No, you don't have a different point of view. You're just wrong. There's a huge difference. (computer beeping) Oh, wait a minute. I knew she'd make a mistake. Yeah, she's back online.

Sebastian:
Well, track her IP address.

Patton:
That's what I'm doing, Captain Obvious. All right, stay on there, baby. Just a little longer. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Right on, right on. Keep on going. Yes! Got a IP address. She's on her cell phone, just by Chartres and Dumaine.

Sebastian:
Okay, I'll call Pride.

Patton:
Call Pride.

Sebastian:
I just said I'm gonna call Pride.

Patton:
I cracked the encryption on Drayer's computer. Chalk up another V for double P. Boy, this Drayer was good. This guy designed a cryptographic attack so that the output of the infected cryptosystem could be computationally indistinguishable from the output of the corresponding uninfected cryptosystem, then used an asymmetric encryption to implement a cryptographic back door.

Pride:
What do you mean by that?

Patton:
Which part?

Pride:
All of it.

Sebastian:
The only thing you gotta understand is back door.

Patton:
Which is what I said.

Sebastian:
Yeah, except I'm saying it in English.

Sebastian:
[Referring to his girlfriend] What do you think?

Pride:
[Smiles and puts his hand on Lund's shoulder] Terrified?

Sebastian:
Oh, big time.

Pride:
Then you're doin' good.

Wade:
Science doesn't care about the lies men tell.

Pride:
And sometimes it's not such a terrible thing when your father has a bromance with your boyfriend!

Pride:
Show her how you use your 'Bama charm to sway the judicial process!

Pride:
What do you want me to do? Give him that Clint Eastwood stare your grandfather gave me when I started dating your mother?

Pride:
"Lynching," "hate crime": different term, same sentiment.

LaSalle:
I didn't have time to stretch. Why do they always run?!

Pride:
What do you think, good cop or bad cop?

Brody:
I'm thinking girl cop.

LaSalle:
I wonder if Trish knows she's shacking up with a charlatan!

LaSalle:
Sorry to disappoint you, Brody, but Christmas just ain't my thing.

Brody:
This is what happens when you use the b-word!

LaSalle:
Let me put this in terms you'll understand: move, and the gun goes boom!

Paul "Baitfish" Jenks:
He's not an idiot.

Pride:
That's debatable.

Wade:
Sebastian, yelling at evidence is rarely effective.

Wade:
I will not quit until I find a rear admiral to shake his rear admiral!

Borin:
Come on, Merris. We know you've been selling your booty on the Internet. ...Did I really just say that?

LaSalle:
"Rich Kimble" Really? as in "Dr. Richard Kimble"? So, you're The Fugitive now?

Cade:
Yeah, well, it seemed kinda fitting. I mean, I am being chased and all.

LaSalle:
Yeah, I have searched every gas station, residence, warehouse, farm house, hen house, outhouse and dog house for you.

Borin:
How much is one of those pesos worth today?

Sebastian:
Five hundred a pop. Then the government turned the area into a marine research preserve before anyone could find out how many were really down there. Makes you wonder what else they're keeping from us.

Borin:
We should call Mulder and Scully.

Sebastian:
Best villain. Toomes or Pusher?

Borin:
Toomes.

Sebastian:
Best episode. Squeeze or Drive?

Borin:
Squeeze.

Sebastian:
Who are you?

[Borin raises her eyebrows teasingly at him]

Pride:
Okay. So. Anna steals the pesos, killed her friends and escaped on the dinghy. Or, she got in the way of someone who did.

Borin:
The truth is out there, Pride.

[Gives Sebastian a meaningful glance]

Borin:
We just haven't found it yet.

Sandra:
A few months ago, I saw Mark and Cindy at dinner.

Pride:
Friends can have dinner.

Sandra:
Friends don't kiss other friends on the lips.

Borin:
Well, sometimes after a few drinks... [At Pride's sideways look] Well, I'm just saying it happens.

Sebastian:
[Pointing to an area on the deck of a boat] See this discoloration here? Watch what happens when I drop some acid. [pauses when Pride and Borin look at him] For... science.

Pride:
Our case, our hands. You just watch.

Borin:
I like to watch!

Wade:
What we are doing here is called a live autopsy.

Dr. Lin:
Yes, I can see why that would be uncomfortable.

Dr. Lin:
I think I've been poisoned. So I'm here today to ask you for a favor.

Pride:
Find your killer before it's too late.

LaSalle:
Skydiving sounds fun. Sky crashing, not so much.

LaSalle:
I know you didn't fly all the way down here just to give us an address.

Borin:
No. I flew all the way back down here because we've been waiting for Dominic to screw up so we can get our hands on him.

Pride:
Our case. Our hands. You just watch.

Borin:
I like to watch.

Pride:
Know that joke? "How can you tell a politician is lying?"

Brody:
"His lips are moving."

Pride:
That's it. Save yourself some embarrassment.

Brody:
Everyone always accuses me of running. But there is a difference between running and putting something behind you!

Wade:
There is. But if you keep avoiding that something, people still wonder if you have your track pants and jogging shoes on.

Wade:
Merri, how I see this space: it's my temple. And all who enter here are afforded solace and protection. And that goes for both the dead as well as the living.

Patton:
"Lab assistant" is not cool!

Pride:
Or how 'bout I tell her my most vivid Mardi Gras memory. Where a king cake was delivered to our house, and the prize inside -- a severed finger. Good times. You still think she'll think of you as her grandpapa when she knows that?!

Cassius Pride:
People think of you less as my son and more as a man of judgment.

Pride:
Double-edged sword, being a cop: you know when people are lying to you.

Brody:
Sounds like a fraternity kegger where everyone overindulges in cutesy drinks and nipple flashing.

Ross P.:
Oh, sure thing, you know. I'll just, I'll just step on out and get my cell phone a ring-a-ding-ding. Hold up, hold up. What's that? Oh, I'm still in prison? Oh. I'm still in prison.

LaSalle:
Hell hath no fury like a pissed off teenage drug dealer.

Pride:
Stealing from foster kids. That's "klassy" with a K, my friend.

Sebastian:
So, even though we've identified the vehicle, I kept trying to reconstruct that headlight. But, of course, I got nowhere cuz it's like trying to put together one of those crazy thousand piece puzzles where the whole image is just one color. I mean, give me a point of reference on those, you know, like a fire hobgoblin, or a... basilisk. Something to- [At Pride's hard look] A basilisk is a reptilian monster that petrifies with a single gaze.

Pride:
A gaze like this?

Sebastian:
Yeah, you... you got it down.

Pride:
When we get back you can tell me what the Hell a fire hobgoblin is.

Sebastian:
Most dangerous of all the hobgoblins. Thought it was obvious.

Brody:
I'm not LaSalle, I know we don't share any kind of past. I just want you to know I've got your back.

LaSalle:
I'm telling you, worried or not, we keep looking.

Pride:
[about Baitfish] One of those individuals who can't seem to stay dead.

Patton:
Got your message. The doctor's phone SIM card? Pride, how'd you get that? By my mind, that's supposed to be property of the Charleston PD.

Pride:
I borrowed it.

Patton:
You stole it.

Pride:
Stole implies that you have no intention of giving it back.

Patton:
You say tomato; I say stole!

LaSalle:
Have a drink, catch up, and end the story.

LaSalle:
If you bust the foundation over a few measly cracks, the whole house is liable to come down.

Pride:
Believe me, I know how flawed the system can be. But taking matters into your own hands is no better. And at the end of the day, it won't bring back your son.

LaSalle:
Must be tough, Brody, torn between two lovers!

Brody:
Don't you have servers to upload or motherboards to crack?

Patton:
There's so many things wrong with that sentence, it hurts.

Pride:
Heard Sebastian dug deep today.

Wade:
He did indeed. Sidekick no longer. He's been my silver lining on an otherwise cloudy day.

Timofey:
No talk! No talk! America, rights, da?

LaSalle:
Well, what about the rights of that girl you murdered?

Timofey:
I don't understand. Stupid Police!

Brody:
NOPD's on the way.

LaSalle:
You tell 'em to bring a translator? 'Cause I can't understand a word Baryshnikov here is saying.

Brody:
Why murder the girl?

Timofey:
I didn't murder anyone

Brody:
Rosetta Stone. I was gonna take a semester in Moscow, but it's too cold.

LaSalle & Brody:
Tell us what's going on here?

Timofey:
Why should I talk to you?

LaSalle:
Because you're facing the death penalty if you don't. How do you say "lethal injection"?

Brody:
Uh, Rosetta Stone doesn't really cover stuff like that.

Wade:
[Speculating about the latest victim's cause of death] No way to tell for sure until I get...

Pride:
Get him on the table?

Wade:
Yeah.

Pride:
Gonna get you a t-shirt made with that written on the front.

Sebastian:
And yet someone got to go to the crime scene today.

Danny:
Jealousy ain't a good look, bro.

Sebastian:
Me? Jealous? Why would I be jealous? After working here for, like, five years and only getting to go to the crime scene from time to time.

Wade:
Danny merely drove me.

Sebastian:
I have a license. I can drive.

Danny:
Says the dude who's afraid to make left turns.

Wade:
Hello, Dwayne.

Pride:
Not taking my calls. Something I said, Loretta?

Wade:
Busy morning, that's all.

Pride:
Just following up on Armstrong.

Wade:
Of course. After further examination of the petty officer, my initial suspicions are correct.

Pride:
Cardiac arrest?

Wade:
From Larrabee Syndrome. A fatal spasm of the coronary artery. Investigation's open and shut as far as I can tell.

Pride Easy day for everyone concerned, then.

Wade:
Even planning a long lunch.

Pride:
Contact Jefferson Parish SWAT and EMTs. We're headed to the morgue now.

LaSalle:
Never heard of Larrabee Syndrome.

Pride:
Cause it's not a syndrome. Captain Adam Larrabee. Case we worked on before your time. He died in a hostage standoff.

Pride:
Most people believe fatherhood begins at birth. The moment I heard my daughter's heartbeat on the ultrasound, she was instantly my whole world.

Sebastian:
Has anyone ever told you that you bear a striking resemblance to Gandalf?

Brody:
Nothing helpful at the first three places Josh took the baby.

LaSalle:
What's next?

Brody:
Supermarket, two blocks up.

LaSalle:
You ever consider kids?

Brody:
Consider? Yeah. But living life as an agent all you ever see is things gone bad. Makes it hard to think about bringing home a little bundle of.

LaSalle:
Potential things to go bad.

Brody:
Yeah.

LaSalle:
I got to say I'm into having a whole basketball team full of little LaSalles. But procreating in my family is like playing the gene pool lottery. My brother Cade, he's not the only branch off the family tree with issues

Brody:
I get it. But a LaSalle family basketball team? That'd be pretty cool.

Pride:
Your 'business' is using Navy resources to turn the port into a Hellmouth!

[After Savannah's death]

LaSalle:
[heartbroken, in disbelief] I stopped to get wine!

Wade:
Last few weeks, that poor boy has drawn every bad card in the deck.

Pride:
You're small time, Baitfish. Always have been, always will be.

Jenks:
Still alive, huh? I figured I had a 50/50 shot.

Pride:
Where you at, Baitfish? I'll come by. Give you another chance.

Jenks:
Not your Baitfish anymore.

Pride:
Sure, you are.

Jenks:
Grown into a whale, didn't I? Your partner's girlfriend, those cops - just a preview. Harder you come at me, the more bodies drop. That's a guarantee. How much pain can you take, Pride?

Pride:
No. Question is: how much pain can you? Hear me.I will never stop until I end you.

Wade:
Safe for tonight.

Pride:
Tonight. Tomorrow's another story.

Pride:
Where are we with that security footage?

Patton:
Where you're about to be is Patton Plame's love shack! Follow. It's where the fun starts.

Pride:
If there were a Professional Corruption League, you would have been the LeBron James.

Percy:
Knocking just gives the dudes on the other side of the door time to load up and aim!