Numb3rs, Season Five

Colby Granger:
[to Ian Edgerton] "What are you doing here?"

Ian Edgerton:
"I caught up with an escaped convict in Riverside, tonight I fly out of LAX to Oslo, fugitive stockbroker."

Colby Granger:
"So you came down here to taunt us with your lack of availability?"

Ian Edgerton:
"I don't know if you guys need a tracker."

David Sinclair:
"A lot of innocent people up here, kids, families, hikers, puppies."

Alan Eppes:
"You know the first time my wife and I took charlie to the pediatrician for an earache, he wouldn't let the doctor examine his ear because he thought the doctor just might see the thinking in his head. The doctor declared him the second most stubborn kid he'd ever met."

Ian Edgerton:
"and the first?"

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
"Let me guess, Don?"

Alan Eppes:
"You got it."

Ian Edgerton:
[to man with rifle] "You might miss, I won't!"

Alan Eppes:
Listen, Charlie, when you're dealing with the Government, it doesn't hurt to have more than just the facts on your side.

Nikki Betancourt:
The perp fled in a brown truck,... flower truck or bread truck.

Don Eppes:
Stolen, right?

Nikki Betancourt:
Unless we're looking at a gang of rogue bakers.

Charlie Eppes:
I gotta go.

Alan Eppes:
Clearance or no clearance, he still knows how to make an exit.

David Sinclair:
[about Colby sleeping with a suspect] Screwing up is leaving your gun in the bathroom. This is messed up!

Charlie:
You know, the LAPD is a fascinating organization; they invented SWAT, they invented community policing, the DARE program...

Larry:
Not to mention w:Joe Friday

Amita:
Oh yeah, he's from Dragnet, right?

Charlie:
Yeah, and you know, his badge number, 714? It's been retired, no officer can wear it.

Larry:
That's odd, that's the same number stamped on US-made Quaalude tablets.

(awkward pause)

Larry:
It's not really relevant how I know that

Girl:
Will you take a picture of me and my friends?

Liz Warner:
No. But I'll take your camera.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Charlie, don't move, don't move. His head was like this. You make a terrible assistant.

David Sinclair:
[to Charlie] It must feel good to be legit again.

Colby Granger:
Morning, sunshine. Are we Kelli Rand fans or what?

David Sinclair:
What is this? She waits till now to get interesting. That's awesome.

David Sinclair:
Check this out! Two men died for a truckload of empty boxes.

Charlie Eppes:
This is one time the haystack is gonna tell us more than the needles.

Larry Fleinhardt:
We got thousands of trucks, millions of parcels, this is one large haystack Charlie!

Don Eppes:
You're just not into BBall, huh?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
It brings out the worst in otherwise reasonable people.

Nikki Betancourt:
[seeing David on the news about a missing magician] Agent Harry Potter, first on the scene!

Colby Granger:
Thanks for running. Easier to tell who's guilty.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[talking about the way Charlie is wearing his Neoprene suit] I'm fairly certain the zipper goes in back.

Don Eppes:
[to suspect] Watch your head.

[Crashes suspects head into the car roof, Nikki smiles]

Don Eppes:
[to Nikki] I don't want you doing stuff like that. I want you to be better than me.

Colby Granger:
[after hearing his weekend is cancelled] Rest is for the weary!

Liz Warner:
[showing Don the picture of a suspect] I already ran Hitchcock here through Quantico, nothing yet.

Colby Granger:
[reading a conspiracy site] FBI: fools, bureaucrats and idiots!

Charlie Eppes:
Where's the glasses?

Marshell Pentfield:
Where's the hair?

David Sinclair:
In a world where mathematicians go mano a mano with a killer.

Colby Granger:
This time it's personal.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Boys, don't make me pull the math car over.

Marshell Pentfield:
God, why am I so stupid?

Charlie Eppes:
Do you want answers 1-50 or 50-100?

Marshell Pentfield:
We got to get this guy. He made me itch in front of strangers.

[Colby and David walk into a neighborhood being run by a criminal and everyone promptly goes into their homes]

Colby Granger:
Everybody knows our name, but nobody's glad we came.

Charlie Eppes:
It sounds like they created a classic game theory scenario, doesn't it?

Marshell Pentfield:
Yes, it does. "Johnny von Neumann", the old three man gunfight.

Colby Granger:
A mathematical gunfight, huh?

Marshell Pentfield:
Imagine a duel between three people. Now, I'm the worst shot. I hit the target once every three tries.

[Indicates Charlie]

Marshell Pentfield:
One of my opponents is better. Hits it twice every three shots.

[Indicates Colby]

Marshell Pentfield:
The third guy is a dead shot. He never misses. Now, each gets one shot. As the worst, I go first. Then Charlie, then Colby. Who do I aim for, for my one shot?

Colby Granger:
I guess me 'cause I'm the biggest danger, right?

Marshell Pentfield:
[makes a gun shooting motion toward Charlie] I shoot Eppsey first, but not for the obvious reasons. Chances are two to one I'm going to miss.

Charlie Eppes:
And now it's my turn. Logic says I shoot Colby. [makes shooting motion toward Colby]

Colby Granger:
Right, 'cause if I'm still standing, I'm gonna shoot you, and I don't miss.

Charlie Eppes:
Exactly.

Marshell Pentfield:
As the worst, I use the two better shooters against each other.

[Charlie is explaining something]

Marshell Pentfield:
How do you not have your own show on PBS?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Within the small sphere of our lives we can stare into the past, but all we can really change is our future.

Ugly Joe:
[About three escapees from prison] Unless we hear reports about three badasses terrorizing the countryside in their underwear, count on a change of clothes, too.

Bus driver:
This is Hollywood! Watch your step! Breaking your leg here does not bring you any luck!

Amita Ramanujan:
[about Larry and Alan arguing] It's like this one time, when Bugs Bunny tricks Duffy Duck into declaring duck season, by declaring rabbit season. And then Elmer Fudd shoots Duffy Duck and his beak spin around. It's really very funny!

Charlie Eppes:
[to Amita] It's too quiet with my dad away, drop a spoon or something.

Amita Ramanujan:
Imagine Alan in high school. Hanging out by the bike racks, snapping towels in the shower.

Charlie Eppes:
Thanks for the shower image.

Don Eppes:
Is this going to get us anywhere, or are we just digressing?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
When do I ever digress?

Nikki Betancourt:
[after David opened a secret vault] How'd you do that?

David Sinclair:
It worked for Batman.

David Sinclair:
[about the thiefs] Let me get this straight. They passed up paintings and diamonds for...

Nikki Betancourt:
Sneakers!?

Colby Granger:
I seem like a roast beef kind of guy to you?

David Sinclair:
I won't discuss another man's meat.

Alan Eppes:
Listen, when you're done with that, would you mind looking at something for me?

Charlie Eppes:
Yeah, sure, what is it?

Alan Eppes:
My profile. I'm joining Facebook... Well, I figured, since I'm back in college I might as well hook up with some old friends, maybe even find some new ones. People with similar interests as mine.

Charlie Eppes:
Interests in what? High School Musical?

Liz Warner:
Look at you, back in Narc training you didn't even drink and now you're the drug prince of L.A.!

Cam:
Why do you think we never hooked up back then?

Liz Warner:
I d... you were married!

Colby Granger:
[about the way David is handling Liz] You better hope you don't have a daughter.

David Sinclair:
What are you talking about?

Colby Granger:
Imagine how you're gonna be, when she turns sixteen!

Coach:
[about the "Granny shot" being more effective than the overhead shot] But there's something about that shot... it... it just doesn't look right.

Charlie Eppes:
Well Coach, that's the whole point of this thing. I mean, if we're gonna end CalSci's 15 year losing streak, we gotta find the best shot, not the shot that looks right.

Jane Karellen:
"You weaponized my telescope!", I hope that's not a Fleinhardt metaphor.

John Curtis:
[about his last meal] There's no ketchup! They always forget the ketchup.

Basketball Player:
[after Charlie holds his motivational speech] Coach, what the hell are you talking about?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[after the referee kicks him out] What did I say? All I did was calling him a black hole!

Alan Eppes:
[realizing the unintended pun] You called him a black hole?

Amita Ramanujan:
[about two usernames never being online at the same time] It's like Superman and Clark Kent, never at the same place at the same time.

Charlie Eppes:
The same person.

Charlie Eppes:
My first day at CalSci, I stood in this office, and Biederman sat right there and he gave me the onceover and asked: "Are you the Boygenius that everybody says you are?"

Amita Ramanujan:
And now Biederman is retired and you are the man... oh, pardon me... the Mangenuis!

Nikki Betancourt:
[on lookout with Don] So we got our math, we got our eyes in the area, my boy Tom Petty says waiting is the hardest part.

David Sinclair:
[about Charlie] He's working on a theory.

Colby Granger:
Serial killer, and nobody noticed but him.

Nikki Betancourt:
How'd he figured?

Colby Granger:
Signals from deep space?

Roy McGill:
[showing Charlie his headquarters] Welcome to the truth cave!

Roy McGill:
I think the Bureau calls me a 'conspiracy nut'.

Colby Granger:
This er... dead Jack in the box, his name is Greg Berlin.

Don Eppes:
That's our best lead. Let's get on it then?

Nikki Betancourt:
We could, but I'm pretty sure it's a dead end.

David Sinclair:
[about Nikki predicting where to find a body before] Here we go again, 'The Amazing Nikki'.

David Sinclair:
They are replaying bank robberies Greatest Hits!

Piper St. John:
Zombie with a gun, waiting for words that will never come!

Colby Granger:
You mentioned that already. In the car, during processing and in the elevator.

Amita Ramanujan:
[to her kidnapper] My book will be called 'Two days with a computer illiterate'!

Charlie Eppes:
You know what this whole year made crystal clear to me? You have no idea what your life's gonna look like in 5 years from now... or one year from now... or a week. It all turns on a dime... and the things that matter... you don't wanna turn around and realise you've lost... while you were waiting. You know I love you so much...

Amita Ramanujan:
I love you too!

Charlie Eppes:
[goes down on one knee] Amita... will you marry me?